by Lisa Suzanne
And as I stared at the final category—Non-Negotiables—I realized the only non-negotiable when it came to Scott was that I couldn’t live my life without him in it.
I looked back over my notes on Dax. He’d scored very high in all of the positive categories in my criteria. He had no Annoying Traits and no Awkwardness—except for the night I’d sprained my ankle, but I blamed that on my awkwardness, not his. I read through the notes I’d put on the bottom of Dax’s page.
Incredibly sexy. Treats me well. Caught him kissing another woman. Will this be an issue? That could potentially be a Non-Negotiable. He seems perfect, but he could break out as a rock star and become famous. Where would that leave me?
I thought back to our conversation from the other day. He’d told me he would take me with him. Had he meant that?
It was an awful lot to promise someone he’d just started dating.
And really, I didn’t know much about Dax personally. I didn’t know about his family. I didn’t know about his background. I didn’t know why he was spending Thanksgiving with his friends instead of at home. I didn’t even know where home was.
And suddenly I needed those answers.
It was a little after eight. He wouldn’t be on stage yet, so I called him.
“Hey, sweets!” he answered, his voice enthusiastic.
“Hey, Dax. What are you up to?”
“Playing X-Box with Brody. What about you?”
I heard some commotion in the background. Yelling of some kind. Something that sounded an awful lot like Brody saying, “You stupid asshole! Stop killing me!” But I couldn’t be sure.
“Just thinking about you. How was your Thanksgiving?”
“Fine. Ate too much. Oh shit!”
Clearly he wasn’t focused on our conversation, and while I was ready for a long and deep chat with him, he was busy.
And the whole video game thing would definitely go under the Annoying Traits category.
“I’ll let you go,” I said with disappointment.
“No. Just give me ten seconds.”
I waited impatiently while he finished his game, and then he covered the mouthpiece. I heard some muffled talking, and then his voice warmed my ear.
“Hey, baby.” He’d never called me baby before. It came off a little…cliché.
“Hey.”
“I miss you.” There was a slight slur to his voice. So drunken video games. Nice.
“Are you playing tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah. Ten at Emerson’s.” The slur was pretty bad.
“Will you be ready to play at ten?”
“Oh yeah. Can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to be home. I miss your hips grinding against mine.”
Oh shit. That dirty talk got me every time. “I miss it, too,” I admitted as my heart started racing.
“You got a few minutes for phone sex? I’ve been such a good boy that I haven’t even jerked it while you’ve been gone. But your voice sounds like honey and I wanted it in my ear while I do this.”
I wanted to be turned on by that, but it was a little over the top. It was a little more information than I wanted.
Wait. More information than I wanted from my boyfriend? Shouldn’t I be into him saying things like that to me?
I tried to be into what he was saying, but I’d called with the mindset of a serious conversation. I wasn’t in the mood for phone sex, or any kind of sex, really. Even with the very sexual Dax Hunter.
“Can we just talk, Dax?”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “About what?”
His voice wasn’t the sweet, caring voice I’d been hearing the past few days. I wondered exactly how much he’d had to drink before I’d called.
“Where did you spend your Thanksgiving?”
“Brody’s house.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean why not with your family?”
Dax laughed, but it wasn’t a merry laugh. It was full of sadness, and it hurt my heart to hear it. “My band is my family.”
I wondered where his mom and dad were. I wondered if he had any siblings. And I wondered if he’d ever let me in on that part of his life. Maybe the reason I didn’t know much about him was because he’d purposely kept it hidden. And if that was the case, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to dig deeper to find out more. I wasn’t sure how I could be with someone who didn’t show me who he really was.
“Did you have fun?” I asked, changing the direction of our conversation.
“Yeah. It was nice.”
“Were the other guys there?”
“Kane was. The other guys went to their parents’ houses.”
Why didn’t you? I wanted to ask him so badly, but I didn’t. I wondered for a brief moment how close we really were if I wasn’t even comfortable asking about his family.
“How about you?” he asked.
I launched into a few details about my day and how nice it was to see my family. I told him I’d picked him up a present when I’d been Black Friday shopping, and he sounded excited.
And then I told him to have fun at Emerson’s and to put on a good show, and we ended the call.
I was left with an odd sensation. Something was missing from our call, but I wasn’t sure what. It was easy to place the blame on the alcohol he’d consumed, but I wasn’t sure if that was it. I also couldn’t be sure whether I’d indirectly and subconsciously placed a wall between us to help make my decision a little easier. Because I already convinced myself that I needed to come to some sort of decision before I got on the plane to head back to San Diego.
27
“A hypnotist? Really, Heath?” I whined. I knew I was being a brat, but I hadn’t really been into the idea of a night out on the town in the first place, and now Heath was taking us to some silly show that was clearly staged. He could’ve taken us to one of the musical acts, or a variety show, or some sort of Cirque du Soleil extravaganza, but he chose a hypnotist.
“He’s the best there is. I’ve heard great things about this show.” He took a bite of his macadamia crusted cod.
Easton was with me on this. “Dad, we’re not twelve. Hypnotist shows are for kids.”
Heath laughed. “You haven’t seen this one.”
“Oh God. Is this the kind of show I’m going to be embarrassed seeing with my parents?” I asked.
My mom giggled while Heath nodded.
I picked at my chicken, dreading yet another family event.
A short while later, we took our seats in the fourth row off to the side of the stage for the show. It was a small theater that held around two hundred people. There were about thirty chairs set up on the stage. Once the audience had filtered in and found their seats, the show began.
Screens lit up, and a brief video showcasing hypnotist Steve Savage’s résumé played. And then Steve himself took the stage alongside his boob-a-licious assistant, Foxy. He looked out into the audience, and then he spoke a little bit about hypnotism, telling the audience that anyone could participate and would feel well-rested after the show. He invited anyone who wanted to try up to the stage.
Easton looked over at me and raised his brows.
This was the perfect chance to prove to Heath that this was all fake.
I grinned at my stepbrother, and Easton and I both headed up to the stage and took seats beside each other. Steve and Foxy rearranged a bunch of people, sitting me in the second row between two men and sitting Easton in the front row between two women. All of the seats on the stage were filled.
I felt like every eye in the audience was trained on me, but then Steve started speaking quickly. First we had to close our eyes, and then he took us through different steps to relax our bodies. At first, I thought about what Easton was doing. Was he relaxing? Were my mom and Heath watching me?
But then Steve’s soothing voice quickly told me to relax my mind, my shoulders, my arms. Then I relaxed my fingers and my torso, down to my hips. I relaxed my legs and my kne
es and my feet, all the way down to my toes. And as I focused on relaxing each part of my body, the thoughts that had been plaguing my mind and the questions that came to mind about my family suddenly disappeared as a heavy weight loomed large. Steve’s voice told me to hold a heavy bucket filled with water in one hand, and it weighed down my arm. Then I was floating in a hot air balloon, and then I drifted off to sleep.
When I opened my eyes, bright lights were shining at me and everyone in the audience was cheering wildly. I glanced around me, my eyes squinting in the bright light.
Why was it so bright? Couldn’t someone turn the damn lights down a little?
“Thank you, Piper.” It was the boob-a-licious lady talking to me. The assistant. Some sort of animal name. Kitty? I couldn’t remember, but she knew my name. All I noticed were her teeth. They looked extra white in the glow of the lamps hitting the stage. “You can purchase a DVD of tonight’s show on your way out.”
She pushed me toward a set of stairs, and I used the handrail to walk down it to meet my family. They were laughing, and Easton was sitting with my mom and Heath. Hadn’t he been on stage with me?
I shook my head.
“How do you feel, honey?” my mom asked.
I shrugged. “Like I just woke up from a long nap.”
“What do you remember?” Easton asked with a smirk.
“I remember holding a bucket of water. Then I don’t remember anything. How long was I up there?”
Heath glanced at his watch. “About an hour.”
“An hour?”
Heath nodded.
“What did I do?”
All three of them giggled, and I turned bright red. We started walking toward the exit, and some guy next to me started chanting, “Pi-per! Pi-Per!” Then he made an obscene gesture with his hands hitting his pelvis, and Easton didn’t even try to stifle his laughter.
Oh my God.
What the hell had I done on that stage? I was mortified.
My mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I think we need to buy you a copy of that DVD.”
“Uh, I don’t think so, Mom. I don’t think I want to know what I did up there.”
“No, you probably don’t. But you said something up there you probably need to hear.”
Oh dear Lord. Did I confess to everybody that I tried to kiss Easton? I stared at my mom in horror, and she simply laughed at my expression. Certainly it couldn’t have been that bad.
I looked over at Easton. “How long were you up there?”
“About three minutes. You fell asleep right away. I was still conscious when he started talking about the bucket.”
I lowered my voice and gave my stepbrother a desperate look. “Easton, what did I do up there? What did I say?”
He glanced at me, and then he glanced smoothly away. “You should probably just watch for yourself.”
“How bad was it?”
“Only a little embarrassing. Don’t freak out about it.”
I was freaking out about it. And him telling me not to only added to the stress.
Heath purchased a copy of the DVD for me, and then we headed out toward the casino. Everyone wanted to play except for me. I was desperate to get home to watch the damn DVD burning a hole in my purse.
I tried to focus on a slot machine, but all I could think about was the stupid video. I tried to play some blackjack, but I was so unfocused that I hit on an eighteen once, garnering dirty looks from everyone at the table.
So I found a bar and started drinking.
It wasn’t one of my finer moments, but I was at the mercy of those driving me home.
My phone buzzed in my purse, and I pulled it out to see who it was.
Dax.
Music pumped loudly all around me, but if I really concentrated, I’d be able to hear.
“Hey, Dax.”
“Hey, sweets.” He sounded tired. “Where are you?”
“Planet Hollywood.”
“I love that place.”
“Me too.” I looked around me. It was like one big party on a Saturday night. I just wished I could stop stressing about the video and focus on having fun. “How was the show tonight?”
“Fine.”
Fine. Not good. Interesting.
“Did you sober up in time?” I asked, trying to be light.
“Let’s just say I’ve played drunker.”
I giggled. “Any scouts tonight?”
“Nope.” A brief moment of awkward silence passed between us, and then he spoke. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“It’s okay, Dax. This is new for both of us.”
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just missed you, and I thought we were at that level.”
“It’s not that we aren’t. Because we are.” I thought about all the ways he’d entered my body in just the few short times we’d been together. We were definitely at the phone sex level. He had every right to suggest it, but I just hadn’t been in the right frame of mind. “But I wanted to have a real conversation and it wasn’t what I expected.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry about that.”
“It’s fine. It’s in the past.”
“I just hated how we left things. I really like you, Piper, and I’m really trying not to fuck this up.”
My eyes brimmed with hot tears. He was trying not to fuck it up while I seemingly was doing just about everything in my power to fuck it up.
“You’re not fucking it up.” This wasn’t the right place for this conversation. I was in the middle of a loud casino. I wanted to be with him, holding him while we navigated this thing together. I even briefly thought about telling him about Scott, about confessing to my confusion. Maybe complete honestly was the way to go.
“I want to let you in. I want to tell you everything. It’s just…hard.” His voice was so soft I could barely hear him.
“You’ll tell me when you’re ready, then. You need to do it on your timeline, whenever that is.”
“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” His abrupt change of the subject told me he’d be ready the next day.
“I’m excited to see you, too.”
“I miss you, Piper. A lot. I know I haven’t said that every day we’ve talked. I hate this distance between us. I hate feeling like we’re growing apart after only a couple of days. We should be growing together. This short separation should be making us stronger.”
Then how come it wasn’t? I desperately wanted to ask him that, but a little piece of me thought I already knew the answer.
It was my fault we were drifting apart. It had nothing to do with physical distance.
The invisible wall I was afraid I’d been building had somehow erected itself in just a few hours, and it was a strong, concrete structure. I wasn’t sure if what we had together was powerful enough to tear it down.
“I miss you, too.” It was all I could say, because I was afraid to address the rest of what he’d said.
He sighed, and I wasn’t sure if it was in frustration or relief. “What time does your flight get in?”
“Two.”
“I’ll wait out at curbside for you, okay?”
“Are you sure?”
“There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than picking up my girl from the airport.”
I smiled at that. “I’ve been saving up this really hot kiss for you.”
“I’ve been saving up a lot of things for you. We’ll start with a kiss.”
I giggled, and then we said our goodbyes.
I walked around the casino and found my mom, who looked tired, and then we rounded up Heath and Easton, who were at a blackjack table. And then we headed home.
When we got there, I took my time getting ready for bed. I was one part curious and one part terrified of the stupid DVD.
Once I was sure everyone else was asleep, I slipped the DVD out of its case and into my DVD player. I hit the play button, and I watched as Steve spoke about hypnosis. I saw him introduce his assistant—Foxy!—and then
I watched as Easton and I got up on the stage. I watched as we were moved, and then I watched as I relaxed and started to fall asleep. I saw the assistant dismiss Easton and a bunch of others until there were only eight left on stage.
And the eight of us were clearly asleep.
I didn’t remember any of this.
Obviously hypnosis actually really did work. If nothing else, I became a believer that night.
The first few tasks the hypnotized participants, including myself, had to complete were easy. Silly things, like getting up to pose like a fashion model when we heard a certain song or impersonating a celebrity. I giggled as I watched myself fake ballroom dance with an invisible partner.
And then things turned a little more sexual in nature.
Steve told us we were all drunk. We’d all had lots and lots of tequila, and it was time to dance.
A pole was brought out, and Steve asked the four remaining ladies if we knew what to do with it. I watched the first lady dance around it like she’d done it before. Many times.
And then I watched myself. I walked up to it with confidence I never felt when I was awake. I actually didn’t look half bad. I looked like I had some concept of what to do, but I hadn’t mastered the flip the first lady had. I hadn’t even attempted it, actually.
“Who are you dancing for?” Steve asked me.
“The man I love!” I yelled. And then, as clear as day, I yelled, “Scotty!”
My heart stopped and my jaw dropped at my words recorded on video.
The man I love?
Scotty?
Oh, fuck.
Holy shit.
Of course it was Scott.
My subconscious mind admitted something my conscious mind hadn’t pieced together. It was something that had always been there on the edge of my perception, but I hadn’t allowed myself to actually realize it.
I was in love with Scott.
I wasn’t pole dancing on that stage for Dax. If I was awake, I certainly would’ve said Dax’s name. It was the appropriate thing to do. He was my boyfriend, or at least as close to a boyfriend as I could get without the actual label.
Scott was my friend. My best friend.
But my subconscious wouldn’t lie. It couldn’t lie. It was the most honest thing I’d said—or allowed myself to even think—in weeks.