Micah squeezes my hand. “That’s a good thing. I also think it has to do with our bond.”
I roll my eyes. Quit being so nosey. I mentally think, before I turn back to Jobe.
“I just wanted to let you know that my offer still stands,” Jobe says. “You are always welcome at the encampment. If you ever start feeling overwhelmed just come pay us a visit.” He stretches out his hand, and we shake.
“Thank you for coming. I don’t think we would have survived without your help.” Jobe nods, then walks toward the gate.
Micah and I follow the others and board the plane. We sit in the two back chairs with Addie and Reed in front of us. Coy decides to ride on the plane with the Elders and Danika. I didn’t know what was going to happen when we got home. He kept trying to put distance between not only me, but Micah too. Would that lead him to turn away from both of us forever?
Ethan’s back in the lone chair, the same one he occupied on the ride over. I want to go tell him my plans for fighting the council but I’m not sure he wants to talk about it right now. The best thing is to just leave him alone and let him brood.
I look over to Micah and ask, “Ready to go home?”
Micah grins, “Very.”
Epilogue
Ethan
The moon lights the forest in a dim glow. I pace back and forth between two oak trees, waiting to see if she shows up. I knew it was risky of me to ask Danika to meet me here. I also knew that if she declined, my heart would be forever broken.
Zaire’s words whisper through my mind as I wait. You know you must not love her, it is forbidden. You must forget whatever false feelings you think you have and move on. I had wanted to lash out at Zaire for telling me my feelings were false. But I didn’t, I couldn’t. He was my Beta. If I had attacked him I would not be standing here waiting for my heart to feel whole again, if only for a minute.
That’s what Danika does to me. She makes me feel whole and calm. She can tame the wolf inside me, even when it doesn’t want to be tamed. When we were in school it was just a friendship. That friendship started to grow before she left for the Covenant. When we were reunited again after the Shadows started disappearing, nothing had changed.
I was so grateful for her and the influence she had over my wolf. During the full moon in London, Danika had stayed with me all night. She held my hand and talked to me, making silly jokes about everything. My wolf stayed at bay that night. Never has that happened to me. Yeah, it was painful but she stayed through the pain, my pleading for her to leave, and the crazy threats I made to her. She was a strong woman. A woman I wasn’t willing to let go.
I jerk around as I hear a rustle in the leaves. I sharpen my focus to see if it’s her. Disappointment floods through me as a raccoon goes scuttling across the ground in search of its next meal. I want to lash out at the little furry animal for getting my hopes up. I feared so much that she wouldn’t come. She was too scared of what the council would do if they found out.
“Ethan?” I jerk around to see Danika standing behind me. My body breaks out in heat as my adrenaline flows.
I take a step forward but keep my distance. “You came.” I don’t want to scare her away. I also don’t want to hear her doubts about us being together, if that’s why she’s here.
Danika nods her head as she pulls her jacket tightly around her. I want to wrap my arms around her and shield her from the cold, but I knew she would probably just turn away. Just talk to her. Focus. Get her comfortable.
“I didn’t think you would come.”
She tucks her raven black hair behind her ear as she looks down at the ground. “I didn’t think I would either.”
A low growl rumbles my chest. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Never would I growl at Danika but her doubt in coming to see me hurt. I would never question for one single moment whether or not to go see her. I take deep breaths to calm my anger, reeling my wolf back down.
“I’m sorry, Ethan. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, you know I do. It’s just—”
I had told myself I would stay back and give her space but the desperation in her voice makes me lose all my senses. I rush over to her, embracing her in my arms the way I have dreamt of embracing her for weeks. I breathe in her scent, vanilla lavender with a hint of thyme, and caress her soft hair as I hold her in my arms.
“Don’t. Just don’t, Danika. Let me hold you for a moment. Please.” My body relaxes when I feel her respond. In slow movement, she wraps her arms around me. My eyes start to tear from finally being here with her, even if it’s just a single moment I get to have. I can only imagine what my life would be like if I could have her forever.
“Ethan, we can’t. We can’t do this to ourselves.” Danika’s words are a small whisper against my chest. I take in one last moment of pleasure before releasing her.
“Why? I don’t care what they think.”
Danika gives me a harsh glare. “I know you don’t, but have you ever cared about what I want?”
“Of course I do. I know you want us to be together too. Don’t waste your life in servitude for them and lose your own wants and needs. I need you Danika. I want to share my life with you, damn the costs.” I start pacing again to ease my anger and to appease my wolf. He’s ready to take control and vent the frustration I feel.
When I turn back around, my heart stops when I look at Danika. She’s crouched down on the ground with her hands covering her face, sobbing. What have I done? Maybe asking her to come was too much. I should just let her go, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t.
I crouch down beside her and wrap my arms around her waist. I pull her into my lap as I fall back to the ground. I hold her as we cry together. Neither one of us wants to let the other go but she can’t stay with the Covenant and be with me, nor can I join the Covenant to be with her. There’s no common ground.
I put my finger under her chin, tipping her head back. Tears stream down her face as she looks at me. Her deep blue eyes are flooded with pain.
“I’m sorry I asked you to come. It was selfish of me and I won’t do it again.”
Danika bites her lip as the tears start to reside. “What if I’m selfish?”
I scrunch my eyebrows with confusion, “You’re never selfish.”
She wipes a stray tear that’s still lingers on my cheek away. “But I want to be.” She closes the distance between us as she brings her soft lips down on mine. I fall back against the ground, embracing her with all my might. When she opens her mouth just a bit, allowing me access, I deepen the kiss.
The kiss starts to turn into more as she runs her hands up my chest. As much as I hate to, I pull back. “We can’t.”
I sit up, keeping her on my lap, but keep as much distance as I can between us. “Why?” She asks me as she wraps her arms around my neck.
I caress Danika’s rosy cheek with my thumb. “It would only make leaving you in the morning that much harder.”
“What if we meet? In secret, just a couple times a week, until we can figure something else out? I heard Witten saying something to Lucas about the race law being challenged. Maybe in a few years this will all stop.” Danika leans in toward me, kissing my neck then traveling up to my jaw line. As she gets closer to my lips, she softly whispers, “Until then, we can do this.”
I grab her around the waist and bring her closer to me. Our lips meet once again, with the same fierce passion as before. If this was the only way I could be with Danika then it would have to do. Being with her for a few stolen nights was better than never being with her.
I keep my arms locked around her as I lay back against the ground. Softly, I roll her over and place my weight on her. Her heart hammers in her chest as I look down at her. I lose my concentration for a moment as she runs her hands up under my shirt. Her soft hands glide smoothly over my warm skin until her hands are resting on my chest.
I don’t know what to say to her to show my appreciation. I know this will be a risk for her. If she ever g
ets caught, they could disown her. Throw her out of the Covenant. Strip her power. But she was willing to try and for that, I would be eternally grateful. So instead of saying anything, I show her how grateful I am, give her my love, as I bring my lips back to hers and run my hand back to cup her waist. I hold her, caress her, and whisper to her all night long.
Coy
I slam the car door as I get out. It’s not that anyone said or did anything to make me angry; it was just being cooped up with them for so long. The tension in the car had been enormous. Addie kept trying to make small talk with everyone but no one was very interested. Micah tried talking to me a few time but stopped trying once he realized I wasn’t going to respond.
I walk away from the house and head toward the small town. I didn’t know much about this small town but I did know how to pay attention to my surroundings. I could see the church steeple that set in the center of town. I remember seeing it when Racquel and I had gone for groceries one day before she left for the Covenant a second time.
The thought of those memories sting. I hate thinking about anytime I shared with that crazy, stupid girl. I didn’t even want to come back to Virginia but Addie had begged and pleaded with me to come with them. She said it was because she wanted to make sure I was taken care of and was willing to help me start fresh anywhere I wanted, she just needed to go home for a few days to rest. I knew the real reason. She wanted me to be around Micah so we could talk.
“Coy.” Micah yells my name but I keep walking. “Coy, please stop.” I glance over my shoulder to see him running toward me. Even though he was running, he was running at a human’s pace. I knew he could run faster than that but was holding back. For whose benefit I didn’t know. “Will you just stop?”
I know no matter what I do he’s going to follow me, so I stop. When I turn back around to face him the pain sets back in. I have been waiting sixteen years to see him again. Never did I expect it turn out like this. I don’t know if he remembers or not but the last time we saw each other we made a promise to one another.
“What do you want?” I ask, peering over his shoulder to see Addie pulling a reluctant Racquel into the house. Seeing Racquel’s concerned eyes looking at us makes me waver for a moment. I knew she never wanted to hurt me, I could see the truth of it in her eyes when she told me that. The problem was she did anyway.
“I want to talk to you, Coy. It’s been sixteen years. The least I could get is a five minute conversation.”
“I have something we can talk about. Remember that promise we made to one another sixteen years ago?”
Micah gives me an exasperated look, “Promise? I was two, Coy. The only thing I remember is the monsters dragging you away.”
“Just what I thought.” I turn to keep walking but Micah grabs my arm.
“So tell me. What promise did we make?”
I shake loose of his grasp. “We promised never to let anything come between us.”
“Are you serious? You want to hold me accountable for something I said when I was two?” He shakes his head as he runs his hands over his face. “Coy, Racquel did not come between us, Aldrick did. You know what Natahala said makes sense, you just won’t admit it.”
My vision swims as I start to boil with anger. “How would you know? She was all over you like a hooker on a dance pole.”
I’m thrown for a loop when I’m knocked to the ground. My jaw throbs from Micah’s punch. I start to get up and try to return the favor, but he straddles me and grabs my shirt.
“Don’t you ever say something like that again. You know she cares about you and the pain you’re in. It’s not her fault that she didn’t know about the open feelings.”
I turn my head to the side, looking away from him. “Well, she should have.”
I’m pulled up to my feet as Micah stands. Once I’m upright, he grabs my shoulders with a firm grip.
“Coy, stop acting like this. I know you’re hurting and I’m truly sorry for that. Imprisonment, a bite addiction you didn’t ask for, then Racquel, and…well, worrying about me the whole time. It’s no wonder you’re mad. Just don’t shut out those that want to help.”
“It’s funny when the one’s who want to help are the ones causing the pain.” I look back at Addie and Racquel’s house to see Racquel hanging out the window, watching. “What happened on Delos?” I ask her as much as I do my brother, knowing she can hear me.
Perplexed, Micah asks, “What do you mean?”
I turn to my brother. “When you looked at Racquel your eyes just lit up. How can you feel that way?”
Micah sighs. “We’re bonded. Blood-bonded. When Cerelia completed the binding ceremony with me, she used Racquel’s blood, which linked me to her. I hear everything she thinks.”
Micah looks behind him, no doubt to catch a glimpse of her. When he turns back to me, his face is full of desperation. “You know I’ve always wondered and cared about her, since the first time we met. I couldn’t get her off my mind. And now, it’s… impossible.”
I want to be happy for him; it just didn’t erase my own pain.
“Coy, please I’m begging you not only for her but for yourself. Please think about it. Before she bit you, how did you feel about her?”
I step back with my hands up in surrender. “I’m not doing this Micah. I’m not.”
Micah angrily throws his hands up in the air. “Why not?”
In a rage-filled fit I yell, “Because it hurts too damn bad.” Looking down, I shake my head, lowering my voice. “It hurts, Micah.”
Micah steps closer to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m here to listen, Coy. For once in our lives we are together and are able to talk to one another instead of reading some damn letter. Please, let me help you.”
With defeat, I plop my butt on the ground and place my face in my hands. I didn’t want to admit this. This was a dark secret I had never planned on sharing with anyone. But it was time. “At first, I didn’t feel anything for her, okay? I wanted to help her and keep her focused but that was only so she could help me find you. I’ll admit she’s very beautiful, strong, and a little crazy.”
I chuckle, thinking about the night in London when she hauled my butt to the top of Big Ben. That had been amazing. “But I didn’t feel any romantic feelings for her at all.”
I pause a minute before continuing. My hands start to shake as I think back to that night in London when she bit me. “It was when she bit me that things started to change. And it wasn’t just my feelings for her; it was my feelings about everything. I started becoming more agitated around Jared and any other Vampire we met. I tried remembering you and how much you adored her just from the one time you two met, but I couldn’t. All I could feel was her. When she stopped biting me, I started going crazy. I know some of that is because of the addiction but some of it was because of her. She made me feel again, Micah. She made me feel like someone actually cared. I know you care and that we’ve sent letter after letter to each other but she was there, Micah. She was real. Then to have everything ripped away from me like that…its… made me feel hollow.”
Micah sits down beside me in the grass. He props his arms up on his knees, looking out across the street.
“I’m so sorry, Coy. I had no idea, no one does.” Micah throws a rock that lands in the back yard of the house across the street. “Will you let us help anyway? I’m here for you, no matter how hard that is for you to believe. I want to help. You’re my brother and I don’t want to lose what I’ve always wanted.”
“And what’s that?”
“My family.”
Micah and I sit in silence for a few moments. I catch him glimpsing over at Racquel’s window ever so often. I wonder what he would think of me if he knew the whole truth about what I was feeling. I knew something had come between me and Racquel. We were distant from one another and I tried very hard to bring that first intimacy back. I had figured it was because of my addiction and all the crap we went through in Greenland. But as time went on, I
realized her biting me had something to do with it. It reattached us each time. I didn’t want to lose the feel of someone caring about me. It was selfish I know, but even now I’m still angry at her.
“So how are you doing with the whole…transformation thing?” I ask Micah.
Micah shakes his head, “Don’t even worry about me right now. I’m fine. Let’s just focus on you, okay? If you need me I’m here. Just don’t run away, okay?”
I nod my head. “I won’t.” Micah stands, and then turns to offer me a hand. “That’s okay,” I respond. “I’m going to stay out here for a while.”
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I nod my head. “Sure.”
Micah gives me a skeptical look but starts backing away toward Racquel’s house. “Alright but if you need anything just holler.”
Micah leaves and disappears in the house. I’m left alone with my thoughts, which is what I want, though it’s probably not what’s best. As much as I’ve longed to be with my brother, a part of me doesn’t even want to be around him.
He was a Shadow now. The very beings we swore to hate, and to one day destroy.
I don’t know if I am going to be able to stay much longer. I don’t know where I can go but I yearn for my freedom, away from these evil monsters. I want to escape and get away from all their magic, and feuds, and killings.
But what am I running from? The human world is filled with just as much killing and feuds as the Shadow World. Plus, if I leave, I’ve lost Micah forever. But can I handle it anymore? I don’t know, but I can’t handle all the frustration and pain I feel now.
I only know of one way to fix that, and that’s what I intend to do.
I just have to find a Vampire.
Blood Burdens (The Shadow World) Page 25