Surrendered Hearts

by Carrie Turansky

  She sniffed and grabbed a tissue from under the counter. “I don’t know why I’m crying about this. It’s been almost four months. I should be over it by now.”

  “Four months isn’t such a long time if you really loved him.”

  She wiped her nose as she considered Bill’s words. She thought she loved Phillip, but she wasn’t so sure now. If she was honest, the pain of his rejection hurt more than the loss of his love. She pushed that thought away, uncertain if her stormy emotions were playing tricks on her.

  “I don’t blame Phillip. I looked awful. My face was swollen and ugly, and the burns on my arm and neck looked even worse than they do now.”

  The muscles in Bill’s jaw flickered, but he didn’t look away.

  “He wasn’t the only one who couldn’t deal with it. Most of my friends were afraid to visit me in the hospital, and when I got out, they had all kinds of excuses for not seeing me.”

  “Then you need new friends,” he said gently, “people who really care about you.”

  A powerful longing rose in her heart. Were there really people who wouldn’t be repulsed by her scars, who would love and accept her in spite of them?

  He reached for her hand. “Jenn, listen to me. Not everyone who sees your burns is going to turn their back and walk away.” He waited a moment, as though he wanted those words to sink in. “Trust me, Jenn. Show me.”

  She glanced down at his warm, strong hand holding hers. Comfort and assurance flowed from his grasp. The invitation was risky, but if she could show Bill, maybe she would have the courage to show others.

  She slipped her hand out of his and unbuttoned her right cuff with shaky fingers. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears. She slowly rolled up her sleeve and turned over her arm, exposing the red twisted scar that traveled up past her elbow and disappeared into her sleeve. “It goes all the way up.” She looked at him, dreading his response.

  He reached over and lightly traced the edge of her scar with his finger. “Does it still hurt?”

  She swallowed and struggled to find her voice. “Not so much now. My shoulder is still sore. The burns were deeper there.”

  He nodded, his gaze traveling over the arm, taking in the details.

  “It looks awful, doesn’t it?” She bit her lip, hoping he’d disagree, but knowing that would be a lie.

  “The only thing that bothers me is thinking how much this must have hurt you.”

  His caring words poured over her heart like a healing balm. She lifted her gaze to meet his.

  “I mean it, Jenn. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Warmth and affection filled his eyes as his gaze traveled over her face and hair. She held her breath, waiting, wondering if he would lean closer and kiss her.

  But instead, he sent her a tender smile. Then he glanced at his watch. “We still have time to catch the parade if you want, or we can go over to the Park and meet everyone there.”

  Jenn swallowed, feeling like she was trying to regain her balance after being on an amusement park ride.

  She looked down at her arm and studied her scars. Showing Bill was one thing. He was kind and caring, but what about other people? What would happen when everyone else saw them?

  “Hey, it’ll be okay.” He gently ran his finger down the side of her cheek.

  Fighting the voice that told her she was a fool to listen to him, she leaned into his touch and looked up into his eyes once more.

  “I’ll be right there with you,” he said. “I promise.”

  The sweetness of those words warmed her heart, sealing her decision. “Okay. I’ll go change.” She smiled at him once more and hurried off to the house.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jenn leaned back and looked up through the lacy branches overhead. The silver birch leaves flickered in the wind, revealing patches of azure sky and sending shifting patterns of sunlight over her face.

  Closing her eyes, she felt the breeze on her neck and arms and released a deep sigh. This was bliss. The weather had changed, bringing cooler temperatures and blowing away much of the uncomfortable humidity.

  They’d finished a delicious picnic supper a few minutes earlier. Jenn had enjoyed the barbecued chicken, oriental coleslaw, fruit salad, Tilley’s homemade rolls, and Bill’s special fudge brownies.

  While they ate, Tilley shared memories of celebrating the Fourth of July with her family on the coast of Maine when she was young. Toby entertained them with some silly jokes he had learned from his friends at school. And Bill told several crazy stories about his college days when he and Wes were roommates. Wes denied them, but Bill insisted most of the stories were true. Lauren and Jenn laughed so hard they begged Bill to stop and give them a break. Jenn couldn’t remember when she’d enjoyed a day more, and she tucked away all those happy moments in her heart.

  Lifting her hand, she shaded her eyes and searched the park. She spotted Bill, Wes, and Toby just past the gazebo, lined up to take part in the watermelon seed-spitting contest. Tilley sat nearby in a lawn chair, chatting with an older man who held tightly to his dog’s leash while his excited Boston bull terrier pulled to keep moving.

  Lauren kneeled beside her on the picnic blanket, cleaning up the remains of their meal. She snapped the lid on the brownie container and placed it in the basket. “You look great in that outfit.”

  Jenn smiled. “Thanks, but I still feel bad about borrowing it without asking.”

  “Stop apologizing. I’m glad you did. I hope you’ll keep it.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t do that.”

  “Please?” Lauren wiggled her eyebrows and grinned. “Then I can put a new shorts outfit on my honeymoon shopping list.”

  Jenn chuckled. “Okay. If you put it that way, I guess I could keep them.” She loved the cute denim shorts and red t-shirt with the American flag on the front. Wearing them made her feel cool and comfortable, and so far no one had said anything about her scars.

  She gazed across the park at Bill. He was probably right. It didn’t bother Wes and Lauren, and Tilley was so sweet she’d never say anything unkind.

  Toby raced across the grass toward them. “Bill spit farther than anybody!” He plopped down on the blanket beside his mother. His face was red and sweaty from his time in the sun. Watermelon juice stained his mouth and ran down his chin.

  “Come here, sweetie.” Lauren reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a container of wipes.

  Toby leaned forward, squeezed his eyes shut, and pressed his lips together tightly, while Lauren wiped his cheeks and chin.

  “Are your hands sticky?” she asked, and he held them out for her to inspect.

  Bill strode toward them and took a seat on the blanket next to Jenn.

  She glanced over at him and laughed when she saw juice and seeds running down his arms and dripping off his elbows. “Wow, you really got into that contest.”

  He grinned, a triumphant look in his blue eyes. “I may be a mess, but I won.”

  Wes sat down beside Lauren. “Man, pass me those wipes when you’re done, honey.”

  Lauren was still helping Toby. So Jenn reached over, pulled out two wipes, and held them out to Wes.

  Toby gasped and shrunk back toward Lauren. His mouth twisted into a painful grimace as he stared at Jenn’s arm. “What happened to you?”

  Jenn dropped the wipes and pulled her arm back to her chest.

  “Toby, hush!” Lauren turned to Jenn, distress clouding her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  A hopeless weight descended on Jenn’s heart. What could she say? She was sorry, too. Sorry she’d worn this T-shirt and frightened her nephew.

  “It’s okay, Toby.” Bill picked up the wipes and began cleaning his hands. “You’re aunty Jenn has some scars from getting burned, but they don’t hurt her anymore.”

  Confusion filled Toby’s eyes as he shifted his gaze to Bill.

  Bill scooted over next to Toby. “It’s no big deal. Lots of people have scars.” His mat
ter-of-fact tone eased some of the tension. “I’ve got one right here on my hand.”

  Toby leaned closer to look. “How’d you get that?”

  “When I went camping last summer I grabbed hold of a hot pan without thinking, and I got burned.”

  Toby examined the small red scar on Bill’s right hand then looked up. “Did it hurt?”

  “You better believe it!” Bill shook his hand and made a painful face. “Yowie!”

  Toby giggled.

  “Hey, what are you laughing at?” Bill poked him in the ribs with a teasing grin. “You should’ve seen me. I dropped that pan faster than you can say, ‘Yes, ma’am!’ Then I jumped around the fire, waving my hand in the air and shouting until I came to my senses. Finally, I ran down to the lake and stuck my hand in the cold water.” He made a hissing sound like steam rising from the water. “Ahh, that made it feel better.”

  Toby laughed so hard he doubled over and grabbed his stomach.

  Jenn felt her own laughter bubble to the surface, and gratitude flooded her heart. Bill had used his gift of humor to shift the focus away from her and lighten the moment.

  “How about you, Toby?” Bill asked. “Do you have any scars?”

  The little boy sobered, and looked at his mom. “Do I?”

  She nodded. “Check your right knee.”

  He pulled his knee up for a closer look.

  Lauren pointed to a faint line about an inch long, running down one side of his kneecap. “When you were three you fell off the slide at the park. The cut healed in a week or so, but you still have that little scar to remind you to be careful.” She smiled at him and ruffled his blonde hair off his forehead.

  Toby bit his lip then turned to Wes. “Do you have any scars?”

  “I sure do. Right here.” Wes pointed to his left side of his face where a faint, jagged line ran along his cheekbone.

  Toby lifted his finger and traced the scar, a frown creasing his forehead. “How’d that happen?”

  “I got it from some men who didn’t like me telling people about Jesus.”

  Toby nodded, his face solemn. “My mom told me about that. They put you in jail and were real mean to you, but you were brave.”

  Wes laid his hand on Toby’s shoulder. “Well, God helped me get out of there, and then He brought me here to Vermont to meet you and your mom.” He shifted his gaze to Lauren.

  “And your scar is better now?” Toby asked.

  “That’s right,” Wes said. “God designed our bodies to heal themselves. Sometimes He uses doctors and medicine to help us get well, but usually we just need to rest and take care of ourselves, and we get better.” He smiled at Toby. “That’s a pretty good plan, don’t you think?”

  Toby nodded, a serious, thoughtful expression on his face. He shifted his gaze to Jenn. “I’m sorry you got burned,” he said softly. “But I’m glad God’s healing you.”

  Jenn’s throat tightened, and she had to force out her words. “Thanks, Toby.”

  He smiled at her, his blue eyes shining. He obviously had no problem believing God could heal any pain or fix any problem.

  If only she could believe as easily as Toby.

  Lauren beamed at her son. “Come here, big guy. We need to finish getting you cleaned up.”

  Bill stood and looked down at Jenn. “You want to go for a walk?”

  “Sure.” She stood, thankful he seemed to sense she could use a break and some time to settle her emotions.

  They strolled past several groups of people sitting on picnic blankets and lawn chairs. Children ran by, laughing and chasing each other. A mother called her toddler back to her side.

  They passed the gazebo where musicians were tuning their instruments in preparation for the band concert due to begin at sunset. The chorus of insects grew louder as they reached the path that circled the lake.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

  “Yes, thanks to you.” Their arms brushed, and awareness flowed through Jenn. “I didn’t know what to say to Toby, but you handled it perfectly.”

  He tucked his hands in his pockets, looking a little embarrassed. “Ah, I was just goofing around with him.”

  “It was more than that. You helped him understand, and that was really . . . great.” She wished she could explain how much his kindness and sensitivity meant to her. No one else had stepped in to help her like that in a very long time.

  Bill’s gaze drifted off toward the lake. “I guess it’s natural for kids to be curious.”

  “I suppose so.” She bent and plucked a flower that looked like a yellow daisy.

  “Coreopsis.”

  “What?”

  “That’s a coreopsis.” He pointed to the flower in her hand.

  “Oh, thanks.” She smiled. “I didn’t know the name.”

  “Well, you do now.” He grinned back at her.

  She twirled the flower in her fingers as they walked on. Her feeling of connection with Bill had deepened today.

  The sun dipped lower over the lake, and the sky took on an orange and golden glow in the west. The breeze blowing off the lake sent a little shiver through her, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

  “Are you cold?”

  “Just a little.” For a second she thought he might slip his arm around her, but instead he gestured toward the parking lot.

  “Let’s walk back to the truck. I’ve got an extra sweatshirt in there.”

  Disappointment tugged at her heart, but she chased it away, telling herself she was being silly. Bill was a caring friend. That’s all. But she couldn’t help wishing he wanted to be more than that.

  * * * *

  An hour later they sat side-by-side on the picnic blanket listening to the band play Broadway show tunes and patriotic songs. Bill stole a glance at Jenn and smiled. She looked cute in his big sweatshirt with the cuffs rolled up and her knees tucked up to her chest. He leaned a little closer, telling himself he was trying to block the breeze from the lake and keep her warm, but the truth was, he just enjoyed being near her.

  Darkness settled over the park. A hum of excitement ran through the crowd as the band played the final song.

  “Do you think they’ll make it back in time?” Jenn scanned the crowd, searching for Wes, Lauren, and Toby.

  “I’m not sure. The lines for the port-a-potties could be long.” He chuckled. “That’s just like Toby, deciding he has to go right when the fireworks are going to start.”

  “I guess it might take them a while to go back to the car and get Lauren’s sweater, too.”

  Bill nodded, but he didn’t mind. Tilley had gone to sit with friends from church, leaving Jenn and Bill alone to enjoy the music. And though the park was full of people, there was only one person occupying his thoughts.

  The music rose to a crescendo, and the first fireworks whistled into the sky and exploded. The ground shook, and a dazzling cloud of red, white, and blue stars burst overhead.

  Jenn pulled in a sharp breath. The crowd cheered and clapped as the sparkling trails rained down, fading into the night sky. A few embers still glowed as they dropped into the dark waters of the lake.

  They were only about fifty yards from the fireworks setup and heard the whooshing sound as the next shells blasted off. Jenn tensed and leaned closer to Bill. The shells exploded into a fiery cluster of golden stars.

  He laid his hand on her shoulder. “It’s pretty loud. Are you okay?”

  She nodded, but when three more shells exploded in quick succession, she covered her ears and turned her face into his shoulder.

  Frustration rolled through him. She had a good reason to hate the loud blasts. He made a quick decision and tugged her to her feet. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  Jenn blinked at him. “Where are we going?”

  “Trust me.” He led her through the crowd, holding her hand. Each time another shell burst, she tightened her grip and picked up her pace, confirming his decision.

  When they re
ached his truck, he unlocked the passenger door for her, and she hopped in.

  He hustled around and climbed in his side, quickly shutting the door and blocking out most of the sound.

  She sent him a worried glance. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to leave.”

  “We’re not.” He inserted his key in the ignition, took a CD from the holder on his visor, and slid it into the CD player. “Go ahead. Adjust the volume. You can play it as loud as you want.”

  She glanced out through the windshield where they had a perfect view of the fireworks, and understanding glowed in her eyes. “This is great. Thank you.”

  He grinned. “You’re welcome.”

  She set the volume loud enough to cover some of the noise from the explosions, but not so loud that they couldn’t still carry on a conversation. Then she smiled and settled back, looking blissfully happy.

  He scooted closer and slipped his arm across the back of the seat. He played with a strand of her hair for a few minutes and finally rested his arm around her shoulder. She leaned closer, and he caught the scent of flowers in her hair. He couldn’t have orchestrated a better ending to the evening, sitting next to her and watching the delight on her face as the fireworks burst into dazzling colors against the night sky.

  They watched for about ten more minutes. The CD paused between songs just as the grand finale began. The sound of the multiple explosions filled the air, and even inside the truck they felt the vibrations.

  Jenn tensed, but didn’t hide her face this time. Instead, she lifted her gaze to the sky as round after round exploded in glittering bursts of color. “Oh, it’s so beautiful.”

  His throat tightened as he watched her smile spread wider and saw the sparkling fireworks reflected in her eyes. “Yes,” he murmured, “beautiful.”

  When the last firework drifted down, she sighed and settled back. “That was amazing.” Turning to him, she sent him a sweet smile. “Thanks, Bill.”

  “So you liked watching it from in here?”

  “Yes, this was a great idea.”

  “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  “I’m glad you made me.”

  He pulled back and laughed. “Made you?”