Two Shades of the Lilac Sunset

by Rosen Trevithick

  “It’s not something that everybody likes automatically,” he had explained. “So keep this and practise. It will make it easier when it’s time.” When Willow asked if she’d really agreed to such a thing, he’d pointed out that he’d already compromised on biting, fisting and suspension.

  “We’ve been building up to this for days,” he reminded her, unaware that she’d never performed the exercises he’d prescribed. “Feel how hard my cock is.” He drove it into her buttocks. “When you signed that contract, you agreed to be mine, but this will be the ultimate proof.”

  Willow shivered. What if she couldn’t prove that she loved him?

  “But I won’t put my cock in you right away, even though it’s rock hard.” He poked it against her hand. “Feel it.”

  Willow wrapped her hand around it. Yes, it was firm.

  “This is how you make me feel, Miss Cassidy. Because you are so beautiful. I can’t wait to be inside you.” She felt his breath on her neck. “But first …”

  Willow felt his finger trace her crack and then to her horror, he pushed the tip inside. She recognised the experience from the silicone stick, but this was ten times more awful. Was his finger going to stink when it came out? Did his finger always stink after doing this to women? What if other women were clean, and she was the only one who wasn’t?

  “Hmm …” he removed his finger. “We’re going to need some lube.” He kissed her gently on the nape of her neck and, leaving her in the window, made his way to her bedroom.

  Willow felt paralysed by anxiety. Part of her urged her to run away, yet she felt compelled to stay. Maybe this would be the tipping point, the point at which he released her from this game and she became his girlfriend.

  Nat returned with a finger covered in gel. “Are you ready for this, Miss Cassidy?”

  No! No, I’m not and I’ll never be ready. Willow was terrified of disappointing him. She’d invested so much in this relationship. She’d fallen out with her sister, moved out of her own home … The mere thought that she might be losing him, twisted up her insides. She could not have him leave her.

  Anal sex was no big deal, surely? She’d read about it in magazines that you could even buy in Waitrose. It was something that most modern girls did, wasn’t it? Perhaps if she could get over how disgusted she felt, she might actually enjoy it. She remembered spanking; if somebody had told her four months ago that she would eventually like spanking, she wouldn’t have believed them. She supposed there would be no harm in trying.

  “Relax, Miss Cassidy.”

  She could tell that Nat was fiddling with something – presumably lube, or could it be a condom? Did they need a condom for what he wanted to do?

  She heard a synthetic shutter.

  “No!”

  “Just one for the album.”

  Willow felt sick. She felt dizzy. She wondered if she could tempt him into something different. Perhaps a blow job? She turned around and dropped to her knees.

  Nat growled. Willow noticed that he was putting on a condom. Was that because otherwise his cock would get covered in muck from her?

  “Get back on your bar, Miss Cassidy.”

  Willow had learnt to quiver whenever she heard the words ‘Miss Cassidy’. It eased her discomfort. She turned back to the bar. She waited while Nat finished rolling on the condom.

  The tip of his penis felt very cold. She felt her sphincter rip open. It stung – both a sharp pain and a dull ache. She feared that when he took himself out, she might have a humiliating accident. She felt sick. She tried to focus on the lilac sunset and the soothing way that the breeze carried the purple clouds across the bay then hid them behind the headland. She focused on the piano music playing – Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight Sonata’ – imagining herself as the tragic hero from a classical legend. She willed herself to be somewhere else, anywhere else.

  Morning of Sunday 26 th July on Falmouth Seafront

  Willow walked along the seafront feeling nasty. No matter how many times she ran the straighteners through her hair, it still looked hideous. She’d taken off her makeup twice and redone it. How could she have got so much uglier overnight? Was she feeling hormonal? She prayed that her period was not about to start; it might only encourage Nat to insist upon a repeat performance of last night.

  A runner jogged towards her. Willow avoided eye contact. Did he know? She felt that he knew.

  She saw an elderly couple walking along the seafront hand in hand. She imagined herself through their eyes and despised herself even more. She braved a glance at them and they didn’t meet her gaze. Did that mean they knew? Could they tell that she’d let a man into her anus?

  She knew she was being illogical. Anal sex couldn’t make your face change. But then why had she looked so different in the mirror?

  She knew she must have wanted it on some level. Why else would she have just stood there instead of grabbing her dress and running out of the flat? Right now, she wished she had done that.

  She couldn’t even look Nat in the eye this morning, yet he was carrying on like she’d done something fantastic. No matter how many times she washed, she could still feel him inside her.

  Another jogger came towards Willow. This time, a young women in pink Lycra. Willow watched her go by noting that she had a beautiful figure. She felt sure that a girl like that wouldn’t have to have anal sex to keep a man. Willow wondered what was so wrong with her that she couldn’t make Nat happy without going there.

  As yet another jogger approached, Willow found that she could no longer stand being out in public. It felt too far to her own house and she couldn’t face all the troubles that would greet here there. So, almost instinctively, she ran for cover at the closest place she could avoid strangers – Nat’s building.

  She slammed her finger on the buzzer and left it there until Nat answered.

  “What is it?” he snapped angrily.

  “It’s me.”

  “Oh, only you. God, for a moment there I thought I was in some sort of trouble. Never press the button for so long again.”

  “Okay.” Willow agreed, determined not to give him any reasons to discipline her. It didn’t feel like a game anymore. It wasn’t a little charade they played to keep their love life interesting. It was real.

  She took the stairs instead of the lift, wondering if there was any point in talking to Nat about how she felt. If he knew how much she hated it, surely he’d take anal sex off the menu? She remembered again how horrible she’d felt at the thought of losing him. Did she fear separation now?

  Nat opened the door, letting Willow into the flat. “I thought you were going for a walk.”

  “I changed my mind.”

  “Well, I won’t be here to amuse you. I’m off to the gym.”

  “That’s okay,” she said, feigning disappointment.

  Nat left and Willow found herself standing in the middle of the room staring at a wall. The way she felt reminded her of how she had felt when her mother was dying of cancer. She immediately felt guilty for even comparing the two situations. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that something had died. Was it her illusion of Nat? Or was it something within her dying?

  Morning of Sunday 26 th July – inside a house on Mayfield Road

  “I think you should,” advised Ross, looking across at Demi from an armchair. “You’ve left how many messages?”

  “I just don’t want to make her any more angry with me.”

  “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “Then why do I feel like I have?” Demi grabbed her green leather shoulder bag. “Are you sure of the address?”

  “Definitely. I don’t know the flat number but it’s definitely the penthouse, so you shouldn’t have too much difficulty finding it.”

  “I just hope he’s out when I get there.”

  “He hasn’t replied to my text about the gym,” Ross reminded her. “I don’t know what more I can do.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. If
he’s there when I get there, I’ll just have to say my piece in front of him.”

  Demi and Ross walked towards the seafront together. She wished she’d been open with Willow when she’d first noticed Nat being an ass. But, of course, Willow had been there when Nat unceremoniously switched his attentions from one sister to the other. Sure, Willow had clocked it as rude, but he’d quickly won her over. Now, months later, he was clearly a controlling bully.

  Demi could see that Willow wore the rose-tinted glasses of first love and wished she was less naïve. Perhaps she should have dragged her down the town at sixteen and let her fumble around drunkenly with a few random boys. At least then she’d have had at least some immunity to a professional douchebag like Nat.

  “You’re sure I’m not demonising him?”

  “He encouraged Sam to backup all her files on the cloud just before those photos miraculously turned up on your doorstep. The man is a demon.”

  “I still don’t understand what he thought he had to gain by breaking us up.”

  “Neither do I, but it just shows what he’s capable of.”

  As they walked past the homes leading to the beach and their beautiful gardens, Demi felt her eyes really start to sting. She dabbed her nose.

  “Are you all right?”

  “It’s just a bit of hay fever.” Demi rummaged around in her bag until she found her antihistamines. She grabbed Ross’s water bottle and glugged down a capsule. “The best thing you can do is keep him talking.”

  “If he turns up.”

  “If he turns up.”

  They comforted each other with a lingering hug. Ross kissed Demi on the forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” And she did; she really did.

  Morning of Sunday 26 th July – at a penthouse on Falmouth Seafront

  Demi looked at the list of apartments. All the numbers were in pairs besides the highest – number eleven. With that in mind she chose one of the others at random.

  “I’m terribly sorry to disturb you, but I have a parcel to deliver and I can’t get into the building.”

  “For me?”

  “No, for number eleven.”

  “Okay, I’ll buzz you in.”

  “Thank you.”

  Demi pushed open the door. She decided to take the stairs. That way, if Nat hadn’t left for the gym yet, she was less likely to bump into him. Even the stairwell in this place was luxurious, with a golden handrail and beech wood flooring.

  As she climbed, Demi could smell burnt toast. She fanned herself to avoid coughing, in case it alerted Nat to her presence.

  However, when she climbed up a floor, she couldn’t just smell the burnt toast – she could see the fumes. Forcing herself to keep her eyes open, she climbed a few more stairs. If anything, it got thicker.

  “Willow!” cried Demi. Screw concealing her presence. She leapt up the remaining stairs. There was smoke seeping from under the penthouse door. Demi flung her body at the door, expecting it to be locked, and fell over herself as she lurched in. “Willow?”

  Demi looked around for her sister, unable to stop coughing. Then she saw her and her heart almost stopped.

  Willow was sitting motionless on the sofa. She sat bolt upright, her eyes open and expressionless as smoke emanated from the kitchen.

  Covering her mouth with her sleeve, Demi rushed into the kitchen. She wrenched the toaster lead from the wall, grabbed the washing up bowl and threw the water over the flaming toast.

  She hurried over to the window and began throwing panes open, one after the other.

  She turned back to her sister. “What are you doing?”

  Still Willow did not move.

  “Willow! You were just sitting there while the room filled with smoke.”

  Nothing.

  “Why?”

  Willow just shrugged.

  “Let’s get you out of here.” Demi wrapped an arm around her.

  Willow didn’t move. “Nat’s going to be cross about the smoke.”

  “Screw Nat. We need to get you out of here. What if you’ve inhaled too much?”

  “I haven’t. I would have passed out.”

  Demi was alarmed by her sister’s calmness. “We need to leave before he gets back.”

  “Why?”

  “God, Willow. You just sat in a room with flames and did nothing.”

  “It was only toast.”

  “This is not right. Willow, you ran away from home for this!”

  “No, I didn’t!” laughed Willow. “I just came to stay with my boyfriend for a few days.”

  “You heard the lady,” came a deep, man’s voice, which was most definitely not Ross’s.

  Demi turned around and glared at Nat. “What have you done to her?”

  “Honey, did you burn the toast?”

  Willow made a face like an accident-prone kid who’d accidentally smashed a saucer.

  “Have you drugged her?” demanded Demi.

  Ross appeared in the doorway behind Nat. He shrugged helplessly.

  Nat saw him and snarled. “I knew you two were up to something. So what is it exactly that you’re doing here?” Then he said, in a mocking tone, “Have you come to kidnap my girlfriend?”

  Willow’s eyes lit up, although Demi didn’t understand why.

  “Willow, please come home.”

  Nat sat down next to Willow and rested a hand on her leg. “Honey, I understand if you want to leave.”

  Willow said nothing.

  “But my bed will feel empty tonight without you in it.”

  His words seemed to transform Willow. She showed emotion for the first time since Demi arrived – a smile! Demi couldn’t believe her eyes.

  Nat tucked a vagrant strand of her hair behind Willow’s ear and talked to her as if there was nobody else in the room. “I’m not angry that you burnt the toast, darling. I love you.”

  Willow smiled back.

  Nat looked at Demi with a snide, triumphant grin. “She doesn’t want to go with you. Now leave before I call the police.”

  “Willow?” pleaded Demi.

  Willow looked at the floor and didn’t move.

  Demi turned to Nat. “You haven’t heard the end of this.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Off you go.”

  “She’s my sister and I will not give up on her.”

  “Half-sister. You weren’t there for her for the first fourteen years.”

  “Neither were you.”

  Morning of Wednesday 5 th August – inside a penthouse on the sea front

  Willow woke up next to Nat – the Holy Grail. Finally, she was his girlfriend and could sleep in his bed – not the sofa or a bed in his house, but his actual bed in his actual bedroom. So why was she desperate to get up?

  As quietly as she could, Willow inched towards the edge of the bed and dropped her feet into her velvet slippers. They had rubbery soles so should stop her feet making too much noise on the wooden floor.

  Unexpectedly, Nat stirred. “Miss Cassidy …”

  “I’m right here,” replied Willow, through gritted teeth.

  “Come back to bed.”

  “I’m just going to boil the kettle.”

  “Come back to bed.” He pawed Willow’s back. Feeling like she was made from a ton of bricks, she climbed back into bed.

  Nat began to spoon her. She could feel his erection pressing into her. Please no. She tried to tilt her hips to greet him with her vagina, but he didn’t seem interested in that.

  “Not this morning.”

  “But the contract …”

  “I thought we were girlfriend and boyfriend now.”

  “I am here to please you and you are here to please me.”

  Willow wondered where she’d go were she to leap out of bed and start to run. Had she burnt her bridges with Demi and Ross? Would it be presumptuous to call a friend she hadn’t spoken to in months? Most of her uni friends were away for the summer, but perhaps she could get a key to one of their houses …

 
Before she was aware that she’d made a decision, Willow lunged forwards. “I need to go to the bathroom.” Nat loosened his grip.

  As soon as Willow reached the living room, she grabbed her boots and coat, then took the chain off the door, tugged it open and hurried onto the landing. She slammed the door then called the lift, willing it to come quickly – fortunately, it did. She stepped inside, putting her coat over her green, satin slip.

  The lift reached the bottom before she’d managed to tie up her boots. She rushed out of the building and onto the road, not daring stop to attend to her loose laces. She ducked into Gyllyngdune Gardens. It wasn’t her usual route home, but the quirks of the quarry would provide some cover. She hurried up one of the side paths until she was out of sight, then paused to secure her boots. Then she began to run. She didn’t stop running until she got home.

  Morning of Wednesday 5 th August – inside a house on Mayfield Road

  In many ways, Willow was glad that Demi and Ross were out. She needed a hug but couldn’t deal with the drama. She was exhausted

  Willow locked all the doors and windows then went up to the bathroom for a soak. She’d had a bath at Nat’s but hadn’t felt clean afterwards; perhaps her soothing camomile bubbles and the familiar surroundings would help.

  Indeed, the sound of the water splashing into bath was relaxing. She slid off her satin slip and tentatively tested the water with a toe. It was slightly too hot, but she welcomed the physical experience – it might distract from her inner turmoil.

  She sank down into the bubbles and imagined the lather washing away her memories. She wiggled her toes; she was all in one piece – healthy – that was the main thing. Some people left relationships with cuts, bruises and even broken bones. In many ways, she was lucky. She closed her eyes and sank beneath the bubbles, letting the water enclose her face.

  She tried to focus on the good things in her life. She should go back to running and perhaps design another dress. Maybe Ross would teach her to surf.