Toothpick House

by Lee Lynch

  “Oh, didn’t you like that? Wasn’t that so English? The ‘son’ of the manor falling in love with the servant?”

  “Wish I’d been brought up in your manor, m’lady,” Annie bowed after she had lifted them both to standing positions. They sat at the kitchen table.

  “I’m glad you weren’t. And that I wasn’t either. I would have been terribly rich and more of a snob than I am.”

  “You’re not a snob, Vicky,” Annie said as they sat at the table again. “And there’s nothing wrong with you being rich.”

  “Except I’m not,” Vicky answered.

  “Oops, another sensitive spot,” Annie said when she heard the defensive tone of Victoria’s voice.

  “Not being rich can certainly confuse a growing child. When your family lives like it is rich.”

  “So I see, Vicky. It’s okay, really it is. Sit down. Are you really not rich? I’m so glad.”

  “I am definitely not rich. My parents lost their money, but can’t give up the lifestyle. It makes for a lot of lies.”

  “Come again?”

  “They’re terrified the family will someday find out how careless they really were. They grew up in the depression. Most of it was lost back then. My father built it up again only to find his investments weren’t sound. It left just enough to be able to pretend. They won’t let me forget how to act privileged. Always lecturing me on how to get more money when I’m trying to deal with it not being there. I suppose I ought to be grateful for what we do have, but I’ve always felt I would have been much happier if I’d been born more middle class or even lower class. Is it very snobbish of me to say that people with less money are more real, live more fully?”

  “Probably, but I’ll forgive you. Now I’ve always felt that everybody had more fun than me.”

  “Why, Annie? You have a great sense of fun. We can laugh together. It’s one of the things I treasure about you.”

  Again Annie reached across the table for Victoria’s hand. “Because I’ve been gay so long. I feel like I can’t really enjoy life, not that I’d want it any other way. It’s kept me so separate from other people, except for my lovers. I hate straights. I can’t stand their bigoted, self-centered view of the world, yet I envy them their comfort and freedom to move in it. It is theirs, after all.”

  “Yes, I suppose it is. I have so much to learn.”

  “Welcome to the gay world. Money may have been your problem before, but now you’re despicable.”

  “What a way to talk to the woman you just seduced!”

  “Seduced! Me seduce you?”

  “Well, you don’t think an innocent like me could have thought of such a thing?” Victoria asked, bowing her head modestly.

  “Of course not, m’lady. I’ll take all the blame. But if I’m to be blamed, then I want all the benefits of my foul deeds. Come into my bedroom.”

  Victoria still hung her head. “You couldn’t be meaning me, could you?”

  “Come with me or it’ll be the floor, Vicky,” Annie said into her neck.

  “How shocking,” Victoria replied, pulling Annie now toward the bedroom.

  Later, Annie stirred. “In the dark, you know,” she pulled back from the warmth she and Victoria had made, “I can’t even tell you’re poor.”

  Victoria sat up, her languorous body luminous in the dark. She tossed her hair over one shoulder and said, low and quietly, “Then we’re even. In the dark, I can’t tell you’re a lesbian.”

  They laughed and resettled with Victoria’s head on Annie’s shoulder.

  “It’s too bad one of us isn’t rich,” Annie sighed.

  “Why?”

  “Then we could go buy the house and live here happily ever after.” Victoria realized that she too could become attached to this fragile shelter and thought for a moment of her well-to-do relatives. She hoped Annie wasn’t counting on her in some way for money.

  “Well, we’re not,” she answered shortly, immediately sorry about her tone.

  “Want a beer?” Annie asked, sensing Victoria’s disturbance.

  Victoria nestled deeper against Annie. “How could you think of leaving me at a time like this?” she murmured.

  “Oh, it’s not hard. I’m real thirsty.”

  “You really like to drink, don’t you, Annie?”

  “No. It’s just a habit. Like Turkey says, ‘When you put up with as much shit all day as we do, you got to wash it out at night.’”

  “I find you much sweeter than any liquor,” Victoria growled as she leaned over and bit Annie’s breast.

  “Umm. Okay. I’ll give it up for you.”

  “No. Go ahead and get one. It’ll taste good. But not just yet,” she rolled over and pressed her upper body against Annie. “You feel so good. No wonder I didn’t like men. They couldn’t feel like this.”

  “My innocent,” Annie put her arms around Victoria. “You’ve never made love with anyone before me?”

  “No. And I’m so glad.”

  “Yeah, I wish I hadn’t now too. I wish you were my first.”

  “Oh, you Romeo. How many women have you been with?”

  “Not that many. Just enough to know you’ve got them all beat.”

  “You’re so diplomatic.”

  “Not on purpose, Vicky. Hey! You’re tickling!”

  “I want to have every sensation with you,” Victoria said passionately. “I want to experience everything with you for the first time and the hundredth time! No, no! I didn’t mean I wanted to be tickled, too!” She broke into giggles, curling in on herself.

  “Fair’s fair!”

  “Go get the beer!”

  “You’re just saying that to stop me.”

  “It worked!” Victoria laughed. “Aren’t you cold away from the bed?”

  Annie ran self-consciously toward the kitchen. “Yes!” she called back. “And damn it, I’ll never find the bottle opener.”

  Victoria lay in the small dark room luxuriating in the sense of being part of someone’s life. Why, Annie was actually running around naked in front of her. The intimacy was new to her and felt good. Victoria wanted to sing, just as Etta had joyously in the woods so many years ago. “At last I’m feeling it!” she thought.

  Annie came into the room grinning over a tray which she slid onto the bed. Sitting carefully next to it she announced, “Just a snack. Aren’t you hungry after all that exercise?” Victoria sat up on her elbow, smiling, her thick hair falling to her belly. “Do you know you’re beautiful, Vicky?”

  “No, but I know I’m happy,” Victoria answered very seriously.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Annie asked, reaching over to touch Victoria.

  Victoria tilted her head to catch Annie’s hand between it and her shoulder. “I love you. I love you, Anne,” she lifted her head to look at Annie, “you make me happy. I know you don’t understand how much that means to me.” She stopped, took a deep breath and sighed. “Someday I’ll explain more, all right? I just want to be with you now. And be happy.”

  “Okay. I love you, too, you know that.” Victoria nodded. “Let’s eat then. Look. I got chips and pickles and some pumpernickel bread and bologna and mustard. Oh, I forgot a knife!”

  “Don’t leave again. We’ll use our fingers!” Victoria giggled. They grinned at each other, then began to make their first meal together in Annie’s home.

  Chapter Seven

  Several weeks later Annie and Victoria sat in the front seats of Annie Heaphy’s VW with Peg and Turkey in back. They were all excited to be going to Vermont for the weekend together. By the time they reached the Vermont border even Victoria had been persuaded to join in their singing.

  “The answer is blowing in the wind,’” Turkey bellowed one last time, opening her window wide so the wind sang with her. It blew her straw hat into Peg’s lap and Victoria’s hair across Annie’s face.

  “Hey, close that, you lunatic, I can’t see!” Annie shouted.

  “It’s shut, it’s shut, for Christ’s sake.
You guys don’t let me have no fun, do they, Vicky?”

  Victoria tried to find a funny answer, but, feeling like a failure, just shook her head and smiled.

  “What a diplomat you found, Annie,” Turkey went on. “She don’t take sides, does she?”

  “Doesn’t she,” Annie corrected. “Open me another beer, will you?”

  Peg grabbed the open bottle before Turkey could give it to Annie. “Do you realize, Heaphy, the four of us have finished off close to two six packs and Vicky doesn’t drink much?”

  “Is that why I got to go to the bathroom so bad?” Annie asked. “But I’m perfectly sober. Don’t hardly do me no good at all to drink anymore. I’m high already.” She looked quickly at Victoria, then reached across to take her hand. “Would you rather I didn’t?” she asked more softly.

  Victoria squeezed her hand tightly. “No,” she answered softly. “Not if you feel sober.”

  Annie looked at her again. “Maybe I better not,” she admitted, putting her hand back on the wheel.

  “Ma, we going to be there soon?” Turkey asked, laughing. “Ma, I gotta go to the bathroom. Ma, I’m thirsty!”

  “Shut up, kid,” Peg warned her, then punched her in the arm.

  “Yow! She’s killing me, Ma!”

  “Shut up back there, you two! We’re almost there. Speaking of which, do you have the map, Vicky?”

  “No. Turkey,” Victoria turned around, “I think I gave it to you. May I have it please?”

  “So polite, she is,” Turkey laughed, rummaging through the junk-filled back seat. “You got to learn to be crude with this crowd if you want to survive this trip. ‘Specially that Annie. No manners at all. Must have been brought up in the gutter if you want my opinion. Here it is. Sorry, it’s a little bit wet.”

  Victoria laughed as she took the map, now split in two and soaked with beer, into the front seat. “It will be easier to read this way,” she said, folding one half away in the glove compartment. “Putney, did you say?”

  “Um-huh,” Annie answered, looking at Victoria in a way she knew meant Annie was thinking of making love to her. Victoria’s body responded to that look as she never imagined it could and her face went red.

  “Hey, what are you two doing up there?” Turkey asked as she stuck her head between the front seats. “Are we there or are we there?”

  Victoria hid behind the wall of hair she let fall over the map. “Only about two exits away,” she answered.

  Peg and Turkey cheered. “Bathroom ho! Set course for port, Captain!”

  “Ay ay, Peglet, but first we have to find the place!”

  “No problem with our trusty navigator, Vicky.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Victoria warned. “I’ve never navigated before.”

  Half an hour later Victoria returned to the car, the last out of the bathroom behind the small store of a one pump gas station. They had gotten off the exit and immediately proceeded to get lost. By the time they reached the gas station, Turkey was moaning about the amount of beer in her bladder and Victoria had been assigned to ask directions.

  “Did he give you directions?” Annie asked, sitting up from resting across both their seats.

  “Yes. And he said he likes your aunt and uncle a great deal, Turkey. He went up there to deliver some food when they first built their place.”

  “Great. That means he’ll tell them I rolled in here half drunk with a bunch of queers and bought another case of beer!”

  “Nobody knows we’re gay,” Peg said quickly, noticing Victoria had lowered her head. She gestured with her chin towards her.

  Turkey nodded. “Only kidding. With Victoria here for our spokesman we’re probably all set. I can hear him now. ‘Lovely friends your niece has, Mrs. D. Too bad your niece is such a slob!’ Thanks for the good impression, Vic. Tell us what he said.”

  “Apparently we passed it at least three times,” Victoria smiled as Turkey moaned over her own needless suffering. “Anne, if you’ll take a left out of the supermarket here . . . ,” she directed sarcastically.

  “Isn’t it cute here, though?” Peg asked. “Real New Englandy.”

  “Ah,” Annie sighed loudly, “a weekend in the country.”

  “With real hicks,” Turkey laughed.

  Victoria looked questioningly at Annie.

  “Peg’s always saying me and Turkey are hicks because we’re not from New York.”

  “Now she’ll see how sophisticated I really am,” Turkey said, puffing herself up, turkey-like.

  “That’s what we were fighting about the first night we met you, Vicky,” Annie confessed.

  “After this sign coming up we take a left onto a dirt road. Really? You mean we’ve come full circle back to the same subject? Or is it a recurrent one?”

  “Recurrent. They are hicks,” Peg interjected.

  Annie ignored her. “This left?” she asked, turning in. They bounced up a series of hills for two miles until they came to a small unfinished house of weathered wood, a porch with no steps and a mountain behind it. Annie stopped the VW. “This is beautiful country,” she said, exhaling a deep breath.

  “But I thought my aunt said the house was finished!”

  “Looks done enough for me. As long as that roof doesn’t leak.” Peg squeezed past Victoria’s seat into the last of the daylight and Turkey followed her with the key.

  Another toothpick house, thought Victoria affectionately, looking at it.

  Annie turned to her. “Maybe this wasn’t such a hot idea.”

  “Why?” Victoria asked, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes.

  Annie put her fingers on Victoria’s shoulder and leaned her head on her outstretched arm. “Because I want you so bad. Right now.”

  “I know. Me too,” Victoria answered, leaning to meet Annie’s lips.

  “I don’t want them to think we’ll be like this all weekend,” Annie breathed, pulling away.

  “We won’t. We’ll get some time alone together. They’ll understand, won’t they?” Victoria asked, looking hopeful.

  “Yes, as long as you can take their teasing.”

  “I’m not used to it, but I like them. They’re part of you. I want so much to fit in. For them to like me. But I can never think of anything to say.”

  “They like you already. Turkey told me that after we all went to the bar the other night.”

  They walked around to the trunk of the car and began to carry things to the porch. Peg came to the door. “It’ll do,” she said. “We have to get firewood before it’s completely dark or we’ll freeze to death. There’s enough big stuff inside for the night. All we need is tinder and kindling.”

  They spread out around the cabin and began to gather wood. In less than an hour the three friends and Victoria had set up temporary housekeeping and were watching Turkey stir a pot of chili on a grate over the fire. By the time the stars came out, the fire had taken the chill out of the cabin’s air and they finished eating.

  “If the dishwater’s hot I’ll start the dishes,” Peg volunteered.

  “I’ll dry,” Annie said as she rose and stretched.

  “Good, me and Vicky can talk. I have never been so hungry in my life. If that’s not too hard to believe,” Turkey said to Victoria, rubbing her stomach as she pushed herself up with her other arm. “What we need now is a joint by the fire,” she went on, pulling a small suede bag out of her suitcase.

  “You brought marijuana?” Victoria asked.

  “Better,” Turkey answered, smiling smugly. “Hash!” and she held out a small chunk.

  Victoria took it and turned it around in the palm of her hand curiously. “I’ve never smoked this.”

  “No? It’s great. A lot more potent than grass.”

  “I never smoked that either,” Victoria mumbled.

  Turkey looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want us not to? I mean, you wouldn’t have to anyway. I never thought. . . Annie, you’ve been depriving this poor girl of the pleasures of life!”
>
  “I have?” Annie called from the fire.

  “You never got her stoned.” Turkey lowered her voice. “Does Annie know you never smoked?”

  “I don’t remember it coming up. I just assumed she only drank.”

  “Usually that’s all we do. But a change is nice. You shouldn’t feel like you have to. I remember the first time I smoked. It was a riot. I was up here. Not here, but back on the other side of Putney. My aunt stayed at a trailer place. There was a bunch of kids just used to hang out together and one day one of the guys got some real good stuff and laid it on us. I was the only one who never smoked before, but I didn’t tell them that. We all walked up the river a ways from the campsite and sat on the rocks. Oh my, was I high. First time in my life I ever shut up. I didn’t even laugh. At first. Everything looked so beautiful. The water just flowed on and on. I know sociologists don’t talk like this,” Turkey said to cover her embarrassment, “But I thought I was experiencing eternity.”

  “No, Turkey, I think it’s wonderful. You said it so beautifully, too. You make me want to try it,” Victoria protested, wondering if she was really going to smoke to make Turkey feel more comfortable.

  “Good. Just don’t think I’m trying to push you. But you won’t be sorry.” She smiled at the little pipe in her hand. “Then, after I stopped being all intellectual about it, my friend Maudie came and sat with me and we started fooling around. Everything was so funny. I’ll never forget that, how funny the littlest thing was. Maudie had some bubble gum. I swear I never tasted bubble gum so good in all my life. It exploded in my mouth. The pink taste was everywhere. And then it was everywhere because I popped a big bubble and it stuck to my nose and cheeks and it just got funnier and funnier that I was sitting there with all this pink stuff on me, you know?”

  “Yes, I can imagine,” Victoria laughed. “It sounds like the time I took acid.”

  “I don’t believe it. You never smoked, but you did acid?”

  Victoria blushed. “Just the one time.”