5 Weeks

by June Hopkins

  I let them know that as I am working and Harry would be spending quite a lot of time with mum and dad anyway, he may as well spend it with them. Harry is over the moon; he can't wait. I promise to have him packed and ready for 9.00 in the morning and Tom is going to pick him up and follow his parents back home.

  Chapter 19

  It's Friday afternoon and I'm at work but due to finish at 4 pm. I worked a couple of extra shifts over the last couple of days in the hope of keeping busy and my mind off the fact that Harry is away. Harry has phoned me a few times and seems to be having the time of his life with his new family and I am trying very hard not to show in my voice how jealous I am. The trouble is that I've had time to think and the unsettling thought that he may like them more than me just won't budge. I know that is ridiculous but I can't help it.

  James phoned yesterday and he seemed to think that I'd been a little premature in my decision making. He rightly pointed out that maybe events were all happening a little too quickly, surely not a brilliant idea where Harry's emotions were concerned. This of course didn't make me feel any better but he is absolutely right. I don't know where my head has been at but it certainly hasn't been making decisions based on Harry's welfare. No matter how excited Harry is about the whole thing, this is indeed all happening way too fast. I shouldn't be playing fast and loose with my son's feelings. This is all so full on and will stop just as fast when it's time for Tom to go home. How will Harry cope with that? James's phone call has really unsettled me. A conversation with mum didn't help either; she didn't have a go at me or anything but I could tell that she seemed a little uncertain about my decision. As usual though she understood why I allowed him to go but did make a comment about them ganging up on me and how I'm not the most assertive person in the world. I can't argue with that. Maybe she is right; perhaps I do need to stick up for myself a little more. Of course it doesn't help that I still fancy Tom rotten and my motives for going along with everything are, it has to be said, a little shady. The question is... do James and mum think the same? Because that would truly be awful.

  I can't wait for Harry to come home today in order for us to get back to some sort of normality. I am going to have to have a serious conversation with Tom about everything and I have every intention of having that conversation at the earliest possible opportunity, but not tonight. Tonight I have plans for a date with Harry, a large pizza and a DVD. We are going to do what we normally do, be ourselves and more importantly be by ourselves.

  I leave work on time and get home at about 4.10. I tidy round quickly and settle down to wait for my little boy. I don't have to wait long as they arrive at 4.30. I run to the front door and Harry flies up the path to give me a hug. I am so relieved. It looks like he did miss me after all. Tom is unloading things from the car. Oh no, they've been buying him yet more stuff. Trouble is how can I make a fuss about it? To be fair to Charles and Penelope they have got a lot of time to make up for and I can hardly blame them for wanting to shower him with gifts. All the same it is another thing that I am going to have to have a word about. Tom struggles up the path with the haul and dumps it all in the hallway; I just look at the pile, unimpressed by the size of it. He catches the look and apologises profusely, "I'm sorry - you have to blame mum and dad. Well, I admit to buying a couple of bits but it was mostly them," he smiles at me uncertainly.

  "This can't continue, buying him all this stuff," I gesture at the bags with my hand. “He’s not used to it Tom. He's never been spoilt and I don't want that to start now. You do understand that, don't you?"

  "I know, I know. But we have a lot of making up to do and it is easy to get carried away, but I will try to tone it down I promise you," he gives me a pleading look and I find myself smiling.

  Harry comes bounding down the stairs after going to the toilet, "Mum look at all my presents! I've never had so many presents in one go; I can't wait to see my friends. They are going to be sooo jealous. Come and see what I've got," he starts dragging bags into the lounge and I raise a knowing eyebrow at Tom who has the decency to look a little uncomfortable.

  "I'll be there in a minute darling. Come and say goodbye to your dad first." Harry ignores me.

  It's Tom's turn to raise an eyebrow; he clearly thought he would be sticking around for a bit but I am determined to separate them at least for the evening and for the whole weekend if I can. I need Harry to settle back down and the gifts have hardened my resolve.

  "I'm off am I?" Tom asks with a disappointed look on his face, "I was going to ask if you fancied a takeaway, my treat. Thought the three of us could spend the evening together, well a couple of hours at least." Luckily Harry is too busy with his bags and hasn't heard Tom otherwise I would be in trouble. Part of me would love him to stay but the last few days have made me wake up a little and the fantasy I had of running off to a new life in New York has slowly faded. I've spoken to Harry pretty much twice a day on the phone, Tom hasn't come to the phone once; Penelope and Charles, but no Tom. Not even so much as a 'how are you' text. I've virtually had my phone stuck to me over the last few days for fear of missing a call from him. Although it’s been great to speak to Harry, I have to admit to being ridiculously disappointed each time I've put the phone down and not spoken to Tom, but my pride wouldn't allow me to contact him even though I'd considered a million viable scenarios that would have given me the excuse.

  That begs the question, if he is into me at all, wouldn't he want some sort of contact? Given that question, I am not going to be swayed from my course. Quite frankly, whatever intentions Tom has towards me will have to be made an awful lot clearer; he is going to have to try harder. I am fed up to the back teeth of appearing needy and desperate. I have to claw a small amount of respect back, so for now I am going to take a deep breath and send him away. I don't care how charming he is, or how blue his eyes are or how much he schmoozes, he is leaving now.

  "Annie? What do you think?" Tom asks with his head on one side, "Can we have dinner together?"

  I take the deep breath as I fight with the two voices on each shoulder, one telling me to get rid of him quickly, the other saying how nice it would be to spend time with him; to feel like a real family. "Tom, I would love to but I have really missed Harry and I just want to spend time with him on my own. I hope you understand that." Wow! I can't believe I said that; I am hugely impressed with myself.

  "Oh yes, of course. Sorry, I'm being pushy again aren't I? I apologise. Will I see you tomorrow?"

  I get a warm mushy feeling in my stomach; he wants to see me...

  "Yes, it's the rehearsal dinner, so I'll see you tomorrow evening," I tell him with a big grin.

  "Oh the dinner, yes. I nearly forgot. What about Harry? Is he coming to that?" The warm mushy feeling quickly turns to a hard, cold lump.

  "No certainly not. I am having a night out; Harry will be at mum and dad's tomorrow."

  Tom's face drops, "How about in the day? Could I take him while you’re at work?"

  "I'm not working tomorrow."

  "Oh ok. Well how about I take you both out somewhere for the day, or the afternoon?"

  "Umm, no sorry I have plans tomorrow and Sunday. Perhaps you can have him for a couple of hours on Monday for me if you like." I feel suddenly very cold; he seems almost desperate to see Harry, and quite obviously that doesn't extend to me. I need him to go now; this is all becoming a little embarrassing.

  "Monday. Ok, that would be good, thanks; I'll look forward to it. Annie are you ok? You seem a little distant, or something."

  I sigh deeply, "I'm fine Tom. I’m just trying to get things onto a bit more of an even keel for Harry's sake. I’m worried that things are all a little bit overwhelming for him, and not to rub salt into the wound, you’ll be leaving for another country soon and I don't want a distraught child on my hands. I think all things considered it will be easier for Harry if we perhaps step back a little, get things into perspective; I'm sure you know where I'm coming from."

  Tom looks a little s
tunned at this statement and it dawns that maybe he doesn't see where I'm coming from at all.

  "God I'm sorry, I hadn't thought about it like that. I suppose I'm just trying to make the most of him while I have the chance."

  "I know that, but I think that we all need to slow down a little. Let Harry digest things; let's give him a little time to settle back into a normal routine, just for a couple of days. I'm not trying to keep him from you Tom, but nonetheless, I think this is for the best. Ok?"

  Tom has a distressed puppy look about him, which makes me feel awful but I'm honestly not sure if this obsession, because that is what it appears to be, is actually that healthy. I can see his mind ticking over; he seems to rally himself and pulls himself up to his full height. "Of course you’re right. I'll get going and leave you two to it. I'll see you tomorrow night and we can have a proper chat then."

  I smile with relief at him, "Thanks Tom." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek and then calls to Harry to come and say goodbye.

  Harry runs out with the inevitable, "Ahh dad you're not going. Can't you stay and have tea?"

  "No sorry son, I've got things to do but I'll see you soon, ok? Give me a hug and be a good boy for your mum alright?"

  Harry tuts but does as he is told and hugs Tom, "Alright. See you then dad. I had a great time." Letting go of Tom he heads back to the lounge to continue unloading his bags.

  Tom heads out the door. I say goodbye and watch him walk down the path. When he reaches the car he waves. I wave back and shut the door. Leaning against the door I find myself close to tears; this is not how I imagined any of it at all. I am so confused, and my mind is swimming with scenarios, trying to think the best of him and then immediately turning it all on its head and thinking the worst. I have to be fair to him, he hasn't actually behaved towards me as if he wants to scoop me up and whisk me away. Well, apart from the first night, but now I wonder if that wasn't all an act to stop me from being angry with him because had I stayed angry, I doubt that any of the past week would have happened. He certainly wouldn't have been free to spend the amount of time with Harry as he has. Over the last few days I've had an awful lot to consider and I know most of it is in my head. I have read far too much into even the smallest overture from Tom; anything, the odd look, word and gesture. I have built it all up until I have created my own fantasy world and used any prompts from Tom, no matter how insignificant, to bolster that fantasy. I am starting to think that I'm going mad and have a very real fear of turning into that woman who boils the rabbit on the stove in Fatal Attraction.

  "Aaarrggh," I say out loud, which prompts a "What's up mum?" from Harry in the lounge.

  "Nothing Darling. I just stood on my shoe," I lie to him.

  A bang on the front door nearly makes me shoot through the roof. I jump away from it and spin round, taking a couple of seconds to calm myself down before answering. I am turning into a nervous wreck. I open the door to find Tom, looking shifty, "Sorry, sorry, I nearly forgot. I bought a present for you as well; I hope you will accept it?" He stares at me hopefully and hands me a beautifully wrapped little box. I stand there dumbly staring at him and then the box in turn. Well, who would have thought? My heart jumps slightly in my chest. Oh, my God, it's not a ring is it? The little voice in my head yells at me, telling me not to be ridiculous and I give myself a mental slap. I have soo got to get a grip on my imagination. Pulling myself together I stammer a thank you at him. Opening the door wider, I take the box from him.

  "Please open it; I want to see if you like it. I can change it if not."

  I feel myself blushing but fumble with the silver bow and then the silver paper. Inside is a Tiffany's box. Tiffany's? I gawp at it for a moment before opening it to see a gorgeous pair of diamond drop earrings. They are exquisite and I can honestly say I have never owned anything as beautiful in my life. I suck in a gulp of air and gaze up at Tom with tears in my eyes.

  Three hours later we are just finishing off the last of the pizza and nearing the end of Transformers Two DVD, one of the many, many gifts that Harry has received. Tom is stretched out in the armchair and Harry and I are curled up on the sofa. Well I could hardly make him leave after the old bearing of gifts routine could I? The least I could do was invite him back in to stay for some food; it would have been rude not to. Maybe I won't need to boil the rabbit after all. He must feel something for me to give me a gift of that magnitude. I mean, people don't usually go round giving random diamonds away to just anyone, do they? I wanted him to make his feelings a lot clearer and surely they don't get any clearer than that.

  I am still reeling at the earrings; I mean does Tiffany's even exist over here? Perhaps in London; or maybe he bought them over the internet, or even better, maybe he bought them for me in New York and was just waiting for the right time to give them to me. How much do diamond earrings cost from Tiffany's? Must be a small fortune. I am itching to ask, but that would be rude and so I don't show my ignorance and keep my thoughts to myself. I might see if Tiffany's have a website later; see if I can find them or something similar to give me a clue. Would somewhere like Tiffany's have a website, or is that all a bit common?

  When the film finishes I inform Harry that it is time for bed. He doesn't moan as much as I thought he would but does ask that Tom takes him up and reads him a story. Tom agrees, after ensuring that I'm happy and when I say that's fine the two of them head upstairs. I shout after them to not forget Harry's teeth, and then go into the kitchen to get a bottle of wine from the fridge. Tom went off with Harry to pick up the pizza earlier and brought back a couple of bottles of white with him. I really fancy a glass now. I pour two and take them through into the lounge and put Coronation Street on while I wait for Tom to join me.

  Eventually Tom reappears, "Well that was epic. He certainly enjoys Harry Potter doesn't he?"

  "Oh yes, that's his favourite at the moment. Please sit down, help yourself to wine," I tell him as I sit up slightly.

  Tom takes the glass from the coffee table and settles back into the armchair, "You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I would be content reading a bedtime story to a child. I usually spend my evenings reading case notes." He shakes his head with a bemused expression. I smile at him, the warm mushy feeling has returned but we have things to discuss and now is as good a time as any.

  "Tom, I think we ought to talk about what is going to happen when you go back to the States. You must have considered it and I would just like to know what is going on in your mind, because I have to tell you I will not be sending Harry over to you on a plane for holidays. Certainly not for a long, long time. I just feel that you should know that," I blurt this out quickly and before I chicken out, but I feel much happier that I have put it out there. Who says I can't be assertive?

  Tom watches me quietly over his wine glass which makes me feel slightly squirmy. “I would never expect that from you Annie," he gives me a sort of sad half smile. "I know where my priorities are now and I am making some decisions that will hopefully be best for everyone. I promise you Annie everything will work out for the best. I am going to try my very hardest to ensure that, ok?" He dips his head a little and gazes at me. I relax visibly which obviously has the same effect on him and I feel the atmosphere in the room lighten.

  "So are you going to give me a clue as to what these decisions may involve, then?" I ask with a smile.

  "Oh no, I'm not divulging anything until I’m sure."

  "Spoil sport," I tell him sulkily, which makes him laugh.

  We sit and chat happily for another hour or so and eventually he gets up to leave. Earlier that was exactly what I wanted, but now I would gladly keep him here for the rest of time. I stand up and push my hair back out of my eyes. He steps forward and puts his hand up to my face and runs his finger down my cheek whilst staring into my eyes. The air in the room is positively electric and I suck in a breath. He moves closer and his head dips to mine. His lips feel warm and soft when he kisses me slowly. I feel like my legs are going
to give way. Just as I expect the raunchy stuff to start he pulls away gently and I sway towards him, my lips still in kiss mode, with eyes shut. As it dawns that he has stepped away from me, I open my eyes, get rid of the pout and stare at him. Wow, I feel stupid.

  "I think it would be best if I leave before we have a repeat of the other night," he tells me with a sad ironic voice. “A man can only take so much rejection and I don't want to make you feel as if you are being rushed into something you might regret."

  I open my mouth to protest vigorously, but he puts his finger out again and holds it to my lips. "Don't say anything, I know you’re not ready. I'll see you tomorrow night," and with that statement he leaves and I am left standing in the lounge with a frown on my face.

  Umm, I'm not ready? Clearly he doesn't know anything because frankly, short of throwing myself on the sofa with my legs in the air, naked with a banner saying “take me”, I'm not completely sure how much more I could have done to show that I was and still am very much ready. Well bloody hell! What a bummer; I was sure I was in there tonight. How odd. Did it get to him that much, my pulling away at the crucial moment last week? Perhaps it did. Well, what do they say? He must respect me but I don't want him to respect me, I just want a damn good shagging. Oh, and to wake up with him in the morning, Harry jumping in between us, breakfast in bed... God I'm pissed off. I'm going to bed, tomorrow is another day and if I have my way, tomorrow night he'll be left in no doubt that I am more than ready.