Remember Me

by Roxanne Tully

  “And I never told you exactly how we met and fell in love, did I?” He stopped inches from her and proceeded to tell her the details of how they came to fall in love. From the first bonfire, down to the spare key under her mat.

  Liz narrowed her eyes at the new openly in love man standing before her holding out his hand.

  * * *

  After clearing the dishes of the romantic meal he’d made for them, Matt joined Liz on the couch with refilled glasses of her favorite merlot.

  “Where were we?” he asked, bouncing down next to her.

  “You were just telling me—no sorry—reminding me,” as he had insisted they call it, “about the time I would wake up at five a.m. every morning for a week to deviously dump all the coffee in both lounge rooms in the dorms until they started stocking coffee that didn’t taste like mud.”

  “Oh, yes,” he grinned. “You said it was a necessary evil. Then you made me have everyone on my side of the dorms sign a ‘petition’—I lost respect from a lot of people that week.”

  Liz laughed whole-heartedly out loud. Freer than she had with her own brother. This was different. Being with Matt now felt real. “I can’t believe you let me do that,” she wiped at a tear. “You didn’t go running for the nearest exit?”

  Matt smiled at her thoughtfully, “Oh Lizzy, there isn’t much you could do that would make me turn away from you.”

  As his words were spoken, Liz thought she caught a glimpse of doubt and hurt in his eyes. It could have just been her imagination, but it was the same look she’d seen on him before. She didn’t have far back to remember, so memorizing every expression and emotion from him was everything to her.

  Liz put her glass down, suddenly losing appetite for any more alcohol.

  “Something wrong?” he asked her, frowning.

  “I don’t know yet.”

  Matt nodded.

  “I think I’ve had enough stories for one night, though.” Liz stood, “Thank you for dinner and for tonight,” she smiled down at him and turned.

  As she reached the stairs, Matt grabbed and spun her to face him. His face nearly an inch from hers.

  “Liz,” he breathed.

  Her eyes found his and then dropped to his lips. She’d been longing to feel them again since he’d kissed her before leaving for his parent’s beach house. Whatever happened there to change his mind when he got home, was something she figured she’d never learn.

  He traced his fingers up her arms, sending chills down her spine. She inhaled deeply, trying desperately to control herself. To resist wanting more from him. Hoping that he didn’t feel like she needed this, she backed up two more steps.

  Following her, he kept his hands around her waist and pinned her against the wall, facing him.

  She let out a low whimper with the need for him to follow through. His hands traced up her shoulders and neck and cupped her face. He gave her one last hungry look before crushing her lips with his. She let him devour her for a mere few seconds before fully engaging in the kiss herself, giving him all she had.

  “Tell me this is what you want,” he murmured against her lips.

  “For as long as I can remember,” she replied honestly.

  He smiled against her lips and slowly pulled them up the stairs. Halfway up they crashed and laughed, only parting lips for a second. Finally making it up the stairs, Matt led her into their dimly lit bedroom.

  For a brief moment, before he guided her onto the bed, Liz glanced to the spot in the room remembering the night before when Matt had outwardly rejected her. Knowing there had been something dark in his eyes, something he was hiding. Something he was still hiding; she was sure of it. Something that had to do with her. It would be foolish to think it didn’t. It was only visible when he looked directly at her. When she’d advanced on him and challenged him to be with her the way a husband should.

  In the midst of her thoughts, she felt his warm, gentle hand slip under her shirt and unclasp her bra. It was so smooth and deft, like someone who’d done the same thing with her a thousand times. But contrary to what she’d told him down on the stairwell, she wasn’t ready for this. She needed to know what it was that rested behind those doubting eyes.

  After a few more heated exchanges of kisses, she reluctantly pushed him off her.

  He pulled back with his eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just—”

  “No, it’s fine. I am just…I just wanted to know…” she trailed off. It wasn’t that she hesitated to ask him something, it was that she wasn’t sure what there was to ask.

  But the way he looked at her right now, there was no doubt in her mind that he wanted her. Why fight it? Why question it? “It’s nothing,” she insisted.

  When he just stared at her for a few seconds, giving her time to change her mind, she decided he needed more convincing. Pulling herself up, she pulled her shirt off, letting the bra he unclasped a moment ago fall off her shoulders.

  “Can you remind me how I like it?” she whispered in his ear. He let out a soft growl and pulled her against his chest. Her pulse raced and she barely felt his hand glide up her skirt. He kissed her with so much force, she was going to lose her mind. He lifted her and pinned her against the headboard. Pulling away for only a moment to slide off his pants and remove his shirt, he met her back against the board, kissing her furiously. She hadn’t realized his hands were tightly holding her thighs in place until both hands started moving slowly up her skirt. His right hand pressed firmly against her back while the other teased her with strokes.

  “Does it matter how you liked it before?” he whispered back, softly blowing in her ear. “Tell me what you want now.” He kept stroking her slowly, but wouldn’t go further. Not until she answered him. That was clear.

  She opened her eyes and noticed a slight smirk as he watched her need build. “I want you to stop playing,” she murmured as she lowered herself into his hold.

  Instantly his smirk turned into a wide grin as he pushed two fingers into her, pulling her deeper with the hand that still rested on her lower back.

  Chapter 21

  MATT

  Matt watched Liz sleep soundly next to him. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her until now. The last time they were intimate was at his parents’ house, the night he’d found out about them and he’d returned drunk after spending hours at the Tavern. He swallowed hard with the memory of feeling like he’d forced her, even though she was willing and almost desperate for him that night. The memory of asking her to close her eyes as he approached and handled her just to see if she trusted him, sent an invisible knife through his heart.

  He tried to replay the night. Every inch of her he touched. Not just where but how forceful and demanding. Nothing stuck out at him, he’d always been gentle with her, but he cringed, regardless.

  What if she didn’t like it and endured it to prove something to him? He’d never imagined putting her through that, or anyone for that matter. It wasn’t who he was.

  Then again, that night, he didn’t know who he was married to either. The stranger he thought he knew and trusted. The woman who had done the unthinkable and then went on to lie about it for years.

  He fought the urge to throw off the covers and storm off. He couldn’t confuse and hurt her like that again. This innocent woman needed him. Today, after they’d returned from the hospital, she reminded him of the woman he met years ago. It was almost like their first date all over again. Getting to know each other. Except in this case, she was getting to know both of them.

  Matt decided Liz wasn’t ready to start getting her memories back. There had been too much tragedy and trauma in her life for her to remember all at once. He had to help her get to know him better first so she could trust him and feel safe with him, then the memories wouldn’t be so bad.

  Then how is she going to feel when you finally tell her it’s over?

  The constant inner reminder of the fact that he never got the chance to tell her he couldn’t forgive or get
past her betrayal had become a nagging thought as well.

  Somehow, when the time was right, they’d talk. But first, he needed to take care of her. And she needed tender care. Before they fell asleep, Matt had asked Liz about her nightmare. She’d finally opened up about it and it nearly killed him when she finished. She had said it was “terrible.”

  Matt determined it was damn near horrific.

  The sub-conscious human mind was becoming more of a phenomenon to him as he remembered her description of the car accident. The blinding headlights, shattered glass, the dead parents—and what struck him the most—the unfazed husband who stared at her as she bled out. That wasn’t exactly how she described it, but the picture was well painted, and it was the exact definition of a nightmare.

  In her dream, she was alone. Even her husband, who had “survived” the accident, didn’t seem to care that she was hurt and needed him. She was in every sense of the word—alone.

  He rubbed his temples to soothe the growing headache as he continued torturing himself, wondering how much of his “empty look” in her dream resembled the look he’d given her when she took his keys and left the house. A shiver went down his spine. He couldn’t believe he’d left her that morning to go work on a boat!

  Liz broke into his thoughts when she shifted closer to him and he leaned in to wrap an arm around her. Her warm body felt right under his touch, and he could feel, if not see on her rested features, that she was content in his arms. Perhaps he would get some sleep that night after all.

  Chapter 22

  LIZ

  Liz poured a steamy cup of coffee for herself. She insisted to keep trying all the things she’d been known to do and enjoy before her accident. To feel as much like herself as possible. The doctor had given her a comparison of imagining that she had walked to work the same way for five years, and then one day decided to choose a different route. “Why would you do anything that wouldn’t be familiar to you, even if you don’t like it?” Dr. Tai had explained.

  Liz sat on one of the bar stools along the kitchen island as she pondered other advice and guidance that her doctor had given her. He seemed to be the only one who wanted her to get her memory back. Now thinking about her own husband’s unwillingness, previous to last night, to help her remember anything at all. Were they having problems? A scarier thought entered Liz’s mind. Was there a pending separation and he’d only shown up at the hospital because he was her only contact?

  No.

  It couldn’t be.

  There was her brother Marcus.

  Then again, Marc didn’t seem like he was itching for Liz to get her memory back either. He wouldn’t even go through family albums with her without clamming up.

  What was her only known family hiding from her?

  Suddenly Liz remembered the hypnosis from the night before. If the purpose of it was to help Liz get her memory back, why did Matt suddenly stop it? What was she on the verge of saying or remembering that Matt didn’t want?

  Nothing made sense. However, the coffee was beginning to taste a lot better to her. Maybe the good doctor was onto something.

  Was he good?

  On the drive home from the hospital yesterday after Matt had vowed to be the man she needed, and followed through, Liz wondered what Matt and Dr. Tai had initially planned. And why was it suddenly pulled to a halt? The doctor certainly did not seem pleased when they left. He seemed irritated.

  Liz put her mug down abruptly, deciding she needed to know why.

  An hour later, Liz sat and waited in the same spot where she had the day before with her husband. The same nurses and technicians that had once fussed over her incessantly as a patient, now flew by her as though she were invisible. She had asked the same receptionist if Dr. Tai was in and if she could speak with him. After a quick nod, she was directed to the same seating area. After thirty minutes, she began to get impatient and asked again. Only for a generic excuse for the delay and point to have a seat. After another few minutes, Liz turned at a familiar voice. Only this time knowing it wasn’t quite her husband’s voice, as she had thought the last time she heard it.

  Ben stood at the same reception desk, demanding to see what the hospital had submitted to his insurance company.

  “Of course, Mr. Owen. Please have a seat and we’ll call you when it’s ready.”

  Ben gathered his papers and turned toward the waiting area. Liz quickly turned away.

  “Liz?” he called.

  She turned, trying her best to act surprised to see him. “Hi, Ben.”

  “Is everything okay?” His voice full of concern as he approached her.

  “What? Oh no, yes. Everything is fine. I’m just here to see my doctor.”

  He looked around. Looking almost annoyed. “Matt didn’t come with you?”

  “No,” she said casually, hoping it wouldn’t lead to any questions.

  Ben shook his head. “He should be here with you. I’ll call him.”

  “No don’t. He...I don’t want him to know I came here today,” her eyes silently pleading with his.

  Ben looked at Liz for a moment. His face unreadable. “Can I ask why?”

  Liz turned. “There’s just something I’m confused about.”

  He took a seat next to her and seemed to want to press further. But Liz could see he was hesitating. “You know, Liz,” he started after a long moment. “I know you don’t remember this, but you and I are actually pretty close.” He seemed to be waiting for her to respond. “If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate. Please.”

  Liz watched him. He seemed so sincere. She wondered how a sincere man like him could be married to a seemingly unsympathetic person like Megan.

  After a breath, Liz began, “I was just here with Matt yesterday. We came to see Dr. Tai, my neurologist and,” she hesitated, “apparently my hypnotist.”

  Ben’s frowned. “Hypnosis? Is that a way of helping you get your memories back?”

  “Sort of. They want to use it to see where the factors lie.” Liz went into the short version of what the doctor and Matt had told her and what happened in the room, including Matt’s eagerness to call it. She stopped when Ben’s expression appeared more enraged than curious.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t be discussing this with you,” she said softly.

  He seemed to snap out of it. “Maybe. But Liz, I also think that if you’re having doubts about your treatment, you should talk to Matt. Clearly, him stopping midway is bothering you and you should ask him why.” He looked around the hospital and then at his hands, which were twined tightly together. “Nothing good comes of keeping secrets,” Ben added.

  Liz didn’t realize she had been staring at Ben after he said those last words, until he looked away uncomfortably.

  “You’ve said that to me before,” she said in a dazed whisper.

  Ben returned her gaze. “I did? When?”

  She shook her head. She heard him say that before. And it was significant when said, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember when, where or why. She just felt the tension in her heart from the last time she’d heard him say it.

  “Listen, I’m going to pick up some papers here, but how about I take you home and you can think about what I said.” He stood. “Besides, these doctors tend to charge a fortune for a 5-minute conversation and I just hate to stand back and watch that happen,” he said with a wink.

  Liz nodded.

  When he returned, he reached out his hand and she took it, standing to her feet. Perhaps he was right. She should talk to Matt.

  “I know you don’t believe this now, but you can trust him. More than anyone else.” He glanced at the slew of hospital staff bustling about. “Especially anyone here.”

  Chapter 23

  MATT

  Tuesday morning Matt packed a small cooler with sparkling white wine, two plastic wine glasses, and an assortment of cheese and fruit. He was taking Liz to her favorite beach, hoping it would help relieve some of the tension he knew she still felt days af
ter their spontaneous visit to Dr. Tai. Matt had ignored the many calls from the doctor following that day. He wasn’t ready for what he was being strongly encouraged to do.

  Mr. Owen, if you don’t want to bring Elizabeth in for treatment, I strongly encourage that you help her in retrieving her memories in a slow but efficient manner with honesty, no matter how hard it may be. The downfall of not doing so could be very dangerous and lead to serious mental setbacks if her memories start flooding back negatively before she’s ready. Please call me so we can discuss this in more detail. Matt replayed the last voicemail in his head as he pulled two towels from the linen closet in the hallway and walked back into their bedroom.

  Liz stood in her purple one-piece swimsuit that hugged her curvy upper body while revealing the rest of her flawless skin. Her long dark waves fell over her shoulders and ran just below her elbow. She froze in place when he’d opened the door and just stared at her. She held a pair of white sandals.

  “I-I’m sorry, this is mine right,” she asked, with a crooked smile, pointing to the swimsuit, which had not only caught his eye, but also his tongue in this throat. He mentally shook his head. Why was he acting as if he’d never seen her in a swimsuit?

  You’re just admiring what you’re going to miss.

  He ignored the small part of his subconscious. “You could borrow it,” he smiled back and winked. He walked up to the bed and tossed the two towels into the beach bag, and Liz added the sandals.

  “What’s wrong with the ones you’re wearing?” he asked, noticing the purple flip flops she had on.

  “Oh, well, if I get sand in these, I’ll change into the cleaner shoes before getting in your car. I don’t want to make a mess, you seem to keep it so clean.”

  She was kidding right?

  Matt smiled and thought for a moment how he could really get used to this Liz. He shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about our car,” he told his wife as she slipped on a white knitted dress, revealing the purple fabric underneath. He grabbed the bag and her hand and led them out of the room. Leaning into her on the way down, he whispered, “in fact, a lot dirtier stuff has happened in that car…and in many of our previous vehicles.”