by Sam Elswit
“I really don’t need this right now.”
“Okay, what’s been bugging you?” She said, getting up and sitting beside me. “You’ve been acting weird all week.”
“Nothing’s bugging me.”
“Ben. You’re my brother, you think I don’t know when you’re lying to me? Now, spill it. What’s gotten you all prissy lately.”
“I’m not prissy.”
“Well, you aren’t exactly Little Miss Sunshine either.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me. What harm will it do if we just talk about it?”
“You know I don’t like to talk about my problems.”
“That’s probably the issue, you know. You never speak up, so you let yourself get dragged along for the ride, even if you don’t like it. Tell me the truth, it’s about you and Andy, isn’t it? I’ve noticed you’ve been kind of off around him lately.”
I sighed.
“Tell me, has he been bad to you? Done something you don’t like? I can totally put him in his place if that’s what you want. Hell, I’ll go file a restraining order against him right now. You know I never did like him…”
“No. It’s not like that.”
“Then, what is it?”
“I don’t know… it’s like the spark that first made me like him isn’t there anymore. Yeah, I still get excited when we make out or we do… other stuff.”
“Spare me the gory details. I get the picture.”
“Well, I keep feeling like it’s my fault. Like I’m doing something wrong, but I just don’t feel the same way I used to.”
“And you don’t know why?”
I bit the inside of my lip. “I don’t know… maybe.”
“What kind of an answer is that?”
“It’s just… I don’t know which one of us has changed, but he just isn’t what I envisioned. I know it’s probably unfair of me to be a perfectionist here, but it just irritates me when I tell him something and he doesn’t listen. Or I tell him I want to do something and he writes it off as silly.” I shrugged. “I guess when I pictured myself in a relationship, I imagined something very different. Someone who would treat me as his equal, instead of a subordinate. Someone who would love me and not just date me for the hell of dating me.”
“Hmm.” Emily looked at me. “If I were you, I would just dump his ass and explore my options. Life is too short for you to settle for anyone. I’ve always told you that he isn’t worth your time. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with being single. Look at me, I turned out okay, didn’t I?”
I chuckled. “I know a few people who would argue against that assessment.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” She was about to start berating me for my little comment when my phone buzzed in my pocket.
“It’s Andy.”
“Well, go on. I can’t keep waiting for him, I don’t have all day.”
I answered the call. “Hello?”
“Yeah, you called?” Andy had this condescending tone in his voice that I didn’t like. I could almost see him smirking at me with that sly look on his face. Sometimes, I honestly questioned my decision to be with him. But, desperation makes you do strange things. Especially when you’re twenty-four and single.
“Of course I called. You were supposed to be here an hour ago. Where are you? If you don’t show up soon, I think Emily might actually send you to an early grave.”
“You got that right.” She yelled. “A drumstick through the heart would suit you well.”
I shot her a look.
“What?” She asked like she was the most innocent person in the world.
“Oh, sorry about that. I got caught up in some stuff.”
“Like what? I’ve sent you a dozen texts since yesterday, trying to figure out how the meeting with Jeremy went, but you haven’t answered those either.”
“It’s the life of a soon-to-be star.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re talking to the newest pop star of our decade.”
“Andy, you aren’t making any sense.”
“No? Let me break it down for you. Jeremy was never interested in Farmers’ Market, he was only interested in me. Offered me a contract deal. Even gave me a signing bonus. I’m riding in a nice new Cadillac right now. Maybe you can join me sometime. Plenty of room in the back, if you know what I mean…”
I nearly dropped my phone at his words. I couldn’t believe him. Had he deceived me this whole time? Did he ever send in our CD, or had he only sent in samples of himself?
The mere thought put a bitter taste in my mouth.
“What is he saying?” Emily asked, noticing my fallen expression.
“How could you?” I finally said, my fingers shaking with the anger that seeped under my skin. “How could you do this to me?”
“Look, it’s nothing personal. I just couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by. You can understand that, can’t you?”
I ground my teeth together, my fingers tightening around the phone so hard that my knuckles turned white. I couldn’t believe he would have the nerve to do this to me. I trusted him. “Rot in hell you bastard.” I snapped, my anger coming to the forefront. “I hope you crash and burn for being so damn selfish. If it wasn’t for me…” My rage became so great that my mind went numb, my tongue feeling like it had doubled in size.
Before I could say anything else, Emily snatched the phone from my hand. “Andy. What the hell is going on?”
I didn’t bother to listen to their conversation. My blood was boiling with this betrayal, my vision blurring. I had to get away.
With my body working on autopilot, I rushed out of the garage and ran down the street. My feet thumped against the asphalt in a steady tempo, syncing with my heartbeat, calming me down a bit. As my arms pumped up and down, my fingers tightened into fists, my muscles refusing to relax as I pushed myself to run faster and faster.
Up ahead, dark storm clouds rolled in, promising bad weather. I knew I should probably turn around and handle this situation like a civilized human being, but I could barely breathe, let alone think straight. I just needed some time alone.
Not paying attention, I came to a dead end, but I didn’t stop. Without missing a beat, I got a running start and jumped, reaching for the top of the fence. I hoisted myself up and over, entering a small section of the nearby forest.
Inside this secluded place, I finally slowed my tempo, knowing that tripping on a root was a surefire way of twisting an ankle, and I definitely didn’t need to add insult to injury.
I kept walking for what felt like forever, my footsteps muted by the bedding of leaves I was walking on. Overhead, birds twittered as they brought grub back to their young ones. Squirrels scuttled along tree trunks, hiding their plunder of acorns. Butterflies fluttered between the wildflowers that grew along the untrodden path.
This place was always so serene. Maybe that is why I liked it so much. No matter what happened in my life, nothing seemed capable of disrupting this little piece of heaven.
The sound of a babbling brook reached my ears. After a few more minutes, I reached my spot. Here was where all my emotions came out. Here was where I was true to myself.
Slowly, I walked to the edge of the water, looking down at my reflection. It trembled with the water’s movements, but it was obvious that tears had flowed down my cheeks during the journey here.
Inside my chest, it felt like my heart had shattered to pieces. I had trusted Andy. Yeah, we weren’t the perfect couple, but I didn’t think he would ever double-cross me like this. How could I have been so foolish?
I kicked the water, distorting my reflection.
With bile forming in my stomach, I turned around, heading to a nearby tree. Near its base was a rather large alcove. I reached into it, pulling out a metal box. There was a place to put a lock, but I never found it necessary. Who would ever find it so deep in the woods? Most people were probably not even aware this place existed.
I opened it, running my fingers along the parchment-like pages. I stopped at my last entry. It was from almost six months ago.
December 27,
It feels so good to spend the holidays with someone. Andy and I just came back from an ugly sweater party and I don’t think I’ve had that much fun in a long, long time. I came out here to grab a breath of fresh air and to recharge my social meter. I don’t know how Andy does it. He could socialize all day long and it would never tire him out.
Three months and two days. So far, it’s been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. He’s exciting, sexy, and downright fun. Really been helping me melt away my inhibitions. When he holds me in his arms, I sometimes feel like I could just start flying. Honestly, I never want this moment to end. It’s too perfect.
I’ve been thinking about asking him to start a garage band with me. I’m sure I could get Emily to play the drums. It would be amazing. Maybe we can even make it to the big leagues… it’s a thought anyway. Andy definitely has the voice to kick us off the ground. The mere thought of it makes me giddy.
Reading through the words, my anger only intensified. I had put so much faith in him, only to have him crush it all under the heel of his shoe.
I tore the page off, tearing it to pieces. The fragments fluttered in the wind before getting swept away, never to be seen again. Good riddance.
I hoped I never saw him again.
Even as I thought about it, I knew that wasn’t really what I wanted. I didn’t want to go back to the loneliness I had felt before he entered my life. Shuddering with emotions, I wrapped my arms around my legs, tucking them into my chest, rocking ever so slightly.
Depression was already weighing heavily on my shoulders, forcing them to sag.
What was I supposed to do now?
Without a vocalist, there could be no band and neither Emily nor I knew how to sing without breaking all the fine china in the house.
There goes my dream…
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the flood of tears that threatened to spill, but I just felt so betrayed, I couldn’t help myself. The sobs shook my whole body, making me feel like a little kid all over again – small, helpless, and in desperate need of a hug.
Chapter 4
Phil
I lined up my shot, trying to sink the 8-ball into the side pocket. I leaned down, running the cue stick along my fingers in a few practice motions, holding my breath and closing my eye, preparing myself to finish the game.
“Phil!” Someone shouted my name just as I took my shot, startling me. Of course, the cue ball went astray, hitting the 8-ball at the wrong angle, completely missing the pocket. I sighed, straightening myself out, looking for the source of the sound, only to see a young girl jump into the arms of another man, kissing his lips like she hadn’t seen him in a long, long time.
As they started to make out, I looked away out of respect, my cheeks coloring.
The struggles of having a common name.
I was about to get back to my game when I noticed Emily entering the pub. She walked straight to the bar, ordering a cold one. When the bartender filled her order, she sipped on the drink slowly, a grimace on her face, almost as if she didn’t like the taste.
Something was wrong.
Wanting to find out what it was, I put my pool stick down and headed in her direction. She didn’t even notice me as I sat down.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
Carefully, I poked her in the stomach, knowing how ticklish she was.
Before I could prepare myself for what was coming, her hand flew out, slapping me across the face, nearly throwing me off my barstool.
“Don’t touch me, you creep.” She spat, before she looked in my direction, her eyes growing wide. “Oh my god! Phil! I didn’t know it was you… I’m so sorry.” She fretted over me, holding my face, observing the red handprint that had formed on my cheek. “Ouch… I really am sorry… I didn’t mean to. Gosh, I feel awful.”
I worked my jaw, feeling like it had dislocated with the impact. “It’s okay,” I told her, rubbing my cheek. “You didn’t hit me that hard.” I lied, trying to make her feel better.
Her frown only deepened. “You suck at lying.” She called over the bartender, asking for an ice bag.
“Ow…” I protested when she pressed it against the side of my face.
“Stop being a baby.” She said, lifting my hand to the bag. “There, hold that in place and you should be fine.”
“Thanks, but it’s really no big deal.” I dropped the ice. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”
Emily looked like she was about to argue with me, but she held her tongue, almost as if she didn’t have the energy. “Suit yourself.” She shrugged, sipping her drink.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I asked, swiveling her barstool so she would face me.
“I don’t want to talk about it and if you keep pestering me, I’ll make sure to give just as much attention to your other cheek as well.”
Instinctually, I held up my hand to protect myself.
Emily chuckled. “And you said I didn’t hit you hard.” She shook her head. “Seriously though, don’t worry about me. It’s no big deal.”
“Well, if you want to make up for slapping me, you can actually do me a favor.”
She raised her eyebrow in question, tilting her head slightly until her long black hair fell over her slender shoulders. “If you want me to buy you food or something, I didn’t bring much cash…”
“No, no. I’ve been playing pool by myself for the last hour and I don’t feel like being a loser anymore. So, come join me?”
She looked at me a moment, trying to figure out whether I was kidding or not. “Fine.” She grabbed her drink off the counter and headed for the pool table. “It’s been a while since I played, so sorry if I suck.”
“I could teach you if you want.”
“Sure.” She sat down on a nearby stool as I grabbed her a stick. Unfortunately, finding a good one was always a mission, since most of them were warped beyond playability. Finally, I found one that was decent enough and handed it to her.
She jumped down, twirling it like a baton.
“I always forget that you used to be in the marching band.” I pointed out.
“Shush.” She gently pressed the stick against my lips. “Don’t go tarnishing my good name like that.” She giggled slightly. “Unless you want me to start shouting about your knitting hobby.”
I blushed slightly. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, c’mon. You like to knit sweaters for your cat. That’s pretty damn cute. Nothing to be ashamed of.” She said with a devious grin on her face.
“And neither is the little girl who used to be a flag twirler, her hair in pigtails held up with bright red ribbons. Who wouldn’t find that adorable?”
“Oh! I’m going to kill you!” She hissed, looking like she was about to jump over the pool table and pummel me to death. My eyes widened and I tensed up, expecting another slap to the face, but to my surprise, she managed to control her temper.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
She sighed. “I’ll have to kill you some other time. I don’t have the energy to do it tonight.”
I frowned. “C’mon Emily, something has you seriously down. Just tell me what it is. Maybe I can help.”
Her eyes widened at my words like I had just said something that could revolutionize the world. “That’s it! You’re exactly what we need!”
“We?” I repeated. “What are you talking about?”
“Our vocalist just bailed on us.” She growled, her upper lip twitching ever so slightly. “The scumbag double-crossed us!”
“Huh?” She was speaking so fast that it was hard to follow what she was saying.
“He had the audacity to tell us that a record producer was interested in us – Farmers’ Market – but in reality, he was going behind our back, sending in his own sample
s so he could get a record deal for himself.” Her nostrils flared, reminding me of a charging bull. “Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to punch him in the face…”
“Emily.” I reached out, gently placing my hand on her shoulder, hoping it would calm her down. “I don’t think I follow.”
She sighed in exasperation. “You remember how I said there was this big, hotshot producer who was interested in the band?”
I nodded.
“Well, as it turns out, that producer was only interested in Andy and not in the band.”