Nova was opening a bottle of wine as they reached the picnic blanket. It was covered in an impressive spread of cheese, crackers, and various dips. Jolie deposited a bag of apples she’d picked earlier in the week.
“Thank you guys for doing this for me. You know I’ll be back soon, but it’s going to be a long few weeks without you.”
“I’m glad you finally get to go back home, even if it is for a mental health break.” Nova dipped a cracker in some hummus.
“If you want to crash with us when you get back, we can probably dig up an extra bed somewhere.” Karlee tentatively placed her hand on Jolie’s back, and when Jolie didn’t shrug it off, she rubbed in small circles. Jolie leaned into it, savoring the touch, emboldened by her impending freedom from everything related to Ana.
“That might be what I’ll do.” She thought for a moment, and a grin spread across her face. “I’m so excited to get back to Nebraska. I didn’t think I really missed it, but that might have been just a convenient excuse for not going back home.”
“Bad memories?” Karlee asked.
Jolie shrugged. “Just didn’t want to get stuck there. It’s the kind of place where you get stuck and never leave.”
Nova nodded and Karlee squeezed her shoulder. They ate in silence for a while, Jolie’s gaze wandering to the students milling about campus all around them.
“How long’s it going to take you?” Nova asked, her mouth full of cracker.
“A few days. Depends on how much I stop. I might have an adventure or two on the way. Haven’t decided yet. Actually, I think I will stop in Chicago. I’ve always wanted to go.”
Karlee perked up. “My dad’s family is there. Just call me and I’ll tell you all the good places to eat in every neighborhood.”
“All the good cheap places. I’ve barely got enough money to make it back with fuel and the cost of the car,” Jolie said.
“You’ll make it there okay. If you don’t, I’m happy to lend you whatever you need,” said Nova. “Seriously, if I find out you’re stranded halfway there and you don’t call me, there’s going to be hell to pay.”
“All right, I got it. How about we pack this up and head inside?”
The three of them gathered the remaining food, folded up the blanket, then slowly made their way back to the sorority house. Jolie and Nova sat on the thinly carpeted steps leading upstairs while Karlee heated mugs of apple cider. Jolie leaned against her friend, grateful for the safety both Nova and Karlee afforded her.
“I couldn’t have done this without your support, Nova. You know that, right? If you ever need anything at all, you just say the word.”
“I do have one request. Make me some more of those drawings. You really took it to a new level since you moved to, well, you know. Since you moved. I want drawings of cornfields, sculptures of barns, anything you can create. It’s all beautiful, Jo. You’re an incredible artist.”
“Thanks. Somehow I feel like your request is more for me than you, but I’ll kindly ignore that.” A slow grin spread across her face.
“Kindly do. What do you feel like doing tonight? It’s your night, so you get to choose.” Nova ran her fingers through Jolie’s hair.
“I don’t know. Maybe we can watch a movie or something. Anyway, we’ve got hours until then, so let’s play a game and then walk around the pond.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Nova took one hot mug from Karlee and handed the other to Jolie.
As evening descended, Jolie found that her earlier enthusiasm had given way to exhaustion. Nova put on a romantic comedy and settled on a bean bag near the foot of the bed. Jolie sat next to Karlee on top of Nova’s comforter, leaning against the headboard. Not long after the movie began, Karlee put her arm around Jolie’s shoulders, pulling her in to whisper in her ear.
“I’ve got a little going away present for you,” she said seductively.
Jolie gulped, too tired to think of any objections. The way that Karlee had been innocently touching her all day, a back rub, a casual hand on the knee, a leg against hers, had brought her to a place where she was pretty sure that in her right mind, she’d actively seek this out.
“Are you cold?” Karlee asked loudly so that Nova could hear it.
Jolie played along. “Um, yeah. Give me some blanket.”
In the reflection of light coming from the TV screen, she could see Karlee’s lips parting. She knew there would be no kissing because Nova would certainly catch on. Karlee replaced her arm around Jolie, pulling her close. Her fingers subtly brushed over her nipple, eliciting a gasp that Jolie had to stifle by biting her lip. She saw a wicked gleam in Karlee’s eyes and moved her own arm to a similar position. Karlee bit the knuckles of her free hand, and Jolie breathed harder, watching her try to stay still. It was difficult to keep from moaning out loud as Karlee touched her, their restraint only intensifying the ache. She hadn’t been touched like this since Ana left, and was eager for the chance to prove to herself that she didn’t need her anymore.
Both women checked to make sure Nova had not heard them, and, satisfied that she was distracted with the movie, Karlee slipped her hand into Jolie’s sweatpants. Jolie parted her legs to give her free access, and Karlee took it. Biting her own knuckles, she sat perfectly still as Karlee stroked her, inside and out, expertly bringing her close to orgasm, then stopping on the cusp over and over again. Each time, she grew more melancholy, but she pushed the feeling down in exchange for the exquisite physical pleasure she was receiving. Objectively, the torture was delicious, the danger of being found out, its own excitement. Finally, Karlee allowed her to come, and she did violently, shaking the bed as she shuddered in attempted restraint. When it was over, she noticed Nova’s laughter at the movie and praised Karlee’s good timing.
She wiped beads of sweat off of her forehead as Karlee extracted her hand and moved it under her own pants. Jolie was sure she was supposed to be enjoying this part, too, but it felt like she was outside her own body, watching someone else touch and be touched by Karlee. As hollow as she felt, she couldn’t leave Karlee hanging. She touched Karlee’s nipple as she stared into her eyes, her breath coming quickly. If they had been alone, Jolie might have pressed her lips to Karlee’s, as she was silently begging her to do. Her orgasm came suddenly, and she lay with her head on Jolie’s shoulder for a time afterward. Jolie let her because she wanted to be a person who could move on. After all, it had been a month. Wasn’t it at least time for a rebound relationship? Near the end of the movie, Nova left for the bathroom.
Karlee smiled sweetly and kissed her on the cheek. “How was that?”
Jolie didn’t know what to say, let alone feel, about the encounter, so she just hugged Karlee.
“Want to sleep in my bed tonight?”
“I don’t think so. I do need to get some sleep.” And some perspective, Jolie thought.
Karlee frowned slightly, but nodded. “I think I’ll turn in now, then. Have a good night, and a good trip. Call me?”
“Yeah,” Jolie said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
She leaned back and quickly fell asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, she awoke to a dark room and a warm body next to her. Ana? She momentarily grasped for an explanation before she remembered the movie. Nova’s bed. Nova. Easing back against the pillow and Nova’s heavy body, she quickly fell back into a deep slumber.
Chapter Twenty-six
The base was quiet except for the thrum of the compressor as it maintained optimal air temperature and humidity. Ana sat in the lab, absentmindedly sterilizing a series of petri dishes with a bleach solution. The sharpness of the fumes would normally merit a fume hood or at least a face mask, but they barely registered in her wandering mind. Sixteen hours until they’d ride the ATVs back to the pickup site and find themselves on jets heading home. At least that was the protocol. She, along with Martine and Liv, had other plans.
She hadn’t mentioned her pending resignation to anyone except those two. They suggested that s
he lay low until they were all safely home. No use risking a scene in the middle of a desert, as the rest of the crew was bound to be angry. No doubt this would delay the launch, even with the replacement crew member coming from somewhere in California.
Truthfully, she didn’t much care what happened with the launch. Her mind was now occupied full-time counting the moments until she could get in touch with Jolie and share with her the single most important decision she’d ever made. Since the moment she’d invited Jolie into her home, she’d begun to choose her own destiny, and now she finally felt free. But freedom was bittersweet if she had nobody to share it with. None of her messages had gone through and Cassiopeia wasn’t giving her any useful information. She shifted uncomfortably on her chair, worried that Jolie had left the house and didn’t want to be found. Or worse, that she’d moved on and Ana was too late. For the fifteenth time in the last hour, she checked her messages. Nothing new.
She was used to protocols and processes, and there had been one for every moment of her life, until now. She trembled and dropped the petri dish she was holding. It clattered off of the table, falling unbroken to the floor. “Ana, get it together,” she said aloud, sure nobody could hear her. Everyone was sound asleep in their quarters or, in the case of Liv and Martine, working on their plan for her. The two of them had taken it upon themselves to play public relations department, and she’d agreed to go where they dictated, do what they said, and not argue about it. The situation was sticky. She had to face the stakeholders and give a vague reason for stepping down, simultaneously name someone else to her position, and Martine had to make it appear as though everything was part of some grand plan. There were so many questions Martine would have to answer, and she felt terrible for putting her in that position. Investors didn’t like to see their investments sour. And, of course, she’d have to answer to her mother sooner or later.
As relieved as Ana felt with her decision, she dreaded facing her mother. Dr. Mitchell would be concerned with the optics, and the mission director’s own daughter quitting the mission didn’t exactly look great. She’d never cared much for Ana’s happiness, and she probably wouldn’t start now. On top of that, if the team managed to pull everything off without a hitch, in two weeks, her six closest friends and colleagues would be on a one-way journey to another planet. And she’d be left either holding Jolie, or emptier than she could imagine.
A brief knock on the door shook Ana from her thoughts. Liv opened it slowly and came in, making sure to shut it securely behind her.
“How can you stand those fumes? My God. Enough to sterilize your sinuses if you’re here for five minutes.” She lifted the top of her uniform over her nose.
“Can I help you?” Ana asked sarcastically. She pulled off her gloves.
“Oh, sorry. I was so oxygen deprived, I completely forgot why I came. Yes, we have the final plans drawn up. Here they are.”
Ana suddenly stood and embraced Liv. “What would I do without you?”
Liv blushed deeply as Ana let her go and read the sheet of paper. Nothing new, just a plan for what they’d already discussed. Ana nodded.
“Did you get in touch with Jolie yet?”
Ana fidgeted with her bracelet. She’d considered trying Nova, but was afraid to hear that Jolie had moved on, and had done so with Karlee, the one person she’d choose to send to Mars if she could. “No. No word yet. Liv, what if she never talks to me again?” Ana inhaled sharply and covered her mouth.
Liv placed her hand on Ana’s shoulder and squeezed. “You will find her if you’ve lost her. You have…an effect on people. She will come back.”
“You know that I had to do this, right? I planned on the rest of the crew being upset, but you and Martine, I just need you to know that I don’t take this decision lightly.” Ana rubbed her eyes. “I have no idea what I’m going to do without this in my life.”
“I couldn’t understand more. If Martine were staying behind, there’s no way I’d be on that ship. You made a decision that I’m glad I didn’t have to.”
“Thank you. I just can’t believe I’m going to miss it all. Everything we’ve been through, half of my life, it’s gone just like that,” Ana said.
“Think of it another way.” Liv cupped her shoulders. “Everything that happened led you to Jolie. That’s worth something.”
Ana smiled. “Yeah.”
“And, Ana, nobody on Earth knows the ins and outs of the mission better than you. I would be shocked if they didn’t hire you to manage the day-to-day operations.”
Ana hugged her again. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
She led Ana out of the room and to her quarters, pulling the covers back so she could crawl in. Ana relaxed once she was lying down, closing her eyes as Liv leaned in to kiss her softly on the forehead and then the lips. She let her linger for a moment, knowing this was the last time they’d be close enough to touch. Then, the lights dimmed to blackness, and she drifted off into a hopeful sleep.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Jolie blinked her heavy eyelids open. She saw the bright lights of Akron, Ohio, before her, harshly cutting into the darkness she’d become accustomed to. She told the car to stop at the nearest cheap hotel. Soon, it pulled into a roadside motel advertising a nightly rate cheap enough to make her reconsider, if she could have afforded to. She sluggishly made her way to the front desk and got a key from an old man who smelled of cigarettes and was half-asleep himself, his face as worn as the splintering wood siding that covered the walls.
Her room was dismal, a single overhead light bulb washing the floral bedspread in an unflattering bluish hue. She was hungry, but too tired to go back out to find food, too lazy to even order something. She carefully unmade the bed and got in, wearing the same clothing she’d been in since she’d said good-bye to Nova and Karlee. It seemed so far removed from where she was now, a distant memory of a better place. She pulled the blanket to her chin and pulled her knees to her chest. The light, the mustiness of the room, and the hum of traffic on the highway was too much. Miles from anyone she knew, she felt more alone than ever. She rolled over and reached into her bag, pulling out Ana’s ISS Trainee sweatshirt that she’d taken as a memento. Even if she wouldn’t ever speak to her again, at least she had this reminder of what they’d had. Curling into it, she inhaled deeply as the tears came. If only Ana were there beside her, this trip would be bearable. Of course, if Ana were there, it would be unnecessary. The darkness would be welcome, even an invitation for intimacy.
Jolie cried until she was an empty shell of herself, shuffling to the bathroom only after convincing herself that she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she didn’t brush her teeth. Under the bathroom fluorescents, she was an unfamiliar, sad looking woman, much older than her twenty years. She examined her face, studying the new creases that seemed to have formed overnight. Her eyes were bloodshot, cradled by dark bags. When did this unflattering version of herself surface? Was it sometime during the journey into the middle of nowhere today? Was it a month ago when Ana left? She was worn, tired, and she felt a tightness around her shoulders. This is my low, she thought. It can only get better from here. Sighing and resigned to a night of unsatisfying sleep, she got back under the covers and turned out the light.
She slept later than she meant to, letting herself fall back into slumber each time she woke during the morning. It was easier than facing the day. When she finally rose, it was well past ten, and her stomach twisted and groaned as if she hadn’t eaten in days. She stopped at a coffee shop on the way out, then set the navigation to the heart of Chicago. She barely had the energy to think about walking around Chicago, but it was a trip she’d promised herself, and she had to try.
Later, after hours on the same highway, its signs warning of the upcoming apocalypse and suggesting she find Jesus, she had the car turn off the road. On the narrow street that ran along the highway, she passed a small diner with an assortment of older cars outside.
She turned the car around and had it park next to a vintage Ford hybrid, its cerulean paint patchy where it had grown together to cover a large scratch.
Inside, the diner was surprisingly busy, so she took a seat at the counter. A waitress named Jan took her order, and she stared absently at the screen above her. A newscaster recounted some story about the war in Africa, a conflict that had been going on for years. It was clear that he was bored with reporting on it. Her eyes drifted away and landed on a digital clock and weather display across the room. In the corner, it showed the date, December 2nd. The day Ana was supposed to return home from Chile. Jolie’s stomach sank as she imagined Ana walking in and finding her gone, her note the only indication that she’d been there in the first place. Most likely, Ana would be relieved. She’d be able to focus on what mattered, not a silly relationship that had ended a month ago. Jolie put her head in her hands and leaned heavily on the counter. It ended a whole month ago, and she still felt raw. She couldn’t imagine the longing ever going away completely, but at least it had become intermittent.
The Universe Between Us Page 18