by Jamie Pope
They drove in silence for a while and the bright, clean streets of the Manhattan he worked in faded away. The city had undergone a huge cleanup in the past twenty years or so, but there were some places that had barely been touched. Including Sunny’s block. There was some sort of mental health clinic/addiction treatment center there, but not the privately funded ones he sent his wealthy clients to. This one was lacking the spalike atmosphere and staff who were there to serve. There was also a little dive bar on the corner.
It was getting late and people were outside hanging around. There were people coming in and out of the bar. He didn’t like this place for her. He wouldn’t want his sister, or cousin, or even someone he didn’t like very much to stay here.
“You can let me out here,” she said as she reached for the door. “Thanks for bringing me home. I’ll be in touch.”
He grabbed her arm, keeping her inside the car. “You live here?”
“Yeah.” She frowned in confusion. “You knew that.”
“This is not safe for you.”
She smiled and shook her head. “You sound like my friend’s husband. He wants me to get a carry permit.”
“Is he a cop?”
“A fed. But it’s fine and it’s in my price range.”
“It’s fine until somebody hurts you.”
“I can defend myself. I learned how at an early age. Trust me, these people aren’t going to bother me.”
“These people are drug addicts and alcoholics.”
“Addiction is an illness. You can’t stereotype people based on their appearance or pasts. You of all people should know that.”
He did, but he still didn’t want to let her out of the car here. What the hell could he do? Take her home with him? That wasn’t an option. Not a good one anyway. “I’m walking you up.”
“Don’t bother. I’ve been walking myself up for the past three years. I’m fine.”
“But I won’t be fine unless you let me do this.” He was serious. She was too beautiful. Too innocent-looking even if her innocence had long gone away.
“How can you make the feminist in me want to punch you, but the soft part of me want to hug you?” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I’ve learned a long time ago that you can’t prevent things from happening and you can’t live in fear or else you’ll be miserable. You’ll end up paralyzed.”
It was a wise thing for her to say, but someone so young shouldn’t have to be so wise. He could only imagine what she had to go through to get that knowledge. “I’m coming inside. You should offer me water for driving you home. I’m very thirsty.”
“Okay, Jules. I’ll invite you in for some water. Park around the corner. There’s a lot where your car will be safe.”
“Didn’t you just tell me you were safe here? If my car isn’t, then how can I believe you will be?”
“We don’t get cars like this driving through here very often. This car is worth way more than me. I’m sure they could get a ton of money for the parts.”
“Nothing is more valuable than you.” He realized how it sounded and shook his head. “I mean your life. Human life has the greatest value.”
“You sound like a motivational poster.”
“I was a football player. You don’t know how many motivational pep talks I’ve been subjected to.”
“Go park your car.”
He did and walked her up to her third-floor studio. It was clean but rundown. He could tell she had done her best to make it homey. There were framed pictures on the wall. Of her and her friends. Of the children she must have helped. Of the cards and letters and drawings she had been given.
“I’m sure your bathroom is bigger than this.”
“Only slightly,” he said, not really joking. This was vastly different from his apartment that overlooked the park.
“It’s not much, but it’s all mine,” she spoke softly. “And if you hate it, you can keep it to your damn self.”
“I don’t hate it at all.” He glanced at her window to see that there was a sturdy lock on it. He was glad it was there and angry that she needed to have one there.
“Do you want water? I wish I had something fancier to offer, but I don’t spend a lot of time here.”
“Because you’re scared to be alone here?”
She was quiet for a long moment. “I work late. I fill up my time.”
“I’m not thirsty, but thank you. We need to set up a formal meeting soon to discuss everything in detail.”
“Yes.” She nodded. There was an awkward moment of silence between them. But then she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him and pushed her curvy body into his and she set her lips on his cheek for the second time that night.
He wanted to groan, but it wasn’t out of annoyance. He was rarely hugged. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been. It was probably six or seven months ago at Thanksgiving.
Regina didn’t hug. They had sex. They sometimes napped together in the same bed afterward, but there wasn’t this kind of closeness between them. This kind of closeness made him uncomfortable. He found himself wanting it with a longing he didn’t know he possessed.
“Damn it, Sunny. You have to stop kissing me. I’m your attorney now.”
She didn’t let go. He didn’t move away. “Thank you.”
She finally let go and he gave her one long last look before he left her alone in her apartment.
Chapter 6
There was no food again.
Sunny held on to her stomach willing it to be quiet, but it was angry from not having anything good or filling for the past two days. Mama was extra jumpy lately. All the windows were covered with thick blankets. She had put newspapers on the wall. She had stopped going to the store.
She didn’t trust them, she told Sunny. Sunny had asked her who they were but Mama would never tell her. She was tired of asking now. Tired of everything.
She lay near the window on her makeshift bed where a little bit of the light was peeking through. The electricity had been cut off a few days ago. There was no more TV, nothing to keep her mind occupied. There had been books. Mama had taught her how to read a long time ago, but she had read them all and she couldn’t see even if she had wanted to read them again.
“Sunshine?” Her mama looked up at her with her now-wild blue eyes. She was too hyper lately. Mama had never hurt her before but sometimes she scared Sunny. “Are you hungry? You must be hungry.”
“No, Mama. I’m fine.”
“I’ll make you something.”
She watched Mama get up from her spot on the floor. She had been writing something. She was always writing things, on every piece of paper she could find, in old notebooks that Sunny was never sure where they came from.
She had tried to read her writing sometime, but it never made sense. Sometimes it was random words. Sometimes it was pages and pages of numbers.
“No, Mama. I don’t want to eat.”
“Nonsense.” Mama walked over to the refrigerator, which was just as warm on the inside as the rest of the apartment. There were eggs in there and leftovers that had long ago gone bad. The smell that came out of there made Sunny’s stomach squeeze.
Mama lit their gas stove. She cracked the eggs into a bowl and just like they were fresh she began to scramble them. But Sunny could smell the rotten odor from her bed. She could see they didn’t look right as Mama beat them with her fork. She pressed her nose into the blanket to block the scent.
She heard the eggs sizzle in the pan. She heard her mama humming like this was normal. Nothing was normal about them. Sunny had just been with Mama for as long as she remembered but she knew that other people had families, that they got to leave the house, that they went to school.
She had seen these people on TV. They didn’t have blankets on the windows and writing on the walls.
Mama had put the eggs on the plate and presented them to Sunny, smiling like they didn’t stink like garbage. “Here, baby. Eat.”
“No,
thank you.”
“You have to.”
“Those eggs are not good, Mama. They smell bad.”
“But they aren’t bad!” Her eyes went wide and wilder if that were possible. “I got them from the man I know. The store will try to poison us.”
“I’m not eating!” She always tried to be good. She had always tried to obey, but this time she couldn’t.
“I’ll show you.” Her mother took a forkful and put them in her mouth and then she gagged. The plate smashed to the floor and everything that had been in Mama’s stomach had come out.
Sunny got up and went to the bottles of water Mama kept stockpiled in the corner. She wet a towel with one bottle and gave another to her mother.
Her stomach was no longer hungry, but it wouldn’t be for long. She knew what she had to do even though she knew it might make Mama mad. Tonight when Mama was out she was going to go for help.
* * *
Sunny walked into Julian’s office two days later. He had summoned her. She was surprised the call had come so soon. She was going to contact him about meeting to discuss things about the case in detail, but she wanted to give him a few days. She was feeling slightly guilty about how he had accepted. His boss hadn’t given him a choice. She wanted him to want to work on the case. She had wanted him to want to work with her. It was unreasonable on her part. Maybe selfish.
There was something about him she was drawn to, but she didn’t think she could go through with this case, possibly uncovering the truth about her identity, if he really didn’t want her around. She had spent so much of her life unwanted. Once she had carved out a life of her own she knew she would never have to be in the position to be around people who tolerated her just because they had to.
Julian was behind his desk. His face all business. He looked serious so often that she wanted to tease him. To get under his skin. To coax a smile out of him.
She had teased him the last time she was in this office. She didn’t know what had gotten into her when she suggested he lock the door and show her how other attorneys blew off steam. She knew that despite his unconventional looks he was as strait-laced as they came, or at least he was trying to make himself be that way.
She had known that he was going to say no to her proposition, but a little part of her wondered how she would have handled it if he would have said yes. She was attracted to him. There was no doubt about that. She believed that women could be just like men and be able to enjoy sex without emotional attachment or expectations. But would she have been able to go through with it? Long after he had left her place the other night, she could still smell his scent on her skin. She could still feel the ghost of his hands on her hips. She could still remember the way she felt in his arms. Secure. As a foster kid, she never had any say in her life. She was just shuffled from place to place. But with him she felt safe.
“I can’t be Soren’s law guardian,” he said by way of greeting.
“I had asked you that night if you were going to take the case. You could have said no then. You could have said no anytime between then and now. I didn’t have to come all the way down here just so you could tell me to my face. A phone call would have sufficed.”
“Relax.” He scowled at her. “I didn’t say I wasn’t taking the case. I said I can’t be the law guardian. Guardians are impartial. They hear both sides of a case and then recommend what they think is best for the child. I’m not impartial. I read Soren’s file. What you told me was just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t think she should ever go back to her mother. The woman doesn’t deserve her back.”
“You sound angry,” she said surprised.
“I’m a lawyer. It’s my job to be angry on my clients’ behalf.”
“Even when you know they are guilty?”
“I don’t think my clients are guilty.”
“Is being that good of a liar a part of the bar exam? We all saw the tape of that baseball player bash in that guy’s windshield. I’m surprised you didn’t look at the judge and say, throw his dumb ass in jail.”
“My client was exhausted and under extreme duress at the time. He could not be responsible for his actions.”
“Extreme duress. Yes, his wife’s new lover held a gun to his head and forced him to destroy his property.”
“Marriage vows should be sacred. People who are betrayed like that act out of character.”
“You sound like you speak from experience.” Had somebody broken his heart? She had wondered why someone like Julian would end up with someone like Regina.
It had nothing to do with age. She had liked that he found older women attractive. It gave her hope, but there was no warmth coming from the woman. No softness. Sunny had lived with many people and placed many kids in homes. She had good judgment when it came to people and she wondered how Julian could think he wanted to spend the rest of his life with a woman who didn’t make his heart race.
“I just think vows are sacred and mothers shouldn’t abandon their children.”
He got up from his desk and motioned to his couch. She sat down and he came to sit beside her, a manila folder in his hand.
“We’re going to need to find out everything we can about Soren’s biological mother, and I mean everything. Criminal record, drug abuse, mental illness, her last known address. If she ever got a parking ticket we need to know about it. She’ll have a fight on her hands.”
“I’m not sure that’s the best thing. Dragging up that kind of history can do more harm than good.”
“And ripping that kid from the family who loves and takes care of her would be better?”
“I didn’t say that. But—”
“But what? You come to an attorney like me for a reason. I’m not a family court attorney. I go for blood. I win. That’s what you want. I’m not buying the bullshit about helping the waitress at a party. If you wanted a kind person you would have gone somewhere else. But you wanted results so you came to me.”
He was right. He was the best. She just didn’t want to think about what being the best entailed. Plus there was her, she didn’t tell him about. What if Soren’s mother was her mother? What if she found out things about her mother that no child should know? What if she found out her mother left her locked in the closet simply because she didn’t want her anymore?
What if she ended up more broken by this at the end?
“This woman found where the Earls live. She’s sending large amounts of money that we can’t trace. Who’s to say she won’t snatch the child? Who’s to say she doesn’t have more resources than most of the country and can maneuver the legal system to her advantage? Who’s to say she won’t smear the Earls and drag out every sordid thing that they have ever done?”
“Smear the Earls?” She was horrified at the prospect. These people didn’t ask her to get Julian involved. She had taken that on herself for selfish reasons. She couldn’t risk doing that to them, especially if it were all just a coincidence.
“It’s what I would do if I were on the other side. I have to be one step ahead of opposing counsel. And you know if this woman is sending child support, it’s only a matter of time before she makes an appearance.”
“I’ve thoroughly checked them out myself. They are just regular hardworking people who took in a child that no one else, not even her mama, wanted. She can’t smear them. If she really loves her child then she wouldn’t try to hurt the people who loved her.”
“Do you know Soren’s birth mother personally?”
“No,” she said quickly. But she could have known her in another life. “It’s just hard for me to believe that anyone who really loved a child would rip that child away from the people who are best for her for personal, selfish reasons.”
“Everyone always thinks their reasons are just. I defend people every day who think that way.”
She nodded. He was right. But the more he spoke, the more she doubted herself and this journey she was about to go on.
“Why do you seem so unsure?” he asked h
er. “You were the one who hounded me to take this case and now I feel like you are about to back out.”
“As much as Soren’s mother put her through, she still loves her. It’s clear from the letters she wrote her. I think more than anything that this woman wants a connection with the child she gave birth to.”
“If she loved her, she wouldn’t have left her,” he snapped. “Real mothers don’t leave.”
Sunny sat there stunned but the intensity of his words, the anger in his gaze. Something had hit home for him. “I don’t know what kind of life you had, but my mother left me locked in a closet. She was sick. She couldn’t be a mother to me, but she loved me. I felt loved, even when I didn’t feel safe. I refuse to believe that I was unlovable just because she never came back.”
“I’m sorry.” He set his hand on hers. “I didn’t mean to imply that you were unlovable.”
But for a long time she felt that way. She had been shuffled from family to family. No one had ever wanted her forever and the one person who did, died before she could make it so. She shook off the feeling. She had thought she’d put the death of her final foster mother behind her. It had been over ten years. She had lived with Maggie for only a year. But the retirement of the officer who saved her, and the letters from Soren’s mother brought all of it back up. She wasn’t as healed as she thought she had been.
“I think you should read the letters, Jules. That’s why I’m afraid that this adoption won’t go through. You would only go through these lengths for someone you loved.”
“If her mother came back into the picture and presented herself as a stable person able to care for Soren, would you think the best place would be back with her?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. The thought had crossed her mind. “You never know if they’ll slip again and maybe she won’t. We don’t like to bet against people. But there was another child, another daughter. Older than Soren. Something happened to her. I can’t tell from the letters but it seems like she left that child too.”
“I need to see them. Can you get them to me by tomorrow?”
She nodded once, wondering if she was strong enough to complete this process.