Return to Me

by Rosemary Rogers

  “Sukey performed a service?”

  She scowled, not appreciating his tone of voice, not appreciating him even being in this room with her. “You’re not from the South. You can’t possibly comprehend our traditions. It’s the way it’s done here. I’m not saying I ever agreed with the practice, but it was what was done.”

  “Cameron?” Taye’s voice echoed in the hallway.

  “In Papa’s study,” Cameron called out.

  Taye walked through the door and gazed around the room, her face falling at the sight of their father’s favorite room in such a sad state. “The desk is gone,” she said softly, her attention settling on the empty space on the wall behind Cameron.

  “Yes, but look what I’ve found.” Cameron scrambled off the dirty floor and rushed to her sister, the diary cradled in her arms. “It was behind a panel in the wall. Hidden all this time. Taye, it’s Papa’s diary and it starts here at Elmwood when he was just twenty.” She flipped through the pages, showing her sister the dates as they fluttered by. “Look, it goes on for years and years.”

  “Papa’s diary?” Taye knitted her brow. “You’re not going to read it, are you?”

  “Of course I’m going to read it. Listen to this first entry.” She searched for the page. “Papa talks about meeting your mother. Did you realize he was only twenty and Sukey was seventeen when she came to Elmwood?”

  Taye laid her hand on her sister’s, closing the leather-bound book. “You shouldn’t read this, Cameron. It’s not right.” She met Cameron’s gaze, her blue eyes troubled. “If he had meant for you to read it, he’d have given it to you.”

  “He didn’t know he was going to die,” Cameron scoffed.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Taye walked to an overturned ladder-back chair and righted it. “It’s wrong to read something so personal.”

  “Don’t you want to know what our father’s life was like? What kind of man he was?”

  “I already know what kind of man he was.” Taye walked out of the study, her petticoat swishing behind her. “I’m going upstairs to see my old room.”

  “Well, I’m going to read it.” Cameron pushed the precious diary into Jackson’s hand. “We’ll take it back to Atkins’ Way.”

  “Certain you’re not opening Pandora’s box?” he asked.

  “This couldn’t have been an accident,” Cameron insisted. “The diary was meant for me to find. It’s a gift from my father, something to fill the hollow of his absence.”

  “Taye apparently didn’t agree with you.”

  “Once she’s had time to think about it, she’ll realize that I have to read Papa’s diary. He would have wanted me to.”

  Jackson shook his head. “Cameron Logan, you are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. You take the bit in your teeth and charge ahead without ever considering that you just might be wrong and someone else might be right.”

  “Nonsense.” She shook her head. “Just be careful with that. I don’t want anything to happen to it until I get a chance to read it.”

  “Where are you going now?” He watched in perplexity as she hurried out of the room.

  “Upstairs, of course.” She disappeared through the doorway. “I’m not going to run off if that’s what you think. I’ll find you when we’re ready to go.”

  Jackson stood in the center of the late Senator David Campbell’s office and listened as Cameron’s footsteps died away.

  He should have anticipated her escape to Mississippi and stopped her before it got this far. He didn’t know how he was going to tear her away from Elmwood now. He knew how Cameron thought. Though she saw the condition that the house, the town, the entire South was in, she still didn’t fully understand. Despite her age and all she’d been through, in many ways she was still naive and incredibly spoiled. Her way of life was gone.

  The question was, how was he going to convince Cameron of that? Diary still in hand, he walked to the window he recalled standing at only two weeks before Fort Sumter had been fired upon. He pushed up the cracked sash and stared out through the dirty glass at the dilapidated yard. Weeds poked through the floorboards to flower as if taking possession of the area where the Campbell family had once dined on balmy evenings.

  He sighed as he digested all he saw: the rundown veranda, the weedy yard, the overturned wagon that had been abandoned by soldiers when it lost a wheel. From this vantage point, it all seemed so hopeless to Jackson. Not simply the restoration of Elmwood Plantation, but the South itself. President Johnson swore the Southern states would be rebuilt; he was already beginning to implement his Reconstruction plan, though it was not fully realized yet. He’d told Congress that it would take time, but the South would rise from the ashes. He maintained that Americans would once again be united under a single front now that the Union had been restored. But staring at this yard, knowing what it had once been, Jackson wondered. Could a country that fought a civil war and then assassinated its own president ever stand united again?

  Jackson walked away as doubtful of that notion as he was of the idea that Cameron could ever return to Elmwood and live the life she had once led. Rebuilding would take a lifetime. Hell, three lifetimes. The South that his wife was looking for would never rise from the ashes again. His lips tightened in a hard line. And it was probably for the best. Some things about the old South were too rotten to ever want to replace.

  Cameron sat on a stone bench in the tangle of vines and weeds that had once been Elmwood’s rose garden. Her mother had imported the roses from Europe and planted them in the style of the old English rose gardens. Despite the weeds and bugs, the garden was still beautiful, just in a different way than it had been before. And if she closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of the flowers, she could picture it just the way it had been when Papa was alive.

  Cameron caught sight of Jackson walking around the corner of the house and waved.

  “Ready to go?” he asked. “I think Taye has had enough sun and memories for the day. She’s been cleaning up her mother’s grave for the last hour.”

  “I know. Just a minute more.” She lifted her hand to shade her eyes from the sun as she looked up at him. “Do you have the diary?”

  “Taye is taking it back to the carriage now. Falcon will walk with her to be sure she’s safe. There’s no telling what kind of ruffians could be hiding out here.”

  “Do you know why Taye is acting so oddly with Falcon? They don’t know each other, as far as I know.”

  He stood stiffly in front of her. She knew he was angry about the previous night. About her coming to Mississippi, about Elmwood, but he certainly couldn’t be any angrier with her than she was with him.

  “I think they met at the ball,” he said.

  She furrowed her brow. “Something doesn’t seem right. It’s not like Taye to be angry with someone she’s just met.”

  “It’s possible her feathers are just ruffled,” he offered carelessly. “Falcon may have flirted with her.”

  “May?” It was just like Jackson to provide as little information as possible, no matter what he knew. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Only that they met in the garden the night of the ball. I wasn’t there so I can’t say what happened, but Falcon asked me about her later.” He rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. “Look, do we have to talk about this now?”

  “Yes, we have to talk about this now,” she snapped. “You told Falcon that Taye was engaged to Thomas, didn’t you?” When he didn’t answer immediately, she eyed him, her ire rising. “Didn’t you?”

  “Of course I did.”

  His answer seemed sincere enough, but Cameron still felt he was keeping something from her. She would speak with Taye about Falcon tonight, and if necessary, speak to Falcon herself. Taye and Thomas intended to marry. They were perfect for each other, and she didn’t want a man like Falcon Cortés muddying the waters.

  “Well, I’m glad you set Falcon straight,” Cameron announced, trying to calm her anger.

 
; “Oh, most assuredly.”

  She couldn’t tell if Jackson was being sarcastic or not, but she wasn’t in the mood to fight with him about this. Not today. Instead of pressing him further, she gazed out over the tangled garden, allowing the nostalgia of the day to wash over her once again. It felt good to be in her mother’s garden, even if most of the roses were gone now. It felt good to feel near to those she had loved, especially her father whom she still missed so much.

  “I cannot believe we found Papa’s diary,” she mused aloud. She wanted to say it had been worth the horrendous trip south, just to lay her hands on the book, but she bit her tongue. There was no need to provoke Jackson.

  “I don’t think I’ll read it all at once,” she said to herself as much as Jackson. “I think I’ll read it passage by passage, day by day, as I rebuild Elmwood, savoring Papa’s words, his thoughts, his experiences.”

  Jackson turned abruptly away from her for a moment, then turned back. “Cameron, I wanted to wait and talk about this tonight in private, but—” He raised a hand but let it fall to his side.

  “But what?” Her voice immediately took on a defensive tone. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “Look, we’re not staying,” he said bluntly. “We are not staying in Jackson, and you are not rebuilding Elmwood. You’re going home where you belong.”

  She sprang off the stone bench, her hands on her hips. “This is my plantation, my house,” she seethed, unable to contain her anger. “Somehow I’d thought you would change your mind. I thought that once you saw me here, saw how I feel about my family home, you would understand. But I see now, with striking clarity, that you don’t understand and you never will. You don’t want to. You have no right to tell me where I can and cannot go, Captain Jackson Logan.”

  “But you’re wrong there, Cameron.” His voice was cold. “As my wife, you have a legal obligation to do as I say. By legal right, this all became mine—” he extended his arms “—when you married me.”

  His gray eyes darkened to a stormy black and Cameron realized, an instant too late, that she had pushed him too far.

  “In fact,” he continued, his voice taking on a cruel tone, “while I may not be able to legally force you to submit your body to me, it is within my legal rights to sell this worthless place if I wish.”

  “You bastard, you wouldn’t dare!” She flung herself at him, hitting him with the full force of her body. She would have hit him with both fists, but he caught her wrists and forced them to her sides.

  Cameron could feel her whole body shake from head to foot. “You wouldn’t dare,” she repeated, feeling his betrayal.

  “I will if you continue to act like a damned fool, jeopardizing your life and the life of my child.”

  He caught and held her gaze, and she wondered at that moment what had ever made her think she could make this marriage work. What had ever made her think he truly loved her?

  Cameron held herself stiffly, biting down on her lip until she tasted her own blood to keep from flinging names at him. “Let me go, you bastard.”

  “Are you going to behave yourself?”

  “Let me go,” she croaked.

  He let her go and she turned and ran. She ran through the garden, around the front of the house and down the elm-lined drive. If he followed, she didn’t hear him. Halfway down the driveway, her lungs near to bursting, she slowed to a walk. But when she spotted the carriage, she lifted her skirts and ran again.

  “Cameron, what’s wrong?” Taye said, rising off the rear bench seat.

  “We’re done here for today.” Cameron grasped the side of the carriage and hauled herself up onto the seat beside Taye.

  Falcon hurried to dismount and come to her aid, but by the time he reached the side of the carriage, Cameron was up and sliding onto the front seat to take the reins. “Back,” she ordered, pulling evenly on the leather straps.

  “What are you doing?” Falcon demanded, attempting to grab the horses’ harnesses.

  “Get out of my way,” Cameron shouted. She yanked the six-foot leather buggy whip from its compartment and raised it over Falcon’s head.

  He lifted his hands in surrender and stepped back.

  She called out again and the horses followed her command. They backed in their traces out of the drive and onto the main road.

  “Cameron, please,” Taye cried. “You’re frightening me.”

  “Hang on,” Cameron told her.

  “Where do you think you are going, crazy woman?” Falcon shouted after them. “How is Jackson to return to the house?”

  “I don’t care,” she shouted over her shoulder as she urged the horses and carriage forward.

  16

  Once Cameron was a safe distance from Elmwood, she pulled back on the reins and slowed the careening carriage, calling soothingly to the horses.

  “Are you all right?” Taye breathed, climbing onto the bench seat beside her.

  Cameron stared straight ahead at the rutted road. “I’m fine.” She took a calming breath and looked to Taye. “I’ve done it again,” she murmured, truly feeling a sense of remorse.

  “Done what?”

  “Jackson was right about one thing. I shouldn’t have let you come with me. It was wrong for me to subject you to the danger here in Mississippi, and it was wrong of me to snatch you away from Thomas. Now I’ve done something dangerous again, taking off in this carriage the way I did. It could have overturned.”

  “Now wait one minute, Cameron Campbell Logan. We are not children anymore and I am not the little sister tagging along who you have to feel responsible for.”

  “But I begged you to come. You knew it wasn’t a good idea.”

  “I came to Mississippi of my own free will,” Taye said firmly. “Everyone seems to forget that Mississippi, that Elmwood, is my home, too. And what is this talk of you taking me from Thomas?” she scoffed. “It’s been over two weeks and I’m not even certain he knows I’m gone yet.”

  “Oh, Taye, you know that’s not true.”

  “It’s not like he came barreling to rescue me the way Jackson did you, is it?”

  Cameron met her sister’s gaze, shocked by her sarcastic tone of voice. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of this fiery young woman. “I…I’m sure Thomas wanted to come. Jackson probably told him to stay in Baltimore, that he would fetch you.”

  Taye gave an unladylike snort. “As if a pack of runaway horses would have kept Jackson from boarding the first train south, once he knew you were gone.”

  “Taye.” Cameron transferred both reins in her right hand and covered her sister’s hand with her left. “Have you and Thomas quarreled?”

  Taye gazed straight ahead, over the heads of the horses to the countryside they were passing. “No, of course not,” she sighed, some of her energy seeming to seep from her voice. “It’s just that—”

  “Just that what?” Cameron knitted her brows.

  “I don’t know. I just…don’t feel the way I thought I would feel about him. About us marrying.”

  “Does this have anything to do with Falcon Cortés, because if it does—”

  “It has nothing to do with that man,” Taye interrupted. “What would possibly make you think that?” She began to concentrate on arranging the folds of her blue traveling gown, which was now covered with the dust of her mother’s grave. “Mr. Cortés means nothing to me. I barely know him.”

  Cameron wasn’t sure if she believed her, but she could tell by the high pitch of Taye’s voice that she would get nothing more from her sister on the subject right now.

  “Well, I want to apologize to you,” Cameron said, turning onto the main road leading back toward the town of Jackson.

  “Whatever for? I told you. I’m not a child to be cared for by my master’s daughter—the grand lady of the plantation—any longer.”

  This was the first time Cameron could ever recall Taye referring to her position in the Elmwood household. It suddenly occurred to Cameron that it might ha
ve bothered Taye that she had been David Campbell’s daughter, too, yet, because of the color of her skin, no one had acknowledged her in the way Cameron had been acknowledged. Suddenly her heart ached for the child Taye had been. Taye had never fit in among the other slaves, but she had never been a Campbell, either.

  “What I meant,” Cameron said gently, “was that I was sorry I haven’t been there for you these last weeks. You came to Baltimore for my sake and I was so happy to see you, happy to know that you and Thomas would wed. Then I got so caught up in my own problems.” She sighed. “And I have to admit, I was a little angry with you.”

  “Angry with me? Whatever for?”

  “It seemed as if you just came into the house and took over. The ball, shopping for my gown…I wasn’t used to you being so…so capable.”

  Taye grinned at her sister and patted Cameron’s knee. “Well, I suppose you will just have to get used to it. Your little Taye is all grown-up and maybe more like her big sister than any of us would care to admit.” Her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. “Now tell me what on earth you and Jackson are quarreling about that will force him to walk all the way back to Atkins’ Way or be carried like a boy on the back of Falcon’s horse.”

  Cameron concentrated on arranging the leather reins in her bare hands, determined to keep her emotions in check. “This isn’t going to work out.”

  “What isn’t going to work out?”

  “Jackson and me.”

  Taye gave a laugh that was without humor. “Surely you don’t still think he’s cheating on you with another woman!”

  “We haven’t even discussed that,” Cameron said. “It’s just not going to work.” She couldn’t look at Taye for fear she would cry. “We want different things.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You and Jackson are the most perfectly matched couple I’ve ever met. He loves you passionately.”