The family next to her sat on a picnic blanket, while their cherub faced toddler ran in circles around them. She thought of her sister Danielle, who had just given birth for the third time. She had married her high school sweetheart and never left the small town in Nebraska where they had grown up. They’d settled down the street from her childhood home, and her husband worked at the local hardware store. Her sister’s days were spent catering to the whims of three young children, and managing playdates with the kids of friends she’d grown up with. That kind of future made Jolie uncomfortable. She couldn’t imagine not wanting more than their town had to offer, which wasn’t much. It was a dying place, populated by those who stayed and reproduced, and while almost nobody left, nobody moved there either.
Still, Jolie felt a pang of nostalgia. Her childhood had been simple, mostly free of the relentless technological progress that put screens in every pocket, bracelets on every wrist, and giant wall screens in most every room. She hoped there were still places like that left, but couldn’t be sure that her hometown was one anymore. She hadn’t been back since three summers ago, and she knew her parents had long since given up on trying to get her to buy a plane ticket. She’d make it there soon, she thought. Maybe after Ana was gone, she could take a few weeks and attend classes remotely. Holing up in her childhood room, probably untouched with its lilac walls and flower border, became more appealing the longer she considered it. There were certain kinds of pain that only a long visit home could remedy.
She was lost in her thoughts as she felt Ana sit down next to her, her arm encircling Jolie’s back.
“So?” She turned to face a brooding Ana, who looked so deeply unhappy that Jolie couldn’t believe this was the person she’d awakened to that morning. “Oh, no. What happened?”
“That was my mother.”
“I know. She said so.”
Ana sighed. “Well, she isn’t pleased that I’m in a relationship, or that I have a roommate and didn’t tell her.”
“I thought she might be shocked that you’re with a woman. I know there are people who still have strange opinions about that,” Jolie said, shaking her head.
“No. It doesn’t matter who you are. It’s a bit of a liability. I convinced her that it was a good idea to have someone stay at the house while I’m in training, though. That wasn’t easy.” Ana played with a blade of grass.
“I don’t get it. You’ve lived alone for years. You only have yourself to answer to. Even if you didn’t, you’re definitely old enough to make your own decisions about dating and living with someone. Why does she care?”
“She has a good reason to care, even though I see your point.” Ana looked at Jolie and lowered her voice. “Without going into too much detail, I will tell you that she’s in charge of the operations for my upcoming departure. There are a lot of resources that went into this, and it’s irresponsible of me to jeopardize them. But, Jo, there’s more.” She took a deep breath.
Jolie felt an ache in her gut as she prepared to hear the next statement.
“She confirmed some changes in the original schedule that I was kind of expecting. The training has been moved up. And the final departure date is sooner than I expected.” Ana stared ahead stoically.
Jolie thought she might throw up. She wanted to stand and walk away, avoid finding out the details, but her head was dizzy and her legs were paralyzed. “When?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“When?”
Ana stared down at her hands. “Tomorrow. I leave tomorrow morning for training camp. When I get back, I have less than two weeks.”
Jolie didn’t speak as the burn of tears reached her eyes, then rolled down her cheeks. This didn’t make sense. Ana seemed happy being with her, so why wasn’t she more upset at this turn of events? It was almost as if, in a small way, she was relieved that things had turned out like this. She hadn’t realized how much anger had bubbled up inside her until it burst forward, catching them both off guard.
“So that’s it?” she spat, glaring at Ana.
Ana looked at her strangely, almost annoyed. “You knew this was coming. Do you think it’s easy for me?”
“Honestly? These last couple of months have been a whirlwind and now, you don’t seem to care that it’s being pulled from us by your mother, who you say has a right to control your life, even though you seem pretty in control of things yourself. Why aren’t you angry? Do I mean that little to you?” Jolie had forgotten about everyone around them, and now that she looked, the toddler had stopped running and was staring at them. Several other heads were turned, and she looked down in embarrassment.
Ana looked around. “I don’t want to have this conversation here. Can we at least go to the truck?” she whispered.
“Fine.” Jolie huffed. In a new rush of tears, she got up and marched to the vehicle without looking back to see if Ana followed her.
When they were both inside, Jolie stared straight ahead, unable and unwilling to look Ana in the eye. Her pulse pounded in her ears and she shut her eyes tightly to will the forming panic away.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m upset about this too. I’m just in shock about the whole thing. As painful as it is for you, you have no idea how much this affects me.” Ana’s words were muffled as she held her face in her hands. “This gives me two weeks to get the house ready, and say good-bye to everything I know.” Ana leaned her head back against the seat and squeezed her eyes shut. “Will you stay at the house like we talked about? I know we haven’t really discussed it, but it would mean a lot to me. I don’t trust anyone else with it. I’ll sign the papers over to you. You’ll take care of it?”
Jolie looked at her, pain etched into every feature, ready to shatter like a tower of glass ornaments. She realized that this wasn’t about her at all. As much as it hurt, she was not the one who would be displaced, at least not physically. She reached out and placed her hand on Ana’s arm. It was all happening so suddenly. She didn’t think she could continue her new life without Ana in the place where it all happened.
“No, Ana. I’ll stay in the house for the next month, but after that, I can’t see myself wanting to live there without you.”
She looked disappointed, but nodded. “It’s a lot to ask.”
They sat silently, the air between them thick with bitterness and longing. Jolie looked at her hands in her lap. She had been the catalyst behind the early departure, she was sure. “I can’t help but feel like this was partly my fault. If I hadn’t held your hand in the store, or if I hadn’t moved in at all, I—”
“Stop.” Ana took one of her hands. The touch felt warm, but heavy with regret. Nothing like the contact they had shared just hours earlier. “This has nothing to do with you. There’s a threat of danger with what we’re doing. If we don’t move the timeline, everything that hundreds of people have been working toward for decades will be lost.”
Jolie just looked numbly at their connected hands.
“Remember when I was upset at the bar?” Ana asked.
Jolie nodded.
“I got the initial confirmation that something like this might happen. That’s why I was unhappy.” Ana’s eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t let any of them fall.
Jolie wanted desperately to remove some of the burden she was carrying. “Is there anything you can do about it?”
“Nothing.” Ana sniffled.
“Okay. Will you at least come to the party still?”
Ana looked completely broken. She pressed her fingers into her eyes to keep her tears at bay. “I can’t. I’m so sorry. I have to pack and make sure everything is ready.”
“So, this is good-bye.”
Ana’s silence was answer enough. Jolie nodded, wishing that she’d wake up and find that she’d dreamed this entire conversation, that Ana was lying in her arms and they’d spend the day in bed.
Mechanically, Jolie said, “Drop me off at Nova’s, please.”
They drove down the street in a deafening silence. As she got out of the truck and shut the door, Jolie heard the distinct sound of a sob. Fighting back tears, she strode forward without looking back.
Chapter Nineteen
Ana rolled down the windows in her parked truck, inhaling the heady scent of fall. She’d arrived in her driveway in a daze, barely aware of having ridden home at all. Her eyes were puffy and irritated, and she was unable to muster the strength to get out and start packing.
As much as it hurt her to leave Jolie like that, she had to admit the mission schedule acceleration made sense. They had no choice but to react to the information that someone else would try to take their place on Mars. As it was, Hammer would be spending millions extra to put all of the pieces into place for a six week launch date. Ana knew it had to be close to impossible to pull off, and it made her nervous. She knew that haste translated into mistakes.
On top of all of the moving parts, there was Jolie. She’d watched her walk away from the truck, her steps heavy with the same brokenness that pierced Ana inside. Maybe she’d change her mind and stay beyond the next month, but would she really risk another good-bye after that? Ana doubted it. If today was the last time she’d ever see Jolie in person, Ana knew she would regret it for the rest of her life.
“There’s nothing I can do. Nothing,” she said aloud. She slammed her palms against the steering wheel. Steeling herself against the pit of anxiety in her stomach, she mentally ran through a list of things she’d need to do before tomorrow morning’s flight to Chile. With the last of her energy, she pushed her emotions deep underneath the surface and stepped out of the truck.
Hours later, as the light was fading, Ana finally sat down on the couch to rest. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so completely drained in mind or body. She looked at the time. The party would have just started. She knew Jolie was probably sitting by herself, perhaps being consoled by Nova, unable to join in the fun because of Ana, Ana’s life, Ana’s timeline. She’d never felt so dependent on another person, and so depended upon. Jolie wanted, maybe even needed her for tonight, and the next few months. And now everything had changed, leaving Ana empty and Jolie lost. The sting of separation that she felt was far greater than her annoyance about having to change her travel plans.
Ana looked at her wrist to see if Jolie had messaged her and she’d missed it. There was nothing. Her hand hovered over the messaging app, but she couldn’t think of what to say. Nothing she could write would persuade Jolie to love, or even like her, again. Besides, it was selfish to want that. Jolie should get on with her life, just as she would have to. Desperate for someone to talk to, she called Liv and Martine.
She waved to their images on the screen. “Hi, I’m sorry to call so late. I just wanted to touch base before tomorrow. I can’t believe we have to be there in less than a day. How are you handling it?”
Liv spoke first. “I told Martine a while ago that something like this would happen. We find out last minute so nobody has time to leak the plans.”
“There are so many people involved, I can’t see how it’s a good idea to rush this,” Ana said.
Martine jumped in. “I know. We have to work extra hard to make sure no mistakes are made. Are you up for it, Ana?”
She heard the pointedness of the question, and realized she wasn’t ready by a long shot, but she couldn’t let them down. “Totally up for it. I’m going to go try and get a couple hours of sleep. It’ll be good to see you after such a long time.”
“I know. Holograms are nothing compared to skin touching skin.” Martine didn’t say it suggestively, but Ana knew she was talking about Liv.
“I know you two just saw each other, so don’t start.”
Liv chuckled.
Martine smiled, confirming her suspicions. “Okay, well, I must finish packing now. My flight is longer than either of yours, so I leave in only a few hours. I’ll see you on the other side of the world.” She dropped from the call.
Liv stayed on a moment longer. “You seem sad, Ana. Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” She hesitated a moment. Apparently Martine hadn’t shared Ana’s relationship news with Liv. That was a small comfort. It meant fewer eyes on her degrading performance.
“Okay. I don’t believe you at all, but you know where to find me if you want to talk.”
“Thank you,” Ana said.
She shut off the transmission. She envied Liv and Martine, who’d been in an open relationship for years. Of course they were excited about the schedule change, she thought bitterly. It meant they could start their lives together even sooner.
“Cassiopeia, program the truck to give Jolie full access while I’m gone. Start the paperwork to transfer the title to her. Restrict access to the house to Jolie only and anyone she authorizes. Pull up all of the house plans and any information you have stored about the upkeep, and advise her of them when she returns. And wake me up at 4:30 a.m.” She yawned deeply. She laid her head back on the couch and, breathing deeply for many minutes, finally fell into a restless slumber.
* * *
A taxi ride to the airport was the last thing Ana wanted to experience so early in the morning. Her head still pounded and she felt sick to her stomach. The drive took her through the dark, sleeping town, past where she had dropped Jolie off the night before. She hadn’t heard from her, and hadn’t really expected to. She had a momentary thought of stopping the car, running in and finding Jolie, and telling her…what? That she loved her so much it almost made her want to give up her well laid plans? That if millions of dollars had not been spent on specialized training and equipment over the years, she’d give it all up in a heartbeat? No. It wasn’t rational. She couldn’t throw out something so monumental based on a relationship that lasted a few incredible months. She sat on her hands and resisted changing the coordinates. When she was thousands of miles away in Chile, she’d give Jolie a call and make sure she was okay.
Hours later, Ana stepped from the private jet onto a deserted runway in the middle of the Atacama Desert. She blinked at the sudden brightness that bled through her sunglasses like they were made of clear glass. A small outpost made of a mottled reddish material was the only structure in sight, and even that was hard to see. She knew their training camp would be designed with the same material, making it almost impossible to see from planes or satellite images. Three ATVs were parked next to the building, meaning Ana was the fifth to arrive. That would leave Martine and Luke as the last two. The planes were scheduled to land far enough apart so as not to alert anyone beyond a few members of the Chilean government, with whom they had a worked for years to build the base. She watched the pilotless jet take off again, and found the ATV with her name on it. Placing the suffocating helmet over her head and the gloves on her hands, she revved the engine and took off, following the GPS on the dashboard.
The camp was six miles southeast of the landing strip, and by mile four, Ana felt the desert’s oppressive heat and the high altitude beginning to take its toll. She wore clothing designed to keep the moisture close to her body so she wouldn’t become dehydrated, but it had the other, unwanted effect of creating a steam bath. The helmet contained vents that collected oxygen as she raced along, combating the thin air that would have otherwise rendered her dangerously lightheaded.
The vehicle raced over the reddish sand toward a speck in the distance that appeared to be a wide, flat topped rock. As she drew closer, she began to make out the connected pods, hidden so masterfully in front of a larger rock outcropping. She parked next to the vehicles that had arrived earlier, and stepped into the airlock. The base was designed to mirror their Mars settlement exactly, and by now, they all knew it by heart.
“It’s Ana,” Liv shouted as she stepped into the main room. She pushed off the floor where she was sitting and ran to Ana, enveloping her in a long hug. “It’s so good to see you—in person, I mean.”
“I know.” Ana laughed. “It’s been too long.” She looked int
o Liv’s eyes, finding familiarity and taking comfort in it. She didn’t need Jolie, she told herself. The people she really needed were here, and would be here for the rest of her days.
“Carlos and Udeme are making up some lunch for us.” Liv broke their contact. “Kyoko is sleeping. She had a particularly rough flight, it sounds like. Plus, the time change.” Liv’s words rolled off her tongue like honey, in an accent that Ana could never place. Somewhere between German and British, if she had to guess. Only her platinum blond hair and bright blue eyes hinted at her Scandinavian ancestry.
Ana saw a happiness in Liv’s movements that extended beyond the excitement from training and seeing her friends. She didn’t have to ask why. Soon, Martine would arrive. Ana could practically hear her counting down the moments until she heard the next ATV pull up to the base. She smiled to herself. She knew what it felt like, for the first time in her life, to anticipate the arrival of the person you loved. It must have been difficult for them to live on opposites ends of the Earth for so many years and still maintain their love for each other. If only Jolie found out where she was going, got on a plane, and made the trip down here. If only the hum of the motor outside the door right now was her. Ana winced involuntarily as Luke stepped inside the airlock and removed his helmet. She smiled the biggest false smile she could, and welcomed him with a kiss on each cheek.
“All right then, I see almost everyone’s here, aye?” Luke grinned, his floppy hair settling playfully over one of his eyes.
“Nice trip from the big island?” Ana asked after Liv gave him a hug.
“The best. A little sore from surfing the reef last night, but it had to be done. Not much time left for reefs.”
Ana smiled genuinely. Of course, Luke wouldn’t have wasted a moment of his precious time on Earth sitting around, ruminating on what he would be missing. Luke’s economy of time and motion was breathtaking to experience. He rarely did anything without a purpose, even if it wasn’t evident at the time. Even now, as he made small talk, he was unpacking a shirt from his bag and taking off his sweaty one. Ana barely noticed until he was half-naked.
The Universe Between Us Page 13