He moved around the table to her. “I know everything about you.” At least he thought he did.
She looked up at him and held his gaze without a blink, then stood and went around the kitchen island to pull a large duffle bag from the floor. “Then why aren’t you telling me, why aren’t you showing me? Something doesn’t feel right. And I’m not sitting back and living this non-existent life with you.” She threw the strap over her shoulder and headed into the living room.
Matt leaped and caught up to her by the door. He spun her around, knocking the bag off her shoulder. He caught it before it could fall on her foot.
“Where are you going?” he practically scoffed.
Liz lifted her chin to face him. “I’m checking back into the hospital.”
Matt felt himself turning red with anger and took a deep breath to control it. “This is your home. Liz, this has all been hard on me too, I just—I need time.”
Liz shrugged. “Take all the time you need. I’m going back to see Dr. Tai and see if he can help me.” She turned to pull the door open.
Matt had all but one second to calm his anger and frustration so that when he pulled on her arm, it wouldn’t be forceful. “Wait, there is something we can do.”
Nearly one hour later, they sat in the waiting room outside of the neurology wing of the hospital. It wasn’t the same floor Liz had been staying on. It was more open, with a rounded reception desk in the middle of the floor. Each glass door leading to another division of the neuro center. Doctors and nurses raced past each other in a scurry. Well, not exactly the nurses. They mostly appeared to be handling busy work in an I’ve got all day slog, or commenting on each other’s new hairdo and what they’d had for breakfast. The doctors, on the other hand, raced door through door, stopping at the reception for only a second to check where they were going next. Every minute counting for their next round of bills. Matt sat back in the chair, waiting for Dr. Tai to emerge from one of the glass doors. He hoped it would be soon, before he changed his mind about this whole thing.
“What are we doing here?” Liz finally asked when it seemed she was going to fall out of her seat with impatience.
Some things seemed to stay with her.
“Waiting for Dr. Tai.”
“Why?”
Ignoring his wife’s soon to be answered question, Matt stood as Dr. Tai approached the half-moon shaped reception desk then turn to his unexpected visitors.
“Mr. and Mrs. Owen,” he stated. The tall man taking large steps toward them. He glanced at Liz and gave her a once over. “What brings you here this morning?”
“Dr. Tai, thank you. I apologize, I realize we didn’t have an appointment. But I thought we could try the option we had discussed last week.” Matt lowered his head at the doctor, who glared slightly before giving a single nod.
“Please follow me.”
He led them to a door at the near end of the hall and leaned in to one of the nurses in the area to mutter something too low to hear. The staff member nodded and walked away.
“Right through here, please.” Dr. Tai motioned to a single door that led to a small dark room. The lights flickered on through the sense of motion. A small single bed table lay in the middle, surrounded by monitors, machines, a small wooden desk and a few rolling stools. The room couldn’t have been much bigger than an average sized walk-in closet, yet somehow, they all fit.
“I apologize for the small space, unfortunately my usual consult room is occupied and I don’t want to be interrupted.
Liz looked uncertain and confused. He was surprised she hadn’t asked many questions since they got here.
“Liz,” Matt started, taking her hands. “I came to see Dr. Tai a few days ago and he suggested something I was thoroughly against because…well because I thought it would be unfair to put you through this—especially against…” he trailed off.
“What is…this?” Liz questioned.
“Dr. Tai had proposed something that could possibly help you get your—or part—of your memories back.”
“Liz,” Dr. Tai impatiently interjected. “How much do you know about hypnosis?”
Liz frowned. “Hypnosis? I know what it is, but I don’t know how it can help me.”
“There are a few factors that go into long or short-term memory loss that doesn’t fix itself in a matter of days or hours of the trauma. Since you’ve yet to have even the faintest memory of who you are or anything about your surroundings, it may be time to consider other obstacles or barricades that are preventing you from recollecting any memories.” He paused for a short second and eyed them. “Hypnosis has long been used to help in recalling memories. And it may help guide your mind to discover and confront any barriers, ultimately helping you overcome them. Which has shown to be very effective in getting all if not most memories back.”
“You think I am keeping myself from remembering… because of some recent event?”
Matt stiffened in his seat.
“How is that possible? Why would I purposely keep myself from remembering?”
Dr. Tai glanced down and then back at his patient. “Not you, necessarily,” he put his hands up as if pushing back. “But Liz might be. I’m not saying physically or actively not letting herself—or you remember. But I am saying that mindfully, Liz may be too shocked or stressed or traumatized by recent events or problems that she is keeping herself in a…shell…so to speak. Leaving her body and bare mind to fend for themselves for some time.”
Matt watched Liz process that thought.
“Unfortunately, the longer that Liz chooses to stay locked inside, the harder it may be to come out,” the doctor informed.
Matt appreciated the doctor’s sympathetic and soft tone. He stepped toward Liz and knelt down to face her. “Liz, I only brought you here because you needed help in remembering and there’s only so much I could do.”
Liz frowned. “Only so much? You haven’t done anything,” Liz replied in almost a whisper.
From the corner of his eye, Matt noticed the doctor glance at him.
“Yes, Dr. Tai, let’s do this.” She pulled her hand away from Matt’s grip. “I’m ready,” she offered with a nod.
Matt stepped away from the two and moved to the door and pulled his fist against his mouth, breathing hard into it.
“Close your eyes, Liz,” Dr. Tai directed.
Liz willingly shut them.
The doctor continued to instruct Liz to shift various parts of her body to ensure even and upright positions. Once he was satisfied, he instructed her breathing and guided her in clearing her mind. Liz obediently followed each tranquilly spoken command.
“Liz, I want you to go to the place just before you opened your eyes in your hospital room. Go back to the seconds before the first flash of light you remember seeing. You’re probably going to see blackness, but focus on it and see if another image comes to mind.”
After a few short seconds, Liz spoke. “I see other flashes of light. But they’re burry.”
“What color are they?”
“White, red, umm…maybe yellow.”
“What do you feel when you see these lights?”
“I’m…I’m trying not to feel.”
Dr. Tai frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What are you trying to do?”
“I’m trying to clear my eyes. They’re wet.”
Matt swallowed and shifted.
“Okay. That’s very good. Liz. Now let’s try to go back more. What happened before your eyes became wet? Can you go back to the moment before?”
“Yes.”
“Is someone with you?”
“Yes.”
“What was the last thing you remember saying to this person?”
Liz frowned. “I realized I left it back at the house.”
“What was this object you were referring to?”
“My phone.”
Matt frowned. Then he turned to the doctor, who met his eyes only to see Matt’s impatient expression. He threw his
arms in the air and shook his head as if to ask where he was going with this. The doctor responded by holding up his hand to Matt and mouthed the word SLOW. Then continued.
“Did you forget your phone?”
“No,” Liz responded. A silent moment went by.
Dr. Tai waited patiently while Matt was confused.
Liz continued. “I left it on purpose.”
“Why?” Dr. Tai asked calmly.
“Because I knew he wouldn’t call.” Liz’s expression turned sad and hopeless. Matt’s heart ached at the sight. He pulled his eyes off her and stared at the cold hard tiled floor.
“What if someone else called?” Dr. Tai didn’t bother asking who she referred to.
“I don’t have anyone else,” her breathing escalated and a single tear fell down her cheek.
Dr. Tai’s head lifted and he straightened his back, moving an inch closer to Liz.
Matt swallowed again, as he tried to release the tightening of his throat. Guilt and agony overpowering him so hard he couldn’t see straight. He paced just to regain control. Then stopped when he noticed Dr. Tai glare at him.
The doctor stood from his seat and asked Liz to remain in her thoughts for a moment. He walked up to Matt and motioned for him to step out. Outside the door, he whispered. “If you don’t relax, I’m going to have to ask you to wait out here.
“How is working backward relevant?” Matt asked, irritated that his questions were upsetting Liz. It was also not getting down to the core issue that Matt had asked Dr. Tai to look for. “Why can’t you just start from the time of the—from when this all started.”
“That’s not how this works Mr. Owen. I’m starting from the last thing that happened and work my way back as far as I need to. Based on her situation and answers, I decide what my next question is and where I’d like her to go. If she happens to mention that during this accident she lost a necklace she got when she was fifteen, then I might jump to her fifteenth birthday,” he paused when Matt shook his head to himself. “I can assure you I know what needs to be done to help Liz and I know how I’d like to get there. If I am to help Liz remember, I need to know facts about her life and where the key events lie in order to help her confront and eventually overcome them.”
Matt wanted more than anything to help Liz. He hoped memories would come back to her slowly and from the beginning of her life, like the doctor originally suggested. Then she wouldn’t have been shocked or scared when she learned about the more recent events. However, the doctor had a point. They needed to get to the core if Matt wanted to know what caused Liz’s memory loss. If it was truly the head trauma alone or if a part of her mind was choosing to stay away because of stress and personal trauma. There was also the other thing that he was sure Liz was still keeping from him. He had asked her about it but got nothing the night at his parents’ house. He needed to know what that was. It could mean everything for him. Unless Liz told him, he would never know. This very well could be his only way of finding out.
He looked up at the doctor. “I know where they are,” Matt insisted.
Dr. Tai stared at Matt for one moment and let out a breath. “Where would you like for me to take her?”
Matt wasn’t sure if taking Liz back to the time leading up to their wedding was right. It may be too stressful. But he needed to know. He swallowed again. “Can you take her back to the week before our wedding? We were in our bedroom. We talked for hours about our life together and plans we had. She had a moment where I lost her for a few seconds. Can you take her back there? I need to know what that was.”
The doctor hesitated and then looked judgingly at Matt. “I can’t do that without the patient’s consent.”
Matt glared back at him. “I understand,” Matt said simply.
Dr. Tai opened the door to let them back in. He took a seat back across from Liz. He woke her up from her state and she was alert again.
Dr. Tai had explained the scene he wanted to take her back to. Liz seemed intrigued at the memory and looked at her husband for guide.
Matt gave her a small grin and nodded. She turned back and agreed. Within seconds, Liz fell under again.
“Liz,” the doctor started again, “I’d like for you to go a little further back in time to before you and Matt were married.” He glanced at Matt, unsure. “Say a week or so before. You two are—”
“In his bedroom at his old apartment. We just finished a bottle of wine after dinner and talking about our life together,” Liz smiled, “making plans.”
Matt looked at her thoughtfully, seeing her happy again, even subconscious, meant everything to him.
“What are you two talking about specifically?”
Eyes still closed, lips still slightly lifted on the corners. “Where we’ll live. What recipes to swear by. If we should have one car or two,” Liz paused and her smile faded, “Promises of always being honest with each other.”
“Okay, that all sounds very nice, Liz. Was what you were saying necessarily what you were thinking at that moment?”
“No,” she answered immediately. A moment of silence went by. She opened her mouth but seemed to have trouble getting the words out. “I—” she choked out and then stopped. “I need to...”
“What is it, Liz?” the doctor pressured.
She shook her head vigorously. “I can’t do it. I can’t, the words, they won’t come out.”
Dr. Tai focused on his patient, his voice raised slightly. “Liz, can you tell me what that is, what are you trying to say?”
Liz gasped and her breathing escalated. The color from her face drained.
Matt watched, tormented, as the woman he loved was forced to confront herself against her will. His own breathing now matched hers and he felt like ripping his own heart out for letting it get this far.
“Stop,” Matt demanded, loudly.
Liz frowned.
“Wake her up. Stop this. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Mr. Owen, we are very close.” The doctor insisted, his tone abrupt.
“I don’t care. I don’t need to know. This isn’t helping her. And—and I’m not doing this against her will.”
Then the doctor turned red at Matt’s slip. “You said this is what she wanted.”
“Not like this,” Matt said. “Now wake her up.”
Chapter 20
LIZ
With the simple command of the familiar voice, Liz woke from her subconscious and before the doctor could explain anything to her, Matt grabbed her gently by the arm.
“Can I please speak to you alone?”
Liz jumped to follow Matt out, nerves and eagerness waving through her. “What happened? Did you find anything out? I still don’t…”
Matt led her down the hallway until they were alone.
“Liz, I don’t think you should do it this way.”
“But this was—”
“My idea, I know. But Liz…” He took her hands in his, inhaled a deep breath and looked at her. She searched his eyes for an explanation, a reason for his stopping something that he claimed would help her.
“Liz, I know why you want to do this, because you’re not sure about me. Because I haven’t proven to you that I am the man you love. The man you belong with and the one who promised to always love and care for you,” he started. His tone was urgent and desperate.
She swallowed and looked down, wanting deeply to believe him.
He tightened the grip on her hands and took a step closer to her. “Lizzy, I promise you—this is where you belong. With me. Please give me another chance to prove it to you. I know I can.”
“I don’t understand, why did you stop him? This could be it, Matt,” Liz didn’t want to go back based on his word.
He shook his head but held her gaze. “No, I don’t think it is. I think I can do better. I can help you remember everything in the way that I want you to remember, Lizzy,” he paused. “Please come back home with me. Let me remind you who we are together.”
Liz�
�s face softened with nearly every word. But when he was done and waiting, she glanced down, hesitating and then looking back at Dr. Tai, who had emerged from the small room and watched them from a distance.
“You said the same thing to me when I first left this place with you. Why should I trust you now?”
Matt was still for a moment, as if he was silently answering her question. It seemed to her for a fraction of a second that he was going to tell her, but then, to her disappointment, he hesitated.
“You just need to trust me, Liz. I can promise you, you’re my only concern now. Helping you and healing you.”
Liz let out a loud sigh. She needed more.
“That’s not good enough. I’m going through with this.” She pulled out of his grasp and was halfway down the corridor when she froze at his words.
“The figurine in the emerald green dress on the piano,” Matt called after her, “It was a gift I’d brought you from Ireland.” Liz didn’t turn around, but kept listening. “I had gone off to Ireland after grad school—just as you and I were—well, getting serious and it was time for that next step,” he paused. “When I saw that figurine…with her long brown hair and beautiful green gown, I thought it looked just like you, and how I wished you were with me. It’s when I realized I never wanted to be without you,” he paused and she turned. He threw his arms up. “There was really no sentimental value to it, Liz. It just always meant a lot to you, that thing. Because in your eyes, it’s what brought me back to you.”
She stood in place, afraid that any move, in either direction would make him stop.
He laughed lightly. “That’s why you’re drawn to it now, your heart is telling you to trust it.”
Liz flushed. “How did you know…”
“Because it moves a little bit every day,” he said, with a small smile.
Liz studied him for a moment, appreciating the way he openly let her in on what he’d noticed. She took a small step, but hesitated, which made Matt take a few steps towards her.
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