Unliving Love

by Jason A Grimm

  Chapter 6

  The First Entry

  Mike woke up and rolled on his back. He felt like it should be late however the lack of light coming in from the window told him it was still way too early for him to be awake. He turned and looked for his phone so he could check the time. What did I do with it? He thought to himself as his hand fumbled around the headboard for the phone but it wasn’t there. Shit I remember now it’s on the desk by the door. He thought and gently pulled his arm out from under Jen’s head trying not to wake her.

  “What are you doing?” She asked groggily as she rolled to her other side. She was now facing him with eyes closed.

  “Shhhh… Just checking the time. Go back to sleep sweetie.”

  She was back asleep before he finished his first sentence.

  Mike slowly started uncovering himself and sliding out of bed. He only moved a few inches at a time trying not to wake her up again. When he had finally managed to make his way out of bed he went to the desk and grabbed his phone. He pressed the button and a big blue box with the words Wes Joyner new text message lit up the darkness.

  The image made his heart rise to his throat and nearly beat its way out of his body. The hair on the back of his neck began to slowly rise as goose bumps began to form. He froze in place not able to do anything, not sure what was going on. What the hell? Has to be an explanation. He thought to himself as he stood frozen, the screen eventually going dark. Not having that little blue box shining in his face seamed to allow him to think. His parents, yeah has to be his parents. They probably have his phone and sent me a text. He thought as he pressed the button and brought it back to life. With a swipe of his thumb the next screen showed and there he was with his arm wrapped around Jen after his win against his rival school. He brought his thumb over his text icon and held it there then finally was able to press down. His screen went white as his text messages loaded then a second later there it was.

  Be careful.

  Be careful? He thought as he stood there staring and thinking. Yeah it was his parents they sent me a text telling me to be careful on my ride home. They never were good at texting so using Wes’s phone was probably easier. This thought made him feel a little better about the situation. He told himself a few times that it was his parents and after a few more times, he was done thinking about it completely convinced he was right. It had occurred to him now though that he had never checked the time so once again with a press of a button he brought his phone to life and looked at the time. Damn it’s only four thirty. He thought to himself.

  He stood there debating on whether he even wanted to try to go back to sleep or just stay up. He decided he’d just toss and turn and never fall back asleep so staying up was actually his only option.

  He thought about what he was going to do until everyone was awake. He didn’t have to think long though because as he went to grab his shirt off the desk there sat the bag with his dress clothes and on top of it all was the flash drive with Wes’s journal on it. He grabbed it and quietly opened the door then tip toed his way down the stairs. The halls and stairs were all carpeted so it made it easy to sneak down the stairs. Something he found useful a few times back in his high school days.

  He slowly made his way down the hall using his phone as a makeshift flashlight and as he came to the end of the hall a large shape just outside the brightness of his phone flew across the room.

  “Shit!” Startled he dropped his phone which landed lighted side down. He took two more steps and made it to the edge of the living room where he reached in and flipped the light switch. When the room lit up he saw his cat Peyton sitting on the dining room table staring at him. “You’re such a shit head. You know that right?” Mike turned, grabbed his phone off the ground, and turned the screen off. He made his way to his dad’s chair. He usually kept his laptop in the end table that sat next to it and sure enough there it sat folded up sitting in the bottom of the end table. He pulled it out, opened it up, and turned it on. He decided he’d grab a drink while he waited for it to boot up so he stood up and made his way to the kitchen.

  He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and walked back to the chair, sat down, and pulled the laptop back on his lap. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the flash drive. He slid the slider on top and the drive opened and clicked in place. He paused for a minute allowing the laptop to fully load then slid it into the USB port. A large box popped open on the screen. Yes I’d like to open the file on this drive. He thought to himself as he moved the mouse arrow over and clicked, opening a new box on the screen. His chair shook as Peyton jumped up to the arm rest and laid down half on the armrest and half on him.

  The screen now had entry after entry on it. It started with entry one and not even scrolling down it went to entry two-twenty-seven. There was only one file he saw as he began to scroll down that had a different name and it was called A. read this first. Well here we go. He thought as he moved the arrow over A. read this first and double clicked. The document popped open and Mike began to read.

  Hey Mike thanks for reading this if you are and I really hope you are. I know there are a lot of entries in here and reading all of them is up to you. I just really want you to understand why I decided to end my own life but first a little about the will.

  I want you to take care of the house because I trust you more than anyone. I know my parents blame everything on the house so I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad one day flipped out and dozed it over. My mom wouldn’t but sometimes cooler heads don’t always prevail in my house, as you know. Like I told you in the note we got a huge settlement from the hospital and after some investing I have just over two million in a bank account that will transfer in your name if you do agree to take care of the house. With the interest every year you will have more than enough to pay for maintaining the house and of course you are welcome to use some of it if you need. I can’t see you not signing with a pro team though so I think you’ll be just fine. It would mean a lot to us if you’d do this. I’d rather people not live in it if it can be helped. You are welcome to if you needed a place to live but I know you never really liked it so I don’t see you doing that. We’re not alone here so a vacant house is just better for everyone for now. I’ll understand if you choose not to accept my request but like I said it would mean the world to us.

  Now on to the more depressing part of the letter. I’m guessing you read the note I wrote you so you know I was sick. We both know that’s not entirely why I did it though. I don’t even know if I wouldn’t have done it had I not been sick. I’m sure you’ve thought about that too. Emily told me that it was because I was sick that we could communicate so well though. So had I not been sick I may have never gotten to know her like I did. If that’s the case I don’t regret it at all I’m glad it happened. I guess I could have waited and just died naturally but I didn’t want to put everyone through it and honestly I didn’t want to go through it myself. I don’t like the idea of being so sick that I can’t get out of bed, eat, or having to be so drugged to dull the pain that I’m clueless as to what’s going on around me. In premed I read cases and saw a few patients that were dying of AIDS Mike, and it wasn’t nice.

  If you are wondering how I did it then read on if you don’t want to know feel free to stop reading I wrote it on the next page so you’ll have to scroll down to it. If you don’t want to know then skip it and go to page three, it’s your decision.

  Mike stopped reading and lowered the top of the laptop enough so that the words were out of sight. I don’t know if I want to know this. He thought to himself. He had to really think about this. He took a drink of his water and decided that he would think about it eventually and better to know how so his imagination didn’t go crazy with it. He lifted the top of the laptop back up and scrolled down to the next page.

  I thought long and hard on how I wanted to do it. I wanted to make sure it was going to be quick and painless. I did some research and pentobarbital seems to be the way to
go. It’s the same stuff they use to put down animals and death row inmates. All of my research says that it’s painless so I guess I will find out for sure. Basically I’ll go to sleep and then it causes respiratory and cardiac failure. I won’t feel a thing. If you think about it that’s how most people say they want to go you know. They want to go to sleep and not wake up. I plan on waking up just not in a normal sense.

  The idea of him going painlessly brought him comfort. He would never have wanted him to suffer or to see him suffer for that matter. He started to wonder about other things though. The main one being how do you make yourself in to a ghost? I hope he answers that question. He thought to himself. The idea seemed ridiculous to him. He didn’t actually think Wes could do it, but he did wonder how he planned to. Mike didn’t really believe in ghost. He believed that when people supposedly saw ghosts it was more of a circumstantial thing than a paranormal one. Going in a house that is surrounded by ghost stories is one way to get your mind expecting a ghost and so you end up seeing one, people see what they want to see. That was how he explained everything paranormal. He knew Wes believed but he just never could. This made it hard to believe that Wes did this for an actual ghost and not some delusion.

  This had been the downfall of their relationship. Mike wanted Wes to get help for his delusions but he refused. After a while he just couldn’t handle being around it anymore. The last straw was when Wes was planning on buying the house and had wanted him to come talk to her. That was the end for Mike. He ultimately was hoping that Wes would see that it drove them apart and their friendship would be worth getting some help but he never did.

  Mike took another drink of water and scrolled down to the third and final page.

  I’m going to miss you. When you come and see your parents swing by the house maybe we’ll be able to see one another. Emily said that with the bond we have communication might not be too hard. You can always watch those ghost hunter shows for ideas on ways for us to talk. I know how much you like homework so I’m giving you some. I know the different ways to do it but I’m not going to tell you here, it is in later entries though. I really hope I see you around.

  Mike couldn’t help but smile after that last part. Wes always was a smartass and he could just picture him smiling while he was writing the last few lines. He started to feel that ball of guilt in his gut swell up again. As much as he wanted to believe that Wes was floating around that house with his girl it was just hard for him. He had been in the house and he had seen a thing or two but he couldn’t believe anything beyond it being mental trickery. He had tried several times to believe back when Wes first came to him but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure why exactly but it was like he had some kind of mental block on the paranormal.

  As he sat there thinking he moved the mouse over and he closed the document. He started to tear up and a few seconds later the tears were running down his face. He sat there with his face in his hand trying to get his tears under control. If I would have stayed around and made him go talk to someone he’d still be alive. He’d be alive and I wouldn’t be reading this shit! He thought as he angrily put the laptop on the floor beside the chair. I’d be here talking to Wes about how he’s doing better and he’s glad he went and finally got some help. His thought continued.

  All of a sudden Mike felt hands on his shoulders and began to wrap around him. He jumped his arm flying up to where the hands were, causing Peyton to jump off the chair. When his hands reached the hand that was wrapping around him he knew right then who it was.

  “I’m sorry sweetie.” Jen said softly in his ear and then kissed his check. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She pulled her arms back and began to walk around the chair. “You ok?”

  “Yeah… where are your shorts?” He noticed that she wasn’t wearing them as she made it to the front of the chair.

  “I got hot.” She sat down in his lap and threw her legs up over the arm of the chair. “I took them off thinking it would help. It didn’t so I took my bra off too.” She leaned on him and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I feel that.”

  She smiled. “Anyway… I started getting more comfortable then I had to pee and I only knew where the bathroom down here was.” She reached over and grabbed his bottle of water and took a drink. “Then I saw the light on so I figured it was you and I wanted to see what you were doing.” She reached her hand up and wiped away the leftover tears and gave him a kiss. “You ok? What happened?”

  He forced a smile. “Well I couldn’t sleep so I came down here and started reading his journal.” He rubbed his eyes. “Started feeling guilty again and then tears just came.” He stopped rubbing his eyes and placed his hand on Jen’s thigh.

  “Why are you feeling guilty?”

  “I left. I didn’t make him go see someone. I left him alone and this is what happened.”

  “For starters he wasn’t alone.” Jen placed her hand on his. “Secondly go see someone for what? You know you’re going to have to tell me about things eventually. Why not now?”

  “You’re right, I know.” He brought his gaze up to meet hers. “He killed himself for a girl. Well… He was sick so he didn’t want to suffer but I’m not so sure he wouldn’t have done it regardless.”

  “Wait he killed himself for a girl? For?” Jen interrupted. “She died and he wanted to join her?”

  “Something like that.” Mike let out a big sigh. “She was a ghost. Well he thinks she was a ghost anyway. I think he was delusional. Now that I know he was sick I think that even more.”

  “He fell in love with a ghost?”

  “I know it’s crazy isn’t it? I wish I would have gotten him to go see someone.”

  “Maybe she’s real? How did he meet her?”

  “What do you mean maybe she’s real? You’re honestly telling me you think he met a ghost and fell in love with A GHOST?” He put a lot of emphasis on the last two words.

  “Well I’m not saying that it happened.” She turned one side of her lips up in a sort of half smile and scrunched her brow. “I’m just saying that it’s not impossible.”

  “Are you serious?” He started shaking his head. “You’ve read one too many vampire books Jennifer.”

  She reached up and smacked his chest leaving a red mark. “No need to be mean.”

  “You’re right sweetie.” He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips and kissed it. “Sorry I’m just stressed.”

  “I know you are. I’m not trying to add to it but I’m just saying that I don’t know what’s real and what’s not is all. Just because I haven’t seen one doesn’t mean they aren’t real to me.”

  Mike didn’t want to say anything again but he thought she was being silly and really had read one too many romance books. “You know the house he left me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s where they met. That’s why he bought the house and why he restored it.”

  “Can we go there before we leave tomorrow?” Jen saw the look on his face get very somber. “Please? Pretty, pretty please? We don’t have to stay long. I was going to ask you anyways. Your parents told me about how beautiful it is since he redid it.”

  “I don’t know babe. We have a long drive and…”

  “I know you don’t like the house, I heard your dad talking about that last night.”

  He had forgot all about that. “That doesn’t change the fact that we have a drive and I don’t want to get home late.”

  “We don’t have to stay long I promise.” She began to pout. “Please? We won’t stay long I swear.”

  He didn’t want to but he knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Fine, but not long ok?”

  “I promise.” She leaned down and gave him a big kiss on his lips. “I’m going to go try and get a little more sleep. Don’t be too long you need some sleep too. Love you.” She gave him another kiss then stood up and flashed him the back of her panties before she walked away.

  Mike smiled “Love you too.”
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br />   Curious what time it was he picked up the laptop and checked the clock. It was only a quarter till six. He briefly thought about trying to sleep himself but that idea was quickly brushed away. Damn still have a few more hours before we can leave. Guess I’ll just read a bit more. He thought as he stared back down at the laptop and double clicked on the file named entry one.

  08/13/2004

  I have decided to start a journal today. Three weeks ago I was in the hospital from a car accident. The other driver was drunk. My uncle and I were heading down a road when the other driver swerved and began to spin out of control. My uncle who was driving slammed and turned to get out of the way but our car fishtailed and the other car slammed right into my door. I remember sitting there watching the other car get closer and closer until it hit. I have heard people say how everything slows down in situations like this and I always thought it was total BS, but it’s absolutely true. I saw into the guys face and there was nothing there it was as if he had already checked out of his body before he hit our car. I remember watching it come closer and closer and then nothing till I woke up in the hospital two days later. Apparently when the car hit ours it hit with enough force that the impact sent me through the window of my door. The broken glass cut down my back from my shoulder blade to the top of my right ass cheek. The cut was deep and I lost a lot of blood, so much that I needed a transfusion.

  My uncle was relatively unharmed, just a few scrapes and bruises. The way the two cars collided all the damage was done to the back part of our car and the front part of the other persons. My uncle was very lucky. It was like the front half of the car was shielded. My uncle heard the one paramedic say that he had never seen anything like it before and it was a miracle I survived.

  I feel weird anymore though. It’s hard to explain it’s almost like I’m not real. I interact with everyone so I know I’m real, It’s almost like I don’t belong here anymore. It’s very scary at times.

  One thing I remember from when I was unconscious was the other driver visited me and told me he was sorry. That he hoped I could forgive him. I felt his remorse and since I lived, it was easy to forgive him. When I woke up I found out that he died in the accident. He was dead before they got him out of the wreckage. I can only assume that seeing his face before we hit influenced the dream I had, maybe even hearing someone say he died.

  Mike came in and saw me while I was in there. He came after school every day for the two weeks I was in there. He brought me my homework so I wouldn’t get behind in school. He said I was an idiot for worrying about it. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do while I was in there though, besides I’d rather just do it and be done with it. He brought a stack of his comics and a puzzle for me for when he couldn’t stay long. He said he had to get the puzzle from his grandma since only old ladies do puzzles. I like puzzles they work the brain, though he doesn’t agree. Oh well, he’s an awesome friend he’s the only one that came to see me outside of my parents and his. (Well except for the dream stated earlier…)

  I guess this is enough for now just wanted to jot some stuff down for my first entry. Everything seems weird anymore. People say it happens to people who almost die they are constantly hearing how they shouldn’t be here and lucky we survived that it does something to our psyche. I think this journal will be a nice tool to help with everything but only time will tell.

  Reading this made memory after memory gush back in Mike’s head. His first thoughts were how this was when Wes started acting kind of off, not himself. He understood why now. He was confused as to why he never told him how he felt, then again back then talking about your feelings wasn’t quote un quote what guys did with each other so he understood why.

  Then he started thinking about getting Wes that puzzle. He hadn’t actually gotten it from his grandma. They had a large stack of puzzles in the house Wes knew it but it was fun to tease him about it anyway. He could picture himself there sitting by Wes doing the puzzle with him that he had mercilessly teased him about. The idea made him laugh a little. They had a good time while he was in there, as good as one can have while cooped up in a hospital anyway. With the puzzle, comics, and snacks Mike brought in, it was almost like a party. They were relatively unsupervised, they had told the hospital that they were brothers and he came with Wes’s parents so they allowed him to stay as long as they didn’t get too loud. It was almost a game for them to try and get the other one to laugh loud or scream. He started to miss Wes again but he wasn’t full of sadness this time. He had been focusing on the bad things when he should have been focusing on all the great times they had together instead. Thinking this way gave him a comfort that he hadn’t had since the whole thing happened.

  Mike looked down to the time on the laptop and saw that it was not even seven yet. A feeling of tiredness had come with his new found comfort. So he removed his flash drive and shut down the laptop. Then he slowly and quietly started to make his way to the stairs so he could go back to sleep when he stopped in place. He had just shut out the lights and he was overwhelmed with the sensation of not being alone, the hair on the back of his neck began to stand as goose bumps began to cover his body. He looked back but saw nothing. He closed his eyes and an image of Wes began to form in his head and the slight tingle of fear was now washed away with happiness.

  “I love ya buddy.” He said out loud to the nothingness around him. “I’m going to miss you.” The image in his head began to fade along with the goose bumps that came with it and soon he felt nothing except comfort and tiredness. He opened his eyes and made his way back to his room and slowly crawled back into bed gently sliding over cuddling up to the love of his life and fell back asleep.