Us Again

by Jennah Thornhill

  During my busy afternoon, Tracy pops in and out in between patients to see if I need anything. To which I just silently shake my head at her and keep my eyes downcast, so she can’t see the turmoil that’s swimming them. I’m also scared that if I open my mouth, I won’t be able to get any words past the golf ball sized lump in my throat and the tears will be set free.

  The end of the day has never looked so fabulous. I just want to go home, ignore Sammi, go to sleep and pretend that today didn’t happen.

  Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

  If I know one thing about my best friend is that she hates it when I’m mad with her. She will do anything to get me to speak to her again. In all our years of friendship she’s only pissed me off like this once before and that involved Nate as well.

  Once I’ve given Tracy a swift goodbye, I leave the office and head for my car that’s parked around the back of the building. Reaching Sally my little VW beetle, I come to a halt when I see Dean perched on the hood.

  “What do you want, Dean? If your sister has sent you, then I’m not interested. I’m still very much pissed off.” I snap at him.

  Standing to his full height, he takes a step towards me before folding his arms across his chest.

  “Look, El. I know you’re pissed off, but this isn’t Sam’s fault. I tried talking Nate out of it, but it didn’t work. That man still loves you and he doesn’t even know you’re in L.A. I’ve kept it from him for you because I love my sister. Also, I value my balls far too much to risk having her cut them off and feed them to me. They were her words not mine.”

  That last little bit makes me giggle. I’ve heard Sammi threaten her brother with the loss of his balls on more than one occasion. I don’t doubt that one day she will follow through with her threat.

  “All I’m asking is that you don’t take this out on her, this is all on him and his dumb ass fucking ideas. Maybe one day it’ll get through to his thick skull that you two aren’t ever going to happen again. You left him for a reason and he needs to accept that.”

  This is why I love Sammi, she knew all about my reasons for breaking off mine and Nate's relationship and to this day she’s not once told a soul. Not even her brother. Realizing that I’ve overreacted when it comes to my outburst towards Sammi, I sigh heavily at the mistake I’ve made. The anger I’ve held onto all day leaves me and my body finally relaxes.

  “All I’m asking is that you get a bottle of wine or whatever the shit is you two drink.”

  Tequila springs to mind.

  “Go home and forget all about today's events.”

  This is why Dean is one of the best lawyers in town, he knows how to reason with people. He’s quick on making people see the error of their ways.

  “You’re right, as usual.” I smile at him so he knows I’m no longer pissed.

  “Come here, Midge.”

  I smile at the nickname he’s always called me; it’s been a standing a joke since we met. Dean stands at an impressive six-foot-two and compared to my five-foot-one frame; he towers over me. Just like Nate did. Holding his arms out to me, I go to him and let him engulf me in them. He maybe Sammi’s brother, but to me he’ll always be the brother I never had. Eventually, I pull away and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand, to get rid of the few tears that have managed to leak out.

  “I’ll be okay, I’ll make it up to her I promise. I know it’s not her fault or his, everything is on me.”

  After saying our goodbyes at my car, I drive straight to the liquor store and find the biggest bottle of tequila I can find and go straight home. When I walk into our apartment twenty minutes later, Sammi is sitting on the couch facing the TV.

  “Hi.”

  I make my presence known, but she just continues to sit there and ignore me. Dropping my bag onto the kitchen table, I take the tequila out and grab some shot glasses from the cupboard, along with some salt and a lemon.

  “I guess I’ll just have to drink this tequila on my own then, if you’re still not speaking to me.”

  Unscrewing the cap I pour the shots and just like I knew she would, she’s up off the couch and by my side in seconds.

  “You’re a bitch, you know, that right?”

  Laughing at her, I answer, “I know, but you love me anyway, so let’s drink.”

  Licking the salt from the back of our hands, downing the shots and sucking on the lemon, we’re soon giggling. Things go back to how they were before I lashed out at her this afternoon. Tequila is our way of apologizing. It’s a silly tradition Sammi started in college, when she had pissed me off once and ever since, it’s just stuck.

  “Dean came to see you, didn’t he?” She asks me with a mouth full of lemon.

  “He did, but don’t be pissed with him, he was just looking out for all of us.”

  “You drive a hard bargain, but I’ll be nice because you brought home tequila.”

  We both continue to do shot after shot, at the same time laughing over stupid shit. Before I know it, I can’t even remember why I was angry with her, and we're both falling into bed leaving the shit day behind us.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nate

  “Way to go, Michaels.”

  “Yeah, fuck face. We couldn’t have won that game without your last pitch.”

  “You really showed them who's boss out there, well done Cap.”

  Several of my teammates pat me on the back and sing my praises, as we all enter the changing rooms at the Wrigley field, home to the Chicago Cubs. We’ve just beat them by the skin of our teeth, with them dominating our asses ninety-nine-point nine percent of the game. We needed this win if we have any chance of getting to the playoffs.

  Since changing my number on my jersey, I’m starting to think that I fucked up and it’s more of an omen than a blessing. I’m also convinced that Coach is having second thoughts on making me captain of this team. Out of the ten games we’ve played since I took the job, we’ve won four, well five with this one now. I don’t know how I pulled that last pitch off, but by some miracle I did. Now they think I’m sort of hero.

  I’m nobody's hero.

  I can barely get out of bed in the morning and look myself in the mirror. The only reason I do pull my ass up is because I have teammates that rely on me to get them to the playoffs.

  Fuck me, I need a stiff drink.

  Sitting on the bench next to my locker where all my shit is, I place my head in my hands. I start to think how long I have to stay here for, when Coach comes in clapping his pudgy hands together to get our attention.

  “Nice win out there today lads, I always knew you had it in you.”

  He’s having a fucking laugh ain’t he? It’s a pure miracle that my pitch worked and their batter was shit.

  “Now, don’t forget we’re training solid this week. We have the New York Yankees next week and we have to beat them to keep our place for the play offs. Now get yourselves cleaned up and get home.”

  Home?

  Again he’s having another laugh, I don’t have a home, not really. I have a penthouse apartment yes, but it’s not a home. It’s full of all the mod cons I could possibly want and security to keep me protected from crazy ass fans and the media, but it doesn’t have what I really crave; a family. Of all the things I envisioned for my life this was not it, not really. I always dreamed I would be doing this job with my kids standing in the stands, screaming for me to win the game for them. With their mom by their side, scolding them for distracting me.

  It’s funny how life throws you a curveball.

  It’s almost been a week since the Chicago game and I’m officially fucked.

  I’ve been burning the candle at both ends so to speak. I’ve been at the training pitch for six am every morning and not leaving until well after five. Instead of going home and being lonely, I’ve showered and changed in the locker room and gone straight to the nearest bar or club. One that will provide me with the privacy I want. When I’ve naile
d a bottle of Jack, I’ve either nailed the nearest girl who’s shown her interest in me in the bathroom or in the parking lot. Then staggered back to my place and passing the fuck out. Four times this week alone, I’ve woke up on my couch, smelling like something that crawled out of a dumpster and still fully clothed.

  Professionally I’m soaring, personally I’m a fucking wreck.

  Today we’re flying out to New York, the one place I hate with a passion. It’s where she is.

  It’s where everything changed for me.

  Where I lost everything that I loved.

  I’ll go, I have to. I can’t think about the past right now; this game is make or break for us. My team deserve one hundred and ten percent from me and by god I’m gonna give it to them.

  Checking my duffle to make sure I have everything; I leave a note for Juanita my housekeeper, who looks after the place for me while I am away. Then I’m out of there and doing a hundred and ten miles per hour down the freeway to LAX. Going this fast clears my head. I have AC/DC’s Highway To Hell at full volume and for the first time in a long time I feel free.

  I feel like I’m finally ready to move on.

  It’s just a damn fucking shame that God had other plans for me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Eliza

  It’s been over a week since Nate’s announcement and my crazy ass meltdown. Since then I haven’t heard anything else and I don’t want to. He’s alive and living his dream, just like I wanted him too. Now it’s time I moved on with my life and found my own happiness.

  I’m starting right now; I have a date. Cole is a nice guy. I met him at a conference the other month and we exchanged numbers. After my outburst on Sammi last week I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to meet for a coffee. Declining my offer, he went one better and said he would take me out to dinner instead.

  Now I’m standing in front of my dresser mirror, inspecting my appearance with a fine-tooth comb. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had to try to look good for a man. So right now, I’m just winging it and hoping he likes what he sees. After one last twirl in front of the mirror, I smooth my hands down my black dress that hugs all my curves. Before applying another coat of lip gloss to my lips and smacking them together.

  “Ready.” I say to myself as I collect my small purse from my bed and leave my bedroom. When I enter the living space of our apartment, Sammi stops watching whatever crap is on the TV and looks at me. At the same time she chokes on the Chinese takeout she brought home from work, causing her to splutter and cough. Which then makes me giggle. Catching her breath finally, she looks me up and down before saying.

  “Damn girlfriend, you look hot. If I didn’t like dick so much, I would fuck you.”

  Her reaction then makes me belly laugh, there is no way in this world would she give up dick for a pussy.

  “Thanks… I think.” I manage to get out in between laughing.

  “That dude is one lucky guy, but remember to tell him to wrap it up before he sticks it in.”

  “Oh my god, Sam. Shut the fuck up will you, I am not gonna sleep with him tonight.”

  Marching over to the door, I grab my black, leather jacket that’s on the hook next the door. Right now I’m willing to do anything to avoid any more of her dirty comments.

  “I won’t be late.” I tell her and then I’m out the door before she can say anything else to me.

  Walking through out entrance to our building I’m greeted by a smiling Cole, just as he steps out of his car.

  “I was gonna come up and get you.”

  He sounds a little disappointed that I’ve met him down here, instead of letting him come up to my place.

  “It’s okay honestly, my roommate was driving me insane, I had to just get out of there.”

  I smile when I remember what Sammi said to me only moments ago.

  “I hope that smile is because we’re finally doing this?” Cole questions as he guides me to the passenger side of his car, with his hand pressed softly against the small of my back. I can’t tell him what Sam said and I can’t lie to him either, so I go with it.

  “I’m glad we’re getting around to doing this, so thank you for the offer of dinner.”

  “Anytime.”

  Opening the door for me, I slide onto the cool, leather seat of his Audi R7. I place my purse in my lap, so I can buckle up, as his strides eat up the concrete to get to the driver’s side. Once he’s seated and fastened his own seat belt, he starts the car and pulls out into the LA traffic.

  “There’s a lovely Italian down on Factory Place, that’s if you like Italian of course?”

  “Of course I do, who doesn’t love pasta and garlic?”

  Just the thought of the delicious food, has my stomach making a loud growling noise. Cole laughs at my stomachs agreement to the idea of being fed Italian food.

  “Well someone is hungry.” He jokes.

  Smiling at him, we travel down Hollywood Boulevard in a comfortable silence. Cole decides to put some music on and instantly I’m frozen in my seat. Coming through the speakers is Alicia Keys, Empire State Of Mind. It was mine and Nate's song back in college, we swore it would always be ours because we’d be New Yorkers for life. I glance to my left and see that Cole hasn’t noticed my reaction. Luckily for me, the song comes to an end just as we’re pulling up outside the restaurant.

  I will not let Nate ruin this for me, I tell myself.

  Cole exits from the car and comes around to my door to let me out. He’s such a gentleman, but now all I can think of is what would I be doing right now if me and Nate we’re still together.

  If only I hadn’t taken his choices away from him.

  Holding out his hand for me, I take it and put all the depressing thoughts to the back of my mind as I step out of his car.

  “Ready?”

  “Yeah, I’m starving.”

  I lower my eyes to my stomach and smile, as we both remember the god-awful noise it made when he first picked me up.

  “Come on then, let me feed you. If I forget to tell you later, just know that you look gorgeous this evening.”

  My cheeks instantly flush red and I can feel it spreading down my neck as I whisper, “Thank you.”

  Just as we’re waiting our turn for our table, my phone starts to ring from inside my purse. Pulling it out I notice it’s Sammi, so I ignore her call. She knows I’m on this date and more than likely just wants an update already.

  Nosey bitch.

  Within seconds she’s blowing up my phone again and again. I divert her call with the intention of texting her as soon as I can. Only I don’t get the chance too, because my phone starts to ring again, only this time it’s Dean. I know then something is seriously wrong. Stepping away from Cole slightly, I answer the phone, I don’t even get the chance to greet Dean before he’s stammering down the phone at me.

  “E...E... El you there? There’s been an accident and I need you to come back. It’s Nate.”

  Just like that my entire world stops. My vision goes blurry and unable to stop myself, I crumble to the floor and a blood curdling scream leaves my throat.

  “She’s been lying there like that for hours now, shouldn’t we call a doctor or something?”

  I can hear Sammi talking to her brother, but I don’t acknowledge either one of them. I’ve been lying on the couch since Cole brought me home still screaming at the top of my lungs. It’s safe to say I won’t be seeing him again and quite frankly I don’t blame him. I’m not even sure myself right now if I’m sane or not and I’m a fucking psychiatrist for Christ sake.

  Since I was brought back, I’ve just stared at the TV, watching the news that Sammi put on. I’m torturing myself by watching it. On the screen is a reporter, with LAX in the background giving details about the flight that Nate and his team had boarded. The same flight that crashed and has gone off the radar since. Even Dean doesn’t have any more information and he’s always the first por
t of call wherever Nate is concerned. He’s been on the phone shouting at people for information, but no-one can give him anything. All he knows is what the rest of the world knows, Nate was in a plane crash and can’t be found. His temper is flying high, the less information he gets, the irater he’s getting.

  Please Nate, please be alive out there. I silently beg.

  “She’s just in shock, Sam. She’ll be okay, she just has to come out of it on her own and she will in time, so just leave her be for now.”

  I hear sniffles and I know she’s trying her hardest not to cry and be strong. Even someone like Sammi, who’s always been the brick wall out of the two of us, will crumble and break eventually. I’m afraid that this will be the one thing that will just do that to her. Being the shit friend I am, I won’t be there to help her; my own selfishness is finally coming to bite me on the ass, eight years later. It’s then my heart cracks wide open, when I realize I gave away the only piece of him I would ever get to keep. I handed her over and didn’t think about the day he might no longer be living on this earth.

  Sobs I’ve tried to hold in, rack my body until I’m a complete wreck and I can’t control my body from the shakes. Hearing me breakdown, Sammi comes and crouches down in front of me. She wipes away my matted hair that’s stuck to my wet cheeks and tries her damn best to soothe me.

  “He’s gonna be okay, El. This is Nate, he’s one tough motherfucker, especially if he can survive you leaving him twice.”

  Now most people would think she was being insensitive, but I don’t. It’s her way of hiding her pain and how she’s really feeling. Nate might have been the love of my life, but he’s also her friend too. I don’t acknowledge her words though, instead I stay motionless, let the guilt and fear take over my body as I continue to cry.