The Universe Between Us

by Jane C. Esther

  Jan set her meal in front of her and lingered for a moment. “You okay, sweetie? Tough day?”

  “You could say that. Tough month.”

  “You’ll be fine. Whatever it is, can’t be worse than those astronauts they’re sending up there again. Talk about a life I’d give anything to avoid.”

  Jolie jerked to attention. “What did you say?”

  “Them astronauts, hun. One of those bigwig corporations had their talking heads on the news this morning saying something about sending some more poor souls to die on Mars,” Jan said as she rolled cheap silverware into paper napkins.

  “What exactly did they say?” Jolie was desperate, practically leaning all the way over the counter as she waited for the precious information.

  “Well, not much. You know how they are. They try to keep the suspense. They said they’ll be taking off soon from somewhere. I didn’t really pay much attention. One crazy story after another.” Jan eyed her suspiciously. “Why so interested?”

  Jolie just shook her head, still absorbing the information. “I know one of them.”

  “Really? Now isn’t that something. You get to say your good- byes?”

  “You could say that,” she said, her eyes on the counter.

  “They’re going to be famous, if they make it there and then somehow survive.” She patted Jolie’s hand and gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m sure they’ll make it, hun.”

  She shrugged, attempting to stem the new tears that had somehow refilled her reservoir since last night. “Can I get this to go, actually? I need to get moving,” she said, wiping her eyes.

  “I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to upset you. Here. Take it, on me. Good luck to your friend.” Jan gave her an uncertain look as she repackaged the food in a container, patted her hand again, and walked away.

  Jolie left enough to cover her meal and tip, and quickly walked out the door, desperate to get home.

  “Coordinate change,” she said to the vehicle. “Valparaiso, Nebraska.”

  “Arrival at destination, one a.m.,” the navigation system said.

  “Better get a move on, then,” she said as the wheels crunched the gravel of the parking lot.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Ana opened the door to her house slowly, hoping against all odds that Jolie had stayed. The main room was silent, as if a switch had been shut off, all the life drained out. She knew immediately that she was alone. She let her bag drop to the floor with a thud. After a month away, the house looked unlived in, the counters too bare and the floor too clean for her liking. She sensed that Jolie had left it like this on purpose to make it easy for her to focus on the important preparations she should be making now. But instead of feeling grateful, she was indescribably sad. The organized paperbacks and neatly folded blanket meant that Jolie had given up on her and moved on. “As she should have,” Ana said. After all, what did she have to offer? She was a failure. She had failed Jolie, and done the same to her fellow astronauts.

  She started toward her room, exhausted from the journey, but paused when she saw a note on the ground behind the island.

  My dearest Ana. I wish you all the luck in the world (this and others) on your journey. Please know that you brought me more joy than I could have imagined ever feeling. I hope you understand why I left before you came back. I do love you, and will forever.

  XO, Jolie

  P.S. I don’t want you to worry about me, so I blocked your messages. You have more important things to do.

  “I disagree,” Ana said. She clutched the note and peeked into Jolie’s room. Empty as Ana felt. She walked over to the bed pod and felt the mattress. Cold. As she sat down on it, she realized how exhausted she was, and she laid her head against the pillow. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the edge of a piece of paper sticking out of the ceiling. After pulling it down, she felt tears form and heat rush to her cheeks. It was the most beautiful drawing she’d ever seen, an image of herself reclining on the couch, every inch of her skin rendered with such care, her heart broke all over again.

  Her wrist buzzed and she jerked upright. For a fleeting second, she thought it might be Jolie.

  “Hi,” she said to the small image of Martine.

  “Hi, love, are you home? Did you find what you were looking for?”

  “No. She’s not here,” Ana said, defeated. “She left a note and said she moved on. She blocked my calls, Martine. I have no idea where she is, and I need to find her now.” Ana held the drawing tightly against her chest.

  “Okay, let’s think through this like the rational scientists we are.”

  Ana took a deep breath. “Right. Let’s figure this out.”

  “So, she left. You do not know where?”

  “No,” Ana said.

  “Is there anyone you can ask?”

  “Not real—” She paused a moment. “Yes. Yes, there is someone I can ask. I didn’t want to, but now I have no choice. Can I call you back?”

  “I will be here.”

  She quickly hung up and cleared her throat.

  “Cassiopeia, bring up a directory of Singer students.”

  “Who would you like to find, Ana?”

  She smiled at the familiar voice of her house system. “Nova. Can you bring up the address of anyone named Nova who goes to Singer?”

  “There is one result. Sixteen Barn Lane. The property is owned by Sigma Nu sorority.”

  Ana laughed out loud with relief. This would be easier than she thought. Jolie was probably staying with Nova. She ran to her truck, eager to close the few miles’ distance between them once and for all. She imagined Jolie opening the door in a mixture of confusion and elation. Her heart pounded with excitement and the dread of uncertainty. She set the truck to go slightly above the legal speed and zoomed toward town, only allowing it to slow down as she approached the University. The midday lunch crowd crossed from the campus to the strip of restaurants, at every conceivable point along the road except the crosswalks, it seemed to Ana.

  “Come on, come on.” She drummed her fingers on the dashboard. Every moment that passed, Jolie slipped further away from her.

  Finally, the truck turned onto Barn Lane. She shuddered, thinking of the last time she’d been here. She’d been a confused coward then, but she was back, more sure of what she wanted than ever before. The truck rolled to a stop across from the familiar white sorority house. The moment she shut the door, she noticed someone on the porch swing, and a chill ran through her. It was too late to turn around. Karlee had seen her and was staring directly at her unkempt hair and tired white training suit. Ana had no choice but to approach the house, but not before taking a deep breath and rehearsing her greeting in her head.

  “Can I help you?” Karlee stood and leaned against the porch railing, crossing her arms. It was a gesture not lost on Ana.

  “Hi, Karlee. Nice to see you again.” Ana stood tentatively on the top two steps. “Actually, I was wondering if Jolie is here.”

  “Is she expecting you?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “I don’t think she wants to talk to you,” Karlee said with a piercing gaze.

  “I know, but I need to talk to her.” Ana averted her gaze. “Do you know if she’s here?” This was going much worse than it had in her head.

  “No.”

  Ana gritted her teeth. “No, you don’t know? Or no, she’s not here?”

  Just then, the front door opened and a familiar face peeked out from behind. “There you are, Karlee. I was trying to find—” Nova looked in Ana’s direction and her eyes went wide. “Ana. What—why are you here?”

  “Hi, Nova.” Ana sighed. “I was hoping someone could help me find Jolie.”

  “I already told her that Jolie didn’t want to talk to her,” Karlee said.

  Nova stepped out. “Karlee, let me, okay?” She turned to Ana again. “What are you doing here? Jolie left because she couldn’t take seeing you again. Why are you making this more difficult than it has to be?�
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  “Nova, trust me. I wouldn’t be here if things had gone according to plan.”

  To her chagrin, Karlee stepped forward and started in. “Why should we trust you? You weren’t here to pick up the pieces after you left her. You know what? She was actually pretty happy when she left yesterday. Why don’t you let it be?”

  “What Karlee means is, tell us why you’re here. If we think it’s a worthy reason, then we’ll tell you where she is.” Nova crossed her arms.

  Ana deflated. She was glad Jolie had friends so fiercely protective of her, but it certainly wasn’t working in her favor. “I want to tell her that I changed my plans.” She held her breath in the silence that followed. This was the make it or break it moment.

  Nova eyed her, then glanced in Karlee’s direction, finally settling back on Ana with a penetrating stare. “So, what? You’re staying?”

  “Yeah, I’m staying.” Ana’s voice quivered. “Nova, please tell me where she is. I will beg if I have to. I need to find out if she’ll give me another chance. Please. It’s the only thing that’s holding me together right now.” Ana realized how desperate she sounded, but she didn’t have anything else to lose, not even her pride.

  Nova sighed. “I believe you. I don’t know where she is, exactly. I can give you the address of her parents’ house, though. That’s where she’s going to be for the next few weeks.”

  Ana almost burst into tears. Instead, she ran to Nova and hugged her.

  “Jesus. You’re a fucking mess. What happened to you, anyway?” Nova hugged her loosely, keeping a little distance between them.

  “You have no idea,” Ana said, half laughing, half sobbing. She turned to see Karlee staring at the worn wooden boards of the porch. They had more in common than she’d like, if Ana had read the situation correctly, pining away for the same woman.

  “Please tell me you’re going to go home and get yourself together before you drive halfway across the country. I think she’ll be more receptive if you look decent.” Nova continued to appraise her.

  Ana shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on it. I guess I could, theoretically.”

  “You will. You look like you need to take a nap. Go home and I’ll send you the address, okay?”

  “Okay,” Ana said, sniffing. “Thank you, Nova, really.”

  Nova nodded, and Ana retreated from the porch and headed home. She quickly showered and promised herself a quick nap before she headed cross-country. Sleeping in her own pod felt too lonely, so she opted for Jolie’s, at least what used to be hers. The pillow still smelled like Jolie, and Ana buried her face in it, a wave of calmness washing through her. She could do this, she thought as she drifted to sleep. She was already free, besides making a few statements and facing her mother. And then all she had to do was win back the woman she loved.

  Ana woke much later than she intended, in complete darkness.

  “Shit. Shit.” She scrambled to find the time on her bracelet. She scrolled past the messaging app, which indicated seventeen missed calls, none from Jolie. The darkness was disorienting, until she realized it was only 7 p.m. Much later than she wanted to leave, but at least it wasn’t the middle of the night. Plus, she noticed that her energy level was back to normal. At this rate, she might even be able to drive all the way to Nebraska without stopping.

  Ana packed a small bag and was about to head out to her truck when she heard the familiar crunch of her gravel driveway. For a split second, she was sure it had to be Jolie, who had miraculously turned around and driven straight back home to see her. When she saw the car, her face fell.

  Without knocking, Dr. Mitchell stormed into the house. She took one look at Ana, who was trying not to panic, and pierced her with an icy stare. “What the hell, Ana? What are you trying to pull?”

  “Um,” Ana began.

  “Do you realize what you’ve done to me? My reputation, my years with the company trying to put this all together, completely ruined. Did you even think of that? And what in the world are you going to do now? Go play house with your girlfriend? What happens when that’s over?”

  Ana snapped at the mention of Jolie. She balled her hands into fists and squeezed them at her sides, taking a step closer to her mother. “Yes, actually, I realize what I’ve done. I don’t give a shit about your reputation. Is that all I am to you? A child you had to build up your reputation?” Dr. Mitchell didn’t answer, and Ana continued. “I’m finally happy for the first time in my life, and I don’t want to give that up. I may have put everything I have into your mission, but you never asked me if I wanted to go in the first place.”

  Dr. Mitchell blinked. “You want to simply throw away millions of dollars that Hammer has poured into your training, your education, even this house? You signed a binding contract.”

  Ana clenched her jaw. “When I was thirteen, Mother. Thirteen. I don’t expect you to approve of my decision to leave the mission, but I do expect you to let me live my own life.”

  Dr. Mitchell looked exhausted with their conversation, and Ana realized how deeply creased her face had become. Surely, directing the mission had taken its toll, and Ana suddenly felt sorry for her.

  “Look, I’m sorry this changes your plans, but we’ve already got my replacement on board. The mission will happen no matter what.” Ana cleared her throat. “I’m willing to take the consequences for breaking the contract, but I hope you’ll realize how important it will be to have me in the control room. With you.”

  Dr. Mitchell looked up and Ana swore she saw a flash of consideration. “We’ll see. You’ll have to discuss it with the Board.” With a curt nod, she said, “I think we’re done here. There’s a meeting at 7:45 for you to make your announcement. I hope you’ve figured out what to say.” With that, she left as abruptly as she’d come.

  Ana waited a few minutes, then threw her bag into the truck and set the coordinates to take her to Nebraska. If she drove through the night, she’d probably get about halfway there by tomorrow afternoon. She cursed her older truck, which didn’t have software reliable enough for her to sleep during the drive. She’d have to stay awake in order to take over manually in case something went wrong.

  As she rode beyond the town line, she checked her messages, mostly from Martine, and a few from Liv. At first, Martine was just checking in. By message six, she was getting worried. This was around the time that Liv chimed in, wondering if she had blocked Martine, and begging her to call either one of them. By the last few, Martine was giving her information about the call she had set up with the stakeholders, the same one her mother mentioned.

  “Roger,” she recorded, and sent it to both women.

  At precisely 7:45, her bracelet beamed a hologram of a screen full of small faces. The meeting included the executives from the Hammer Corporation, as well as the small team of scientists and engineers who would serve as ground mission control. Martine had managed to assemble all of the key players, who were probably on the edge of their seats for this important update so close to launch.

  Martine spoke at precisely 7:45. “Thank you for being here tonight. We have an important announcement to make about our mission, and we’ll need all of your resources to make sure that this does not affect our launch date. Commander Mitchell is on the line and will give the announcement.”

  Ana took over from Martine. “Members of the operations team, financial backers, and anyone else who is on the line, I have come to the conclusion that my presence aboard HammerOne is not only detrimental to the rest of the crew, but also to myself. I cannot in good faith fulfill the duties of astronaut and colonist on this mission, and for that reason, I have resigned. You can direct further questions to Captain Legrand.” She felt a tightness in her chest and realized she’d been holding herself rigid during her short speech.

  The line was silent for a brief moment before the clamor began. Everyone spoke at once, and Ana could only make out shades of alarm and anger. She tuned it out as best she could.

  “Excuse me,” Martine shouted.
“This is the captain of HammerOne speaking.” Her authoritative tone reverberated through the speaker and, Ana imagined, throughout every room containing one of the attendees. The noise quickly fell to a hum. “We plan to go on as before. We will launch in twelve days. The rest of the crew has been notified, and Commander Mitchell’s replacement has been preparing. Commander Liv Skarsgaard and I will ensure that all crew is up to speed on the relevant information.”

  Ana saw an incoming message from her mother, and ignored it, too keyed up to get into another argument with her. When she called a second, then a third time, Ana finally relented.

  “Yes?”

  She heard her mother hesitate. “I’ve spoken to the Board, and they agree that you should be on the ground with us before launch. And after. They want you to be in charge of communicating with the crew. You’ll be here at headquarters the day after tomorrow.”

  Ana sighed and shook her head in disbelief. “You don’t get it. You can’t keep controlling my life like this.”

  Dr. Mitchell tried to interject. “But—”

  “I quit the mission and I get to decide what I do next. Offer me the job like you would anybody else.”

  The line was silent.

  “Fine, then I can’t—”

  “Fine.” Dr. Mitchell’s tone was brusque. “On behalf of the Hammer Corporation, we’d like to have you in the control room. So?”

  Ana smiled a little at her mother’s relenting. “Let me get back to you. I need a few days to address some personal matters.” With that, she ended the call, and instead of switching back to Martine and the stakeholders, she sank back into her seat and listened to the sound of wheels gripping the pavement, propelling her closer to the moment she’d have to face Jolie.

  She sent one more message before turning off the truck screen and disconnecting her bracelet: Wait for me, please. XO, Ana.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  When the car finally pulled off of the highway and into Valparaiso, Nebraska, the sun had been gone for hours. The vehicle navigation system did its best to avoid the potholes that riddled the cracked pavement, but Jolie and her belongings rattled along anyway. The town was even further past its prime than she remembered, the street peppered with run-down houses and dilapidated buildings. She passed through the town center and, in the dim glow of the headlights, recognized what used to be the diner. Its broken windows caught the headlights’ glare unevenly. On the right was her sister’s house, her husband’s rusty truck in the driveway. After all these years, he still had the same one he’d had since high school. As she rolled past, a light came on upstairs. Probably Danielle waking up to feed the baby. It felt strange to be so physically close to family she hadn’t seen in several years, but she couldn’t knock on Danielle’s door at this hour.