Surrendered Hearts

by Carrie Turansky

  When she thought of Jesus, she imagined he looked a lot like Bill.

  She picked up her journal and turned to a new page. Dear Father, thank you for drawing me back to You. Thank You for the people You’ve sent to show me what it means to love You and follow You. There are a lot of things I don’t understand about my life and all that’s happened, like why I had to go through the fire. But I believe You’ll help me work that out in my heart and show me what I need to learn from that experience.

  I’m not sure what you want me to do with my life. Help me to trust You and give me courage to follow You no matter what happens. And please take care of Bill wherever he is tonight.

  She hesitated, wondering if she could ask God to make Bill stay in Vermont. Slowly, she shook her head and let that idea go. She didn’t want to be selfish anymore. True love, like Pastor Dan said, meant thinking about what was best for the other person, putting their needs above your own.

  I wish he could stay. That’s what I really want. But if it’s best for him to go to North Carolina, then I pray you’ll give him that new job, and You’ll help me let go of the dream of us being together some day. Though her heart ached at that thought, she whispered, “Amen,” and closed her journal.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Sunlight beamed across the gallery’s oak plank floor. The wood added a warm touch to the decor, but it needed a good sweeping each evening before they closed. Jenn didn’t mind. The gentle rhythm of the broom swishing across the floorboards soothed her spirit.

  It had been a busy afternoon. A vanload of tourists came in just after lunch and kept her hopping for over an hour as they asked questions and lined up to pay for their purchases. A little after three, the woman who’d brought in the antique trunk to be refinished returned to pick it up. She raved about Jenn’s work and didn’t even bat an eyelash when she looked at the bill.

  Jenn smiled as she knelt with the dustpan in her hand. Lauren would be pleased when she returned on Sunday and saw the sales totals for the last two weeks.

  She finished sweeping and walked to the back of the gallery where she hung the broom and dustpan in the closet. As she flipped off the closet light, she heard the front door open. Her heartbeat picked up. Could it be Bill? She hadn’t seen him since the wedding, and she couldn’t squelch the hope rising in her heart as she hurried back through the gallery and peeked around the stairwell.

  Her spirits deflated when she spotted a man with blond hair standing with his back to her, studying a shelf of antique candleholders. She stepped out. “Can I help you find something?”

  The man turned and smiled. “Hello, darling.”

  Jenn froze and stared at him, her stomach dropping to her toes. “Phillip?”

  “Of course. You were expecting someone else?” He quirked one eyebrow, looking amused.

  “What . . . what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

  “You did make that difficult.” His smile faded. “I’ve been worried about you, Jenn. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?”

  She sent him a glance of utter disbelief. “I didn’t think you wanted—”

  “I’ve been searching for you for months. The other night I Googled your name again and found the newspaper article about your work here at the gallery.” His smile resurfaced. “At first I didn’t think it could be the same Jennifer Evans. But then I saw the photos, and I knew I’d found you.” He stepped closer and slid his hand down her arm. “I’ve missed you, Jenn, more than I can say.”

  She stiffened at his touch.

  He leaned back and searched her face. “What’s wrong? I came all this way. I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

  “After the way you reacted at the hospital, I thought it was over between us.”

  His eyes widened, and he shook his head. “I just needed time to think it through and adjust to . . . everything. You have to understand, seeing you like that was a bit of a shock for me.”

  It had been a terrible shock for her, too. And his disappearance had left her to deal with it alone. She smoothed her sleeve over her scarred arm, fighting off a confused mixture of emotions. Could she have misread his response at the hospital? Had the trauma of the fire and the medication distorted her thinking?

  She looked up and met his gaze. “But you never came back after the first night.”

  He huffed and lifted his hands. “I tried to call you. Didn’t you get my messages?”

  She shook her head, remembering the painful days following the fire. After she left the hospital, she’d stayed with her friend Natalie, then she’d gone to Stacey’s. Phillip wouldn’t have known how to reach her there. Could she have misjudged him? Was this whole misunderstanding her fault?

  He grasped her hand. “Listen, darling, that’s all behind us now. We’ve found each other again. That’s what matters, that and making plans for the future.”

  Apprehension prickled through her. “What do you mean?”

  His smile spread wider. “I want you to come back to Oregon with me.”

  Stunned, she stared at him.

  “Auditions start Wednesday for the next show, and I think you’d be perfect for the lead.”

  She blinked. “The lead?”

  He nodded. “I already spoke to Donavan about it. He’s very interested.”

  He’d talked to the director for her? They wanted her to audition? Her heart lifted, but reality brought her back to earth. “I appreciate you speaking to Donavon, but I don’t see how I could afford to move back right now. I don’t have enough money to rent an apartment or replace my car.”

  He waved away her words. “Don’t worry about that. You can stay with me. I’ll drive you anywhere you need to go.” He slipped his arms around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “I’ll take care of everything.”

  A dizzy, lightheaded feeling washed over her. Was that what she wanted—a live-in relationship with Phillip? More uncomfortable questions rose in her mind. She slipped out of his embrace. “I don’t think that would be a good idea for either of us.”

  “Why not? It’s the perfect solution. You can come back to Oregon, and we can work together doing what we love.” He grinned and cocked one eyebrow. “And maybe we can finally set a wedding date.”

  Tingles zinged along her nerves. “You’re serious? You still want to get married?”

  “Of course. Missing you all these months makes me realize how wrong I was to hold off on planning the wedding.” He leaned down and looked into her eyes. “I want us to be together, Jenn.”

  * * * *

  Bill pulled into the driveway at Long Meadow and parked between the house and barn. A silver convertible sat in the spot closest to the gallery’s front door. With a slight frown, he glanced at his watch. Jenn should have closed by now. He shrugged off that thought. She was probably helping one last customer with a purchase before she locked up for the night.

  He grabbed his keys, climbed out of the truck, and took a moment to stretch. He’d returned from his three-day trip to North Carolina that morning, and he still felt a little stiff from being cooped up in the airplane.

  The interview had gone well. They’d practically handed him the job on the spot. The board would meet tonight for the final vote, then they promised to call. When the offer came through, he wouldn’t be able to delay his decision much longer.

  He lifted his gaze to the sky. Father, please show me what to do. I don’t want to leave Vermont, but I’m willing to take that job at Hawk Mountain if that’s what You want for me.

  He glanced at the gallery door, wishing Jenn would walk outside and into his arms. He silenced that thought and refocused on his prayer.

  Please help her work through the issues in her past so she can learn to trust You and love You with her whole heart. I’d turn down that job in a minute if You’d just give me one little sign that she’s coming around. That would be enough for me.

  His shoulders relaxed as a growing sense of hope filled him. He’d been praying non-stop for Jenn, a
sking God to touch her in new and deeper ways. He had no idea how God would do it, but he didn’t doubt He could.

  He walked toward the barn certain it was time to see her, time to talk. Opening the screen door, he stepped from bright sunshine into the gallery’s shady interior. He hesitated on the threshold, waiting for his eyes to adjust. The room came into focus, and a shockwave jolted through him.

  A man he’d never seen before held Jenn in his arms, and there was no mistaking the look of possession on the man’s face.

  A surge of confusion and betrayal flooded Bill. This was crazy! How could she fall in love with someone else? Who was this guy, anyway?

  The screen door banged closed behind Bill. The man dropped his hold on Jenn and stepped back.

  She turned, her eyes widened, and the color drained from her face. “Bill, you’re back.”

  He nodded solemnly. “I got in this morning.”

  The blond man lifted his eyebrows and shot Jenn a questioning look.

  “Phillip, this is Bill Morgan.” Her gaze darted back and forth between them. “He’s . . . he was my brother’s roommate.”

  Bill’s stomach churned. So that’s all he was to her. But whose fault was that? He was the one who hadn’t told her how he felt or what truly separated them.

  “Bill, this is Phillip Reynolds.”

  The name hit him like a slap in the face. “From Oregon?”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded, her face flushing.

  Bill focused on Phillip and steeled his gaze. “So what are you doing here?”

  Surprise flashed in Phillip’s gray eyes, but he quickly masked it. “I’ve come to bring Jenn home to Oregon with me.” He smiled as though there was no doubt in his mind she’d go with him. “She has a promising career waiting to take off, and a devoted fiancé eager to marry her.”

  Bill’s anger bubbled closer to the surface. How could Phillip call himself a devoted fiancé? Where had he been all these months? He shifted his gaze to Jenn. “You want to go back to Oregon with him?” She sent him a pleading look that totally baffled him.

  Phillip slipped his arm around her shoulder. “Of course she does. In just a few days Jenn has an opportunity to audition for the lead in an important production. It could open all kinds of doors for her.”

  “You’re going back to acting?” Bill couldn’t keep the incredulous tone out of his voice.

  Jenn clasped her hands. “Well, I—”

  “Jenn has exceptional talent and training. It would be foolish for her—”

  “Hold on,” Bill said, lifting his hand. “She’s not a puppet. You can’t just pull some strings and think you can control her.”

  “That’s not what I am trying to do.” Color rose in Phillip’s face. “Jenn’s happiness is my main concern.”

  Bill huffed. “Since when are you an authority on what makes Jenn happy?”

  “She did accept my proposal. I’d say that gives me the a pretty good idea.”

  “Oh, yeah, right,” Bill sputtered.

  “Please, stop.” Jenn stepped between them. “You’re talking about me like I’m not in the room.”

  Phillip straightened and took her hand. “I’m sorry, darling. Of course you’re here. And I’m sure you can explain everything to . . .” He turned to Bill with a haughty lift of his eyebrows. “What was your name?”

  “Bill Morgan,” he ground out, glaring at Phillip. How could she even consider going anywhere with this pompous jerk? Her happiness was the last thing on his mind. Couldn’t she see he was full of himself?

  She slipped her hand out of Phillip’s grip. “Phillip just got here. We’ve only had a few minutes to talk. I haven’t made up my mind about anything yet.”

  Bill nodded, feeling as if he’d just scored a hard-won point. At least she wasn’t ready to hop on a plane tonight. There was still a chance to convince her to stay. But he had no idea how was he going to do that.

  “Why don’t I walk you out to your truck,” she said.

  Bill shot one more glaring look at Phillip before he turned and followed Jenn out the door. As soon as the screen closed behind him he strode up beside her. “So he just shows up here after four months and expects you to take off with him?”

  Jenn walked down the gravel drive a few more steps before she stopped in the shade of a maple tree. “It’s been five months, actually. But I think that may be my fault.”

  Bill squinted, trying to catch her meaning.

  “After the fire, I was in shock and they gave me a lot of pain medication. I think I might have misunderstood Phillip’s reaction.”

  Bill slowly shook his head. “I don’t believe this.”

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  “He deserted you, Jenn, when you needed him most. Now you’re blaming yourself and defending him? That’s crazy!”

  Hurt filled her expression. “You don’t understand. We were both upset that night. We said things we didn’t mean.”

  “Okay, but that’s no excuse for him dropping off the face of the earth. He should’ve been there for you.”

  “He said he needed time to adjust and process everything.”

  Bill groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. Couldn’t she see that was a totally lame excuse?

  “I should’ve called him and talked things over when I got out of the hospital, but I was so confused. I stayed with friends for a while, then I came up here without telling him where I was going. He says he’s been looking for me ever since.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “Well, he’s here isn’t he?” She lifted her chin, and a stubborn glint shone in her eyes.

  “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should pack your bags and fly off with him.”

  “He says he wants to marry me.”

  Bill tossed his hand in the air. “Oh, yeah, I bet he does.”

  “What?” she snapped. “You don’t think anyone in their right mind would want to marry me?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant.” He rubbed his forehead, trying to straighten out his thoughts. Why had Phillip shown up now? It didn’t make sense. There must be more to it than a simple change of heart. “I don’t think you should trust him.”

  “Why would you say that? You don’t even know him.”

  “Well, he’s an actor, isn’t he?”

  “What’s that got to do with it?”

  “How can you trust someone who’s paid to play a part?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Bill, I’m an actor, just like Phillip.”

  “No. You’re nothing like him.” Bill’s thoughts raced around in a circle. He wasn’t convincing her of anything except that he was a little crazy.

  “I don’t understand why you’re giving me such a hard time. Why should you care if I go back to Oregon? You’re leaving.”

  He groaned. “Come on, Jenn.”

  “What? You want me to turn down a perfectly good marriage proposal just because it means moving across country?”

  He rubbed his forehead, totally stumped at how to explain things to her. But he had to say something. “Please, just . . . don’t rush into this. At least wait until Wes and Lauren come home. Talk it over with them. See what they say.”

  She crossed her arms and stared off toward the house, the struggle evident on her face. “I promised Wes and Lauren I’d keep the gallery open. I won’t leave before they get back.”

  Two days. That wasn’t nearly enough time to convince her to stay, especially with Phillip hanging around every minute. Doubts came rushing in, and cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Jenn deserved to get married and have a family some day, but the thought of her marrying Phillip turned his stomach. How could a guy like that be good for her? He had an attitude as big as a house, and he wanted to take her away from Vermont and the only family she had left.

  But what if he was wrong about Phillip? What if he was being totally selfish? He swallowed and looked at Jenn. “Do you love him?”

  She pressed her lips together, lowerin
g her gaze. “I thought I did. But so much has happened. I’m not sure any more.”

  Her response sparked a tiny flame of hope. Maybe there was still a chance, at least to convince her to stay.

  Phillip stepped out the front door of the gallery door, his eyes glued to them.

  Bill tensed and looked back at Jenn. “Promise me you’ll give it more time before you turn your life upside down again.”

  Questions shimmered in her hazel eyes, but she nodded. “I’ll wait until Sunday and talk to Wes and Lauren.”

  Bill nodded. That was enough for now.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Saturday morning Jenn set the steaming plate of French toast and bacon on the table in front of Phillip. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” Phillip looked up at her with an uneasy smile that didn’t look too convincing.

  Jenn took her plate from the counter and joined Phillip at the kitchen table. He had been acting strange ever since he arrived that morning. Was he still bothered because she’d asked him to stay at a nearby bed and breakfast last night? Or perhaps he would’ve rather gone out this morning instead of eating with Tilley and Toby. She wasn’t sure, but for some reason she didn’t mind him being a little uncomfortable. After all, he was the one who had just shown up yesterday with no warning.

  Tilley bustled toward the table carrying a red ceramic bowl. “We have peaches with whipped cream or warm maple syrup.”

  Toby reached for the bowl. “I want peaches on mine.”

  “Hold your horses, young man.” Tilley looked at him over the top of her glasses. “We’re going to pray first.”

  “Sorry.” He grinned and slipped his hands back in his lap.

  “That’s better.” Tilley sat down and smiled across the table at Phillip. “Would you like to pray?”

  Jenn stifled a little gasp.

  Phillip’s face flushed. “Well, I—”