by Jamie Pope
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Did I just see you hug my boss?”
“Yes. I really like him. I’m going to see him again.”
“He’s married.”
She nodded. “I know. It’s been twenty-one years.”
“Then what are you going to see him about?”
“I’m not sure that’s any of your business. What’s the matter with you? You’re angry.”
“I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”
“Fine, I’m meeting with him to talk about a lawsuit.”
“A lawsuit? Who the hell are you suing?”
“You. For being a cranky jackass. You’ve got to chill with the mood swings.”
No one could put him in his place like Sunny could.
“Regina is here. We had a conversation. I’m not very happy about it.”
“Oh?”
“Let’s go. I don’t want to talk about it here.”
He led her out of the building and back to his car where they sat for a moment. “What did she say?” Sunny asked, after they had been silent for so long.
“She wants to get back together. She wants to marry me.”
“She loves you.”
“But she can’t say it. She didn’t say it. She implied it, but that’s not good enough.”
“That’s important to you. You want her to say it. You need that from her.”
“If it’s true, she would say it. It shouldn’t be hard.”
“Do you love her?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I want to have loved her, because it would make these last five years seem like not such a waste. My mother didn’t love my father. I know he loved her though. I watched him love her and not get loved back and it’s hard to see someone so damn decent not get what he deserved. I swore I would never be in that kind of relationship. If neither of us were in love, it could work, but one of us can’t have stronger feelings than the other.”
He felt her hand on his. “Seeing your ex threw you for a loop tonight. You don’t have to go to the party with me. Go home. Relax. I’ll take a cab there.”
She turned to reach for the door handle and he grabbed her wrist. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily. I promise I won’t be a morose son of a bitch at the party.”
“I’m not worried about your behavior. I’m worried about you. This is bothering you.”
It was. These were thoughts that would have never crossed his mind, but she came around and she made him think and feel more than he had in years. “I’m just hungry.”
“Okay. Then we’ll eat at the party. But if you feel like going just let me know.”
He was going to stick it out the entire night. Not just because he had promised her he would, but the thought of going back to his apartment alone didn’t feel right after he had been with her all day. It would feel empty and tonight he wanted to be filled up.
* * *
The venue for this party was much different than the one they had left. It was in a family owned restaurant. There was no waitstaff in impeccably pressed uniforms. No quiet, elegant music playing in the background. Some Motown classic was on, but it was barely heard over the voices and the laughter that filled the room. It felt warm. The last party didn’t. Julian couldn’t understand how Sunny wouldn’t feel comfortable here. But she didn’t. He felt, more than saw her tense up as they walked in. He was right behind her, watching her as she squared her shoulders and forced her head upright. He felt a sharp pang of something inside him that caused him to stop her before they got farther into the restaurant. He pulled her body into his, meaning to offer comfort, but liking the way her curvy backside felt against his front and he hugged her.
He realized his mistake immediately. Thoughts of what had taken place in the closet flooded his mind. The way her curvy little body tucked into his. The way she moaned his name. The way she made his heart race. He wasn’t sure who he really was anymore when he was with her and that was crazy. They had met a month ago. How could his world be so thoroughly rocked? How was he supposed to keep things professional with her?
“Don’t be sweet to me,” she whispered.
“Okay. I won’t. You’re the ugliest person in the room.”
She pulled away and smiled at him. “Thank you. That’s better.”
“Sunny! You made it.” A man wearing a huge grin and a party hat came over to her. His arms were spread. Julian knew immediately that this was the man they were here to honor.
“Detective Rodgers.” She hugged him back. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
“Please stop calling me detective. Call me Tom. I’ve told you that eight million times.”
“It’s a sign of respect. I’ll always call you that.”
“You’re a silly kid.” He glanced up at Julian. “You wouldn’t happen to be . . .” He shook his head. “No. It can’t be.”
He still got recognized by diehard football fans. His future had been incredibly bright to have it all dashed away when he took a hit too hard.
“This is my friend, Julian King. Julian, this is Thomas Rodgers. He’s the reason I’m still here.”
“It is you!” He grabbed Julian’s hand and shook it hard. “How did you know, Sunny? I loved this kid. I followed his career all through college. We went to the same school. I own his rookie jersey and now he’s standing here. It nice to meet you, man.”
“It’s an honor to meet you. Sunny has great things to say about you. You went to Clemson?”
“Of course. Football was my life. Sunny, this is the best present you could have given me.”
“He’s not a present for you. Julian is my . . .” She stumbled on the word. “Friend. We’re friends,” she said, even though they were more than that.
Detective Rodgers wasn’t buying that they were just friends either and anyone who saw them walk in wouldn’t buy that either. He smiled at both of them and hugged her again. “I’m happy for you, honey. Now go eat. Have a couple of drinks. Enjoy yourselves tonight.”
Julian did enjoy himself that night. There were a lot of excited cops eager to talk football to a former pro. Most of them wanted to know what it was like to play in a Super Bowl and hear the roar of the crowd. There were times he hated being known just for his time on the field, but tonight he didn’t mind the dozens of questions. It made him miss it.
He made his way over to the table where Sunny was now sitting alone. She had been seated with Rodgers’s wife and some of the other wives and girlfriends.
“Hey, stud.” She smiled at him. “Your fan club done peppering you with questions?”
“For now.” He sat next to her, wanting to reach for her and pull her into his arms again. She looked sleepy and adorable and he craved her closeness.
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You made Detective Rodgers’s night. Thank you for being so kind to everyone.”
“He’s a great guy. There’s nothing to thank me for.”
“Do you get tired of answering football questions? It must be annoying sometimes.”
“Sometimes. Especially when I’m at work. I want to be recognized for my skills as an attorney.”
“Everyone here was impressed by you. Football and then law school. It’s an accomplishment, Julian. A huge one. I hope you know that. I hope you are proud.”
Damn it, she was sweet. He reached over and touched her cheek, just needing to feel her skin. She wasn’t making this easy on him.
“Why did your boss think I was a music video girl?”
“Your body,” he said without hesitation. “Those little sundresses you wear hide how curvy you are. You’re sexy. You might not see it, but you’re sexy and every man with a pulse knows it.” He paused for a moment. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you. I know I can’t tell you what to do, but I would like you to stay away from him.”
“What would you say if I told you I was madly attracted to him and wanted to be with him?”
“What could I say?”
“There are a few things that come to mind.”
“Sunny . . .”
“Take me home, Mr. King.” She stood up. They had been together all day, and if he was honest with himself he would admit that he didn’t want the day to end yet. He didn’t want to take her home. But he knew he was going to and then he was going to force himself to back away from her for a little while.
* * *
Sunny needed some space from Julian if even for a moment. She was enjoying him far too much tonight. The more time she spent with him, the more she saw how kind and decent he was. He had been so good with every person who came up to him tonight, asking about his former career and his endorsement deals. It must have been painful to have such a promising career snatched away from you and then be constantly reminded of it.
She walked over to Detective Rodgers who was standing near the entrance, saying good-bye to his friend. She didn’t think she was going to have a good time tonight, but she did. She still felt like an outsider, but she had felt that way her entire life. There was a warmth in the room that was unmistakable. She wanted to live in that warmth. She wanted to create that kind of warmth of her own with a family that she made.
“Sunny.” The detective smiled at her as she approached. “Did you have a good time?”
“Yes. You have wonderful friends and family.”
He hugged her. “You’re included in that. We’re not moving until the end of July. Come over for dinner before we go. Bianca had to take her mother home but she told me not to let you leave without asking you.”
“I would be happy to come.”
“Bring Julian. He’s a great guy. I like him for you.”
“He’s not my boyfriend, you know. We’re just friends.”
“The way he looks at you tells me a different story.”
“You just want me to be happy and settled so you don’t have to worry so much.”
“Yes. You’re right. I worry about you.”
“Stop worrying.” She pulled away from him. “I’m going to be fine.”
“You probably will be, but I don’t want you to be fine. I want you to be happy.”
She wanted to assure him that she was happy. But she couldn’t make herself say the words. How could she really be happy when so much of herself was a mystery? “I’ll call you later this week.”
He nodded. “Make sure you do.”
She looked back at Julian who was standing a little ways away to give her privacy. “I’m ready.”
He stepped forward, shook the detective’s hand, and congratulated him before they left. It had been an odd night. He had seen his ex. He had been affected by it. There must be some feelings left there. He said he didn’t love her, but he had wanted to marry her.
Sunny wondered if it was just a matter of time before they ended up back together.
She was quiet on the ride home. She didn’t know if she was just tired or if she was too wrapped up in the day.
“You don’t have to park,” she told him as he pulled into the lot around the corner from her building. “You can just let me out in front of the building.”
“We both know that that isn’t going to happen.”
She was too tired to argue and allowed him to walk her into her building. He followed her up the stairs. She felt his eyes on her backside as she moved. She tried not to feel self-conscious. He had seen more of her body than any other man had. He had touched her. There was no reason for her to feel shy, but she was.
She turned around to face him as soon as they reached her door. “Thank you for coming with me tonight. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. Thank you for coming with me tonight. I know you didn’t have as much fun with me as I did with you.”
“You’re okay for a dumb jock.” She extended her hand for him to shake, but he stared at it for a moment before he pushed it away. A grin crossed his face and he grabbed her, lifting her off her feet and spinning her around. She let out a little squeal and when he set her down, she stumbled backward. She expected to feel the solidness of her door behind her. But the door pushed opened and she nearly fell into her apartment.
Julian caught her and steadied her, but her heart was racing. She looked up at him, afraid to look behind her. His face said everything she needed to know. The smile had faded away. Suddenly all business.
“You’re coming home with me. You cannot stay here.”
He pulled out his cell phone and soon she heard him request the police to her address. It was then she turned around. She stood there for a long moment, just taking it in. Everything was disrupted. Her mattress was overturned. Her dresser drawers pulled out, her clothes thrown everywhere.
Her eyes went to the place where she kept her jewelry box. She knew there were no gold or diamonds in there. Just some costume stuff. But her most valuable things were in there. The physical mementos that she had of her mother. The letters she had written. The crystal barrette she used to wear in her long, blond hair and the jade Buddha she had bought from a flea market just before she moved them to New York City.
The box was knocked onto the floor, now empty. Her letters were still there, folded up, yellow and worn with age but now they were dirtied by a footprint. And next to them was the barrette, but it wasn’t intact, it was hopelessly broken, crushed by some thief’s foot in the quest for something valuable. She went on her knees before it and started to pick up the tiny pieces. She couldn’t let this go. She used to hold it in her hand while she slept those first few nights when she was in the emergency foster care. She used to hold it so tightly that the stones left imprints on the palm of her hand. Sometimes when she stroked it, she felt like she could see her mama clearly. She could remember the shade of her eyes and the softness of her touch and her scent that was comforting even when things around them were insane.
“Sunny!”
She felt Julian grab her and lift her from the floor, but she fought him. She wasn’t going anywhere until she picked up all the pieces.
“We’ll find you another one. The police are on their way. I need you to pack your clothes.”
“We won’t find another one. This was my mama’s. She gave it to me before she left. I need it.”
She had never said that aloud before, but she did need it. Mama was her family. Her only family and she needed this to feel connected to the woman even though she had left her locked in the closet.
“Give me the pieces,” he said softly. “I’ll hold them for you. I’ll keep them safe.”
She believed him and when he held out his large hand, she placed everything she had picked up in it.
“What else do you need, Sunny?”
“Her letters.” She picked up the sheets of notebook paper and held them to her chest.
She hurt. That was the only feeling she could identify at the moment. It was the strongest feeling. She had been violated. No one had touched her body this time, but they destroyed her home, her safe place, the space she had created and paid for herself. The one no one could send her away from when they were done with her. The place that was all hers.
“What else can I do for you?”
“Help me put everything back.” She stood up, still clutching the letters. “It’s not so bad. I can make it nice again.”
“Sunny, no. We have to leave it until the police come.”
“What are they going to do? I need to clean up to see where my Buddha is. It was hers. She thought it was cute. She said it made her feel calm. She used to rub his belly. I need to find it.”
She heard the desperation in her voice, along with the sirens of a police car.
“We’ll find it.” Julian grabbed her as she tried to push her mattress over. “I picked up some of the clothes that were on the floor and put them in your bag. Now we have to let the police do their job. You have to tell them what’s missing.”
She could see that her small flat screen TV was gone and her two-year-old laptop. Probably not worth
more than fifty bucks on the street. They destroyed her home for nothing. She would have happily have given those away in order to keep the things that were precious to her intact.
She spoke to the police. She couldn’t remember what she had said. She didn’t remember the ride back to Julian’s place. She didn’t remember the elevator ride upstairs. The cloud had lifted when she was sitting on the edge of the bed in his guest room.
Julian came in with a T-shirt in his hand. “You can wear this. I didn’t grab anything for you to sleep in.”
She took it from him and set it on her lap, smoothing her hands over the soft cotton. She couldn’t look at him. She saw the concerned expression in his eyes. She was too close to tears, but she didn’t cry. She had stopped a long time ago when she learned that tears never fixed a damn thing.
“Thank you.”
He knelt before her and cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “Tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”
“I’m fine,” she lied. “You’ve done everything you could for me.”
He stroked his thumb across her cheek and she had to fight the urge to lean into it. “I feel like it’s not enough. We can go back and get the rest of your clothes and things tomorrow.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m going back. I won’t need any more of my things.”
“You cannot go back there. The guy shouldered through the door to get in. The lock is smashed. It’s not safe there for you.”
“I’ll get stronger locks. I have to go back. It’s my home.”
“You can make a new home, but you can’t stay there. I can’t let you go back.”
“You don’t get to decide what I do,” she snapped. “I make the choice. I’m in charge of my own life.”
She had been shuffled around from foster home to foster home. She had never had stability. She never knew when she was going to be moved again. She wasn’t going to move again unless it was her choice.
“You’ve had a long day.” He rose and kissed her forehead. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”