A Light in the Dark_Survival of the Fittest

by Christina Kirby

  We.

  “Please, just stop.” He shouted, and it startled Brie into silence. “I’m not going to do this with you. This is my problem, not yours and besides, I’m not sick.”

  Her face lit up with excitement and she rushed toward him, “Bailey, oh thank God.”

  He stepped past her, avoiding her touch and tried not to dwell on the brief moment of hurt in her eyes when he did. What he needed was space and a better way to make her understand.

  Brie broke the silence first, her strength shining through as always. “Listen, I’m not going to lie to you, Bailey. You’ve been a supreme asshole over the past week, but I get that you were freaked out. I would’ve been, too.” She moved to him, but didn’t try to touch him this time. “Come back to Oxford with me and let’s put this behind us.”

  “That would be nice, wouldn’t it? To forget it and go back to the way things were, but we can’t.” He met her eye and braced himself for a fight. He was going to have to make her see reason.

  “Let me tell you what’s going to happen. You’re going to get back on a plane and do your damnedest to forget me.” He grabbed her upper arms and held her in place, the feel of her soft skin like a knife to the chest. “Get back to your life, Brie, and find someone who deserves you.”

  She recoiled from him as though he’d struck a physical blow. “Who do you think you are, Bailey Honeycutt? You don’t get to make my choices for me. And, don’t feed me any bullshit about what I deserve and what I can’t handle.”

  He crossed his arms as much to keep from touching her as to hold his insides in place where it felt like they were being ripped out. “Look, I’m doing this for you whether you see it or not.”

  “No,” she pointed a finger at his chest. “You can tell yourself that all you want, but this isn’t about me. This is about you. You’re scared.”

  “You’re goddamn right I am.” Breaths coming faster now, his shoulders stiffened. “And, if you had any sense, you’d thank me and run for the door. Just because I’m not sick today, doesn’t mean I never will be again.”

  “Maybe you will be. If that happens, we’ll take it as it comes, but don’t throw away what we have.”

  He had to make her see, make her understand and if hurting her was the only way, then so be it. His spit turned to acid on his tongue as he struck the final blow. “And, what exactly is it that we have, Brie? I mean, how long have we known each other really? A few months?”

  Brie’s jaw twitched. “You told me you loved me, Bailey and I know it’s true.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t believe every promise you hear while you’re getting fucked.”

  Tears welled in Brie’s eyes and the sight gutted him.

  “Fucking, Bailey? Really?” Disgust radiated from Brie’s every pore signaling how close he was to getting what he wanted. “You’re not the man I thought you were,” her voice was no more than a whisper, so much worse than if she’d simply shouted at him. The shouting he could take, but this . . . “I never would’ve taken you for a coward.”

  “Looks like you don’t know me as well as you thought.”

  “Bullshit. I know you better than anyone. Maybe better than you know yourself. Because this,” she gestured between the two of them with her hands, frantic, “What you’re doing to us? I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here while you destroy every happy memory of what we have with this darkness you’re spewing.”

  Bailey pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and yanked out a few hundred-dollar bills. “Here, this should be enough to get you to and from the airports.”

  When she refused to take it, he grabbed her hand and shoved the bills into her palm.

  “I don’t want your money.” She yanked her hand away, fury turning her dark eyes to black.

  “Quit being so stubborn and take it.” He shoved it in her pocket with rough hands and when he released her, she stumbled. “There will be a car here within the hour and I’ll make sure you have a ticket waiting at the airport.” He started toward the bedroom and left her standing in the middle of the foyer. “Goodbye, Brie.”

  While the phone rang to the transportation company the band used, the front door of his house slammed shut hard enough to send the reverberations through every window. The sound echoed throughout his chest with the same ring of finality. It was over.

  Chapter 28

  The crowd inside the Bullingdon was thinner than usual and for that, Brie was grateful. While she sipped her pint, she pretended to listen to Cohen’s recap of the Red Devil’s latest match. Jess was beside him wide-eyed as though it was the best story she’d ever heard and they were flanked by Freddie and John who were only too happy to tag along if it meant having a pint or two. Mei was on her way, but thankfully, Bailey’s friend Drew wasn’t going to be able to join them. The last thing she needed was one of Bailey’s mate’s hanging around.

  Though she would’ve preferred to stay at home, her friends wouldn’t hear of it and as it turned out, it wasn’t so bad returning to the land of the living. As long as she didn’t think about how they were using the same table they had the first night she’d met Bailey. Or, that the evening was a little less majestic without him there.

  “Hey,” Jessica bumped her shoulder, “doing all right?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” When the chime sounded over the door, Brie turned and then cursed under her breath at her own stupidity.

  “It’s been over a month, Brie.” Jessica laid a hand on Brie’s and squeezed. “He isn’t coming back.”

  “Good riddance I say.” Cohen winked at Brie.

  “He isn’t actually that good of a guitar player,” Freddie added with a slight slur.

  “I wouldn’t go that far—” Cohen started, but Jess elbowed him in the stomach.

  “I’ve got it. What about the way he always walked around with bare feet?” John added. “What a tosser.”

  Brie couldn’t stop the grin. “Thanks for the bit of cheering up you lot.” They held up their drinks and toasted over the center of the table and miraculously avoided any spills. “And, I promise I’ll get everyone paid back soon.”

  The guys shrugged and got back to the business of drinking. She’d meant it though. She would’ve borrowed, begged, and stolen if it would’ve helped her pay Bailey back. Embarrassing as it had been to borrow money from the guys and Jessica, she’d do it again to mail Bailey that check.

  Never in her life had she felt more humiliated than she had when she’d had no choice but to take Bailey’s money to get back home and that was including her Theo debacle. Somehow the fact that it was Bailey made it all the more terrible. She swallowed past the memory of standing in his foyer, furious hot tears streaming down her cheeks as he’d turned his back on her and walked away. She didn’t want to owe Bailey anything and now, she didn’t.

  She finished off her Guinness and stood. “I’m heading out.”

  Jessica stood to leave, too. “I’ll walk with you.” She jerked her head in the direction of the guys where they were arguing over some sporting something or other. “They’re going to be here for a while.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

  “No, no. I’m begging you. Take me with you.” Jessica latched onto her arm and stuck out her bottom lip until Brie cracked a smile.

  “What about Mei? We probably shouldn’t abandon her.”

  “Are you kidding? She’s almost as big of a football fan as Cohen. She’ll be fine.”

  They said their goodbyes and stepped out into the cool air. The last time she’d done this particular walk, Bailey had been with her, taking care of her. She ground her teeth. Heaven forbid she help him.

  “Hey, where’d you go? You looked like you were a million miles away.”

  Brie shook her head and pushed thoughts of Bailey away or at lea
st as far away as she could, but they were always there on the outskirts of her mind.

  “Jess, you know I’m sorry for missing your show, right?”

  She rolled her eyes and huffed at her. “Yes, Brie. I know. You’ve only apologized about a thousand times.”

  “And, I’ll keep apologizing until I can find a way to make it up to you.”

  Jessica stopped in the middle of sidewalk and turned to her. “Brie, stop.” She gripped her hands in her own. “You left because you thought the man you love needed you. I get it and I’m not mad.”

  “But, it was your big night. I should’ve been there. It was like I was that girl. I hate that girl.” When Jessica raised one eyebrow, Brie continued. “You know, the type of girl who puts her boyfriend ahead of everyone else in her life. I never meant to do that to you.”

  “Brie, you have to forgive yourself. And, besides, Bailey wasn’t some boyfriend. He was the love of your life and I’m pretty sure he still is.”

  Brie turned her face away and fought back tears.

  “It’s okay. You just need some time.” Jessica hooked an arm around Brie’s middle and tugged her along. “Let’s go home and watch Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I love it when those chicks kick all that zombie ass.”

  Brie smiled. “I still say the book was better.”

  “They always are.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Bailey leaned against his stool and fiddled with one of the strings on his guitar while his brother and Leo went over the drum solo on their latest track. It was their second month in the studio and they were within two tracks of completing what would be their tenth album. He hadn’t planned it, but after his implosion with Brie, he’d had nowhere to turn but the music.

  The lyrics had flowed out of him, pain, love, longing, self-hatred, it was all there. His soul would be on display with this album, but as with all great music, truth was the foundation. And, this was his truth. He was happier with this music than he’d been with any of their other stuff though he couldn’t say the same for his life outside the recording studio. But, at least when they were playing, he felt closer to Brie.

  He tilted his head back and cracked his neck and when he felt the brush of someone’s eyes on him, he straightened to find David glaring in his direction. And, it wasn’t the first time in the last few weeks he’d done so. He caught David’s eye and nodded, but David didn’t return his greeting. Instead, his jaw twitched and he half turned his body away from Bailey. Okay, so maybe not everyone was digging the new tunes.

  “All right,” Oliver called everyone back to attention, “Let’s try this one again from the chorus.”

  With his bare feet digging into one of the many bohemian rugs tossed around the recording space, Bailey played his part and let the music, his music, carry him back to Oxford. The music swelled echoing his emotions from the first time he’d kissed Brie, her soft lips, her warm body, the feel of her breasts against his chest as they’d stood outside in the night air. He slid his hands up and down the neck of the guitar, adding a riff here, adjusting one there, while the others did their part to complete the sound.

  They played through to the end and earned a thumbs-up from their friend working the sound board on the opposite side of the glass.

  “Hell yes. That’s what I’m talking about.” Oliver high-fived the each of them. “I think that was the one.”

  Leo shook his half-shaved head of hair like a dog and hit the drums once before throwing his sticks into the air. “You’re damn right. Nice one, B.”

  “At least Bailey’s gotten one thing right.” The celebratory mood hit a flat note at David’s comment and earned him everyone’s attention.

  “Dude, what’s that supposed to mean?” Bailey set his guitar to the side and stood, sick of the backhanded comments and strange looks. “You’ve been riding my ass for weeks.”

  David dropped his bass and matched Bailey’s stance, a cloud of rage brewing behind his eyes. Oliver stepped between them, but remained quiet while Leo stared wide-eyed from his place behind the drums. There were disagreements from time to time the way there were with any group who spent as much time together as they did, but it was rarely David who lost his temper, and Bailey couldn’t remember a time he’d been so flat out angry toward him, specifically. Usually it was Leo’s crazy ass who pushed David too far.

  “It’s nothing. Forget it.” David turned for the door to leave.

  “No way, man. I’m not going to forget it. Not this time.” Bailey took a step toward him. “Is it the music?”

  “No, it’s not the music. I just said that was the one thing you’ve gotten right.”

  “Meaning what exactly?”

  David shook his head slowly and then sneered. “You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?”

  “Enlighten me.”

  “Why do you think this is the best music you’ve ever written? Why do you think this came to you so easily?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Bullshit,” David got within a foot of Bailey, “you know exactly why. It was because of Brie. You finally found somebody who loves you and you crapped all over it.”

  Bailey’s temper flared. “My relationship with Brie has nothing to do with you, David, so back off.”

  Oliver and Leo’s heads moved as though watching the final two minutes of a Lakers game, each wide eyed during the exchange.

  “What the hell do you care anyway? You’ve got Sara.”

  “No,” David’s voice was low, but hard. The pain unmistakable. “I don’t.”

  “What?” Oliver cut in, eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

  David’s gaze cut to Oliver’s. “I asked Sara to marry me and she said no.”

  The silence in the room was deafening. They’d all known Sara for years. She and David had basically been one person.

  Bailey’s temper evaporated. “Shit, David. I’m sorry.”

  “Screw your apology.” It seemed David’s temper was still plenty intact. He turned his baseball cap backwards and shoved a finger into Bailey’s chest. “I’ll deal with my effed-up life, but what about you? You had a girl who loved you, who flew here to be with you, who put her life on hold and you turned her away. Do you know what I would give to have a woman look at me the way Brie looks at you?”

  “Listen, David, my situation isn’t the same as yours. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

  “I spent years with Sara and all the time I was hoping for a future she was making plans. Plans for her career, plans for her life and as it turned out none of them included me.” David was shouting now, a man who he’d seen lose his cool on a total of two occasions in the last decade.

  “But, you wouldn’t understand how that feels. How could you? You don’t know what it’s like to love someone and for that love not to be returned. Instead, you’re the one turning his back.”

  David shoved him and instead of Oliver stopping him, he stepped back allowing David full access. What the hell? Bailey glanced at his brother and then back at David who shoved him again.

  Temper reignited, Bailey shoved him back. “Drop it, David.”

  “No.” David shoved him, and he tripped over his stool, hitting the ground hard enough to jar his spine. “You need to pull your head out of your ass and go to her and beg her to forgive you.”

  Bailey scrambled to his feet as anger welled inside him. “This is none of your goddamn business.”

  “What, Bailey? You get a second chance at life, at happiness, and instead of grabbing it with both hands you kick it in the face?”

  Bailey swung at David and caught him in the jaw.

  David rubbed his face and smiled, blood showing in his teeth. “That’s it, Bailey. Get angry.”

  He dove at him and they hit the floor, rolling one way and th
en the other as they fought for control. Bailey took the upper hand and straddling David, punched him in the face first with his right hand and then with his left. David’s head snapped one way and then the other, but then he bridged his legs and sent Bailey sideways.

  “Oliver, how about a little help?” Bailey said between dodging David’s fists. When his brother made no move to help him and then held out his arm to stop Leo from coming to his aid, Bailey narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on here?”

  “Do you think I’m the only one who thinks you’re being a complete asshole?” David climbed to his feet and Bailey scrambled to his, his head a little foggy from the repeated blows. “Everyone’s been walking on eggshells, but I say screw that shit.”

  Bailey’s gaze swung between the three guys, the ones who were supposed to have his back no matter what. Now, it was like he was standing in the middle of some sort of intervention.

  “If you wanted to stop living, then you shouldn’t have fought so hard to beat the cancer. Because that’s what you’ve chosen to do. You’re quitting. On school, on a chance at a life with Brie. And, for what? To protect her from getting hurt? Well guess what, Bailey, life isn’t certain. You could get in a wreck tomorrow or worse yet, Brie could. Would you stop loving her if she were hurt? Would you rather have never met her if she were to die? Would that make it easier on you? Because, that’s how it is, right? It’s all about you.”

  Bailey’s blood boiled as David threw insult after insult his way, but when the thought of Brie dying was thrown in his face, he exploded. Oliver and Leo jumped back as Bailey went on the attack. He bent at the waist and hit David as though he were no more than a tackle dummy. They slammed into the wall, the air rushing out of David’s lungs, but it wasn’t enough to stop him. He maneuvered to the side and caught Bailey from behind, holding him steady in a headlock.

  Then, with his mouth beside Bailey’s ear, he continued. “That’s right, Bailey. Get mad. Care about something enough to fight for it.”