by Lisa Suzanne
“Fun night?”
I shrugged, and she laughed.
I winced at her loud laughter, which only prompted her to laugh even louder.
“Did your night out help you sort your feelings?”
I shook my head. “I did something really stupid last night.”
Okay, if I was being honest, I did a couple of really stupid things the night before, but I would never, ever admit to my mom I’d tried to kiss Easton.
“What happened, honey?”
“I accidentally texted Scott that I think I have feelings for him.”
“Accidentally?”
“I might have been a little drunk, and I typed out the text knowing I would never send it. But somehow it sent and I had a text back from him this morning.”
“What did his say?” Her gaze of concern only made me feel like a bigger moron.
“That I needed to be sure of my feelings and to use my time at home to decide what I want.” I took a sip from the coffee mug.
She mirrored my action, taking a sip of her own coffee. “He sounds smart.”
“He is smart. Really smart.”
“And handsome?”
I blushed, refusing to answer. Yes, handsome. Incredibly handsome. And strong and sexy.
“What about the other boy?”
“Dax?”
She nodded, and I sighed.
“He texted me, too. He misses me.”
“Do you miss him?”
I nodded. “Our relationship is…” I trailed off, unsure how to describe it to my mom. If I was talking to a friend, I might’ve been able to talk about the sexual nature of our relationship. How incredibly hot Dax was. How just seeing him on stage made me want him like I’d never want another man. But we went deeper than sex, too. We’d built a little bit of a foundation of friendship before we hopped into bed. Dax was caring and funny and sweet.
“Is what?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Complicated. We have so much fun together.”
“But Scott is on your mind?”
“He has been. I started noticing him right about the time he started pulling away from me.”
“Could it be a case of not knowing what you had until it was gone?”
“That’s exactly what it is. But it’s become bigger than that. I have real feelings for him.”
“Love?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. I love him as my friend. I think we could be great together. But I’m starting something great with Dax, too. Can’t I just have both of them?”
My mom took my trembling chin in her hand. Her eyes were soft and kind. “Honey, no. You can’t. You have to decide, and only you can do that. Only you know what’s in your heart, and I’m here to listen to you sort it out any time you want. Okay?”
She let go of my chin, and I nodded sullenly into my coffee. She was right. Only I could make that decision, but I just had no idea how to do it.
I went grocery shopping with my mom. We picked up the sweet potatoes and the turkey and every other ingredient for every other dish she planned to make two days later. The house would be filled with family on Thursday, and I’d be glad for the diversion of prepping for the arrival of relatives I hadn’t seen since the year before. My mom had three sisters, and they all rotated who hosted Thanksgiving. This year fell on my mom, and I’d do whatever I could to help prepare the house and cook the meal.
Pretty much the entire family lived within an hour of my mom’s house, so she saw her sisters often individually. But Thanksgiving was the one holiday when everyone got together for the whole day. That meant three aunts, two uncles, and seven cousins. I fell in the middle of my cousins age-wise. I was closest to Jamie, who was two years older than me, mostly because we shared romance novels and texted occasionally about the latest one the other simply had to read.
I couldn’t wait to share my master’s project with her. I hadn’t even thought about getting advice from someone so far removed from my circle who knew me well. Maybe she’d have some insight into my issue with Dax versus Scott.
Or maybe she’d tell me the same damn thing everyone else had been telling me—I was the only one who could make the decision.
And I’d just been thinking how having family over was going to be a great diversion. Instead I already committed to rehashing the entire story to my cousin.
I didn’t know where Easton was all day, but it was just as well. I didn’t want to face him. The day went fast between helping my mom shop and then clean, and I was still a little hungover, so I called it an early night, opting to head to my room to read before I fell asleep. Or, if I was really being honest, opting to head to my bedroom before Easton came home.
Just as I was crawling into bed a little after nine, my phone rang. I glanced at the screen. Dax Hunter.
I smiled as I picked up the call. “Hey, you.”
“Hey.” His voice was soft, but he sounded like he was smiling.
“How are you?”
“Okay. You?”
“Okay. A little hungover.”
He chuckled. “It’s nine o’clock at night.”
“Last night was pretty rough.”
“Nothing like Vegas.” He said it like he’d been there before. He got it.
“Well, we’re not anywhere near the strip. My stepbrother took me to a bar with some of his friends.”
“Male friends?”
I detected a hint of jealousy in his tone, and for some reason it warmed me to know he was a little jealous. “Male and female.”
“Anything I need to know about?”
If he only knew. “Nope. One of my stepbrother’s friends tried to hit on me, but I politely declined.” I left out the bit about crying to Easton and subsequently trying to kiss him. God, what had I been thinking? My project was so not worth the potential consequences that awaited me.
“That’s my girl.”
My girl. When he said things like that, I just melted.
“What about you? How was the show last night? Any ladies I need to be worried about?”
He chuckled. “The show was…good.”
I giggled. “So it was amazing?”
“Yeah.” His tone brightened. “Brody’s been working with an agent. A couple of scouts from different labels showed up last night.”
“Oh my God, Dax! That’s awesome!”
“We played really well. I’m not getting my hopes up, but you never know what might come from it.”
“Will you still remember me when you’re a famous rock star touring the world?” I asked.
He paused, and my heart raced while I wondered what his answer would be. “How could I forget you when you’ll be there with me?” His voice was soft and sincere, and my eyes filled with tears.
How could I even possibly think about letting this man go?
***
The next day was more of the same. Easton successfully avoided me. I unsuccessfully tried to stop wallowing in my drama. My mom started prepping the food and I did whatever I could to be helpful. It was a little after three in the afternoon when my phone rang.
It was Austin.
“What’s going on with you and Scott?” he demanded after I greeted him.
“Nothing,” I muttered.
“Piper. It’s me. Talk to me.”
“Why are you asking me? Why don’t you ask Scott?”
“He’s the one who told Shannon and me you two weren’t talking. That was all he’d say.”
We weren’t talking. That was true. But it went a little deeper than that. “How did it even come up?”
“We went to dinner on Monday. Scott seemed down, so I asked him what was going on.”
“Is he okay?”
Austin was quiet for a minute. I waited for his answer with bated breath. Finally, he sighed. “I’m not sure.”
“He told me he’s in love with me.”
“Oh my God.”
“I know.”
We were both quiet while Austin pro
cessed my confession.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Nothing. He ran away from me right after he said it.”
“What would you have said if he hadn’t ran away?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What about Dax?”
“What about him? He doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
“Yes he does, Piper. He’s got feelings for you, too. But who do you have feelings for?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Too bad.”
I thought about hanging up, but Austin was my friend. It wasn’t his fault I was a hot mess.
“Look, I’m friends with both of them. I don’t want to get involved, and I won’t tell you who to choose. But if you need to talk, you can talk to me.”
I sighed. “I think I’m in love with two men.”
“Thank God you admitted it.”
“You knew?”
“It’s obvious, my friend. I’ve been watching you falling for Dax. He’s everything any girl could possibly want. He’s attractive. He’s talented and successful. He’s got that naturally fit build. And I’ve seen the way you look at Scott. You’ve been looking at him as more than a friend for a long time now.”
“I have?”
Austin chuckled.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you wanted to be with Dax.”
“I do.”
“But you want to be with Scott, too?”
“I guess. And then I got drunk Monday night and accidentally sent him a text that I thought maybe I had feelings for him.”
“No wonder he hasn’t left his apartment in two days.”
I groaned. “I feel like such an asshole.”
“Don’t. It will all be okay.”
“Will it?”
“Everything happens for a reason, Piper.”
“Clichés aren’t really helping.”
“So you probably don’t want to hear that you should listen to your heart?”
“If one more person tells me that, I swear to God…”
Austin chuckled. “You want me to tell Scotty anything for you?”
“Don’t mention we talked about it. But tell him I said Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Will do. Try to have a nice Thanksgiving yourself. You know, some girls don’t even have one man in love with them.”
“Shut up.”
Austin laughed. “Take care of yourself, Piper.”
“You too.”
We hung up, and even though our conversation got me literally nowhere, it helped to know I had a friend in Austin no matter what.
***
I couldn’t stop thinking about the sweet text I’d woken up to from Dax. If I ultimately decided to stay with him, I knew I’d be a lucky girl with the future ahead of me.
Things I’m thankful for: Your mouth. Your bed. Your hands. You. Happy Thanksgiving, sweets.
Dax seemed to be the easier choice in a lot of ways. We’d already started a relationship. We’d already slept together, so I knew I was good there. I wouldn’t have to end things with him only to venture into the unknown. Besides, I’d pretty much already lost Scott.
It was easy to break it down that way, but the loss of Scott meant a big hole in my heart and in my life. I couldn’t imagine going back to campus and having a class with him where we sat on opposite sides of the room. I couldn’t imagine study sessions without him. I couldn’t imagine going to my Starbucks and not thinking of him every time I walked through the doors, reminiscing about the days we’d sit at a table drinking coffee and laughing. I didn’t want to imagine those scenarios.
But that’s what life would be like if I decided to stay with Dax.
On the flipside, if I decided to give things a try with Scott and for some reason it didn’t work out, then I’d be giving up not one but two important relationships.
I kept waiting for one to emerge as the clear frontrunner, but it wasn’t happening.
It didn’t happen after I’d eaten my turkey and confessed all of the sordid details to Jamie, whose advice had been no different from anyone else’s.
It didn’t happen while I did everything in my power to avoid eye contact with Easton.
It didn’t happen when my mom served pumpkin pie and I slathered a tiny piece in cool whip and took a bite. I made a face of disgust.
I was pretty sure I was still doing it wrong.
It didn’t even happen when all of my relatives went home and I helped my mom scrub every last dish until we put the house back in order. I was exhausted after helping host all day, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.
But we had Black Friday shopping to do.
The malls opened at midnight, so I took a quick nap and woke up at eleven. My mom and I had gone Black Friday shopping for as long as I could remember.
It was weird thinking I’d be right back here a month later for Christmas. How much would change between now and then? Would I invite Dax home with me for Christmas? Or would I be with Scott?
Or would I be with neither of them?
We stopped at a department store first. I passed by a collection of t-shirts. A bright green one with a dinosaur on it caught my eye. It said in white letters, “Ask Me about My Huge Dino.” I chuckled and picked one up for Dax. It was perfect.
Our second stop was the electronics store. I passed by the DVDs and saw the fifth season of Jersey Shore in the sale bin. I reminisced about the night Scott and I had watched an episode and psychoanalyzed every major player on the show. I couldn’t help but pick up the DVD in hopes I’d be exchanging presents with my best friend come Christmastime.
So shopping hadn’t been real helpful in my quest for answers.
I slept through much of Friday after my mom and I had stayed out shopping until the sun came up. In fact, it was dinnertime when I finally forced myself out of bed.
My mom and Heath were in the living room watching television when I padded down the stairs, still in my pajamas.
I plopped on the recliner.
“You want to head to the strip tomorrow?” my mom asked. We had a tradition to head down to Las Vegas Boulevard for a night out when I came home. We’d usually go out for a nice dinner, see a show, and spend a couple of hours in a casino. We always had a blast, especially when my mom treated, but I felt the pressure of heading back to reality in a few days, and I didn’t really feel like going out.
I shrugged.
“Come on, Piper. It’ll be fun,” Heath said, goading me into it.
“Fine,” I said without emotion.
I saw my mom and Heath give each other a meaningful look, but I was too apathetic to care.
Easton skipped down the stairs.
“We’re hitting the strip tomorrow, Easton,” Heath said when Easton hit the bottom step.
“Have fun,” he yelled back as he made his way to the front door. I kept my eyes on the television.
“You’re coming, too,” Heath said.
Normally the exchange would’ve made me laugh, but I dreaded the thought of a night out with my stepbrother.
“I am?” Easton said, stopping his pursuit of the door and walking a few steps into the living room.
“Your sister’s only in town one more night. Can’t we have a family night?”
Easton’s gaze landed on me. I refused to look back.
“Fine. What time?”
“We haven’t booked anything yet. Be ready to go around five,” Heath said.
“Piper, can I talk to you a minute?” Easton asked.
I finally looked in his direction and raised my eyebrows.
“Outside. It’s…uh…about a Christmas present.”
I sighed and stood, a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
I joined Easton on the front porch.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” he started.
I tried to mask my shock as I looked at him.
“Do you remember what happened on Mond
ay?” he asked.
This was my out. I took it. I grasped onto it like a lifeline. “On Monday?” I kept my voice as innocent as possible even though I could feel my heart beating all the way up in my ears.
“When we left the bar?” he prompted.
I shook my head, feigning utter confusion. “I don’t remember a lot of that night.” Preferred not to remember may have been more accurate.
“You don’t? I guess you’d had a lot to drink.”
“Way too much. I was so hungover on Tuesday. I figured I’d made an ass of myself in front of your friends and you were annoyed with me.”
He laughed. “No, that’s not what happened.” He blew out a relieved breath. “My friends all liked you a lot. Especially Dallin.”
I cringed when I remembered his friend Dallin. Nice enough guy, really…it was just that I couldn’t possibly take on any more romantic interests.
“Well, I’m sorry for whatever caused you to avoid me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, his voice a little wondrous. “I’ll see you later.” He walked toward his car, and I felt a huge sense of relief.
Now my only question was whether I had enough nerve to actually publish the encounter with my stepbrother in my research essay.
I headed back inside, and Heath and my mom smiled in my direction, like I had some big secret about their Christmas presents. Oh, I had a big secret alright.
I spent the night typing up my notes on my encounter with Easton, rating him against the criteria I’d created.
I was officially done with my research.
I couldn’t handle any more research subjects, anyway. I’d had about enough.
I had to admit, while the one stepbrother book I’d read was hot, it just didn’t seem the same in real life.
Just for kicks, I decided to rate Scott against my criteria. I wasn’t sure how to rate the Romance category. It had been pretty romantic for him to stand on my sidewalk and tell me he’d been in love with me since the day he’d met me.
Physical Attraction? Ten. He was hot, and while I hadn’t noticed it at first, it was more and more apparent to me every time I saw him.
The categories of Mental Stimulation, Conversation, Emotional Connection, Laughter, and Character all received high marks.
He didn’t have any Annoying Traits on the negative side, although Awkwardness was currently at an all-time high for us. It had never been that way before.