Deadly Desperados

by Lily Harper Hart

  “Do you honestly think I would do that?” James asked, adjusting the overhead fan so it blew directly on Mandy’s placid face. “I’m just messing around with you. I’ll be respectful.”

  “I know you will,” Jake said hurriedly. “It’s just … this is the first time I’ve brought anyone to the farm. I’m kind of nervous myself.”

  “You’re nervous to introduce Ally to them,” James clarified. “Mandy and I are just along for the ride.”

  “Is that true?” Ally asked, her eyes widening. “Are you nervous for them to meet me?”

  “I’m excited for them to meet you,” Jake corrected. “I haven’t seen them in a few years, though. It seems weird to be going out there now. I should’ve stopped by when I got back to the country after my last tour but … I kept putting it off.”

  “I understand that,” James said, his mind briefly traveling back to his own military stint and the initial alienation he felt upon his return. “I’m sure they understand it, too.”

  “You still haven’t told me about your aunt,” Ally pressed. “Is she going to try to dress me up in prairie skirts and make me churn butter?”

  Jake barked out a coarse laugh. “Where did you get that idea?”

  “Little House on the Prairie,” Mandy answered, her eyes still shut as she shifted and cuddled closer to James. “We used to watch it when we were kids.”

  “Holy crap! I forgot all about that,” James said, laughing. “They used to braid their hair and everything so they could pretend they were Laura Ingalls.”

  “Didn’t you guys miss the Little House on the Prairie craze?” Jake asked. “That was the seventies and eighties.”

  “They have reruns,” Ally supplied. “We used to love that show. We wanted to live in a little house and beat up Nellie Oleson.”

  “Ah.” Jake fought the mad urge to laugh at Ally’s nostalgia. “Well, Aunt Mary won’t try to dress you up in prairie skirts and I don’t think she’s ever churned butter.”

  “Still, she must do stuff the old-school way,” Ally argued. “Does she sweep wood floors and plant her own potato crop?”

  “I’m hiding the television when we get home,” Jake grumbled. “Aunt Mary grew up in Kansas. She went to school to be a nurse. She met Uncle Ben when he was back on rotation for a few months and they fell in love. Since he had to go back to active duty, she didn’t think she’d ever see him again.

  “The second he was released he showed up at the hospital where she worked begging for a date,” he continued. “They went out four nights in a row. On the fifth night he proposed, and they’ve been happy ever since.”

  “That’s a beautiful story,” Ally said, her brown eyes shining. “That doesn’t answer my question about the potatoes, though.”

  “You definitely watch too much television,” Jake said, tugging on a strand of Ally’s flyaway hair. “She does have a garden, but they don’t need it to live on. She enjoys canning stuff … and she’s the best cook ever.”

  Ally made a face. “After me, right?”

  “Of course,” Jake hedged, causing James to laugh.

  “I think what he’s trying to tactfully tell you is that she’s a better cook than you, Ally,” James interjected.

  “Stop poking your sister,” Mandy murmured, her eyes still shut.

  “I would poke you if you’d wake up,” James countered.

  “Shh.”

  James rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Jake. “Is your aunt still a nurse?”

  “She picks up a shift a week at the local hospital and volunteers with a group of area midwives, but she spends most of her time working on the farm,” Jake explained. “Their big crops are corn and soybeans. They have a small beef market, and they also have horses.”

  “Beef market?” Ally furrowed her brow. “Oh, man, does that mean I’m going to make friends with cows only to have them show up on the dinner table?”

  Jake’s smile was rueful. “You’re probably not going to want to make friends with the cows in case you get attached to them,” he said. “Look at it this way, though, you’ll finally get to ride a horse.”

  “That’s right,” James chortled. “Now, instead of constantly telling Mandy to ask for a pony when she’s mad at me, you can actually ride a horse and get it out of your system.”

  “I’m kind of excited about it,” Ally admitted. “The only horse I’ve ever ridden has been on a carousel.”

  “I’ll take you for a special ride and we’ll have a picnic,” Jake offered. “I think you’re going to have a great time … once you get used to the change in lifestyle.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that life moves differently in the country,” Jake replied. “There’s a lot of work to be done, and the cabins we’re going to be staying in aren’t like the house. There’s not a television there for you to watch Little House on the Prairie. You have to go outside and actually live the life.”

  “I can do that,” Ally sniffed.

  “We’ll see,” Jake said. “I think you’re going to have a good time if you relax and let yourself enjoy it. I also think you’re going to go into culture shock for the first twenty-four hours. Don’t worry. I’ll be there to ease the transition.”

  “Speaking of easing the transition,” Ally said, leaning forward and glancing around. “With so few people up here, I’m thinking now is the time to do something I’ve always wanted to do.”

  “What?”

  Ally pointed at the bathroom. “Have you ever wanted to join the Mile High Club?”

  “Don’t even think about it,” James hissed. “I will kill you both if you try something like that.”

  “Oh, ease up,” Mandy muttered. “You were excited to join the club when we flew on our honeymoon.”

  “Seriously, that’s what you’re conscious enough to bring up?” James asked, scowling at his wife.

  “Shh.”

  Jake knew smiling wasn’t a good idea, but he couldn’t help himself when James’ murderous glare landed on him. “It does make you a little bit of a hypocrite, man.”

  “If you go in that bathroom with my sister I’m going to kill you,” James warned.

  “Yeah, but what a way to go.”

  Four

  “Why is it so … flat?”

  Mandy didn’t fully wake up until they landed, although James did manage to pour breakfast down her before she tugged the blanket over her head again. Now that they were on the ground and driving toward their intended location, though, her blue eyes were keen as they surveyed the scenery rushing by.

  “Were you expecting mountains?” Jake asked from the driver’s seat, James settled next to him for the quick jaunt between the airport and the farm.

  “No,” Mandy said, scowling. “It’s just … everything is really flat.”

  “Kind of like your chest in middle school,” Ally chimed in, her gaze fixed outside the window.

  Mandy elbowed her best friend, irritated. “I wasn’t that flat.”

  “You used to wear sweatshirts that were way too big for you because you didn’t want James to know how flat you were,” Ally countered.

  “Is that true?” Jake asked, glancing at Mandy in the rearview mirror.

  “Yes,” Mandy admitted, crossing her arms over her chest. “I tried stuffing, but it always looked lumpy.”

  “I told you to use pudding in a balloon if you were going to do that,” Ally reminded her. “You said you couldn’t do that because your mom would ask where all the pudding went.”

  James made a face. “Is that where all of our pudding went when you were in middle school?”

  “I used Jell-O. I like a little jiggle when I walk.”

  Jake guffawed while James rubbed the back of his neck. “You still like a little jiggle in your walk, Angel. I like it, too.”

  “Don’t push your luck,” James warned. “After that bathroom incident on the plane, you’re lucky you’re still alive.”

  “I really did have s
omething in my eye,” Ally protested.

  “I think you had something of Jake’s somewhere else,” Mandy countered.

  Ally slapped her arm. “Shh.”

  “As glad as I am that you’re awake, baby, you missed a lot of the conversation on the plane,” James said. “You’re to refrain from making farm jokes and animal noises because it’s considered rude.”

  “Who said anything about animal noises?” Ally asked, confused.

  “I thought you liked it when I made animal noises,” Mandy countered. “You love it when I make chomping noises in the hot tub and pretend I’m a shark.”

  “That’s because you’re naked when you do it,” James replied, unruffled.

  “You two have some weird fetishes,” Jake said, turning onto a long and windy dirt driveway. “You might want to refrain from putting those on display out here. I don’t think people are going to understand that Mandy gets turned on by Jaws.”

  “I don’t get turned on by the shark,” Mandy corrected. “I get turned on by Martin Brody killing the shark. Get it right.”

  “We’ll be on our best behavior,” James promised. “I’ll keep my wife and her Jawesome behind at my side at all times.”

  Jake snorted. “Yes, that sounds like a real hardship for you.”

  “It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.”

  “You know I can hear the two of you, right?” Mandy asked from the back seat, kicking her foot under James’ seat to get his attention. “Are you going to chase me through a meadow like in Little House on the Prairie?”

  “Baby, if that does it for you, I’ll chase you through six meadows.”

  “I thought it would be warmer here,” Ally admitted. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nicer than Michigan right now, but it’s not exactly balmy. I was hoping to get a tan.”

  “The weather shifts here a lot,” Jake explained. “One day it could be like this and the next day it could snow. A day after that it could be seventy. This is a hard time of year to predict.”

  “Will you chase me through a meadow?” Ally asked.

  “It wasn’t in my plan, but sure,” Jake acquiesced. “I’ll take you on a picnic and chase you before we … .” He shifted a wary look in James’ direction.

  “Before we what?” Ally prodded.

  Jake cleared his throat. “Have dessert.”

  “That’s a very good answer,” James said.

  “So, you’re saying you’d rather have Jake lie to you than know we were going to roll around in a field?” Ally asked, nonplussed.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” James leaned forward as a majestic house popped into view. “Holy … wow. Is that your uncle’s place?”

  Jake nodded, his heart rolling. He’d forgotten how much he loved this house and the land surrounding it. Just being back – even if he hadn’t set foot on it yet – was enough to mire him in happy childhood memories.

  “That’s amazing,” Ally breathed. “Look at the front porch! It has rocking chairs. I want a front porch like that one day.”

  Mandy shrugged. “I like our hot tub and patio better.”

  “No one asked you,” Ally muttered, pinching her best friend. “Why do you always have to rain on my parade?”

  “Do I have to separate you two?” James asked, arching an eyebrow. “I knew letting you guys sit in the back together was a bad idea.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re fighting,” Jake said, parking his rented vehicle and killing the ignition. “You two never fight like this.”

  “We do on road trips,” Ally explained, reaching for the door handle. “How do I look?”

  “You look good,” Mandy said, running her hand down the back of Ally’s hair to smooth the messy waves. “They’re going to love you.”

  Jake narrowed his eyes, confused. “Weren’t you two just fighting?”

  “The road trip is over,” Ally explained. “We’re done fighting.”

  “I will never understand women,” Jake muttered.

  “Join the club and get used to it,” James said. “If I could explain half of the things these two do, I would … be less frustrated almost seventy-five percent of the time.” He clapped his hands, jolting everyone in the vehicle. “Okay, kids, we’re supposed to be on our best behavior, so no one say anything stupid.”

  “Wow, thanks for the pep talk,” Ally said dryly. “I … oh … people are coming out of the house.” She turned to Mandy, desperate. “Are you sure I look okay?”

  Even though lack of sleep and early-morning travel were enough to irritate Mandy, she wasn’t grumpy enough to dampen Ally’s enthusiasm. “You look beautiful, Ally. They’re going to love you. It’s impossible not to.”

  “JAKE!”

  Mary Harrison was a petite woman, her brown hair tied up in a simple bun as she rushed down the front steps and threw her arms around her nephew. Ally shifted nervously behind them, internalizing her disappointment that absolutely no one was wearing a prairie skirt or cowboy hat.

  “Aunt Mary,” Jake said, returning the hug. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. I’ve missed you.”

  “You wouldn’t have to miss her if you dropped in more often.” Ben Harrison was almost a foot taller than his wife, and while his expression was serious, a hint of amusement lurked behind his chocolate eyes. “In case you missed it, that was a not-so-subtle hint that you should visit us.”

  Jake moved away from his aunt and hugged his uncle, taking Ally by surprise with the heartfelt gesture. Most men – her brothers included – opted to do the lame half-man hug. This was a full-on embrace.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t visited sooner,” Jake said once they separated. “I’ve been busy getting things in order.”

  “I’ve heard,” Ben said. “Your mom and Mary are in constant contact. They like to gossip like riled up hens with only one rooster to crow between them. I understand you’re working for a security company and you’ve moved in with a woman.”

  Ben’s kind eyes moved to the three people standing behind Jake. “Since the blonde is holding hands with this other guy, I’m going to guess this pretty little thing is your someone special.”

  Before Ally could even utter a greeting Ben was on her, pulling her in for a tight hug. “You’re just a cute little thing, aren’t you?”

  Ally returned the hug, although she wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Usually she would let her ego do the talking, but that didn’t seem like the right move now. “I … .”

  “Of course she’s cute,” Mary said, pushing Ben out of the way so she could take his place. “Do you think Jake would bring an ugly cow to the pasture?”

  Mandy and James exchanged amused glances as Ally hugged Mary.

  “It’s nice to meet you both,” Ally said once she could get her breath. “Jake talks about you all the time.”

  “My understanding is that he talks about you all the time, although his mother says she still hasn’t met you,” Ben said. “How come?”

  “I … .” Ally broke off, biting her bottom lip.

  “Don’t do that,” Jake warned, slipping an arm around Ally’s waist to bolster her. “We’ve been really busy. We just moved in together and … well … we haven’t had time to go over and visit Mom. We will just as soon as my schedule lightens up.”

  “You’d better,” Mary chided. “Your mother is desperate to meet this girl. Now that I’ve met her, though, I can see why you’ve been keeping her to yourself.” Mary’s eyes sparkled. “I have a feeling you like to spend a lot of time alone, don’t you?”

  “Aunt Mary,” Jake groaned. “Don’t … do that.”

  “What?” Mary asked, feigning innocence. “She’s a beautiful girl and you’re living together. We know what you’re doing.”

  James cleared his throat but otherwise remained silent.

  “This is James and Mandy Hardy,” Jake said, shifting slightly so the couple in question could move forward. “In addition to being my boss, James is also Ally’s brother.”<
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  “Oh,” Mary said, properly chastised. “I’m guessing you don’t like to hear cuddling talk about your sister, huh? I get that. I had four older brothers. They like to pretend I’m still too young to talk about that stuff.”

  Mandy pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “This is a beautiful home,” she said. “How much land do you own?”

  “It’s about four thousand acres.”

  Mandy swallowed hard. “Four thousand?”

  Mary nodded.

  “Wow. How many acres do we have again, James?” Mandy asked, her mind traveling to their expansive home.

  “Two, baby,” James replied, smirking.

  “Huh.”

  “Yeah, don’t go wandering off on your own,” James said, squeezing her hand. “I may never find you again and then we would both be sad.”

  “And you’re the one who owns the security business, right?” Ben asked, looking James up and down. “You look awfully young to own your own business.”

  “I guess you could say I was motivated and I knew what I wanted to do,” James replied.

  “And you’re here to help with my situation?”

  “I am.”

  Ben smiled. “Well, then I guess it doesn’t matter how old you look,” he said. “Come on, everyone. We’ll take you out to the cabins and get you settled. Mary wanted you to stay in the house with us, but Jake thought it was a better idea to give ya’ll some privacy. After seeing everyone together, I know why he wanted that privacy.”

  “Uncle Ben!” Jake was mortified.

  Ben winked at his nephew. “Come on. We’ll get you guys settled and then give you a tour. Mary is cooking a huge dinner tonight, and you’re going to want to get washed up and rested. This way.”

  “THIS isn’t so bad,” James said, glancing around the tiny cabin as he hoisted his bag on top of the dresser. “I thought it would be smaller than this.”

  Mandy arched a challenging eyebrow. “You could fit this whole cabin inside of our bedroom.”

  “Yes, but this is rustic and it won’t be forever so … don’t start complaining ,” James warned, wagging a finger in his adorable wife’s face. “Please don’t do anything that will upset Jake. I know this isn’t your idea of appropriate vacation digs, but it’s not that bad.”