Searching for Beautiful

by Jennifer Probst

  "Come in."

  "No, I better stay here. I wanted to say a few things to Gen."

  Uh-oh. She sensed a crowd gathering behind her, and when she glanced back, the scene confirmed her worst fears. Nick and Alexa peeked around the corner. Her father stood behind the group, a frown on his face. Her mother remained stock-still in the middle of them, as if waiting for something. Thank goodness Lily and Maria had gone to the basement to play Wii.

  "I'll get out of your way," her mother said, turning.

  "No. Stay." Gen's gaze flew to his. Determination and fear glimmered in blue depths. "There's some things I've needed to say to her for a long time. And since you're her family, and part of her life, I should say them to you, too."

  Silence descended. The faint music from downstairs drifted up. No one seemed able to breathe, waiting for him to speak.

  Gen's heart began to pound so hard she hovered on the edge of a panic attack. Sweat ran down her back. Why was he here? For another apology? Or for something else? Something she could only dream about?

  When his eyes focused on her, everything else melted away.

  "When you asked me to tell you my real feelings, I was too afraid. We'd been friends for so long, and it was safe, but over the past few months it became so much more. I fell in love with you. Every part. But I never felt worthy of you because of the things I've done in my past. So much shame. I convinced myself I was doing what was best for you, saving you from me and a future of hurt. But I was wrong, Gen. Finally, I know the truth."

  He took a step toward her. She remained frozen, in the grip of his words, on the edge of a summit of so much beauty it took her breath away.

  "I love you. I've always loved you. And I don't have to let the past define me or our future together. I may screw up and hurt you, but I have to try. If you'll have me. If you can forgive me for not being brave like you, and not taking the leap you deserve, I swear, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

  Her mother sucked in her breath. Gen heard her sister sniffle in the distance.

  Gen stood in front of the man she loved and opened her mouth to say yes.

  And then he quietly pressed his wristbands into her hand.

  The scarred, bruised flesh was naked to her gaze.

  "No more hiding. I used to look at myself and wonder why I didn't die. But now I know. I was meant to find you, and Sawyer and Julietta. Mama Conte. All of you." He tilted his chin proudly. "And I want to be a part of this family, if you'll have me."

  He'd given her the ultimate gift, one so precious and fragile she was afraid to move and break the spell.

  Gen lifted her hands, reached out, and went into his arms.

  Home.

  His warmth and strength closed around her. She stood on tiptoe, kissing him, running her fingers over his cheeks while she whispered over and over, "I love you."

  In minutes, her family was around him, offering him the support and openness that was part of their core. Alexa was already crying, and her mother hugged him, and Nick slapped him on the shoulder. When she finally managed to pull him inside, her father walked over.

  "Dad," she warned, wrapping her arms around Wolfe's waist. "I love him."

  Wolfe looked her father in the eye. "Jim, I--"

  "No." Her father put out his hand. "I have something to say first. I was wrong." They waited while he seemed to gather his thoughts. "I told you to stay away because you'd hurt her. I said you were just like me." He shook his head. "I was only trying to protect her from something I have no right to keep her from. I may have made stupid mistakes, but if someone had taken Maria from me on that basis, I'd never have my family. I wouldn't have something worth fighting for, worth living for. So I was wrong. We all deserve a chance, and I hope you forgive me."

  Wolfe reached out and shook his hand. "Already forgiven."

  Gen's family drifted away, and it was just her and Wolfe. She couldn't stop touching him, leaning against his strength, and realizing he finally belonged to her.

  "What changed your mind?" she asked softly.

  Wolfe smiled. "Some very smart people who love me."

  She laughed and kissed him. "I'm glad."

  He kissed her back and wrapped her in his arms. "So am I."

  epilogue

  GEN LOOKED AROUND at the mess and sighed. She hated moving and packing, but it would be worth it. Haphazard piles of papers, boxes, and clothes lay everywhere. How did she have so much stuff in a bungalow?

  "Gen? You here?"

  "In the bedroom!" she shouted. Kate trudged through the door with a cup of coffee and Arilyn trailing behind. Gen jumped over the mattress and scrambled over. "Coffee! Oh, thank you, thank you!"

  Kate laughed. Arilyn frowned. "I think you're addicted to caffeine. Tea has antioxidants and numerous health benefits. Maybe you should switch."

  "I'll start tomorrow," she muttered, sinking her nose into the heavenly scent and breathing deep. "I need some sort of vice to get through packing."

  "Well, we're here to help," Arilyn said briskly. Already her ruthlessly organized brain took in the mess with a positive energy. "I hope you're not rushing this on my account. Letting me rent your place is lifesaving. They actually found mold when they ripped out the pipes of my house." She shuddered. "Imagine what I've been breathing in with my poor animals?"

  Gen squeezed her hand. "I'm so happy you can move in. Wolfe and I need to be closer to the city for work, and this place is a bit tight, but I refuse to sell. It's too special."

  Arilyn looked around and smiled. "Yes, it is. And you're sure it's okay to bring all the dogs?"

  Gen laughed and scooped up a box. "Bring as many as you can fit. I lived with my sister Alexa, remember? She was always sneaking in hordes of animals from the shelter. According to Nick, she still does."

  "I love your sister," Kate said. "Your whole family's coming to the wedding. We'll have a blast." She began stripping sheets off the bed and throwing them into the box in messy Kate style, when she paused, pulling something from underneath the mattress. "Hey, what's this?"

  Gen turned. Kate held a piece of white ledger paper.

  The love spell.

  The memory of that night surged up. A little tipsy on margaritas, and feeling sad over her growing doubts about David, she'd urged Arilyn and Kennedy to complete a love spell from the little purple book Kate had given her. Where was that book? And what had she written?

  "It's the spell," she whispered, snatching it from her friend's fingers. "I can't believe I forgot about this!"

  "From the Book of Spells?" Kate screeched. "Arilyn, didn't you do one, too?"

  Arilyn flushed. "Yeah, but I was really tipsy that night. I don't know where I put mine."

  "Read it, Gen! Do the traits you listed match Wolfe?"

  "That would be impossible." She skimmed the contents, remembering that the instructions clearly said to write a list of all the traits wanted in a man, make a copy, burn one in the fire, and put the other under the mattress. Mother Earth or the universe was supposed to bring you the man you requested. Kate had sworn it worked for her and Slade. Also with Kennedy and Nate. "I did the spell when I was engaged to David, so the qualities probably . . ." She trailed off.

  A chill crept down her spine. How odd. None of the qualities listed were part of David's makeup, yet she clearly remembered jotting down everything she dreamed of having in a soul mate.

  She read the list aloud:

  A deep friendship.

  Respect.

  A wicked sense of humor.

  Mind-blowing sex.

  A man with character.

  A man who believes in me no matter what my choices are.

  Nonjudgmental.

  Not a perfectionist.

  A bit of a badass.

  One with faults just like me.

  A man willing to take risks.

  This list was about Wolfe.

  "Oh my God, it worked, didn't it?" Kate asked.

  Her fingers shook around th
e page. Impossible. Gen looked up. Her friends stared. "This list is Wolfe. Not David."

  Arilyn shivered. "A coincidence? Right?"

  Kate chewed on her lip. "Maybe. But we have one more person to confirm the validity of the spell." Her gaze shot to Arilyn. "You need to check if Yoga Man matches the traits you wrote down."

  Arilyn's laugh seemed forced. "I'm not even sure where I put it. Look, this is silly. Let's stop talking about love spells and voodoo and get back to packing. I'll start out in the living room." She grabbed a box and disappeared through the door.

  Kate and Gen exchanged a look. "She so has that list under her bed."

  "Absolutely," Gen said. "We'll work on her later. Do you still have the book?"

  Did she? Gen scoured her bookshelf and pulled out the violet book: The Book of Spells. No author was listed. "Here."

  Kate put up her hands. "I don't want to touch it. Last time I got a shock. Just keep it here and we'll see what happens with A."

  "Deal."

  "Can I join in on this deal?" She looked up. Wolfe held out a cup of coffee and a bag from Swan Pastry, and grinned. "Caffeine anyone?"

  Gen flew into his arms, jumping up and holding tight. Their mouths fused together, and her heart swelled so big and full she felt like her chest would burst. Slowly, he slid her back down to the ground. "I missed you."

  "Me, too."

  He winked. "Hi, Kate."

  Kate's grin was big and infectious. "Hi, Wolfe."

  "Thanks for helping us out."

  "No problem. I'm so happy for you guys." She stepped close and threw her arms around both of them for a quick hug. "You're the bes--holy shit!"

  Kate jerked back, her mouth open in a shocked little O, and stumbled back, falling on her ass. She blinked up from the bedroom floor and glanced at her outstretched hands.

  "Are you okay?" Gen jumped to help, but Wolfe had already scooped her back up. "What happened?"

  "Don't come near me!"

  Gen froze at her friend's command. Terror struck her, but then Kate burst into laughter so deep and joyous a frown came over her face. "If you don't tell me what's going on right now, I'm gonna freak."

  Kate shook her head, still keeping her distance. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just s-s-saw a s-spider."

  "Where?" Wolfe looked frantically back and forth. Gen gazed at her friend suspiciously.

  "Oh, it's gone, don't worry about it." Kate waved her hand in the air as if dismissing the whole episode. "I gotta go. I'll be r-r-right back." They watched her climb over the bed in order to avoid walking past them and then pause at the doorway. "I'm s-s-so happy!"

  She disappeared.

  "What was that about?" Wolfe asked. "Do you see any spiders?"

  "No, babe. And if I do, I'll kill them for you. It'll be in our marriage vows." She stared thoughtfully at the empty doorway where Kate had disappeared. Hmm. When Kate touched a couple meant to be together, she usually received an electrical shock. Was it possible she'd experienced the touch with her and Wolfe? Gen shook off the idea and swore she'd ask later.

  He tugged on her curls and grinned. "Smart-ass." He looked around the bedroom. "Tell me the truth. Are you going to miss this place?"

  She smiled. "Of course. It's the place where we fell in love. But Arilyn will take good care of it, and we'll make a new home. Our home."

  "Yeah, our home." A frown marred his brow. "Speaking of homes, did you DVR House Hunters?"

  She rolled her eyes. "We missed last night because it was already set up to tape The Bachelor at the same time. We can catch it on a rerun."

  "That's it. We're getting two DVRs in the new place. And two remotes."

  "Fine."

  "And no more of those creepy twins. Property cousins or something? They're weird."

  "Property Brothers. And they're hot! They'd be able to fix up this bungalow and make it a knockout."

  "They're creepy and I'd never hire them. Besides, I love the bungalow just the way it is." He gestured to the crumbled paper in her hand. "What's that? Another to-do list?"

  She looked down at the evidence of her love spell. If only he knew. She chucked it into the garbage and swore not to get spooked. Love spells didn't work. Anyway, who cared how things happened? All she knew was the love of her life was all hers, and they were building a future together.

  "The best kind of list. I love you."

  "Love you, too, sweetheart."

  He bent down and kissed her again, and everything was . . . beautiful.

  acknowledgments

  SO MANY PEOPLE to thank . . . so little space!

  A big hug and thank-you to my fave editor, Lauren McKenna. You were right about delaying Wolfe's book. The wait was so worth it!

  Thanks to my agent, Kevan Lyon, for all her hard work.

  Thanks to my dad for reminding me to write what I know, and telling me to change the setting to Saratoga Racetrack, one of the best places on earth. Our annual gambling outing is one of my favorite memories, and I hope it continues for a long time. Love you.

  Cyber hugs to all my writing friends and conference buddies. A special shout-out to my Belles on Wheels Gallery bus sisters: Christina Lauren, Kristen Proby, Kresley Cole, S. C. Stephens, Alice Clayton, Kyra Davis, Emma Chase, Katy Evans, and our wonderful publicists, Kristin and Jules. Simply put, I made friends for life and had a hell of a good time doing it!

  For my Probst Posse--the most rocking street team of all. Thanks for brainstorming and sharing this journey. I adore all of you.

  To my family who puts up with me and the endless deadlines--I promise to cook next week! Really!

  Finally, to my readers. You are the reason I do this. Thank you for reading my books.

  Keep reading for an exclusive sneak peek of the fourth sizzling installment in the Searching For series,

  searching for always

  Coming summer 2015

  from Gallery and Pocket Books!

  prologue

  OFFICER STONE PETTY was having a shit day.

  It started with some type of brownout that killed his alarm and made him late. He despised tardiness in all forms and enjoyed a morning routine that set him up for the day. Hot, black coffee. Toast with butter, and real bacon. None of that turkey junk. Reading the paper, a quick shower, and taking his damn time.

  Instead, he raced to get cleaned up and dressed, forced to skip everything and stuck with the horror that was called coffee in the station. Not even officially on duty, he'd been forced to stop a teenager speeding, dealing with his general mouthiness and hormonal idiocy that hadn't taught him yet not to talk back to people in authority.

  After a few hours on his beat, a foul smell in his squad car drove him crazy. He finally pulled over, trying not to gag, and discovered a pile of dog crap buried in a paper bag in the trunk. Sons of bitches. It must've been a boring night at the station, since one of his coworkers had decided to liven things up by pulling the literal tiger's tail. He loved his job, but sometimes he wanted to beat the hell out of them all. Boredom was the worst crime in the police station, and drove the guys to entertain themselves. On a slow fall night in Verily, guess he'd been the victim.

  Plotting his revenge, he got rid of the poop, decided to skip lunch, and proceeded to roll over a busted glass bottle and pierce his tire.

  Stone realized the fates were against him today. He was desperately trying to quit smoking, but the thought of the sweet smoke filling his lungs killed him. He dragged in a breath and tried to concentrate on the nicotine patch on his arm, working overtime. He didn't need it. He was strong. He could beat the nasty habit, even though he loved it so hard, he'd pick smoking over anything else.

  Finally, the awful craving eased. Good. His best bet was to just clock in enough time to get the day done, lie low, and try again tomorrow. He changed the tire, tearing a small hole in the knee of his uniform, and sweating profusely. It was one of those weird Indian summer days in October, and he'd worn his long sleeves today. Sweat trickled down his b
row and under his arms, making him crave a shower. His temper frayed, but he held tight and swore to have patience. Anger got him in trouble every time. Like some kind of downhill roller coaster ride, it descended him into disaster. He was on a tight leash to begin with and needed to chill and ride out the rest of the day.

  Calmly.

  His partner had taken the morning off and should be hooking up with him within the hour. Devine always settled him with his easy humor. They worked well together, and long enough to call him his friend.

  When he got back in the squad car, his speaker beeped.

  "Car forty-three. Possible domestic abuse on Two Sycamore Street."

  Stone reached for the radio. "Car forty-three en route."

  "Backup is needed. Officer Devine on the way."

  "Copy."

  He eased onto the road and headed toward the house. Any type of domestic abuse required two officers on the scene, which he respected. Hell, it had always been his hot spot anyway, and they did very well with bad cop/good cop. With Devine's movie star looks, and his own rough appearance, everything balanced.

  He drove past Main Street in Verily, enjoying the small-town charm and sprawling river views. A bit eclectic and weird for him, with the crazy artists, cafes, and mass of organic food, clothing, and wellness centers, but Verily called to him in some strange way. He always wondered what it would feel like to be one of those people. Centered. Calm. Happy.

  He dealt with such intense emotions, and a dark brooding anger inside of him, that living in Verily was like stepping near the light.

  Stone frowned at his sudden poetic thoughts and refocused. He'd reached Sycamore.

  He pulled to the curb a few feet away and studied the scene. No nosy neighbors out, but it didn't mean people weren't watching from their windows. He checked his watch. Devine should arrive in a minute. Climbing out of the car, he strolled around the house, scanning for clues and straining his ears to catch any type of noise.

  The white Victorian seemed a bit shambled. Peeling paint. Broken step. Sagging porch. The windows were dirty, but he noted a small vegetable garden on the side that was neat and weed-free. Someone had cared and maintained it well. A pink tricycle with streamers that had seen better days lay abandoned in the driveway. Was that crying? His muscles tensed.