Searching for Beautiful

by Jennifer Probst

  "I did not. She knew up front what the deal was."

  "It's still wrong. Claiming there's no strings doesn't mean things can't change. She fell for you, and you walked away without trying."

  This time he did flush. "I explain to every woman I'm not interested in long-term--you know that. You always praised me for being honest and up-front."

  "Well, I'm changing my mind. I think it's crappy. You need to begin looking at the future. Why don't we be clients together? We can double-date!"

  Wolfe wondered if he had had something bad for breakfast or if he really wanted to vomit. The image of them at a dinner table with two strangers was painful. She was giving him a headache.

  "I'm happy the way things are. And I think the last thing you need is another emotional upheaval with some guy. Take a break from dating. Maybe you can learn a hobby. Knitting?"

  She glared. "Am I eighty years old? No, I need to get my feet wet again. David almost broke something in me, and I want it back."

  Crap. When she put it like that, he'd do anything to help her. "Sweetheart, don't you want to find healing within yourself rather than from outside sources?"

  Her eyes widened. "Wow. You're getting really deep. Usually, I'd agree with you, but I'm tired of feeling afraid and unsure. I want to be brave and take a leap into the unknown. Does that make sense?"

  Yeah, it did. He didn't understand why the thought of her diving back into dating bothered him so much. Usually they'd trade war stories and he'd help her get fixed up. What suddenly changed? Crankiness stirred so he changed the subject. "Why are you wearing that?"

  "Huh? A skirt?"

  "You hate fancy clothes. Did Kennedy try to do something to you?"

  She stared at him like he'd sprouted horns. "You're acting really weird, dude. Did you work too hard at the seminar? How was it?"

  "Fine." He didn't want to talk about work, or endless meetings, or sales figures. "I think we should talk more about this. How about we go to dinner tonight? I'll pick you up at seven."

  She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "As long as you promise not to try and change my mind."

  "I can't promise you that. But I'll buy you a burger."

  Gen shook her head. "Fine. I'm easy. See you tonight."

  He watched her walk back to the desk and slide into the chair, crossing her legs. The smooth expanse of white skin blinded him for a moment. She always joked about not having a drop of her Italian blood heritage, since she burned so easily and never tanned. But there was something about all that gorgeous naked flesh, soft and pure, that made his fingers curl to touch her.

  Wolfe turned his back on her and his startling thoughts. He needed a cold shower and a nap. Lately he was beginning to wonder if the past three months of celibacy had been such a smart move. The break seemed like a good idea. He'd been tired of the delicate game of seduction lately, and how fast his partners seemed to get attached. Almost like they looked at him as a challenge to break down.

  If only they'd realize there was nothing inside that hadn't already been broken.

  Still, sex might take the edge off. The last thing he needed was lustful thoughts involving his best friend. She was the only healthy relationship with a female he'd ever been able to maintain. He refused to screw up the best thing that had ever happened to him due to a surge of testosterone.

  Wolfe made the drive back to his place in Manhattan. His penthouse apartment had tons of security, luxury, and every amenity he could think of. The parquet floors and high ceilings were elegant, but his furnishings were spartan and masculine. Dark wood, glass, extensive computers and media, and bare walls. He barely slept there, finding it more convenient to stay at Purity, where he kept a tight rein on things.

  Wolfe took a quick shower, changed, and put on a pot of coffee. Maybe he'd relax, watch a baseball game on television, then get some more work done. All in all, it had been a tough couple of days and he needed a break. Dinner with Gen would put him in a better mood. They'd get back to their usual buddy routine, and he'd begin working on finding a new sex companion who had nothing to do with Kinnections.

  When the doorman buzzed and said a uniformed officer needed to see him, Wolfe got a bad feeling.

  He was handed the temporary restraining order on behalf of a Dr. David Riscetti, who accused him of harassment and a host of other sins.

  His bad feeling was right on. As usual.

  He glanced through the papers. Wolfe had to give the son of a bitch credit. He was playing a chess game, and he was a great player. Wolfe couldn't care less about himself, as long as David stayed away from Gen. Unfortunately, his spidey senses were tingling again, as if he was missing a piece in an elaborate puzzle being put together.

  Yeah. All in all, it was a shitty day.

  GEN FINISHED INPUTTING INFORMATION into the specialized system Arilyn had created and wondered what was up with Wolfe.

  She figured he'd be overjoyed to see her ready to ease back in the dating world. Instead, he looked grumpy and generally miserable. Probably the convention. He got so involved with his work he'd go nonstop for days without taking a break in the drive for success and to consistently show Sawyer he was worthy.

  Her heart twanged. He was so guarded, but when he loved someone he'd put his life on the line. Was it wrong to want him to experience real love with a worthy woman? She needed to work on him. If he signed with Kinnections, he'd have a better chance at finding the right one.

  Maybe it would cut off the weird sexual thoughts she'd been having about him lately.

  Gen held back a sigh and went to refill her water bottle. He'd always been attractive. He made millions in underwear ads, flaunting tats, rock-hard abs, and lean muscles that elicited lust. But she'd always been able to separate the physical, and it never interfered with their friendship.

  Until lately. She almost fell off her chair when he stormed in. The European suit was bold blue to match his eyes, and cut tight to mold to his body. With those chocolate curls, sensual mouth, and powerful aura, he sucked all the air from the room. No man should look that good dressed. It wasn't fair.

  And he'd looked at her differently today. His gaze had stroked her bare legs and lasered under her lace T-shirt as if he was . . . hungry. The worst part? For one horrific moment, she'd yearned to be the one to strip for him, have him look at her with raw desire like he wanted to eat her alive.

  A shiver bumped through her. Silly. Probably a combination of her broken relationship, quarter-life crisis, and a touch of horniness.

  Had to be.

  Her cell phone chirped. Gen glanced at the number but didn't recognize it. She clicked the button anyway. "Hello?"

  "Genevieve! It's Sally. How are you?"

  She smiled. She missed so many parts of the hospital, but no one had reached out to her after she left except Sally. Even though Gen hadn't given her too many details, she'd been pretty vocal about the crappy way Gen had been treated. It was kind of nice having someone in her corner. "Hey, Sally. I'm good. I didn't recognize this number."

  "I'm on one of the volunteer's phones. Sorry I haven't called in a bit."

  "Are you kidding? You'll be lucky if they allow you to breathe. Anything going on?"

  "Wanted to see if we can schedule dinner sometime. I miss you around here."

  "Thanks. That means a lot. How about you text me when you're free? We'll work around your shifts. Mine are more reasonable."

  "Sounds good. Umm, there's one other thing, but it's a bit awkward."

  Her skin prickled. "You okay?"

  "Yeah, but it's David. I don't want to get in the middle of this, Gen, so I hope you're not mad. He asked me if I was in contact with you. I told him we'd spoken briefly, and he begged me to ask you to call him on his cell phone today. Something about your stuff?"

  Gen frowned. "He asked you to contact me?"

  Sally gave a strained laugh. "Yeah. But he's been working double shifts so he probably didn't get time to call you himself. I'm sorry, I didn't know what
to do."

  Anger simmered. Poor Sally was getting dragged into the middle. Of course, she didn't want to make David mad when he was her boss. "No worries. I'll give him a ring. Don't forget to text me about dinner."

  "Thanks for understanding. Promise, no more messages back and forth. Oops, gotta go, I'll text you!"

  The phone clicked.

  Gen tapped her finger against her lips, uneasy about the request. Should she call him? What if he wanted to give her stuff back and move on? If he was busy with work, she wasn't surprised he'd get someone to call her--David refused to let distractions get in the way of his patients. Such a good doctor. How could he be so cruel and manipulative?

  Gen didn't want to think about it too long. Heart pounding, she dialed the familiar number and listened to it ring. Once. Twice.

  "Hello."

  His rich voice poured in her ear. She used to love listening to him, especially when he taught. Until such a beautiful voice began whispering subtle barbs in the dark, drawing blood and never understanding why she got upset. Gen fought a shudder. "It's me. Sally told me to call."

  "Ah, yes. We're getting slammed here today with a bus accident. I haven't had a moment."

  "What do you want?"

  He paused. "I don't want to keep anything from you, Genevieve," he said. "If we've decided for a clean break, of course you can have your belongings. Let's be adult and not make things worse."

  She relaxed a bit. He didn't seem in a rush to try and get her back. Maybe now that she'd quit the hospital he realized it was truly over. "I agree."

  "I'll drop by tonight with your computer and some other things. You can make arrangements to get the rest when I'm out of the apartment."

  "Oh, no need, I can wait."

  His tone held disapproval. "Your computer has personal files. Since you've left the hospital, you need to make arrangements, and I don't want to be responsible. I'll be there around seven."

  "I have a dinner appointment."

  "Then six. I won't stay. I'm not in the mood to drag this on any more than you are. Agreed?"

  There was no reason not to. He was being reasonable and wanted to return her items. "Yes."

  "Very well. I'll see you tonight."

  Gen tried to get back to work but depression settled in. She was so . . . sad. To be in love and think you knew a man, only to find you had fallen in love with a stranger. Her upswing began to slide. Maybe she didn't need to get back out there. It might be better to lie low for a while.

  Arilyn came through the office dressed in black yoga pants, a long skinny shirt, and comfortable clogs. Her hair hung loose and rich, and a tote bag was thrown over her shoulder. "Hey. How's it going today?"

  Gen smiled. "Pretty good. I'm acquainting myself with the files on some clients, getting a feel for the computer program, and answering the phone."

  "You're doing great. I have a manual I created that I think can help. I'll grab it at home."

  "I can wait--no need to get it now."

  Arilyn sighed. "I have to meet the plumber anyway. Not sure how much more I can take of my rental. Besides leaky ceilings, burst pipes, and barely any heat last winter, now my electric is on the fritz."

  Gen raised a brow. "What about your landlord? That's illegal."

  "He's useless. I leave messages, but he's out of state, so he rarely gets back to me. He's desperate to sell. I may have to move, but it needs to be a place that takes dogs."

  "I'm sorry. I'll start asking around."

  "Thanks. I'll drop the manual by after my yoga class."

  "Umm, how is yoga going, A? With . . . him."

  A shadow crossed her features. "We're having some growth spurts. But he's committed to me this time, and I'm sure we'll work it out. It's difficult when so many students develop a crush and he feels he needs to give them part of himself as a teacher. Lines get blurred. He's truly an amazement."

  The affair with her yoga teacher had been going off and on for a while. Gen didn't know the full story, but from her friend's expression, endless defensiveness, and refusal to use her lover's first name because of the need to hide their relationship, Gen didn't have a warm, fuzzy feeling. The last time Arilyn caught him cheating, she changed. Her calm center scattered, and she couldn't focus. Kate had threatened to show him the true meaning of yoga by beating the hell out of him, but after a week they'd gotten back together and Arilyn defended him wholeheartedly.

  Not a good scenario.

  But since Gen had run out on her wedding, she had no judgment. "I'm glad," she said. "You deserve happiness."

  Arilyn smiled. "And so do you. How are you holding up?"

  Gen sighed. "David's coming over with some of my stuff tonight. I was in a good mood today, but it suddenly hit me that I really screwed things up. I can't believe I spent two years in a relationship with a man I loved and I didn't see what was really going on. I wonder if I can trust my instincts after all."

  "Your instinct told you not to marry him. Strong, independent women are the most vulnerable to abuse. We like giving up control once in a while, and we want to be protected and cherished in certain ways. Many times the lines are blurred, and love clouds our vision. Don't be hard on yourself. We're all here to make mistakes, but you'll find your way."

  "Maybe I shouldn't use Kinnections after all. I'm not ready."

  Arilyn raised a brow. "Usually I'd recommend space to heal, but I think dating would be a good thing. You need some confidence. It takes a few weeks to get matched properly anyway. Sometimes the promise of something new and fresh gives you a whole new outlook."

  "Maybe."

  Arilyn floated toward the door. "Think about it. Kate and Kennedy are in their offices if you need anything. See you later."

  "Bye."

  Gen slumped back in her chair and picked at a nail. Lots of ups and downs lately, like she was trapped on an emotional roller coaster. A part of her missed the organized chaos of the hospital, the meaning behind every motion and every thought. The other part was relieved she didn't have to think for anyone else anymore.

  Gen turned back to her computer and threw herself into the search for love for other people.

  fourteen

  COMING!"

  The second knock owned the impatient tone of a man not used to waiting. Gen hopped on one foot, pulling on a pair of silver ballet flats, then stumbled to the door.

  David's gaze flicked over her outfit, subtly assessing. She fought the urge to squirm and wait for verbal approval. How many times had she come out of the bedroom and been greeted by a shake of his head, asking her to change? His consistent opinions on the type of clothes a successful surgeon's wife wore made her self-conscious, until she got in the habit of having him lay out the items he wanted to see on her.

  She tugged nervously at the dandelion silk jersey, swallowed, and stepped back. "Come in."

  He strode inside with an aura of entitlement. "You're looking extremely . . . bright." She stiffened but refused to answer. "Back to the cottage, huh? I'd hoped the time we spent together would have benefited your taste a bit."

  "I like my place. Where's my computer?"

  "In the car." He was still dressed in his scrubs, cutting a suave picture of the ultimate professional. Slight stubble darkened his jaw. He kept a razor handy wherever he went, so she was a bit surprised he hadn't stopped to clean up. David despised being seen as unprepared. Said it was a surgeon's job to instill trust at first glance.

  A pang hit her. He was so beautiful, yet cold. Like a statue to admire, dream about, but never truly own. Gen turned, trying to blink away the sudden tears over the loss of someone she'd never really had.

  "I can get it. I'll be happy to come over Sunday during your normal shift to get the rest of my things."

  "In a hurry?" he drawled, walking in front of her.

  Gen drew herself to full height, which was pathetic, and tried to look composed. "I have dinner plans."

  "So you've said. Not till seven though."

  "I'd rath
er we be done with this episode."

  He lifted a brow. "You're acting like a sulky child. Don't act entitled to anything. You walked away and humiliated me on my wedding day. The woman I held in my arms and made plans with for a future would've never hurt me so deeply."

  She winced. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I can keep telling you that forever, but you're not understanding the real problem. I panicked. I felt as if you never heard me, no matter what I did. You told me what to wear, eat, and say. How to act. Who to see. It was smothering."

  He twisted his lips in a bitter sneer. "Is that the problem? 'Independent woman, hear me roar'? I tried to care for you, give you what you need. And you repay me by acting like a slut and throwing it in my face?"

  Her heart pounded. She hated this part of him, the one who scared her in a gut-level way she never understood. Starting to step around him, Gen tried to keep her calm. "Let's not redo this scene. I'll just get my computer and we'll call it a night."

  He shoved her back so fast and so hard she toppled onto the couch. Shock held her immobile for a moment. "We're not done. Not by a long shot. I listened to you talk and bitch when I gave you everything. You think you can run off for some dirty affair without consequences? I think you've been playing both of us for a long time."

  She jumped up and glanced toward the phone. The ugliness in his gaze caused sweat to collect under her arms. She tried to keep breathing, not sure what to do. Once, she'd swear David would never have laid a finger on her or try to hurt her. But right now, she saw a stranger who'd never shared her bed or her life. And it scared the hell out of her.

  "I'm listening."

  Once again he moved like a bullet, locking his grip around her arm and throwing her against the wall. She hit her back hard, tried to scramble for balance, but he'd already pressed his body and grasped her wrists in a cruel grip. His breath struck her face. Rage glittered in his bright green eyes.

  "Don't patronize me, Genevieve. Do you give it better to Wolfe than you did to me? Because I'll tell you, after the first few weeks you became a true disappointment."

  She tried to jerk up her knee and twist out of his grip, but he held her with an iron strength. The words got stuck in her throat as she gasped for oxygen and sanity. "Don't. Just leave, please."