Fire In His Spirit: A Post-Apocalyptic Dragon Shifter Romance

by Dixon, Ruby

  His arms tighten around me and he rests his chin on my shoulder. This is not easy to answer. I have flashes of memory, but when I try to focus, it moves away. It is like a cloud—solid in the distance but turns into smoke when you try to grasp it.

  That makes sense. Amy said Rast had a hard time remembering parts of his past, too, and that some struggled with memory more than others. Maybe it'll come back with time.

  Perhaps. He pauses, and images of different places, red deserts and an orange-tinted sky flicker through my mind. After that, I see buildings made of cool white marble that enclose green gardens away from the desert itself, but there's an ominous sense to these civilized places, and Vaan's mind skitters back toward the deserts, which feel more comfortable. They are home to him, I realize—craggy, desolate cliffs, dunes of sand populated by large lizards and snakes, and roosting atop the cliffs, basking in the sunshine, are other dragons in various shades of gold. The memory fades away again, and a sense of loss returns. That is the past, Vaan tells me, and his thoughts turn back toward me. It is lost, I think. If there is a way back, I do not know it.

  I don't think there is, I tell him gently. I imagine if there was, someone would have found it by now.

  I am happy here with you. He buries his face in my hair and breathes deep of my scent. What of you? Where do you come from?

  Here? I guess?

  This hive?

  Hive? I guess so. We made this place a few years ago after leaving Fort Tulsa. I try not to think about that place, because the memories aren't good ones. They're mostly of desperation and bullies, men who wanted sexual favors in exchange for the smallest freedoms, and feelings of despair. I was somewhere else for a while, but it got to be too much and I left. They wanted to strip all women of their freedoms, force us to be dependent on men because we weren't as strong in their eyes. At first it was just a few small law changes, like not going out into the streets at night. It always starts small, you know? Then by the time you realize what's going on, it's too late.

  He grunts.

  After a while, they kept changing more things. A woman who dressed provocatively was just asking to be accosted in the streets. They actually changed the law to say that no man would be blamed for taking what was dangled in front of his face. Bile rises in my throat just thinking about it. After that, they changed more stuff. Women got fewer rations than men unless they had a protector. Women couldn't have their own guns. Women could be traded like cattle. Sometimes a girl would get killed, and the law would look the other way because women didn't really “count” toward the population suddenly. Not really. It kept getting worse and worse until we were more like pets instead of human beings and we wouldn't be able to survive unless we either whored or found a man as a protector so we could privately whore. That wasn't a choice.

  I shudder, remembering the abusive, bullying men of Fort Tulsa. Fuck those guys.

  His grip tightens possessively on me, and I pat his hand before continuing. A few friends and I decided to steal away one night, but when it came time to go, there were twenty of us that wanted to escape. Some had babies. Some were beaten so badly they could hardly walk but still wanted to get away. How could I say no? So we left. We took our chances on dragon attacks and just left the night before a scheduled attack so they wouldn't be able to chase us.

  Scheduled…attack? He sounds baffled.

  Uh, yeah. You guys attack in patterns. It took a few weeks for us to figure it out, but granted, we were reeling from the chaos. The reds attack for several days in a row and then nothing for three weeks, while the golds usually attack every three days and then fly off.

  Reds? Ahhh, mating females. They are flushed with the heat of their own fires.

  Amy mentioned that, yeah. Would you have been better off with one of them instead of a human mate? I can't help but worry about that, just a little.

  Never. Yours is the only scent that called to me out in the madness. He presses a kiss to my shoulder. Out of all the humans in this world, yours is the scent I like. Even if a dozen strong drakoni females were in front of me, I would turn to my Gwen. You are all I need.

  I love this man. Dragon. Whatever. It no longer matters to me. All that matters is that he's mine. I tuck his arm against my chest so he's hugging me and snuggle against him. I'm glad we're together.

  I am glad you finally decided I was worthy.

  I feel a twinge of guilt, because I know I stalled for forever and a day. You've always been worthy. I just had to be convinced I wasn't going to fuck you up by attaching my life to yours.

  Never.

  You say that, but I don't have a great track record. Plus, I wanted to make sure you had someone to anchor to save you. I didn't want you going gray-eyed again.

  Vaan stiffens against me. Gray-eyed?

  Liam said he'd seen it before. You know what I'm talking about?

  Darkness and anger descend on his thoughts. I do. Salorians—the old overlords of my enslaved people.

  Yes. I hate that one touched his mind and nearly took him from me. You turned away from me and started walking as if you were going to leave. You said “Fort Dallas” aloud.

  I do not know of any place called that.

  I do. I hold him close, trying not to let worry leak into my thoughts. It's another human place. Amy came from there, and she said her sister did, too. She said there's a Salorian there. Do you think it was him?

  I hope so. I do not like the thought of there being more than one Salorian here in your world. One is bad enough. He holds me close, pressing his mouth against my skin in an almost-kiss. They can enslave a drakoni male with a touch of the mind. It seems I have been polluted.

  Polluted?

  Once you have been touched by a Salorian mind, they can re-take you at any time, force you to do their bidding. Anger burns in his thoughts. Not even this terrible place is safe from their kind. I am surprised he let me go. That is not like them.

  He didn't—I kissed you and pulled you back to yourself.

  Mmm. The love of a human mate is stronger than a Salorian's grip. This is interesting.

  It's one reason why I didn't want to wait any longer. I won't have anyone take you from me. The thought fills me with terror. Even now, Vaan might not be safe from them if all it takes is a brush of the mind to attack him from afar. What do we do?

  Wherever they want us to go, we do not go there. And we wait for him to strike again. He will try once more, I suspect. When he does, you must do your best to bring me back.

  I will. I'm going to watch my dragon like a hawk to make sure he's never alone. I'm going to be on his ass like a barnacle. I hope Amy comes back soon.

  The other human mated to a dragon?

  Yeah. I need to talk to her about this. I don't like the thought that you're vulnerable. And I'm curious if she knows what's going on back in Fort Dallas. We're not close to it. From Dallas to Shreveport's a bit of a stretch. There have to be dozens of dragons between here and there. Why is he trying to drag you back?

  I have no answers.

  Me either, and I don't like that at all.

  * * *

  I'm still feverish and hot with Vaan's fires when I wake up the next morning. A drink of water. That's what I need. Water and more sleep. I roll out of bed, wrapping a sheet around my body, and stop in surprise. Vaan's at the window to our room, and he's thrown open the metal shutters and gazes out onto the old playground, where scorch marks still show on the dirt and weeds.

  My skin prickles when he doesn't turn around to greet me. "Vaan?" When he doesn't respond to that, I try to reach out with my mind, though it feels like a weak muscle. There's no answer, no comforting touch of his thoughts to mine. With a gasp, I race to his side and grab his arm, forcing him to turn around and look at me. "Vaan!"

  He blinks, slowly.

  His eyes are deep, deep gray.

  I feel sick. This feels something like rape, because he's being used and abused against his will. Carefully, I touch his arm. "Vaan," I whisper.
"Remember me?" I've still got his seed on the inside of my thighs. This can’t be happening. When there's no answer, I reach up and run my fingers over his lips, lightly caressing them. I try again, this time with a surge of my thoughts. Vaan, it's me, Gwen. Your mate. Come back.

  The gray remains in his eyes, clouding them over.

  Fuck. This isn't fair. I don't know what to do. How can I have my mate for less than a day only to lose him again?

  "Fort Dallas," he says again, and I know it's not Vaan. He pronounces things all wrong for it to be Vaan. The inflections are all wrong.

  "Fort Dallas?" I echo. "Why Fort Dallas?"

  "Truce."

  "What truce? What is it? Who are you?"

  There's no answer, and my fear and frustration bubble over. A hot sob catches in my throat, and tears flood down my cheeks. You can't take my mate, I tell the voice. Vaan is mine! You don't get to have him! I press my forehead to his shoulder, my hands caressing his lower arm, feeling the muscles, the strange softness of his skin that looks like scales, the dangerous spikes that grow out of his arms that he's always careful not to scratch me with. I love every bit of him, and I’ll be dead inside if he's gone, if all that's left is this shell. More tears streak down my face and I sniff loudly. I'm blubbering and I don't care. Nothing matters without Vaan.

  A hand touches my hair.

  I stiffen, waiting.

  After a moment's hesitation, the hand strokes down my curls in the same hard, overzealous way that Vaan always pets me. Your eyes are sweating, he says, and to my relief, it's Vaan's voice in my head. His thoughts curl around my own, and when I raise my gaze to his, his eyes are swirling black and gold once more.

  This time, I really sob.

  My fault, he tells me. I forgot to stroke your hair so your eyes would not sweat. He pulls me close and pushes at my hair so hard I feel like he's going to leave a bald spot with the force of each big mitt swiping over my hair.

  "W-what?" I manage as he pets my hair.

  Your eyes. They sweat. I will help you.

  I have no idea what he's talking about. I don't care, either. "It's you, right?"

  It is me. Did I leave? He cups my chin, looking down at me thoughtfully.

  "Your eyes were g-gray," I choke out. "You said ‘Fort Dallas’ and ‘Truce.’ Why?"

  I do not remember anything. He seems disturbed by this. The Salorian touched my mind again? When I nod, he pulls me closer. But you called me back? I heard your voice. Felt your eye-sweat on my skin and felt your distress in your thoughts. It woke me.

  All good things to know. I cling to him tightly, hoping I never have to call him back again.

  Truce, the voice said.

  What kind of truce, I wonder? And why? Who calls a truce when you can steal all the playing pieces on the board?

  38

  GWEN

  For once, something in our world goes right, and Amy and Rast return the day after next. It's perfect timing, because I spend all that time in bed with Vaan, trying to recover from receiving his “fires” and making love over and over again with what little energy I do have.

  I'm not complaining.

  When Amy and Rast return, though, the fort's abuzz. Amy has bags of toys she's brought for the children and everyone's excited to see them back, including me.

  Vaan and I get some weird looks from people as we emerge from my room, but that's all right, too. Weird looks won't kill anyone, and I'm getting better at tuning out my need to please everyone with Vaan's mind attached to my own. When a child giggles and points at us, though, I look over at my dragon-man and can't help but give a little giggle of my own. He's wearing a pair of cargo shorts because I asked him to, and it's clear he doesn't like them. He holds his junk as he walks, and his steps are a funny waddle.

  Problem? I ask, trying to smother my laughter behind a hand.

  How do human males not get their cock mangled wearing these things? Are they built so small that they do not have problems? He shifts on one foot, then the other. I do not like this at all.

  I move to his side and pull at his waistband. "You were supposed to wear underwear underneath this."

  The tight white layers? Bah. Bad enough that I have to wear this. He scratches at his groin. It rubs against everything. Better that I have my cock hanging out. We can make all the other females jealous of your mate if I am naked. He gives me an entreating look.

  Let's try it my way for a day, I tell him, amused, and take his hand to lead him back to our bedroom. But for now, how about we switch to the wrap instead?

  If I must.

  We duck back into my room, change clothes, and then head back out. There's a commotion in the main area, and I'm both relieved and worried to see that it's Amy and Rast. The tiny blonde looks as happy as ever, Rast with both of his big hands on her shoulders and glaring at anyone that lingers too long talking to her. Andi and Cass are chatting with her, and when Vaan and I approach, Amy turns toward us and her polite smile blossoms into a huge one.

  "So it happened," she says, glancing at Vaan and then back to me.

  "It did," I agree and squeeze Vaan's hand.

  I have…met this one before? This Rast?

  Several times, I admit privately to him.

  I do not remember.

  Yeah, you have had trouble with that in the past. When I was talking to Amy she said that the insanity shows in different ways in the dragons she's met, and that Rast told her that you didn't…retain things. I feel guilty telling him this, because it sounds awful, no matter how gently I put it.

  Do not feel guilty, he chides me. If you are right, then it is a problem I must be aware of.

  Until you forget it again, I think, and inwardly wince.

  He only rumbles with laughter. That is why I am glad to have you at my side. You can help me remember. He plays with a lock of my curling hair and glances over at Rast and Amy. I see he is not being tortured with human clothes.

  I chuckle behind my hand.

  "Okay, that's weird," Andi says from nearby, and I look over. She has a little half-smile half-grimace on her face as she looks at me. "You do realize you've been giggling and nodding at yourself for the last minute?"

  Oh.

  "Mental conversation," Amy says. "You get used to it." She reaches out and links her arm in mine. "Can we go talk out in the courtyard? Rast needs to hunt something for breakfast."

  And I should probably tell her about the Salorian possession and the whole “truce” thing. "Oh, um, sure." I reach out to Vaan with my thoughts, something I'm still getting used to. Are you…

  Hungry? Yes. I could hunt. Let us go, then. I will be glad to leave this hive even if it is only for a short while.

  And he turns and strides toward the double doors that lead out into the old schoolyard, discarding his hip wrap as he does, and showing the entire fort his charming golden ass.

  VAAN

  My mate is quite happy to see you have given your female your fires. She had many worries while we were gone. The other drakoni male, Rast, dips low in the air, skimming between buildings as he extends his claws and snatches up a racing four-legged animal.

  I wheel about in the sky, stretching my wings and picking up scents as the other male flies upward, perches atop a building, and then begins to devour his kill. My Gwen is happy to have you return. I think she has many questions for your mate.

  They will talk to each other until they are exhausted, he agrees. You should hunt while you can. If I know my Amy, she will sit with your mate for as long as necessary. She has a very kind heart, my mate.

  I fly overhead, where I left my Gwen sitting with the other female. Sure enough, they are still seated on a small bench out in the courtyard, surrounded by pots of greenery. They chat in low voices, and the constant flick of mental images I get from my mate tell me that they are talking of the human hive and the people there. Rast is right. They will probably be discussing this a while. I send my mate loving thoughts even as I soar higher, following the scent of
game. This close to the hive it is difficult to pick out scents.

  You get used to it, Rast tells me as he feeds. The human stench becomes less overpowering with time. If I focus on Amy, it makes it easier to tolerate the scents of others.

  Up ahead, a creature darts out from between metal carcasses and I swoop low to grab it. Have you ever lost control around the humans? Attacked them with your mate there? The memories I do have are filled with fire and ash and the screams of humans…I do not like to think about those things. I feel no remorse, but I do not remember these times at all.

  It is almost as if that drakoni was someone else, and I have woken up with his mind and only fragments of his memories.

  It is the madness, Rast agrees. It has eaten holes into our minds and spirits. This human world does not welcome our kind.

  Does it get better? I ask, rising up to settle on a building with my bleating, flailing prey in my claws. The memories?

  Not yet. I think some of them will always be gone. Do you remember where you came from? Our world?

  I remember sand. And…Salorians.

  His mind fills with distaste. As do I.

  Perhaps it is best to not remember, I think, hating the memories of Salorians that leak through my thoughts. I remember males in white robes that look like drakoni but do not act as we do. Their scales are paler, and their minds cruel. I remember…being enslaved by them. I remember waking up in chains, being starved until I gave in to their mind control and let them in.

  I remember being their puppet, and hate flows through my mind. Distantly, I hear thunder and can feel the ominous change in the air, as if a storm is moving in. The skies grow dark.

  Vaan?

  Gwen's sweet thoughts pierce through the darkness of my own, and I look up. There is no storm. The skies are blue. Irritated at my own volatility, I tear into my food. I am here, I tell her. I am ashamed at how quickly I nearly sank back into madness, and I do not want to scare her. Not when our bond is so new. I distract her instead. What is this creature?