Reaching His Heart

by Tressie Lockwood

  Solette sat in silence, stewing in annoyance. If he woke up tomorrow all sore and whining about it, she would make sure he knew she had told him so. Hard heads needed to have the truth proven to them.

  “I see you arguing with me in your head,” Cason teased.

  She looked away and then changed her mind. “Why did you make me come with you? You could have gotten Romy to drive you wherever you wanted to go—or one of the other staff.”

  “You wanted to know, didn’t you?” Tension appeared around his mouth, making the dark hairs stand out against the pale skin. He desperately needed some sunshine. Yet, even pale, he was incredibly sexy.

  “Know what?”

  He turned his face up toward the sky, a movement that should have spelled peace, but she saw the stiffness. “About the accident.”

  Silence reigned between them. Solette’s emotions swung between telling him it was none of her business and listening to see what he would say. From all she had heard, Cason had gone through such trauma, and it wasn’t just about his physical challenges now. She knew guilt when she saw it.

  “I was driving,” he said out of nowhere. She stilled. Perhaps he needed to tell someone. “I loved that car. The faster I could push it, the better. I liked the feel, as if I was almost losing control. Such power under my hands was like…” He paused, an expression of embarrassment crossing his features.

  Solette pretended her lap fascinated her so he wouldn’t stop talking.

  “I was trying to outrun my guy so I could have some total alone time with a woman I was talking to.”

  That surprised Solette into speaking. “A woman? You mean Bambi?”

  He eyed her with a slight grin. “Are you jealous of her?”

  She frowned. He never just came right out and said Bambi meant nothing to him. It was as if he held her between them as a shield. Solette could have told him it wasn’t necessary. Regardless, the attitude hurt her a little. She hid her feelings because she was used to doing so. “I’d have to be involved with you to be jealous. I’m your employee.”

  He looked disappointed in her response. “Someone else. I’ve ducked my guard plenty of times. It kept him on his toes. He was sharp and caught me more than I’d like to admit. He stuck to me like glue, and he was worth every cent we paid him.”

  On the last few words, Cason’s voice turned raw. Now she knew what the real problem was.

  “You feel guilty,” she said. “As if it was your fault that he died?”

  “It was my fault!”

  “Cason—”

  “Don’t.” He raised his right had as if he would push fingers through his hair, paused, and looked at his hand. So much of the strength had returned with their hard work over the last few months. The tiny scars remained and were a constant reminder. “I’m here, and he’s not. I have the money to erase the evidence that the accident ever happened. That’s sick, isn’t it?”

  “You’re not having surgery on your hands.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  She laid her hand over his, and Cason curled his fingers with hers. The move wasn’t one she would do with any other patient. Yet, she’d been unable to resist. Her heart pounded, and desire washed over her, but she ignored the physical response from her body. He needed words of encouragement, and she scoured her mind for the right ones. The problem was, there were no perfect words that could heal his emotional pain.

  “You have a decision, Cason. You can wallow in self-pity the rest of your life as a sort of atonement, or you can live. Before you say anything, remember, you’re capable of hurting others even now.”

  His eyes widened. “You suck at this encouragement stuff.”

  She winced. “What I mean is, you’re thinking of your lost bodyguard, but it hurts your family to see you unable to move forward. They live for your smile.”

  “You’re exaggerating.” Color rose in his cheeks. A few weeks ago, her comment wouldn’t have fazed him.

  “What about Romy?”

  He went silent. They both knew how Romy felt because he was so open about it with Cason. No one visited Cason’s bedside as often as Romy, or took his grumbling bad attitude with as much grace.

  “Well, I’m never going to be anyone’s hero. That’s for sure.”

  Solette didn’t know why that disappointed her. “We weren’t talking about you being a hero. Just living.”

  “You’re that type.”

  She blinked. “A hero?”

  “No, the type of woman who needs a knight.”

  She scoffed. “I assure you, I’m not. I’m a hardworking single mother, and I haven’t looked to anyone to take care of me. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.”

  He grinned, and the sun came out. “Ah, now we’re talking about Bambi. You are jealous.”

  She surged to her feet. “We should go, Cason.”

  “A little while longer.”

  When she turned to tell him a thing or two, she paused because he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

  “I’m getting that surgery,” he said. “I’m going to walk without help. I’ll be rich, and maybe good-looking with rough edges. I’ll have a lot going for me, but I can’t say I’ll be a better man. You get that, Solette?”

  “Yes, I hear you.”

  For some reason, it was important to him that she have no illusions about him. She was convinced he knew how much she wanted him, but he kept her at a distance after he’d teased her and bedded her. Maybe he wasn’t so different than he was before the accident after all. This was what rich men did. A woman in her position needed to think about her own situation and how to keep it moving.

  “I have to go,” she said.

  He started to argue but changed his mind and nodded. Solette signaled his bodyguard, a hulking man, who offered his arm. Cason used him to haul himself to his feet and made slow progress back to the car. After Solette dropped him at home, she made sure not to notice if Bambi was still in residence and jumped into her car to get out of there. Her conversation with Cason that afternoon made her more determined than ever to stomp out the feelings she held for him. Like Cason said, he wasn’t her hero. He wasn’t anyone’s hero.

  Chapter 10

  “You kept me waiting, Solette,” Joe Sr. griped. “You know I don’t like that.”

  Solette squirmed on the other side of the table. She glanced at her son, and Joe Sr. looked too. He forced a smile and visibly tried to relax.

  “Never mind. You look good though. I guess you were worth the wait.”

  Being so used to bandying comments back and forth with Cason, her first thought was to say, “You guess?” She thought better of it and offered a soft thanks instead.

  Joe Sr. waved his arms with dramatic flare, encompassing the menu. “Get whatever you want. My treat. You too, Joseph. But not steak. That’s a little expensive.”

  Joseph frowned. “I was going to get the thickest one they got with blood.”

  “Shut up, boy. That’s gross!”

  “Joe, don’t tell him to shut up. He’s fine.”

  Her son’s father looked at her as if she’d just cursed at him, but once again he reined in his emotions. She sat in stunned silence when he apologized to their son and began teasing him about being too small to handle a steak like a man.

  While they joked, Solette took in Joe Sr. At one point, he had permed his hair and wore it slick and straight against his head, but now he wore it natural. Most of his head was covered in tight coils, but the front he had grown out so it stuck straight up in the air. A small silver ring hung from one ear, and the scent of cologne wafted across the table. Joe Sr. always carried himself as if he were a gift to the eyes of anyone looking at him.

  The two Joes settled down and ordered. Solette chose grilled chicken breast topped with mango glaze and pico de gallo. She indulged in a creamy mac and cheese but added mixed veggies to psych herself into thinking she was keeping it mostly healthy.

  Halfway through the meal, Joe Sr. set his fork down and
picked up his glass of cola. He didn’t drink much alcohol funny enough, so he couldn’t blame his past anger issues on booze. “Solette, let’s make a toast,” he said.

  She picked up her glass of strawberry lemonade with a nervous twitter in her belly. “What are we toasting to?”

  “You and me.”

  She froze. “Excuse me?”

  A grin stretched over his face, and excitement glittered in his eyes. “Come on, Solette. You already know you’re going to give in to me, girl. Stop fighting it.” He reached across the table and grabbed her wrist with too much force, but he lightened his hold immediately. “I’ve turned over a new leaf. I’m a good man now.”

  Did a good man call himself that, or did he let others do it for him? She wasn’t about to ask out loud.

  “I never stopped loving you, baby.”

  She felt a little something in her throat and chided herself. Joe Sr. wasn’t all bad. He took care of his responsibilities for the most part. She had never had to borrow from family or friends because she didn’t have diapers for Joseph. Joe Sr. made sure of that.

  Why are you trying to convince yourself, Solette?

  She pulled her hand from his and cleared her throat. “Joe, we broke up a long time ago, and Joseph and me have been doing all right alone.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You’re saying you don’t need me?”

  “I-I’m not saying that.”

  “Look, I know I wasn’t always nice to you. I might have let my anger get the best of me sometimes. But I told you. I’m over all that. It’s in the past. You’re not going to find a man as good as me, ready to take care of you.”

  Her jaw locked, and she couldn’t form words. A rock sat in the pit of her stomach, and she was sure she couldn’t stuff another bite of food into her mouth although she hadn’t eaten much.

  “Dad, you’re upsetting Mom,” Joseph interrupted. “Why can’t you let her eat?”

  “Boy!” Joe Sr. growled and then sucked in a breath. He blew it out noisily. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Joseph. I’m trying to prove how I feel about your mom. You should be excited because you’re getting your family all together again.”

  He was already convinced she would give in to him. Solette didn’t blame him considering she had always gone back. Even when he wasn’t nice about demanding she accept his apology. She had always given in, slunk back, curled in on herself, just hoping this time would be different.

  The last breakup lasted longer than any other time, and she had thought she was free. That is until Joe Sr. started sniffing around her again. As she thought about it, the only reason she lasted this long was because her work with Cason had consumed her for more than six months.

  “Come on, baby,” Joe Sr. said. “I know you love me, or you wouldn’t be thinking about it this long. You just want to see me sweat. Well, okay. How about this?”

  Dread washed over her. She hoped he wasn’t doing what she thought he was doing as he reached into his pants pocket. A few seconds later, he pulled out something cradled in his fist and slapped it on the table. When he moved his hand, her breath evaporated. Not even in a box but by itself, a diamond ring sat there—a tiny diamond that looked real.

  “There.” He nodded in self-satisfaction. “Now you see how serious I am?”

  “Ye—I…see.” She switched her words up in case he took them wrong. A desperate need to get out of there washed over her. She needed to think. “Joe, do you mind if I have some time to think?”

  He blinked at her and then slammed an open palm on the table, making not only her and Joseph jump but several people nearby. A waiter on the other side of the restaurant glanced in their direction with raised eyebrows. Did they need him to come over there, his expression seemed to say. Solette gave him an apologetic one back and then faced Joe Sr.

  “You’ve had months to think about us, Solette. Why you so confused? Don’t tell me there’s someone else. There better not be.”

  She bristled. “We’re not together, Joe. I have a right to see anyone I want.”

  He swelled bigger.

  “I’m not seeing anyone else. I’m just saying I have a right.” Moisture gathered on her upper lip, and she wiped it with her napkin.

  “All right, look,” he said. “I’m going to give you another week. Here. You take the ring and let it remind you about us and our family.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  He forced her hand open and shoved the ring into it. There couldn’t be a worse marriage proposal on the books as what she received that night. Actually, come to think of it, he never asked. He just slammed the ring on the table.

  “Okay.” Joe Sr. rubbed his hands together grinning. He was always convinced of his own plans working out in the end. “Let’s finish our food. Joseph and me’s got some games to get to at home, right, Joseph?”

  “Dad, you’re going to lose as usual.”

  Joe Sr. frowned. “I let you win all those other times. Tonight you’re going down. Most definitely.”

  Solette sat in silence, pushing her food around her plate until it was time to go. Joe Sr. was so absorbed in joking with their son and whatever illusion he told himself about her, he didn’t notice she neither finished her food nor took a to-go box.

  They left the restaurant soon after, and she kissed Joseph good night and waved at Joe Sr. before he could get to her to hug him. After she was in her car and headed down the highway, the reality of what just happened hit her. Joe Sr. asked her to marry him. He never wanted to before. They had lived together for three years when her son was little. Then after that it was on again off again with her leaving every time things got too much for her to handle, or she feared he would turn his rages to Joseph. He never did, thank goodness.

  Solette drove back to her apartment and tossed her keys on a table and flopped onto the couch. She pulled the ring out from her purse and set it next to the keys. Instead of excitement brewing in her belly at the proposal, all she felt was confusion and nerves.

  The phone rang, and she answered. A friend of hers, who she wasn’t that close with but talked to anyway just to have someone to share with was on the line.

  “Hey, Qui Qui,” Solette said, trying not to sound so deflated. An attempt at excitement brought on nothing, and she let it go.

  “So did you decide?” Qui Qui demanded. “Did he ask you to get back together, and did you say yes?”

  Solette gritted her teeth. “You sound more enthusiastic than I do.”

  Qui Qui laughed. “Trust me, honey, I wanted to bang him in his face plenty of times, but I know that’s how men are. You have to train them to do right.”

  Solette was silent. This was one of the reasons she wasn’t close to Qui Qui. Her friend thought a woman whose man hit her hadn’t trained him yet. Not that she should leave. Solette couldn’t understand the reasoning, even if she did go along with it for years.

  “So no matter what, you think I should get back with him?”

  Qui Qui sighed. “Well he is a good dad. You have to give him that, Solette. Joe Sr. hasn’t once let your little boy down.”

  “That’s true.”

  “We were talking about how much a boy needs a strong man’s influence in his life. Plus, Joe Sr. never acted too crazy in front of Joseph over the years.”

  “Are you trying to convince me?”

  “No, I’m just giving you all sides. What I really want to know is did you say yes to another date.” She giggled like a schoolgirl.

  “He asked me to marry him.”

  “Say what?” Qui Qui’s voice rose, and Solette heard someone in the background at her job shushing her. Solette was pretty sure her friend shouldn’t be on her cell phone while she was supposed to be working.

  “He asked me to marry him.” Solette threw caution to the wind and confessed her heart. “I’ve been so stupid over him for the longest time, Qui Qui. Part of me wishes we weren’t connected because of Joseph. But it’s more than that. I can’t use my son as an excuse. I
…”

  She chewed her lip, not wanting to admit her own weaknesses.

  “Look, Solette. At the end of the day, nobody can tell you what you should and shouldn’t put up with. Nobody is in your shoes. They don’t know what your needs are. You do. You said yourself the last year or so Joe Sr. has been different, that he’s not as quick to get angry. He told you he’s been working on his attitude.”

  “True.” She had seen a big change in Joe Sr. although a lot still seemed to be the same. He didn’t fly off the handle in the way he used to, but his anger caused the same sense of panic in her. He might be pretending, but she had never seen him control himself for so long. Maybe her reaction was left over from before.

  “The question is, do you love him and forgive him? Do you think it’s worth trying to see if there’s any pieces you guys can pick up and put back together?”

  “For Joseph?”

  “For you too.”

  It was the first time Qui Qui said something that sounded like she was truly thinking of Solette’s well-being.

  “I have to think about it.”

  “Well, you’ve got time. Make him wait. I always make mine wait.” She chuckled. “Look, girl, let me know. I have to get off here. Talk to you later.”

  “All right. Talk to you later.”

  Solette disconnected the call, not feeling any better about her decision. All she knew was that she needed to convince Joe Sr. to wait a little longer so she could be sure. If such a thing was even possible.

  Chapter 11

  Cason sat back in his chair and turned away from the canes he used. The two of them were custom crafted and looked pretty decent. They cost a good sum since Ezio had arranged to have them designed and imported from their mother country.

  Cason conserved his energy tonight. He could walk with the help of the canes for a good length of time, but he intended to stand up with Solette. The party Romy arranged was in his honor, something Cason had given his oldest brother an earful about. Foreword thinking on Romy’s part had also led to him arranging the gathering at a ballroom away from the mansion so guests who weren’t normally invited to their home could attend. Not that security hadn’t vetted every single guest of course.