The Pregnancy Promise
Page 15
Could Lianne already be pregnant? Once they knew for sure, would the nights together stop? Tray studied her as she kept her gaze on the tablet. He had never had such a close relationship with another woman. He’d never lived with anyone but his uncle. Never considered moving in together with Suzanne or the other women he’d dated. They’d been dates, not possible mates.
He was startled. Was he thinking of Lianne as a possible mate?
If she became pregnant, if she had his child, he was willing to make a family unit—for the sake of the child. Or was it also for his sake? He hadn’t spent a lot of time with Uncle Hal in the years after he graduated from high school. First there was the army, then college, getting Protection, Inc, started. Would he do better with a family of his own?
Try as he might, he couldn’t picture himself as a father. Did that foreshadow the future? He didn’t want to think so. To make up for the lost baby, he wanted to be the best father possible to this child. He wished he could have held his baby. Told it just once he loved it.
Lianne rose and, holding the tablet like a shield, headed out of the room. “I want to check on something,” she said.
Something was definitely wrong. He hated it when women wouldn’t talk about a problem. How could he fix things if he didn’t know what was wrong in her world?
Lianne walked through the kitchen and out onto the back porch. It was dark already, and growing colder. She didn’t care. Blinking hard, she kept back tears. Tray couldn’t have said anything more blatant to remind her theirs was an arrangement to have a baby, not a relationship. He wasn’t growing to love her. She was living in a fool’s paradise if she hoped for a happy-ever-after ending. Life didn’t work that way.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to think. But mostly she focused on the hurt she felt with his words. She was nothing more than a container for him to fill with a baby. When it wasn’t the right time, thank you, he’d do fine without her.
She’d brought it on herself. Now she wondered if the cost was too high. How would they live through the years ahead if he merely came by because of the child? Would they divorce and he find someone else?
That she’d find someone else seemed unlikely. She had not found the right man in all her twenty-eight years—until now. And it seemed he still wasn’t the right one.
She wanted to go home. She was not going to give in to Tray’s suggestion that they move in together. In fact, she was going to reevaluate her entire plan. If she wasn’t pregnant by the time her next period was due, she was going to decide whether to continue or not.
The thought of not trying brought a pang. But so did the idea of falling more and more in love with a man who couldn’t even have her tag along when he fixed up his uncle’s home unless it was the right time of the month.
“Lianne, what’s wrong?” he asked behind her.
“Nothing, I was thinking about a summer garden.” She refused to let him know how hurt she felt.
“It’s pitch-dark, you can’t see anything.”
“I remember what the yard looks like. I can sketch from memory.”
“Then you don’t need to be out in the cold.”
She drew in another breath, feeling steadier than before. The threat of tears were gone. She’d make it through the weekend. Turning, she walked toward Tray.
“You’re right, I’m through being out in the cold. Let’s find that hotel. I’m tired.”
There was an available room at a nearby hotel. But tonight Lianne wasn’t thinking about making a baby. She was making memories to last her during the years to come when she opened her arms to Tray.
CHAPTER TEN
TWO weeks later Lianne woke feeling achy. She had avoided Tray as much as possible without causing comment over the last few days. True to her word, she’d worked on the project for renovating the Richmond house and by the Thursday after they’d returned from Richmond had presented Tray with a printout of all her notes and recommendations. When he’d asked her about contacting painters and carpenters, she’d pleaded a heavy workload and asked if Emily could handle that.
She did not wish to invest herself into a project she might not even see to completion.
Today, that seemed wise. Feeling slightly depressed, she rose and debated going to work. Her period was scheduled to start tomorrow and she already felt some of the cramping that was sure to accompany it. She was not pregnant.
And she was not going to continue in the futile effort.
Her doctor had told her it might prove difficult to conceive. Why not give in to the inevitable and schedule the operation? The pain and incapacity each month wasn’t going to improve.
She had to tell Tray. Lianne knew he would act difficult. He was tenacious in his pursuit of objectives—at least at work. And she knew he grieved at the loss of the other baby. He needed a woman who could give him lots of love and lots of children. She only counted in one aspect.
He’d put up a fuss, but this was the wise decision. He never stayed with any woman long, so before she knew it, he’d find someone else. Maybe to have a family with, or maybe just to squire around to social events as he’d been doing all the years she’d known him.
At least no one else but Annalise and Dominic knew the full story. She must have known deep inside that it would end this way—she’d been so insistent no one knew about the marriage or the baby quest.
Once the marriage ended, they could go on as they had before. Or if it became too hurtful to see him with another woman, Lianne knew she could find a job with another security firm.
Only, she didn’t want to change a thing. She wanted to share a child with Tray, watch it grow, develop. See her parents as doting grandparents, her sisters and brothers as extended family the child would love through the years. Have their son or daughter play with cousins, share in family holidays and birthdays. And spend summers in carefree fun at the seashore. And she wanted Tray with her every step of the way.
By the time she finished her hot chocolate, her mind was made up. She was calling in the vacation time she was owed. She’d go to the sea. Any comfort would be found there.
Calling Annalise, she told her where she was going.
“Honestly, girl, you go there more in winter than summer,” her twin said.
“Best time, quiet, no people around. Beside, I want to be by myself for a while.”
“Burning the candle at both ends?”
“No. Some thinking to do.”
“About?” Annalise sounded cautious.
“About ending this farce of a marriage and scheduling the operation.”
“What are you talking about? You have hardly given yourself a fair chance at getting pregnant.”
“It’s complicated.”
Annalise was quiet for a moment. “You’ve fallen for Tray, haven’t you? He’s so blind. Tell him.”
“That is the last thing he wants. He only agreed to help me because I wanted it so much.” And because of his lost baby and his uncle’s death. But Lianne wasn’t sharing Tray’s private business even with her sister.
“I’ll go with you.”
“I don’t need handholding.” But suddenly she wanted her sister to go. Maybe talking things through would help.
“Pick me up when you leave,” Annalise said.
“Around ten,” Lianne said.
For the first time since she’d made her decision, she felt like the future might not be impossible to live through.
She packed a few things. Called the office to let her supervisor know she was taking off for a few days. She debated not calling Tray, but remembered the last time she’d tried to dodge him.
He answered after one ring.
“Elliott.”
“Tray.” Lianne kept her tone light though her throat ached with tears. “I’m taking off for a few days. Annalise and I are heading for the beach—where else?”
“Anything wrong?”
“No.” She took a breath. “Just some girl time. I’ll call you when I get back.”
She started to argue, but didn’t. “Fine.” He’d find out Sunday night that she wasn’t home. And he’d be too tired after his trip to hunt her up at the cottage. “Have a good trip, new business, I hope and not a crisis.”
“New business.”
Tray often presented the strategy for security to new clients, depending on the complexity of the assignment.
“Always good to hear. Have a great flight.” She hung up and burst into tears. She hated the way her life was going.
“It’s freezing here,” Annalise said, opening the door to the cottage shortly after lunch. They’d stopped in Waterford for a quick meal. After which they paid a brief visit to the local grocery store.
“The heater works fine. There’s nothing better than curling up in one of grandma’s old quilts on the porch and letting the cold breeze try to get to you,” Lianne said as she deposited her bags of food on the counter.
“Yes, there is—warm summer evenings with a balmy breeze to cool you down and a crab feed in progress.” Annalise put her own grocery bag down and rubbed her hands together while Lianne went to turn on the furnace.
“You’re such a fair weather gal,” she said.
“You bet.”
“I appreciate Dominic letting you come for a few days.”
“That’s the third time you’ve said that. He was fine with it.”
Lianne glanced at her sister. Was there something in her tone? Maybe she was annoying her with her gratitude, but she did appreciate it. Not every husband was happy to have his wife take off for several days on a moment’s notice.
“Let’s get this place warm and start dinner. I love the smell of spaghetti sauce simmering all day,” Annalise said, already putting away the supplies they’d purchased.
Soon it was warm enough to take off their coats. Once settled in, they began to make their grandmother’s sauce. The pot was soon giving off tantalizing aromas.
“So tell me all,” Annalise said as she settled in one of the comfortable chairs in the main room.
Lianne sat on the sofa. “It’s a dumb idea. I left it too late. There’s no guarantee that I could get pregnant. Dr. Wright tried to tell me that. She was honest when she said it would be very unlikely.”
“But you haven’t tried for long. Maybe another couple of months.”
“No.”
“Because of Tray?”
“Because of how much I am falling in love with him. He’s more than the man I thought I knew at the office. Whenever we spend time together, I learn new things and admire him. Plus the physical attraction grows each time we get near each other. I have a hard time keeping from throwing myself at him whenever he’s in the same room.”
“And he’d object?”
“Duh. We didn’t marry for love like you and Dominic. The whole reason we kept quiet was just for this result.”
“What do you mean—you planned this from the beginning?” Annalise asked in surprise.
“I didn’t plan it precisely, but I think deep inside I knew it would end like this. I didn’t want people blaming him for our divorce, so if no one knew we were married, no one could.”
“Does he want a divorce?”
“I’m not keeping a man tied to me when we can’t have children. That’s not fair.”
“Adopt.”
Lianne shrugged. “Maybe, someday. But I can do that on my own. I don’t need Tray for that. And he deserves his own kids. He’s the last of his family since his uncle died. Don’t you think he wants his own flesh and blood?”
“I’m surprised he wants kids at all. Dominic doesn’t,” Annalise said.
“You didn’t either. Have you changed your mind?”
“Not really. I don’t know. Your solution has me thinking. What if I did change my mind? Maybe I have what you have and can’t get pregnant.”
“No, you’d know it. And if you start getting symptoms, you’d have time to act. I left it too late. Still, I like my job. I love my nieces and nephews. I can make that work.”
“Don’t give up yet.”
Lianne looked at Annalise. “I have to.”
Tray arrived back in Washington at five on Sunday night. The presentation had gone well, even though it had been so rushed. Not a crisis on the part of Protection, Inc., but certainly one on the side of his new client. He was satisfied the company could handle the situation without a problem.
He drove to Lianne’s apartment. He had thought about calling her on her cell, but didn’t know what she and her sister might be doing. One night it had been far too late with the difference in the time zones. He was surprised at how much he wanted to see her.
Knocking on her door a little later he waited impatiently for her to open. Maybe he should have brought some flowers or something.
The thought knocked him for a loop. What was this, some kind of courtship? They were already married. And trying for a baby. He didn’t need to bring flowers to see her. Though maybe he’d suggest they go out to eat. No sense in her preparing a meal for two on short notice.
There was no bright welcome. There was no sound from her apartment at all.
He knocked again. Waited.
Flipping open his phone, he dialed her cell.
“Lianne’s phone,” Annalise said.
“Is she there? This is Tray.”
“She’s in bed, cramps.”
“Oh, God.” He leaned against the wall. A wave of disappointment swept through him. He’d hoped she’d become pregnant. Why was it if a man wasn’t careful, one slip could end up with a baby. Yet they’d been trying for weeks and nothing.
“How’s she doing?” he asked.
“Not as bad as some times. I’ll tell her you called when she wakes up.”
“I’ll come out.”
“Don’t. She’s not feeling up to it and I don’t want to have to entertain you and take care of her at the same time.”
“You don’t have to do either. I can take care of my wife.”
“We’re doing fine here, Tray. She’ll call you.” With that, Annalise hung up.
He snapped the cell phone closed and walked down the hall. He’d leave it for tonight, but head for the cottage first thing in the morning. Annalise didn’t call the shots in his marriage.
Shortly after nine, Tray received a call from Lianne.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better. Annalise fixed me some clam chowder. It’s so good, with crackers. She said you called. How did your trip go?”
“Fine. I’m coming there in the morning.”
“I was afraid of that, so I called tonight. Don’t come, Tray.”
“What’s going on, Lianne?”
“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know, but I’m not pregnant, and am too tired to fight the inevitable any longer.”
He felt a sick dread. “What does that mean?”
“I’m calling my doctor in the morning and scheduling a time to see her to give her the okay to schedule the operation.”
“We haven’t had our baby yet,” he said. “You can’t stop after only trying for such a short time.”
“I need to…this is not getting better.”
“Annalise said this time wasn’t as bad as some of the others.”
“Some times are barely noticeable, others I can scarcely live through the pain. None of it’s going to get better. This way you can get on with your life and I can get on with mine.”
“How do you mean?”
“A quick divorce, no one the wiser. We don’t even have to tell anyone ever.”
“That’s it…hide it away pretend it never happened? We are married.”
“Only because that’s your condition to this entire situation. I was willing to try without that legal tie. Now we break it.”
“What if I don’t want to break it?”
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br /> “Tray.”
He wasn’t sure if he heard a sound. There was a pause, then Lianne spoke again.
“You’ll find someone who can give you dozens of babies. Only make sure you get married first, no more Suzannes.”
“I tried that this go round.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She disconnected.
Tray put on warm clothes, packed a couple of things and headed out. He was not going to sever ties with Lianne on a weekend she was feeling down because of cramps. They had hardly tried. He wanted more.
He wanted Lianne.
The entire town of Baden Harbor was dark. No lights shone anywhere. But he could still find his way. He walked up the path to the door and knocked. Then pounded. If both were asleep, they’d need more than a gentle knock.
Annalise flicked on the porch light as she opened the door.
For a moment she stared at him. “I never thought you’d come. She said she told you it was over.”
“It’s not over.” Tray stepped inside to convince his wife of that very fact.
“That’s the last of the blood work. We’ll get the tests results and move right along,” Dr. Wright said. “I’ve got the OR scheduled for next Tuesday. I know it’s a hard decision, but the relief from the pain will be well worth it.”
Lianne nodded. She was afraid to speak for fear she’d start crying again. She had cried more in the last week than any time before in her entire life.
Tray had tried to talk her into giving them a few more months. She’d been steadfast in refusing. Annalise even suggested another month or two might bring Tray around to caring for her.
Lianne didn’t believe anything would change. Tray almost broke her heart when he showed up in the middle of the night at the cottage. He’d been very persuasive, in an analytical, logical way. She should have appreciated it more than she had—she loved analytical, logical presentations.
If he’d only said one word of something personal. Anything to give her a hint she meant more to him on a personal level and not some surrogate mother for his child. But he hadn’t. She couldn’t have expected him to do so. He’d been clear on the terms, as had she at the onset. It wasn’t his fault she’d fallen in love with him.