Her Troubled Cowboy (Harland County Series Book 9)

by Donna Michaels

  He blinked, trying to find her through the mélange of images amassed in his brain. “No. Chair.”

  A second later he felt her shoulder under him, helping him off the floor and into a chair. With solid wood under him, he sank into the seat, put his head between his legs, vaguely aware of Caitlin talking on the phone, and to his sister.

  Brandi…she was hurt. Bleeding. The memory of her standing by the hutch, face bloody ricocheted through his mind. He had to help, but couldn’t even fuckin’ help himself.

  By this time his ears were ringing, and a second later, everything went black.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Keiffer!” Brandi sobbed in her chair where Caitlin made the shaken mother-to-be sit two minutes ago.

  God, she longed to rush to him, but needed to make sure her friend kept pressure on her wound.

  Where the hell was the ambulance? She called them five minutes ago.

  Drawing on all her training, and some childhood fail-safes, she mentally opened the closet in her mind and shoved her anxiety for Keiffer inside, then she cupped Brandi’s shoulder. “I’ll go to him. But you need to hold this towel tightly to your head.”

  “Is he okay? Why isn’t he moving?” Brandi asked, while she took over applying pressure to her own wound, her voice tight with anxiety.

  Which wasn’t good.

  “I’ll figure it out,” she assured calmly. “You worry about you and the baby, okay? You need to keep your stress down.”

  Brandi nodded. “Okay. You’re right.” She drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly.

  Satisfied the mother-to-be was in a better mental state, Caitlin turned and rushed to Keiffer’s unmoving body, sprawled where he’d crashed to the floor.

  God, he was so white.

  She knelt by his side and lifted a shaky hand to feel for his pulse. Relief blurred her vision when she found one. “He’s breathing,” she reassured his sister, the sound of sirens finally filling the air.

  Clammy. Shallow breaths. He needed oxygen.

  And help. Professional help.

  He couldn’t keep living like that. Possessed by crippling memories that could trigger at any time. It wasn’t living. It was horrible. She’d never forget the look on his face, or the way he gasped for air.

  Still gasped.

  She brushed his hair back from his clammy forehead and just kept stroking, willing his lungs to take in enough oxygen.

  A knock sounded on the door a second before Jordan, Tanner and two paramedics rushed in, followed by Jesse, who must’ve heard the sirens from the barn.

  The sheriff, two firefighters, and two paramedics.

  “Brandi, Caitlin, what’s going on?” Jordan asked, her gaze quickly working the room.

  Nothing ever got past the sheriff. Her attention to detail was an attribute Caitlin had had to learn. She filled her in, answered the paramedic’s questions, then stood aside and watched as the Wyne siblings were treated.

  Keiffer regained consciousness and was sitting up, sucking in oxygen, his gaze flicking over her, but it was as if he wasn’t even seeing her. Her chest hurt so badly she could barely think or function. But she had to function.

  Something was off. As if on auto-pilot, she signed reports all the while her mind raced inside, worried about Keiffer.

  He refused to go to the hospital, but scolded Brandi when she tried to do the same. “You need to get checked out, Brandi.”

  “I will if you will.”

  Once the paramedic temporarily dressed Brandi’s wound and advised her to go to the hospital for stitches, Caitlin had used a washcloth to clean the blood off her friend’s face. It still remained in her hair and on her shirt. She just hoped it was enough to stop Keiffer from having another episode.

  “I’m not carrying a baby, or in need of stitches.” He seemed to be able to look at his sister now, so whatever they’d cleaned up must’ve been the trigger.

  “True,” Brandi replied, setting a hand on Keiffer’s arm. “But you need help.”

  He muttered a curse. “I’m fine. You have a gash in your head, Brandi, and you need to have it treated.” He glanced around, a little bit of pleading showing up in his hard gaze. “Will someone back me up? Explain to her she needs to go.”

  Caitlin tried, several times, with both of them, but they were stubborn.

  Jordan stepped close. “He’s right. Standing here arguing isn’t helping. Let’s fix one problem at a time. Okay?”

  Brandi let out a breath and nodded. “Okay.”

  “Let me take you to the hospital.” Jordan draped an arm around the mother-to-be. “I can sit with you. My shift is almost over.”

  “I can take her,” Keiffer spoke up, the skin on his face appeared to be pulled tight, and his lips were thin.

  Caitlin’s insides twisted at the change in his appearance since that morning.

  “It’s better if you don’t get behind a wheel for a while, Keiffer,” Jordan told him, her gaze friendly but firm.

  For a moment, Caitlin thought he was going to balk at the sheriff’s orders, too, but he clamped his jaw tight and gave a curt nod.

  “And under no circumstances is anyone to call Kade.” Brandi stared at everyone. “It’s just a stitch or two. He only has a few days left of school. It can wait until he’s home. Okay?” The woman made sure everyone nodded before she allowed Jordan to usher her out the door.

  The paramedics retreated, then Tanner and Jesse patted her on the back.

  Yeah, she did swell. The man she loved was hurting, and living in a hell she couldn’t breach to save him. She was a great help.

  The men looked as if they wanted to say something to Keiffer, but they slapped his shoulder and left instead.

  Caitlin waited a few seconds to see if he’d address her, look at her, curse, spit…something. He carried his dishes to the sink, then headed for the front door. She couldn’t believe he was just going to walk out.

  “Keiffer.”

  He stopped, but didn’t turn to face her. “Go to work, Caitlin. You’ve already missed half a day because of me.”

  Her heart clutched at the self-repose coating his words. “I don’t have work until this afternoon, remember?”

  He shrugged.

  “Aren’t you going to look at me?”

  Twisting around, he stared right at her, and through her, his gaze lifeless and drawn. Like the first morning she saw him at the Pub. It was as if the past six weeks never happened.

  Pain twisted her insides again and she fought back useless tears. “Keiffer. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  His jaw clenched and his gaze hardened but he remained quiet.

  She stepped close and set her hands on his chest, a chest that had beat wildly under her palms just a few hours earlier. “I care about you, Keiffer. And I know you care about me. Let me help you.”

  He stepped back and shook his head. “Go home, Caitlin. You can’t fix me. I’m not one of your rescues. Don’t waste your time.”

  “Keiffer!” She sucked in a breath. “You’re not a waste. Stop this.”

  “No. I was leaving in a few days anyway. It’s best just to walk away now.”

  “Best for whom? You? Because it sure isn’t best for me. I love you, Keiffer.”

  “Ah, hell, Caitlin. Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t fall for me. I’m damaged. Broken. I don’t want anyone’s love. It’s too much of a burden.” He shook his head. “Go to college. Be a great vet. The world needs you. I’m nothing but trouble. And good for no one.”

  “That’s not true.” She grabbed his arm and stared into his face. “You’re good for me, Keiffer. You’re good for me.”

  “Bullshit.” He tugged free. “I couldn’t help my pregnant sister when she got hurt. How the hell am I going to be good for you?”

  “She’s fine, Keiffer.”

  He threw his hands in the air and cursed. “That’s not the point. She needed help and I froze. Dammit. Don’t you see? What if it was the baby? Or what if Brandi had sev
ered an artery? Thank God you were here, because I was useless as shit. And not only that, I caused you concern and drew your attention away from her while she needed care.”

  “I had it under control. I know how to triage, Keiffer. Please don’t try to use that as an excuse to get rid of me.” Yes, she’d been eaten up inside with worry for him, but she hadn’t neglected Brandi’s needs.

  He grabbed his coat off the hook by the door, jammed his hands in the sleeves, then fixed the collar. “You’re not safe around me. I’m untrustworthy. That is unacceptable, Caitlin, and no way in hell am I going to subject you to a life where you can’t count on me.”

  “We’ll find a way,” she stated, stepping closer. “The alternative isn’t an option.”

  “Not only is it an option, Caitlin. It’s the only one.”

  With that he pivoted around and strode from the house.

  She stood there for several minutes, wondering what just happened, and trying desperately to figure out a way to fix it. But her mind was fogged, and her heart crumbled under the crushing weight of his dismissal.

  Chapter Fifteen

  By the time Kade returned, Keiffer had everything ready to hand over, but waited a day so the guy could settle back in and reunite with his wife—recover from the shock of finding out she’d been taken to the hospital.

  No reason to rush off the same afternoon, although he wanted to leave. Needed to leave. Being around family and friends was taking its toll again. His body ached. Head hurt. Chest hurt. Food was tasteless. He wasn’t sleeping, and when he did manage to drift off, that damn nightmare haunted him.

  Then there was Caitlin.

  The sweet woman was pale, and walked around with dark circle under her eyes. He was such an asshole. She’d started school two days ago. And he knew she was broken up over him, although, she didn’t cling, or try to corner him. No. The beauty showed up at the rescue, did her job and went home, as if she was using some sort of doctor trick to keep her emotions at bay.

  God, he hated that he was causing her to hold her emotions hostage. Hated that he was ruining her studies. Ruining her life. Interfering with her mind.

  He fuckin’ hated it.

  The sooner he left the better she’d be. He needed to go so she could move on, forget about him.

  Why the hell hadn’t he stayed away from her like he’d planned?

  He’d fucked up and Caitlin was paying the price.

  He could add that to his list of failures. List of people he’d failed, hurt. Let down.

  Like Greg.

  Swallowing a curse, Keiffer shoved the last of his clothes in his duffle bag, and made one last inspection of the cabin to make sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind. He didn’t want to give his sister an excuse to call him back. As it was, he’d have to suck it up and travel down when Tyler visited during the summer.

  But, he had time to prepare for that visit. Right now, he was ten minutes away from leaving. He’d already said his goodbyes to Benny. The horse had improved a lot over the past three weeks. His feline friend, Buddy was, no doubt, the reason. The gelding had a soulmate, a buddy again. Keiffer couldn’t help but wonder if it was the cat the horse had missed all along. After all, there was only one soulmate.

  Caitlin drifted through his mind, and he straightened his spine. Time to go. Leaving was the best thing he could do for her, best way to show he cared.

  He grasped the straps on his duffle and had just heaved it onto his shoulder when a knock sounded at his door, then he heard it swing open.

  “Hey, Keif?” Kevin’s voice echoed down the hall.

  “Coming.” He walked out into the living room and halted, his duffle bag slipping off his shoulder from the sudden stop. Kevin was lounging in a chair, Cole stood in front of the fireplace, while Kade stood near the door with Connor, and Jordan rested, arms folded, against the credenza he and Caitlin—

  Keiffer gave his head a mental shake. Those memories were reserved for when the nights turned to shit. Dropping his bag on the floor, he glanced at all the faces, surprised the most to see Jordan amongst the cowboys. She was in civilian clothes today, but appeared just as formidable. He cocked his head and glanced back over the crowd. “Considering my sister isn’t here, and you all look friendly, but determined, I’m guessing this isn’t a going away send off.”

  “There’s a party planned for you.” Kevin winked. “We’d never send you off without one.”

  “So, then…what does that make this?”

  Kade straightened from the door and Connor took his place. “An intervention.”

  Christ.

  Keiffer’s back immediately stiffened. He ran a hand through his hair, working hard to keep a lid on his rising anger. They meant well. He knew that. But he was tired and irritable as hell, and not in the mood for misguided help. “I’ll pass.”

  “You’ve had one long enough.”

  Ah, hell. He didn’t have to listen to this shit.

  “Great talk. Gotta go.” He grabbed the duffle and straightened to find his brother-in-law in his face.

  “Your sister’s worried about you, Keiffer. And when my wife’s worried, I become concerned. It’s not healthy for her or the baby.”

  Damn man didn’t play fair. He went and used the sister card.

  “Just listen to what we have to say.”

  Fuck it.

  Keiffer dropped the bag again, and folded his arms. “All right.”

  Kade lifted a hand and cupped his shoulder. “You need help.”

  The muscles in the back of his neck squeezed tight.

  Great start. His hackles were up already.

  That somber, haunted look returned to his brother-in-law’s gaze. “I know exactly what you’re thinking, because I’ve been there myself.”

  “Me, too.”

  “So have I.”

  “Ditto.”

  “Yep.”

  Again, Keiffer was most surprised by Jordan. As far as he knew she wasn’t former military.

  She stepped next to Kade. “I was an LA cop,” she said, as if reading his mind. “I watched my first husband get shot and killed while we were off-duty in a corner store.”

  Jesus.

  His insides tightened to match the muscles in his neck. How the hell had she managed to put something like that behind her enough to marry again?

  “I had nightmares. Saw his body fly backward into the coolers. The blood. All of it over and over again.”

  “How’d you get over it?”

  Her head slowly shook from side to side. “You don’t. You don’t ever get over it, you get past it. And only when you talk about it. Face your demons. Not try to bury it or put a Band-Aid on it. Otherwise, that trigger will constantly rip the damn thing off.”

  Kade nodded. “At the worst times.”

  He huffed. “I know.”

  “Each of us here have been through trauma, have a past that haunts us, Keiffer. You’re not the first. You’re not alone.” Kade squeezed his shoulder on that last part, then released him. “You need to talk to someone. A professional.”

  Hell, no. “No thanks. Talking to some suit, and paying him out the ass isn’t going to cure me. It’s only going to make him rich.”

  Kade shook his head. “I felt the same way.” Then stilled. “I was wrong.”

  A murmur of agreement echoed around the room.

  “If you won’t consider getting help for you, consider getting it because of your family. For those who care about you. Like Caitlin.”

  He stiffened, his whole body suddenly tight with tension. “Leave her out of this.”

  “Can’t.” Kade shook his head. “She’s very much a part of this.”

  “She’s affected by you and what happens to you,” Jordan stated. “That girl is in love with you.”

  Fuck.

  The tightness in his chest increased. Breathing hurt.

  Muttering a few curses, he thrust a hand through his hair and turned to kick his bag. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
>
  “Then get help.” Kade grasped his arms and forced him to meet his gaze. “Do it for Caitlin. For Brandi. That’s what I did. Then, eventually, I was doing it for me. You can’t get better until you want the help for you. But getting it because of her is a start.”

  He just didn’t see it. Didn’t see how talking to anyone would help. Besides, he’d have to revisit that morning. Face it.

  His body began to shake. Shit. “Not gonna happen.”

  “You need to get rid of the guilt,” Kevin spoke up from his perch on the chair.

  Cole nodded. “It’ll eat you up inside if you let it.”

  “It’s the root. The key,” Kade added quietly.

  Keiffer knew they spoke the truth, and if he could get rid of the guilt he would. Maybe. He didn’t really deserve to feel better. Did he?

  “Trail ride,” Connor stated, his big body blocking the exit.

  Kade nodded, gaze still on Keiffer.

  “How long you figure?” Connor asked.

  His brother-in-law studied him intently. “At least three.”

  Three what? Hours?

  Jesus, he wanted to get on the damn road. Get away. Breathe without it hurting his chest.

  Keiffer didn’t know what they were getting at, only that it had to do with him. “Well, this has been…not fun. I appreciate your concern. Am sorry to concern you. But, I really do have to go now.”

  “Let me show you something first.” Kade stepped close again. “You can leave afterward.”

  Damn, this crowd was stubborn. “Fine. Okay. What do you want to show me?” Then maybe he could get the hell out of there.

  “You up for a hard ride?”

  In his truck? Facing north? Hell, yeah.

  “Let’s go saddle up.”

  Twenty minutes later, Keiffer entered the barn with Kade, still trying to remember when he’d actually consented to the ride. And he was curious as to why they had bedrolls and stuffed saddlebags on the horses. But since riding was therapeutic for him, he didn’t see reason to balk at the idea.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When the second night rolled around, Keiffer had mixed feelings about the ride. The company was good, no doubt about that. Kade didn’t press. Just guided. Explained this was a ritual he and Connor carried out every time he came home from deployment. A way to exercise his demons.