Dungeon Deposed

by William D. Arand

  One by one they all turned to look at Marybelle who was standing beside her and ogled her as well.

  All around people began to gather around wanting to take in the spectacle. Gawking and staring, they started to form up in a circle.

  Everyone loves a good drama.

  “Now, now,” said the lead man, licking his lips. He started to lift a hand to more than likely lay it on Tris. “I’m sure we can work out something. We should talk about it privately.”

  I’ll kill him.

  Ryker growled and stepped up beside Tris, smacking the guard’s hand aside in midair.

  “I’m the mayor of Dungeon, here to see the queen and you’ve stopped my carriage. It also just sounded like you were suggesting something rather awful to my retainer. Your name, patroller?” Ryker asked.

  All eyes in the surrounding area snapped to Ryker as he spoke, and the tension went up visibly.

  “Uh—” said the patroller.

  “Your name is Uh?” Ryker asked.

  “No, that is, my name is—”

  “Here, we’ll make this easy since you’re an idiot,” Ryker said. Pointing at a man on the end. “You, what’s this man’s name.”

  “Ah, his name is Dean, Mayor, sir,” replied the guard.

  “Thank you,” Ryker said evenly to the guard. Then he turned to the disgusting short stack of worthlessness that was the man in charge.

  “Dean, you’re a disgusting toad of a man who I’ll make sure isn’t in Queensrest as soon as I can. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve used your position to get into a pair of undergarments. Now, who wants to be a good guard and go notify the palace that I’ve come as per her summons and will be up to see her as soon as I’ve had a shave and a bath. That I’ll be on hand at her leisure, as is her right, and privilege as Queen.”

  The same guard who had answered him saluted, and rushed off down the street.

  “Great, the rest of you, detain Dean here. I don’t think the Queen will fault me for asking to have him removed from his position and the city. In the meanwhile, which of you can recommend a good inn?”

  “Ah, sir, the Feathered Cap would be a good inn. We’ll lead you there,” said another guard.

  “Perfect,” Ryker said. Turning on his heel he got back into the carriage and sat down. The three Fairy avatars followed him back in and sat down.

  Tris looked red faced and angry.

  “Sorry, Tris. To be fair, you are rather eye catching. We’ll go to the inn, get bathed, cleaned, maybe eat something, and wait. I’m sure the Queen will send a messenger sooner than we’d like for her to,” Ryker murmured.

  Glaring at him for a second, Tris nodded her head, before returning her dagger-like gaze to the window.

  Marybelle leaned into his side and pressed her lips to his ear. “She’s mad because you had to get involved. She fancies herself your guard captain. Just forget about it,” she whispered in the softest voice he’d ever heard. He had to strain to hear her and she was practically tonguing his ear.

  Though did Tris hear it? Elven hearing is pretty sharp.

  Tris stared out the window, unmoving. Apparently Marybelle had accomplished her goal.

  “Now how about you show me how fast you can break me in half in the carriage before we get to the inn,” Marybelle offered.

  Chapter 14- Commoner Cheese -

  The march down the boulevard had been quiet. Uncharacteristically so.

  In fact he’d noted two sets of guards. One out in front of his group, and one out to the rear. Both kept their distance, but were clearly on alert as if he were a person of high value. Not a single person dared approach him as he walked between his Fairy retainers.

  Unable to stop himself, Ryker reached up to finger his hair. The barber had given him a straight razor shave and a haircut.

  Everything felt weird.

  “It looks good,” Marybelle said.

  “Okay. Is… that what we want for the queen? She didn’t seem to mind how I looked before,” Ryker grumped.

  “She was probably being polite,” Marybelle said with a grin. “I’ll be happy to confirm that the new look is… what she’d want. Yes.”

  Ryker snorted at that and lowered his hand again. The guard patrol in front of them peeled off at the bridge leading to the castle wall. They then walked off down a side street as if that was their intention the entire time.

  The fact that there was a royal guard patrol waiting at the foot of the bridge gave that lie away though. Not only had the town guard modified their own patterns to match up to watch over him, the royal guard had made it a point to be waiting for him.

  “I… what do we do?” Tris asked.

  “We thank them for their courtesy, and see where they lead us,” Ryker said easily. “We did notify the queen we were here after all. I don’t imagine this is any kind of a problem. If it was, they would have picked us up at the inn.”

  Tris grumbled at that.

  When they did meet up with the royal guards, they made a circle around Ryker and his group without a word, and began escorting them up the bridge. Straight up that path, into the inner courtyard, and into an entry room without a word.

  It wasn’t until they dropped him off in front of an older man in palace frippery that anything was said.

  “This is the Mayor of Dungeon. Her Majesty requested him to be brought here directly,” said the royal guardsman. Without another word, the armed guardsmen left.

  Wrinkling his nose, the older man turned to Ryker and bowed at the waist. “Your retainers will remain here, sir. We’ll provide them with refreshment while they wait. Please wait inside.” Opening the door with his left hand, the man indicated into the room with the other hand.

  “Uh huh,” Ryker said. Stepping into the room he paused just on the inside.

  The room itself was richly dressed and appointed in expensive furniture, he felt out of place in the worst way. Wynne hadn’t steered him wrong in his dress, but he was woefully, terrifyingly, underdressed for even a private meeting in this room.

  With a clack, the door shut behind him. Leaving him in a room that probably cost more than what he’d make in his entire life as a farmer or an adventurer.

  “Well shit,” Ryker muttered. Shaking his head, he walked over to a table that had been laden with food. Fruits, vegetables, and even some dried meats and cheeses.

  All probably more expensive than what I spend in an entire year on food.

  Not waiting on ceremony, he started in on the meats and cheeses.

  Ten minutes went by before he heard the shuffling of fabric. Getting to his feet, Ryker started to scan the room to see who was joining him.

  Coming from the far side of the room, Ryker saw Lauren walking sedately towards him in an extravagant and elegant dress. The fabric looked expensive and was dyed in purples and reds.

  He didn’t have an eye for fashion or clothes so he just assumed the bright colors were good. She showed no signs of discomfort in the dress, but her cheeks were flushed and she looked warm.

  “That looks fucking hot. And not in the good way. Hot like you’re going to pass out hot,” Ryker said and pointed at one of the pitchers filled with icy cold water. “Drink something before you faint and they think I’m raping and murdering you. Seriously, Lauren, that dress could do my entire house in wallpaper and have leftovers.”

  Lauren stopped abruptly at the table, staring at him.

  “I… ahh…” she said.

  Ryker lifted his eyebrows, waiting. “You need to sit down or something? The heat actually get to you? Want me to pour you a cup of water?”

  Lauren blinked twice and then gave him a crooked smile.

  “I’m fine. It is rather over the top though, isn’t it,” she said, twisting back and forth where she stood.

  Ryker only nodded his head and popped a cheese cube in his mouth. “It really is. You looked better in your travel clothes. That thing takes away your curves like a potato sack would.”

  Sighing, Ryke
r flopped into a seat and picked up his cup from where he had left it on the table. “Sorry about the guard in town. He more or less was trying to talk a Dungeon Avatar into sleeping with him to pass. Friggin’ idiot,” Ryker said.

  Lauren watched him, the same crooked smile in place.

  “Do you mind if I change?” she asked finally.

  “What, out of that? Go nuts. Looks like it’ll take a year to pull off though. Should I go get the old guy or what?”

  “No, just come over here and unbutton the back. I’m wearing much more normal clothes underneath. It’s what the dress hangs off of, practically. You can help me back into it after. It really is f… fucking hot,” she said.

  Turning around, she lifted her hair out of the way of the middle of her back.

  Grumbling to himself, Ryker levered himself out of his chair. He picked up a piece of dried something, put it in his mouth, and began chewing at it as he fumbled with the buttons.

  “Thank you for coming as quickly as you did. I honestly thought you might drag it out for a while. You don’t seem the social type,” Lauren said.

  “I’m not. And I thought about it. But I figured it’d just piss you off if I did. I may be a peasant dirt farming wizard, but I still know not to piss the queen off. Do you want me to hold onto this thing? Is it going to fall off you after I get this last butt—”

  As he flipped the button through the loop, the dress did indeed fall off her and pooled down around her feet.

  “No, we’re fine. Ah, that really is much better,” Lauren said, taking two steps forward out of the mound of fabric.

  She was in a pair of tight pants and a corset with small upward facing hooks in it. Ryker wasn’t sure but it looked like the dress was meant to rest on those hooks. She must have unfastened something on the inside while he worked the buttons.

  He didn’t really know or care.

  What he did know, though, was she looked a lot more interesting in her current state of dress. Or undress as it were.

  Yanking his eyes away from her pushed up chest and cleavage, Ryker spun on his heel and collapsed back into his chair.

  “And yes, I would have been cross with you. I wanted to see you before I left to impress that upon you but you were hiding,” Lauren hissed at him with a grin. Taking a seat primly, she adjusted herself as if she were sitting via formula.

  Then after a second she slouched down into the chair slowly, her posture melting away as if it never existed.

  “Did they leave out any wine or…?” Lauren asked.

  “I think there is. Try that blue one,” Ryker said, indicating a decanter. “Didn’t touch it personally. Pretty early in the day, and I don’t drink much anyways. Pollutes the wits, and with as precious little as I have, I can’t afford to give it up. Found the water and stuck to that.”

  Lauren had been halfway to picking up the indicated carafe and paused. Her lips pursed and she gave her head a small shake. “Maybe you’re right at that.”

  “Doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I hit the mark. What’d you have in mind for me? I can’t imagine you wanted me here just to spoil me on delicious hors d’oeuvres.”

  The queen made a tutting motion with one hand as she loaded a small plate with various items from the table. “Not all of us had a chance to eat yet.”

  “Fine, fine. I’ll share what little news I have as you load up,” Ryker said, brushing his hands off on his pants.

  Lauren nodded her head, smiling. “That’d be grand.”

  “Well. The dungeon shut down that war that was going on and the human camp right after the battle. The dungeon vanguard girls said it was to budget mana until it could be replenished. I’d say this is at the state secret level, but I gather that what it did was not something it can do often,” Ryker said. Leaning back in his chair, Ryker held up a hand in a neutral gesture. “Then it went back to normal. Nothing has changed really about the dungeon itself. Everything is fairly mundane. The big change though is that vanguard it uses. They didn’t all leave. Three of them started following me around. An Elf, a Hobgoblin, and a Human.”

  The queen frowned at that, her delicate eyebrows scrunching together as she chewed her way through a cheese cube.

  “They’ve been nothing but protective, and informative. Not a negative word or gesture in any way, shape or form,” Ryker said.

  Grimacing, Lauren held a hand in front of her mouth. “It isn’t that,” she said as well as she could with her mouth full of food. “It’s that they’re able to function so far from the dungeon. I would have thought they drew on the dungeon’s power to survive.”

  Ryker froze for a second, then nodded his head.

  Smart as a whip.

  “They mentioned something about that. I think they’re drawing on my own mana pool. Doesn’t seem to be bothering me at all. Whatever. I’ll trade my limited mana pool for their assistance any day of the week,” Ryker said.

  “Hm. I’m not sure I like that but I’ll leave it to you. If you don’t notice a difference I would tend to agree. I’d rather have you protected than casting spells,” Lauren agreed.

  “Other than that though, not a whole lot has gone on in the short time since you left. I mean, it’s only been, what, two weeks at most?”

  Lauren nodded her head at that and then started to nibble at a dried piece of meat.

  “You really don’t care at all, do you?” she asked, her hand drifting in front of her mouth again.

  “About what?”

  “Me being the queen. Eating in front of you. Being practically in my undergarments.”

  “Err, which part of that. That you’re the queen? No. You told me to treat you normally, so I am. Eating in front of me? Lauren, I dump bags of shit out on my farm to help my crops grow. I dug my own latrine out of the earth. I spent time in dungeons with people who can’t exactly go somewhere private to use the bathroom. Nor would you want to. You sit and squat in a corner while people watch to make sure you’re not gutted. Man or woman. I’m afraid manners aren’t high on my list. I can fake it if you want. But I don’t think you want that,” Ryker said, pausing.

  Lauren shook her head a little, chewing away.

  “As to you being in your undergarments. Looks more comfortable than the dress, and I don’t mind the view. You’re not an unattractive lump of clay, ya know. Definitely a good bust and some hips there. Now I’m sure you weren’t trying to fish for compliments—what’s really on your mind?”

  The queen’s cheeks turned a dark shade of red, her eyes boring into his own.

  “I want to formally grant you the title of Mayor in front of everyone. Doing it personally would mark you as mine to a degree. If I don’t do it this way, it’s almost a guarantee I’m going to have all your neighbors in the peerage trying to incorporate Dungeon into their holding. I’d prefer to prevent that if possible. I’d like to keep it as Queen’s property. It’s too important and too much of a resource otherwise,” Lauren said from behind her hand as she continued to eat.

  “Huh. Yeah, I’d rather not be someone else's crony. I mean, I don’t mind being yours because you’re the queen and all. But I can’t imagine it going well between myself and whoever it might be. Yeah, no. I’d see it going bad,” Ryker said, shaking his head.

  “I’d tend to agree. So rather than trying to clear you of murder charges down the road, I’d rather just keep you to myself.”

  Ryker couldn’t really disagree with that and shrugged his shoulders. “Good plan. Consider me yours.”

  “I do. And to that end, I’m arranging a formal appointment for tomorrow. It’ll be a brief thing, but the entire peerage will of course be invited. I imagine they’ll all want to see you at some point as well. It isn’t every day a dungeon shows up, let alone right in the middle of the realm.”

  Chewing at his lip, there wasn’t much he could say. It was more or less what he’d been expecting.

  “Though I think it does merit me explaining perhaps a bit more in-depth for you about the situation.
Since most people will view you as my creature first and foremost,” Lauren continued. Setting her plate down in front of her, she seemed to sink further into her chair.

  “First and foremost, my Ducal vassals. Three won’t be here, simply because they won’t have time to do so. That leaves six that will.

  “Of those six, we really only need to worry over four of them. The other two, Duke Abernathy and Duke Strint, are loyal and no cause for concern,” Lauren said, giving him the broad strokes.

  “Okay. Got it,” Ryker said, attempting to prompt her to continue.

  “We’ll focus on the four that could be a problem. That way you don’t get overloaded.”

  “Thanks,” he agreed quickly. Politics really wasn’t his thing.

  “Duchess Halfhand, Duchess Chas, Duke Feros, and Duke Est. Of them, Duchess Chas will be the most likely to approach you directly, and Duke Feros will send someone in his place,” Lauren said.

  To her it must seem commonplace, but Ryker was already starting to feel lost.

  “Of those four, three of them have been pressing me to marry their kin, and Chas wants me to marry off Claire to them as she’s close to the line of succession, but not near the top. If I were to abdicate, it’s likely I’d pass it to her for her political prowess alone.”

  Ryker tried to commit all that to memory and nodded his head quickly.

  “Part of why I have any allies at all is that they have no marriageable male heirs that aren’t already married. Their possibility to gain is limited, so they seek only to support me to hinder their peers. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way the game is played,” Lauren said, leaning her head back into the headrest of her chair. “I’m rapidly being forced into a decision on marriage when I have no desire to do so. I’m only in my twenties. They act as if I were a day away from my body change.”

  “Forcing a monster to act when it isn’t ready often gets you an advantage. Pushing it into a situation where it has to act out of its norm is ideal. Especially if you can do it after weakening it,” Ryker said. “The same is true for farming. If I can head off a problem before it is one, I do so. I don’t wait for it to be one.”