5 Weeks

by June Hopkins

  "Bye mum," I call as she shuts the front door.

  I spend the next hour or so fiddling around with the cakes and attacking my hair and face with straighteners and makeup in the hope of appearing a little more 'with it', whilst trying to decide what to do with the rest of my day and night. I should have organised myself, but hey that's half the fun isn't it? Living on the edge, living for the moment? I sigh; how sad am I that given hours and hours to fill I would still rather pick up Harry from school, take him to the park and snuggle up on the sofa with him, a pizza and a crappy DVD? I really do need to take some control of my life. Get a life in fact.

  I live in a little two bedroomed cottage, owned by my parents, which stands in a row of four down a leafy lane just off of the main street in Little Becksley, a small town in Gloucestershire. The town boasts one primary school, church, a doctor's surgery, three pubs, a couple of takeaways and some other odd shops. With a community of only 1200 people the place is fairly close knit and I have lived here all my life. My parents live at the other end of the town in a large Georgian townhouse which doubles as my father, Edward's, dental practice. I have one brother Phillip, who is a lawyer. He lives in London, is married to Jennie and they have two children: Megan, aged three and Alfie, one.

  I am a single mother employed in one of the local pubs, the Old White Hart, working a variety of shifts to fit in with Harry. Sometimes I help out at dad's surgery on the reception for extra money. You may wonder how I ended up in this situation. No big deal really, just the age old adage of getting pregnant at a young age and being unable to face getting rid of the baby. Of course it didn't help that the father was the love of my life, although to this day he still doesn't know he is a father.

  I was in the middle of training to be a dental nurse, but quite honestly I knew it wasn't for me; all that halitosis and rotting teeth ... I shudder at the thought. At least getting pregnant had given me the excuse to end that little farce. Dad had not been too pleased, but the minute he held Harry he had melted and the two are now virtually inseparable.

  Back in the kitchen, I clean up the cake decorating mess, fill the old faithful Tupperware with my fancy looking cakes (feeling smug at their authentic homemade look) and decide to go and suffer with Lissa if she's in. There was something a little odd about her last night; I had a feeling there was something she wanted to tell me but couldn't in front of the others. Time to find out the gossip. A few cups of coffee out in the sunshine with my mate is just the hangover cure I need. I quickly fire off a text to Lissa on my mobile to check she’s home. She sends one back almost immediately and I grab my bag, lock the house and head off up the lane. It's only a five minute walk and it's a beautiful day.

  Chapter 2

  I arrive at the new estate on the edge of town and walk up the drive of Lissa's four bedroomed house. I feel a little jealous passing her large glossy silver and black 4x4; my crappy little Rover is positively antique in comparison. After a quick knock to announce my presence, I let myself in the front door.

  "Hi, I'm out here." Lissa's voice calls from the direction of the kitchen.

  I wander through the large hall into the beautifully modern chrome kitchen and spot Lissa through the French doors which open out onto a large decked area and garden. She is in the garden hanging washing on the line. I go over to help.

  "Blimey what's up with you?" I ask as I pick up one of Ben's shirts and peg it up. "Where's the help?"

  "Oh Nadia has gone home for the week, her mother's dying. Bloody inconvenient if you ask me."

  "Bummer, how will you cope?" I laugh, "Don’t tell me you are going to cook as well?"

  "Don't be ridiculous. Ben can do that; you don't get a dog and bark yourself now do you?"

  "Good for you, I hope he's going to clean the house and do the ironing as well?"

  "Of course; he knows his place." We start giggling.

  I love taking the piss out of Lissa's new found status in life. Since Ben's promotion they have been living the high life. Lissa has given up work and joined various groups to keep herself active. She has even taken up tennis if you please, and is swiftly turning into one of those ladies who 'lunch' but hasn't actually reached the heady heights of employing the imaginary Nadia quite yet. Although knowing Lissa, that wouldn't be for the lack of trying. She takes all my teasing in good humour though.

  "Fancy a coffee or would you rather have wine?" Lissa laughs at my look of horror.

  "God, don't go there. I'm never drinking again. Well not for the next few hours anyway - coffee will be fine thanks, and what's the chance of a sarnie? I'm starving, I haven't eaten yet today."

  "Tell me about it. I was throwing up this morning; had to ring my mum to come and take Holly to school. Obviously didn't tell her why, but I'm sure she thinks I'm pregnant. As if!" Lissa speaks with feeling.

  I snort, "That's exactly what my mum said this morning."

  "What? Oh God really; doesn't she know me better than that?"

  "Yea course she does but you can't blame her. Even I'm pretty confused and I thought I knew you better than anyone." I watch her for a clue but she just shrugs her shoulders and wanders off to the kitchen. Now I am even more confused.

  Lissa bustles around in the kitchen making coffee and cheese sandwiches without really saying much. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. "Lissa, are you ok? Is there something you're not telling me?"

  She turns and hands me coffee and a plate with my sandwich before picking up her own and heading off outside. "Come on, let's sit outside and eat this and I'll tell you; but not until we've had lunch. I am in dire need of carbs."

  "Fair enough, I'm right there with you on the carbs."

  We make ourselves comfortable at the solid wooden table out on the deck and quietly eat our lunch. The view from here is gorgeous; the new houses have been cleverly built looking down over the valley. Gloucester can be seen ten miles away in the distance and the space between us and the city is filled with open green fields, woods and the odd small village just like ours. You can see for miles on a day like today right over to Wales, and in between, the River Severn glistens snakelike in the sun. I sigh, "Lissa this really is a fabulous view. I know I always say it, but it is just lovely."

  "I can't argue with you there babe, although the back of your cottage is pretty as well."

  "Oh I know; just not as grand, eh?"

  "Right come on then, we've finished lunch and I am dying of curiosity here. You're being very mysterious you know and let’s be fair, that's not like you is it? You're usually a right gobby mare." I grin at her and lean forward, arms on table expectantly.

  Lissa ignores my wit and licks her lips nervously; her baby blue eyes are definitely avoiding mine. "There is a problem that I need to talk to you about. In fact I was just going to text you to say I was coming to your place when yours came through."

  "Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?" I ask. "I thought there was something up with you last night but I didn't want to ask in front of the others. You're not getting married because you're ill or something are you?"

  "God no, whatever makes you think that?"

  "Oh I don't know; this is pretty weird you know. You've never wanted marriage and it feels as if you've changed everything overnight." I'm getting nervous now and I search Lissa's face for an answer.

  Lissa laughs at me. "Look, I can understand why everyone is a little freaked out but it really is no big deal. Ben asked me again on Tuesday night as it was our first anniversary of moving in here and I don't know, maybe it was the atmosphere of that new restaurant in Cheltenham, or maybe I just couldn't hurt him by saying no again. But I had a mad moment and said 'yes'. Things have been pretty mental ever since. I must admit I wasn't expecting things to be organised quite so quickly, but then again maybe that's better; I'll have less time to get cold feet." Lissa shrugs and I relax slightly.

  "Ok fair enough. So what are you so worried about telling me then?"

  Lissa licks her lips again an
d clears her throat. "Thing is Annie..."

  I tense back up. "Ok, now you really are worrying me, what's going on Liss?"

  "Tom's coming home to be Ben's best man," Lissa blurts out then sinks back in her chair with a huge sigh, "There, I’ve said it".

  I feel as if I've been punched in the stomach. My breath whooshes out of me and I can feel that I have visibly paled. I just stare at her. I can feel my eyes are wide with shock. She jumps up and rushes round the table, "Annie are you ok? Annie?" She shakes my shoulders, “Annie do I have to slap you?"

  I take a deep breath and shake my head. "Umm no, but I could probably do with that wine now, if you don't mind," I say, my voice unsteady.

  "Sure, I'll get some. I'll get the fags out too; I think you need one. I know I do. I just didn't know how to tell you. Look you take a chill pill and calm down, I'll be back in a minute."

  She runs off on her errand and I take another deep breath while I try to sort out the mush in my head. I feel as though my brain has imploded. I can't think, the feelings are too much, too many emotions crowding in on me: fear, guilt, love, hate, lust, but overwhelmingly fear. I haven't thought about Tom properly in a long time. I'd parcelled him up in a neat bow, right in the back of my brain. After all, out of sight out of mind. I'd learnt over the last eight years to live my life. Of course he pops up in conversation now and again with Lissa and Ben. After all, they visit him every few years in New York so I can hardly avoid it, but during my normal day to day life I don't think about him (well, apart from the odd dream but we won't go into that).

  Lissa comes back with a bottle of white, two glasses and a packet of Bensons. She quickly fills a glass for me. I drink the entire glass in one go and then hold it out for a refill, ignoring Lissa's raised eyebrow. I take a large gulp from the second glass and light the cigarette offered to me. I inhale deeply, enjoying the nicotine rush to my head, "Come on then, spill". I look at Lissa expectantly.

  "Ben was on the phone for ages yesterday. He had phoned Tom and asked him to be his best man. He didn't tell me, said he wanted it to be a surprise and he hadn't really thought that Tom would agree. Anyway, Tom did agree, said that he was due a holiday and that he and Melanie would come home for a few weeks and combine it with the wedding. He hasn't decided on the date yet but will let us know. They’re going to stay with us while they’re here and then go on to visit family in London. I'm sorry Annie but I couldn't change this if I wanted to; Ben doesn't know about Harry, although sometimes I think he may have guessed but he has never said, as you know. But even if he did know it wouldn't stop him wanting Tom as his best man, just as I want you as my maid of honour."

  I've been staring at the table listening, but my head shoots up sharply at this statement. "Oh no. Oh no, no way. You can't ask me to do that, not if he's going to be there. Please Lissa, I can't." I'm horrified to feel the sting of tears in my eyes and roughly wipe them away.

  "Annie get a grip!" Lissa snaps. I blink at her.

  "Sorry. Look, I know it's a bit of a shock but you knew it would happen eventually. You’re only lucky that he was in hospital and couldn't make Phil’s wedding, otherwise you would have seen him three or four years ago. It was only ever a matter of time. You have to deal with this. If that seems mean, I'm sorry but I know what you're like and if you don't deal with this now you'll be a mess for weeks. And no, you are not getting out of being my maid of honour."

  I raise an eyebrow of my own. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think? Have you any idea of the shit this could cause? Everyone will be affected: this is no little thing Lissa!"

  "Don't you think you are being a little melodramatic?" she barks at me. "This is not about you Annie. This is my wedding; people are not going to be looking at the two of them and putting them together after all this time, especially not Tom. I told you what he is like now; he is so self-obsessed. Trust me, he won't notice. You’re panicking about nothing."

  I suck in a breath. Lissa is being spectacularly unfair and just a little indifferent to my plight for my liking.

  "Well thanks mate, that's nice. Fuck." I breathe. "Fuck. What am I going to do? What if he guesses about Harry? How am I going to explain that I never told him? Jesus Liss, this is a nightmare."

  I take another steadying gulp of wine and look helplessly at her.

  Lissa makes a helpless gesture with her hands. "I'm sorry babe, if I could change it I would but how can I tell Ben that I don't want Tom here. He would never understand; my hands are tied."

  I sigh. "No, I know you can't do that but how can you ask me to stand up there, with him, as your maid of honour?"

  Lissa sighs deeply again, "Look babe, how can I not ask you? We are best friends. I know I never wanted a wedding, but it looks like I'm getting one so who else would I want to stand up with me? And more to the point, how would it look to everyone if you didn't? We have some time to think about what to do and if you really can't, I will have to get over it. But I want you to be there for me. What else can I say?"

  I take a deep breath and another gulp of wine. As she's put it like that I can hardly argue with her, "Ok, ok. Fair enough. I'll do it, but only for you."

  She claps her hands, "That's great babe, I knew you wouldn't let me down. Tomorrow we go shopping; we have to get you a dress."

  "What?" I just stare at her. I don't even know why I'm surprised. This is typical of Lissa and I should say pretty typical of me. I always give in to her, always have, over anything since we were kids, from boyfriends (and that includes Ben: yes he was mine first, not for very long but mine all the same) to where we socialise and who with. Whatever Lissa wants, she gets.

  "I'll just grab my magazines and show you what I have in mind for your dress." She jumps up and runs inside.

  As much as I love her she does have a tendency to be a little self absorbed at times, but right now she is verging on the unbelievable. My not too small a predicament appears to be forgotten in the grander scheme of things. The wedding is obviously the priority. No matter that the unknown father of my child, well, unknown to all but Lissa, is coming back. No matter that Harry is the spitting image of Tom. God only knows how I am going to get out of all this with my son unscathed and without my whole family being hurt and angry, not to mention Tom if he figures it out. I wonder what the weather is like in Outer Mongolia at the moment ...?

  I can't stay here right now; I can't sit and look at bridesmaid dresses with Lissa acting as if nothing is happening. Maybe tomorrow or the next day, but certainly not now. I am horrified and not a little baffled by Lissa's uncaring attitude. I know she feels awkward about the situation and she doesn't deal well with dramas, but now is not the time for her usual head in the sand response. I feel hurt and annoyed, and I need to leave. I go into the house and from the hallway I can hear Lissa upstairs. I call up, "Sorry babe, I forgot, I have to cover mum at the surgery in half an hour." I lie. "She just texted me. We'll have to look at the mags another time. Thanks for lunch, I'll see you soon."

  Lissa sticks her head over the banister, her long blonde hair hangs down making a curtain around her face, "Oh that's a shame. Ok babe, Well I'll see you at the fête tomorrow yea? We can go into Cheltenham after; and Annie?"

  "Yea," I turn back from the door half expecting a couple of words along the lines of 'don't worry...'

  "If you're passing the newsagents, can you grab the next 'Bride to Be' mag? It’s due out this week. Love you. See you tomorrow."

  With that her head disappears and I am left alone in the hall feeling very, very stupid and not a little sorry for myself. Maybe I'm being ridiculous and totally overreacting. I leave the house and head for the White Hart. I'm off to see my other bessie mate, James, the Landlord, and definitely drink more strong alcohol. It is now officially lunchtime.

  Chapter 3

  As I walk to town, my head is crowded with thoughts of Tom. I allow memories to play in my head as if I were watching a film.

  Ben is one of my brother's best mates from university. We had dated,
sort of, for about two months but to be fair, realistically that was the sum total of four dates as he and Phillip had been living away at uni and they didn't get home that often. I had deliberately kept Ben from Lissa as I just knew that the minute she saw him he would be lost to me: a terrible thing to say about your best mate but true all the same. Lissa had always attracted all the best looking lads, whereas I attracted pretty much zero. We were 16 and I'd had exactly two boyfriends, if you could call them that, before meeting Ben. He was quite a catch; tall, blonde, good looking. He was four years older which added extra kudos, especially given that he owned a zippy little sports car. Of course I had regaled Lissa with over-exaggerated tales of my new boyfriend, the things we did, places we went (or didn't), his kindness and generosity and his gorgeous looks, until she had been green with envy.

  I managed to keep them apart until curiosity got the better of her. Behind my back she managed to wheedle out of my mum when Phillip and Ben would next be down. Of course mum had no idea of my underhandedness and gleefully spilt the beans on her daughter's lovely new boyfriend. She even invited Lissa to dinner and went along with a cunning plan to make it a little surprise for me: a dinner party at which I could introduce him to my friends. Great. Imagine my surprise when I entered the dining room dressed up to the nines thinking I looked fab, only to find three of my friends, Lissa included, dressed up to the nineteen's compared to me, and flirting with my new boyfriend. 'Gutted' did not come close, and that was it. 'Poof' he was gone. He was smitten from that first encounter and I knew it. Knowing there was nothing I could do, I stepped graciously, or maybe not so graciously, aside.

  I had cried for days, hid in my room, punched my pillow in frustration but that had had more to do with me not being enough, and Lissa being better, than it had to do with losing Ben. Of course there had been, "I'm sorries" from both of them and weeks of not speaking, but eventually I missed her too much and gave in. In time I got used to them being together and just lived with it.