“That was weird,” Nova said distantly.
“I’m so sorry you saw that. I didn’t mean to make things awkward between you and your two best friends. Well, the whole little triangle, really. I honestly don’t know what came over me.” She spoke softly, her feet dusting the ground with each swing. “Can I ask you something?” Jolie turned her body so she was facing Nova. “Do you have a thing for Karlee? Because you used to try to get me to date her, remember? Are you really that upset?”
Nova laughed, then shrugged. “Nah, I like our relationship just like it is. I just didn’t expect you to move on so soon, and you know I want you both to be happy, but you don’t even want to be with Karlee, remember?”
Jolie sighed. “I’m an asshole. The whole time I was kissing her, I was imagining it was Ana. I don’t know what my problem is.”
“You’ve been broken up for one whole day. Don’t you think you should give it some time? You won’t always be devastated about Ana, you know. Look, I love you both. So don’t go getting Karlee’s hopes up if it’s not her you’re after,” Nova said.
“I get it. I’m just full of fucking good ideas lately, aren’t I?” Jolie groaned. “Oh, and while I’m on a roll, you should know that last night, at the party, I kissed Karlee. Apparently, she’s my go-to when I’m drunk enough not to consider the consequences.”
“I knew about last night. She told me.”
Jolie’s eyes widened. “Oh. You didn’t say. Aren’t you upset?”
Nova shook her head. “Not really. You were drunk.”
Jolie put her arm around Nova’s shoulders and held her close. “You’re the coolest, most smartest, and most understanding best friend I have.”
“Don’t you forget it.” Nova held her close, rocking along with the swing. “Your most understanding best friend reminds you that you promised to tell me what exactly happened between you and Ana.”
“Right.” Jolie recounted yesterday’s events to Nova as well as she could remember. Everything was cloaked in a haze of sadness. “Then it just ended. I don’t really want to talk about that part.”
“Okay, okay. How about we go in and see what the rest of the girls are up to. I think this might be a movie afternoon.”
“Yeah,” Jolie said as she got up. Her mind was fried from processing so many conflicting emotions in such a short time. She couldn’t think of anywhere better to be than watching a movie with her best friend by her side.
Chapter Twenty-one
Jolie awoke late for the second day in a row, this time with a clear head and solid memories of the night before. Karlee rolled over and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“Did you sleep okay?” she asked sweetly. Everything about Karlee was sugarcoated, which would normally have pissed her off. For the time being though, she found it comforting.
“Yep, I did. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.”
“Of course. Anytime,” Karlee said.
Jolie saw in her eyes that she meant it in every way, even though Jolie only wanted a comforting body nearby.
“I should probably get going. I have things to do at home, and I haven’t been there in two days.” She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She felt Karlee watching her and wondered if she should stay longer. Surely that’s what Karlee wanted, but she couldn’t bring herself to kiss her again, not with the knowledge that she was just trying to feel Ana.
After a moment, Karlee said, “Okay. Maybe we can get together soon, though.”
Jolie nodded toward the wall, feeling like a real asshole. Despite her intentions, she’d continued to lead Karlee to think that they might get together, even though she already realized that Karlee would never fill the void.
Jolie rode to the house deep in thought, considering how she might feel when she arrived. Her mom messaged her again along the way. “Fine,” she said under her breath. She pushed a button on her wrist.
“Hi, sweetie. I was getting worried about you.” Her mom’s shrill voice played clearly from her wrist and Jolie stopped short of rolling her eyes.
“Hi, Mom. I’m fine. You know, you really don’t have to worry about me so much. Sometimes I’m busy and I just can’t call back for a while.”
“Oh, I know, dear. How have you been? You look tired.” Jolie wondered how her mother could see the dark lines under her eyes in the tiny image, but not much got by Iris Dann.
Jolie sighed. She usually glossed over the difficult aspects of her personal life in order to save her mother the worry, but today, she was seeking comfort and safety, and perhaps her mom had some advice.
“I’ve had a rough couple of days. I was dating someone, and we broke up,” she said.
A flash of joy passed across Iris’s face, and quickly turned to concern. “Oh, honey, what happened? Why didn’t you tell us you were dating someone?”
Jolie sighed. “I don’t know. It was pretty new. Her name is Ana. I moved into her house so that I could get off campus. Then we started dating.”
“Okay,” Iris said, puzzled. “So why did you break up then?”
“She already had plans to go off on some work thing. I don’t really know. She’s leaving in a few weeks, and actually she’s training for it right now. That’s why we broke up. Because her training started early and it just seemed like a good time to end it.” She realized she was crying and wiped tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“I’m sorry, honey, your father is calling me.” Jolie listened to the muffled conversation in the background. “Sweetie, why don’t you come home for a while? We haven’t seen you in too long. Your father could really use your help with the farm while I help your sister with the kids. Your nephews only know you from a screen.”
“I have to be here for the next month because I said I would. Oh, remember the art show I told you about? I’m being featured, so I have to get ready for that.” Jolie took a deep breath and continued, “Anyway, after a month, Ana comes back for a week or two. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I already told her I would leave before then, but I guess I’ll see how I feel. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when she’s gone for good. Get another job and an apartment, I guess.”
“Why don’t you take a little time off school and come down here until the next semester starts up?”
“I can’t really do that, Mom. I have a scholarship to keep,” Jolie said.
“What about attending remotely? Surely they’ll let you do that, especially if you have a good reason.”
She was right. Jolie could make it happen, if she wanted to. Right now, all she wanted was for Ana to be gone for good so that she wouldn’t need to make these decisions anymore. Everything would be easier then.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
Iris smiled broadly, the battle not yet won, but leaning in her favor.
“Okay, I’ll let you go, Mom. I have some things to do around the house.” She squinted at the sky, the day as gray as yesterday.
“Okay, honey. Please call again soon. We’ll have a decent harvest this year. Your father wants to tell you about it.”
“I will. Bye.”
The house was silent, as she had suspected. Ana’s room seemed particularly devoid of life, but then so did the rest of the house when it was clean. Upon further inspection, most of her belongings were scattered behind the walls and in the drawers, as if Ana had packed in a hurry. She took a cursory look through them to see if she could find any clues as to her whereabouts, but nothing stood out. Though she’d been alone in the house many times before, the silence was suffocating. She braced herself against one of the walls, her head throbbing. She needed to get out.
Without a plan, she grabbed her coat and ran out the door, across the meadow, and down the hill. Her legs took her automatically to the bank of the creek, and she sat against her usual tree trunk. This was what she wanted in the first place, wasn’t it? Peace and quiet? Out here, a few miles from town and hundreds of feet from the nearest neighbor, she felt
utterly alone. She hoped it would get easier as the month wore on, but then what? Could she stay for the week after Ana got back? And after that? Ana had wanted to give her the property, but it would remind her too much of what they’d had. She couldn’t take the gift. She’d have to get a job this month to afford another apartment, or maybe she could stay in the sorority house for a while. Both options were disappointing.
Jolie called Nova in the late afternoon. “Hey, do you think you can stay with me tonight?” she asked, her voice strained.
“Hey, love, I have a lot of work to do, but I could swing by, maybe for dinner.”
“That would be nice, thanks.” She thought about calling Karlee to stay the night, but she knew she’d have to sleep here alone sooner or later. Probably best to get it over with tonight.
She was about to go out again to harvest some apples when Cassiopeia sprang to life. “Jolie, Ana is calling for you. Will you accept?”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jolie said. She considered rejecting the call, but figured that if Ana was calling her from wherever she was, it had to be important. “Fine. Yes, Cassiopeia, I can talk.”
An image appeared on one of the wall screens of a landscape jerking around violently. Ana’s face came into the frame. She wore a thin white jacket and sunglasses, and the sun rested low in the sky behind her. Jolie scanned the landscape, which was a sparse peppering of reddish rocks and a distant mountain range. She saw no structures, no people, except for Ana.
“I had to get away from everyone for a minute.” Ana breathed heavily as though she’d just sprinted there.
“Who’s everyone? It looks like you’re stranded in a desert.”
“Oh, just my team.” She ignored Jolie’s other comment.
“Are you okay? You sound like you’re going to pass out. And where the hell are you?” Jolie tried her best to act put out, but secretly, she was glad that Ana had finally called.
Ana let out a laugh that dissolved into a dry cough. She panned the camera around her, revealing more of the rocky ground and a better view of the mountains. Jolie saw nothing growing and immediately disliked wherever this was. Ana lowered her voice to a husky whisper. “I’m in Chile.”
“Very specific,” Jolie said, annoyed. “Why did you call, Ana?”
“I, uh.” She turned to look at something in the distance. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, for hurting you. And I owe you more of an explanation.”
Jolie was mildly intrigued. “Okay.” She sat against the back of the couch and crossed her arms. Whatever Ana had to say, wherever she was and whatever she was doing, Jolie was pleased that she was distracting her.
Ana adjusted her coat and sunglasses, clearing her throat before beginning. “I’m a part of a…program. I can’t say what kind, and if you figure it out, you have to promise me you won’t say anything to anyone. It’s extremely expensive, and involves a small team of people, sort of. No, it involves hundreds of people, really, but I’m the second commander of the small team at the core. I’ve been training to do this half my life. I signed up years ago. Building that house, everything I did there, was preparation for where I’m going.” Jolie adjusted her posture as she waited for Ana to continue her monologue. “I can’t just stop being a part of this, Jolie. They’ve invested too much time and money into me, and I’m one of the only ones fit for the job.” Ana spoke as if trying to convince herself, feeding the rising anger in Jolie’s chest. “I wasn’t expecting—” Ana stopped and looked down for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“You don’t expect love, Ana.” Jolie rolled her eyes. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
“You seem to be convincing yourself that you want to be there. I don’t really want to hear it. You’re there, you’re leaving, and we’re not together anymore. Don’t make me think that you still want me. I’m happy to talk about the house with you, but that’s it. We’re not friends. Please don’t call me again unless you have something to say that I actually want to hear. And in the meantime, figure out what you want, for your own sake.”
Ana’s brow furrowed as she stood there, dumbfounded. “What I want? You know—never mind.” She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. “Okay. I won’t bother you again. I have to get back to the base anyway.”
Jolie thought she saw the glint of a tear as it trailed down Ana’s cheek.
“Bye.” The screen cut out and Jolie flopped down on the couch, pressing the back of her head against the back. “Fuck.” She took a deep breath. If the edge of their relationship had been dotted before, it was unquestionably drawn with a thick black pen now. It felt good to be in control for once, Jolie thought. A cruelness crept into her. Ana could go away and have relationships with other people, but she could also stand her ground and build walls to keep Ana out. Two could play that game.
Jolie sat for a while, looking at the smooth white ceiling, when she heard the rumble of thunder. She closed her eyes and relished in the sounds of the storm coming closer, until it was right there. Even with her eyes shut, she could see the flashes of lightning. The wind had picked up and was whistling around the house. It had almost lulled her into a light sleep when she heard the crash. She jumped up immediately from the couch, her eyes wildly searching for what had fallen.
On the wall near the kitchen, she saw a bare nail where a photograph used to hang. She walked over to the broken glass shattered on the floor, and cleared the big pieces away. She carefully picked up the photo and was about to place it on the coffee table when she saw a piece of old newspaper float to the ground. She hadn’t seen a newspaper for years, and even then, it was at an antique store back in Nebraska. The delicate paper was yellowing and unfolded easily.
MarsOne Disaster, the headline read. All twelve colonists living in the MarsOne settlement dead, Mars One Foundation reports. Jolie put the paper down. She didn’t have to read further. She hadn’t been born at the time, but everybody knew about the failed program. The story stood out ominously in her mind. She pictured the archival footage she must have seen in history class, and mentally replayed the newscaster’s chilly delivery of the news. The footage they looped was the colonists waving into the camera during happier times. Their faces were obscured by the headpieces of their space suits, with no indication of what was about to happen. She couldn’t remember if anyone had figured out the reason for the deaths. There was an official explanation, murder maybe, but it had fallen flat, even on her civilian ears. No colonists had returned to Mars since the disaster, and Jolie hadn’t heard of any plans to send any more.
She thought about Ana’s words, and began to shake with the realization. Suddenly, it all made sense. Ana was going to Mars. She was on a one-way trip to a planet millions of miles away in hopes of recolonizing. Of course she couldn’t tell Jolie, or anyone else. It was considered a suicide mission after what had happened to the last crew, and the media would have a field day with it. She covered her mouth as a sob escaped. The pieces fell together in her mind as she saw the entire landscape of Ana’s world. The house, the terrarium, the pleasure she took in picking an apple or looking out over her property. The desert, where she was now. How could she have been so stupid to think Ana would choose her over the most important spaceflight event in thirty years? Of course Ana would choose the mission. She was destined to do things for the greater good, make sure humanity had a second chance, and here was Jolie, crying over a broken heart. Ana would make human history. She would touch generations with her courage and bravery. What they’d had together was inconsequential compared to that, and Jolie felt like a fool for allowing herself to think it was important. Who would want that when they could have so much more?
Her eyes watered and she felt a tightness clutch at her chest. She wished desperately that she had been kinder when she had spoken to Ana earlier, and cursed their distance from each other. It was possible that Ana hurt as much as she did, but had no choice other than to press onward. Jolie couldn’t imagi
ne having to switch her feelings off and be partly responsible for the success of such a mission. She was about to call out to Cassiopeia to get Ana back on the screen when she heard a vehicle approach.
“That better be Nova.”
Sure enough, her friend tentatively opened the door. Jolie quickly stashed the article in a drawer.
Nova looked at her with concern and came over to give her a hug. “I’m sorry, hun. Have you been crying?” She wiped Jolie’s wet cheek with the back of her hand. “You know what? You don’t need her. She’s a jerk and she’s playing with your emotions. You need someone to treat you better than that.”
Jolie just closed her eyes and shook her head, new tears flowing down her face. “It’s complicated.”
“There’s nothing complicated about a woman who goes and breaks my best friend’s heart,” Nova said coldly. “Even if she is mind blowingly hot.” She squeezed Jolie.
Jolie’s heart broke even more for Ana as she listened to Nova berate her. “Can we talk about something else?” she asked with an edge in her voice.
“Um, okay, sure. Whatever you need.” Nova looked unsure for a split second before her confidence was restored. “What do you want to do? I’m starving.”
“Can you make us something to eat? I can find a movie.”
“Sounds good to me.” Nova got up and walked over to the kitchenette, catching sight of the mess on the floor. “What happened here?”
Jolie remembered the picture frame still on the floor and burst into tears again.
“Oh, honey, come here,” Nova said soothingly as she rushed over to her. “I’ll clean it up, okay? You don’t have to worry about it.”
Jolie shook her head, unable to think. “Can we go back to your house?”
Nova covered her face in her hands and shook her head, chuckling. “You are impossible. Okay, let’s go.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The Universe Between Us Page 15