One to Six, Buckle to Sticks (Grasshopper Lawns Book 11)

by EJ Lamprey

  ‘Nose beautifully powdered, I see. Another drink?’ He waggled his refilled glass suggestively but she shook her head, and reclaimed her jacket to search for a peppermint in the pocket, offering the roll of Polos to him politely. He beamed at her. ‘I’m beginning to hope neither of them makes it. You’re a very special lady, Suzi. Why are you playing so hard to get?’

  ‘Because I don’t care for con-artists and you’re altogether too smarmy,’ she didn’t say but simply simpered meaninglessly. Her refusal to be drawn did finally seem to be working, and he drained his glass abruptly.

  ‘I suppose I’d better wait outside. Show willing, and all that. And I want a cigarette, anyway. I do find first dates alarming – as you know! Suzi, at least promise me if he doesn’t pitch you’ll let me buy you dinner?’

  ‘Sure,’ she had to say, with every intention of bolting to join William and Miss P if Ben hadn’t appeared in the next five minutes. William would positively relish the job of choking Nick off. She glanced across at him in the mirror and saw he was frowning slightly at his mobile phone, while Miss P, still flushed and giggly, looked around the pub with the air of a person who had never been in one before. Edge was feeling a bit flushed herself, and even slightly queasy, as Nick kissed her cheek and left in a swirl of leather.

  She looked at herself in the mirror and realized she’d gone pale, her carefully-applied blusher standing out garishly on her cheeks. Her vision blurred, and she felt a warning wave of dizziness. A migraine? Damn and blast, what else would go wrong on this date? The only possible way of fending off the worst of a migraine was immediate tablets, and she’d left those in her other bag. Water sometimes helped – she stood up abruptly and, clutching her bag and concentrating on not stumbling, headed back to the Ladies. She suddenly wished Vivian had been able to make it – she would have followed her instantly to the Ladies, provided pills and support, generally cared, unlike Miss P who wasn’t even looking in her direction…

  ~~~

  ’This is absolutely against my principles, so I hope it’s urgent,’ William answered the phone cheerfully. ‘Anything to help the police. What’s up?’

  ‘Are you with Edge, is she okay?’ Kirsty had put the call on speaker so that Iain could hear as well. ‘Has her date arrived?’

  ‘Not yet,’ William started to chuckle, ‘luckily. That bloke Nick is here and was all over her. He’s outside now, having a cigarette and looking sulky. At one point I thought I’d have to go over, that she’d never get rid of him on her own!’

  ‘Good, join her now, and make sure you stick with her. Tell her it’s polis orders if she objects, but don’t leave her alone. Rope Nick and his date in if necessary, the more the merrier, but stay with her.’

  ‘Will do.’ William was no longer laughing. ‘She’s gone to the loo again, but I’ll intercept her as soon as she reappears. What’s up? Oh, and that berk Brian’s here. Just walked past on his way outside, didn’t even glance at us. Not the first time I’ve spotted him on one of these evenings.’

  ‘Never mind Brian, to hell with Brian!’ Iain said urgently. ‘Just worry about Edge. In fact, it might be worth sending your friend to the ladies room to stay with her. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ William must have covered the phone with his hand, as his voice was suddenly muffled, then clear again. ‘Miss P’s gathering herself together to go after her. What the hell’s going on?’

  ‘We think Ben is potentially dangerous,’ Iain said forcefully. ‘There’s a polis team on its way from Fife, and Kirsty and I are on our way too. You stick with Edge; keep him talking if you can until we get there. Everything will be fine.’

  He disconnected and flicked on the siren as they flashed up behind a car that hadn’t pulled over for their flashing lights. ‘Hang in there, Kirsty. It’ll be okay now. In fact, more than okay – bringing this guy Ben in could be a good night’s work!’

  ~~~

  Edge dabbed away the water she’d flicked on her face, and tried to focus on her reflection. This was going to be a bad one. She gagged, and resigned herself to the loss of the date. Nothing for it but to ask William to drive her home, she was in no state for any sort of social meeting. She let herself into the corridor and swayed against the wall, putting a hand to her head.

  ‘Suzi, you’re as pale as death, are you okay?’ Nick, who’d added a woolen cap pulled almost to his eyes and shed his coat, caught at her arm to steady her, looking concerned. ‘You look like hell.’

  ‘I – I think I have a migraine,’ she managed and his blurred face looked even more anxious.

  ‘Sweetie, you need fresh air. There’s an emergency door here.’

  She focused on the heavy red door with the familiar warning sign she’d always found faintly ridiculous – THIS DOOR IS ALARMED – and felt an unexpected giggle rising.

  ‘S’alarmed. I know how it feels. Nick, I fee’ awfoo.’ Her tongue thickened, and she tried again. ‘Awful.’

  ‘It’s open. Anyway, if the alarms go off, they go off. You need fresh air. Come on.’ His grip on her arm was wonderfully steadying as he led her into what proved to be a utility area with two reeking bins, and he grimaced. ‘Okay, that’s not very fresh. My car’s just over there, sit inside for a moment.’

  ‘Okay. Bu’ no furver. Donal’ would be crosh wimme.’ Edge sank bonelessly into the leather passenger seat but kept her feet firmly on the tarmac, resisting Nick’s attempt to solicitously lift her legs into the car. Donald really had been so insistent about her not going off with strangers … she tried to climb out of the car again, and had to clutch at the door, concentrating on not being sick. This was no migraine, this was ten times worse. Could it be a stroke?

  Even as she thought it she heard James saying firmly, ‘I don’t think so, pal.’ But James was dead, so she must be dying after all… She tried to lift her heavy head and had to fight a more insistent wave of nausea.

  ‘My wife’s not well,’ Nick said testily. ‘I’m going to run her home. What’s it to you?’

  ‘She’s not your wife,’ James said grimly. ‘And I’m taking her home.’ Edge felt a strong hand on her arm and looked up blearily. ‘Edge, out of the car, now.’

  Her vision cleared briefly, and she giggled weakly. ‘I thor you were Jamsh. I keep doin’ tha’. Good ol’ Mountain Phwoar. Jush need another minute, I’ll be fine. Doan need to worry about Nick, he’sh jusht after my money…’

  The hand was suddenly jerked from her arm and Nick crowded in, cold and grim.

  ‘You heard her, Jock. Take a hike.’

  ‘Not going to happen, pal. I’m going nowhere without her.’

  ‘You interfering idiot, how fast can you move in that cast, eh?’

  Edge blinked, and tried to focus on the sudden bewildering flurry of motion. Brian was the bulkier of the two, but as the struggle rocked sideways his cast skidded on the concrete surface and Nick twisted free, then sank one fist into Brian’s midriff, the other fist flashing up in a short but horrible jab as Brian gasped and folded forward involuntarily. Brian flew back, staggered, his cast slipped again and he lost his balance completely. For a long second his flailing arms hung in the air and then, in slow motion, he crashed backwards.

  Edge watched in owlish anticipation of a wig flying off, cartoon style, and decided Donald had been wrong. After all, a blow like that must have nearly lifted his head off, no mere wig could have stayed in place. As he fell heavily below the line of the window, she was distantly surprised to see Miss P, eyes and mouth round with astonishment, framed in the archway to the utility area. Nick opened his fist, working his fingers, then scooped her legs into the car, closed the door, and started round to the driver’s side.

  As Edge swung her head slowly round to look at him she saw a police car, lights but no sirens, slow to turn into the main parking area; then Nick’s hand was on the back of her head, pushing it down, as he put the car into gear and pulled slowly and smoothly out of the service alley.

  ‘Keep your head down, sweetie, or you
might pass out. Don’t you worry about a thing, I’ll get you safely home.’ His voice was tight with excitement and she fought the nausea and lost. He tut-tutted as she retched, then threw up, and took his hand off her head. ‘I hate when that happens! Okay. You can sit up now if you want to.’

  Humiliated, dizzy and gagging against the sour smell, Edge scrabbled instead in her handbag at her feet for tissues, swaying as Nick accelerated onto the main road. A crisp disembodied voice startled her by saying something about patrol cars right next to her ear and she twitched away from the speaker and gagged again. Her fumbling hand, feeling through the handbag for tissues, brushed against the cool weight of the mobile phone, and her heart jumped painfully. Awkwardly, agonizingly slowly, fingers as clumsy and useless as a bunch of sausages, she found the panic button, twisted and pressed before the gathering darkness pounced and took her away.

  ~~~

  ‘The unit has reached the Whistling Haggis,’ the controller told Iain and Kirsty. ‘Going in now, confirm, officer going in now, back and front door under surveillance.’

  Kirsty’s shoulder unit rang, and she missed the next thing the controller said as she answered. William’s voice, tight with worry, boomed into her ear.

  ‘Kirsty, we lost her. Miss P saw her leaving in a big black car, but she doesn’t know much about cars, she doesn’t know what type it was. Brian tried to stop them, and he’s been knocked clean out. It was Nick driving, though. He’d pulled on a hat but she’s pretty sure.’

  ‘Then it’s a black Audi, and we have the registration.’ Kirsty was amazed at how calm she sounded. ‘Thanks, William. How long ago?’

  ‘Minutes. Less than two. There’s a police car in the parking lot, they must have passed it on the way.’

  ‘We’ll contact them,’ she assured him. ‘I have to go. It’ll be okay, thanks for phoning.’

  Iain flipped on the siren again as they started onto the Forth Road Bridge, and the few cars ahead of them shot out of the way as though goosed. He put his foot down hard and the powerful car sprang forward as she radioed the controller and in that same calm voice gave him the reference to pull the Audi details.

  ‘She’s more than likely carrying Susan’s mobile,’ she added, half to Iain and half to the controller. ‘Can we re-establish the tracker?’

  ‘We’ve reached Dinwoodie, he’s on his way in.’ The controller sounded equally calm. ‘He said if she manages to set the panic button we can pick them up on any of our systems but there’s been nothing. No, wait!’ His voice tightened suddenly. ‘The panic button’s been activated!’

  ‘Great! Where are they?’ Iain asked urgently. ‘Please don’t tell me they’re on the bridge already? I’m heading to intercept.’

  ‘Less than two miles off the Forth Road Bridge, and moving very fast.’ The controller had regained his professional calm. ‘The Fife unit has left the pub and is in pursuit, about half a mile behind. We’ll get a car to cover this end, in case you miss them.’

  ‘At least two,’ Iain ordered grimly. ‘If he gets past us, and into Edinburgh, we could lose them. And he’s used the airport hotels more than once. Check whether they’ve a Mrs Smith booked in.’

  A minute dragged by as the look-out request crackled out on all the frequencies, reporting on the panic signal and giving the Audi registration, hastily found in the investigation files. The Audi was now on the bridge. Kirsty stared at the flickering lights of the traffic on the other side of the bridge, looking for a black car driven by a psychopath. There was nowhere to stop or turn around until they reached the other side but the great metal struts were flying by now – any minute now they’d be across the Firth, any minute now…

  There’d been an accident, she could see a car slewed across the road, impatient headlights congregating fast and the metal struts reflecting urgent brake lights as she and Iain shot by on the other side. She twisted in her seat to look back. Not a black Audi.

  The radio crackled again. ‘There’s been an accident on the bridge, two cars ran in to each other. The Fife unit’s caught behind that but we’ve got this end covered now. Two patrol units converging on the Edinburgh end and a third coming down off the A904 from South Queensferry. They all know the registration to look for and the South Queensferry guys have the signal on scanner. The accident has not affected the target car, that is still moving. I repeat, still on the bridge and still moving. Less than a mile to contact. Repeat, less than a mile to contact.’

  ~~~

  ‘That was clever.’ Nick’s voice was still taut with excitement as he closed the window. ‘But I’m cleverer, sweetie. You didn’t think I’d risk my little hobby without having an Airwave radio terminal, did you? Worth every penny it cost me on the black market, but I did think if the plods ever got on my trail they’d come up with a better intercept than old Hop-along. I did check your jacket when you left it with me, but any other little tricks hidden up your sleeve?’

  Edge, one hand to her cheek where he had hit her, shook her head slightly. When the controller had told all nearby units to tune in to the panic signal and intercept, he’d nearly driven into the side of the bridge in shock, then jerked her head up by her hair and grabbed for her handbag, all the while whipping in and out of the few cars sharing the bridge. A cacophony of horns and the crunching sounds of an impact in their wake, then some angry flashing, marked their progress but it seemed he’d given up any plan of concealment and was high on adrenalin.

  He’d elbow-punched her when she tried to cling to the bag, opened his window and flung the handbag accurately into the back of an open truck before accelerating smoothly past. Traffic was light, although it was slowing and clumping. There were, oh thank God, flashing blue lights on the road ahead … she swayed in her seat as he instead smoothly swung the car up the side road to the A904 roundabout, sedately moving into the emergency lane to allow passage to a single police car, all lights flaring, which was coming slowly down against the traffic.

  Edge stared across despairingly but both officers were intent on the road ahead. Nick gave a little grunt of amusement and took the traffic light at the top on amber, swerved around a slower car and onto the A904, accelerating past the ‘new speed limits in force’ sign with another happy sound. There were no big hotels in this direction. Was he really taking her home, to Grasshopper Lawns? On Thursday night most people would be home, far too many witnesses…

  The nausea had passed for now but her head ached unbearably. The almost incomprehensible comments on the police terminal, which Nick had turned up to full volume, and another softer hissing crackle that never stopped, made it worse.

  ‘What is that noise?’ she asked finally and he shot her a glance.

  ‘White noise, darling. To confuse any recording devices you may have concealed around that lovely person. Although I think if you had any, you’d be trying to give a running commentary of our progress, so maybe Hop-along was your only protection. Where did you get the fancy phone?’

  Would telling him the police knew everything put her in more danger? No time to think about it, she went with instinct. ‘It’s Brian’s, I think he wanted to be able to track me down, find out where I lived, but he told me it would be good in an emergency. He’s an ex-copper.’ Always add truth into a lie to sound convincing – she added, letting bitterness creep into her tone, ‘He was there the first time we met. He warned me against you.’

  If nothing else this adventure with the police had turned her into a very good liar because he believed her. The road briefly turned almost back on itself and they could see the bridge soaring gracefully behind them, a cluster of distant car lights where he’d caused the accident. There were no blue lights, or even fast-moving headlights, in pursuit.

  ‘So that’s how the police got my car registration! You should have stuck with him, but I’m glad you didn’t. You’ve really been a very exciting date.’ He took the powerful car expertly through the curves of the road, passing the few other cars at reasonable speed. ‘I’m actually glad my
six o’clock didn’t show; this has been much more fun. I can’t tell you what a rush it is to have a woman who knows what’s going to happen to her. I almost wish I had more time to savour it, but timing will be tight as it is. We got lucky with that accident.’ He shot her a mocking glance. ‘And lucky I always change my number plates when I’m doing a Ben run.’

  ‘You’re Ben?’ In her drugged state this seemed the final betrayal, and he laughed out loud at the forlorn note in her voice.

  ‘I’m Ben, and Charles, and George. Ben’s been particularly good for me. Catnip to the lay-dies, and doesn’t even know it. I found his photos on a Russian article on the internet, if I remember rightly. He’s going to have a helluva job talking his way out of trouble one of these days – with the police, and with his wife. I’ll be sorry to lose him. Hell, I’m sorry to lose Nick, but now the police have my description it’s definitely time to up sticks and move further afield. Luckily I have another professional name, another whole life to step into. Just one last bit of business for David Parker to sort out.’

  He half-turned his head toward her, and she saw the glitter of his eyes.

  ‘Don’t you fret, pet. We’ll have enough time. You heard the controller. They haven’t a clue now that the tracker signal’s turned out a dud. No one’s even thinking of sending a unit to our destination.’

  The jolt of adrenalin which had followed the struggle over her bag had ebbed away and she felt tearful and exhausted. With an effort, she turned her head to look at his handsome profile.

  ‘Is there any point in asking why?’