Humanities Contingency_You Will Lose Yourself

by Matthew Birch

  Grimacing, I blandly lift myself onto the barricade so I can sit properly. “Could you be any less depressing?” I ask sincerely.

  If only I had more alcohol left, then maybe my body wouldn’t hurt as much.

  Genuinely smiling, he sits beside me as we scout the surroundings. “I just wish some of the cars were in better condition” He laughs, sitting beside me? He gets a little too close for comfort. I am pretty sure he is much older than me. Ed and I are more or less late university dropouts because of the apocalypse. Callum, Joey, they had a family and children. They are at least ten years older than I am, without the courage to ask, I don’t query about his age. Some people just don’t like being asked.

  His hand gently glides against my own.

  Marcus flashes through my mind, followed by the boyfriend who died so I could be here, followed by my family who has reasonably moved on.

  I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Jolting away, I give him a partially menacing look as my body kicks into overdrive. We are getting separated from everyone else now, and I don’t want to be stuck alone with another guy I’ll end up falling for. I need to quit looking for comfort in every person I meet. Strong, independent, why won’t it be so easy?

  Standing up, I begin walking, waving my hand at him. Flustered I say, “We better catch up-”

  “Yeah, sure” I hear the man groan inwardly for a second. He does nothing to hide his irritation. Hopefully, it is because he can’t bear to carry that rucksack any longer and not because I ignored his advances.

  We don’t walk side by side at first, which is nice. Keeping focused, I stay on the path that has been carved out ahead. Joey wobbles some distance behind me. Part of me feels bad for pushing him away like that; Alice has told me he has something going on in his head. Maybe it’s best I help him because he could definitely help me. He’s so strong and sweet-

  “MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!”

  Eh, what? Perking up, I look straight ahead at Callum and the others who have stopped at a half-assed attempt at a military blockade that is no more. Towering walls, barricades, machines gun, armoured vehicles, you name it! It’s a cool sight despite the emptiness.

  “CHLOE, JOEY, MOVE!”

  Vibrating through the earth beneath me, I feel the shockwaves of a much greater threat. The debris dances, in short, little jumps. Dirt and grains of the road including metal alike bounce simultaneously. The thundering of something echoes through me. Gradually, it gets closer and closer.

  Throwing myself around, I come face to face with the humungous truck that is normally used to transport something heavy from one side of the country to the other. It barrels through any and every obstacle, knocking it aside with ease! Like an enraged bull, it heads straight for me. Standing right in the centre, I put myself in its warpath. Joey runs at me, grabbing me and pulling me to the side as best he can. The mighty horn of the truck is sent at us, no obligation to move is made on my part. I see-

  I see my escape from this world...

  “Move you, crazy bitch!” Joey finally drops his rucksack, chucking it to one side. Whoa! Hoisted up high, I am left eyes wide in shock as he literally heaves me onto his broad shoulders. My stomach goes fuzzy for a moment of enjoyment. But it ends all too soon when-

  We hit the floor-

  Buzzing, my ears fade out as the truck struggles to slow down-

  It passes us, sending cars and more flying to the side-

  Shouting, Joey puts himself on top of me as one car is sent right in our direction-

  Closing my eyes, I shut myself off as if I was a machine. Are we dead? Is this is it? The last thing I know is the blackness and the sound of my own fading heartbeat.

  ...

  ...

  ...

  A breath of life is violently washed over me as adrenaline spikes-

  Eyelids open, blue sky above, hushed chatter and voices-

  What is that on my mouth? So dehydrated and damp all at once...

  On instinct, I push the person away and lean up. Startled to my core, I gaze about to see everyone, including a few new faces as well.

  “Are you okay?” Kindly, Alice drops down to my side as Joey shifts away from my body. Scanning him curiously, I watch as he moves to one side. A horrible gash under the surface of his torn jacket and checkered shirt...

  Did he save me?

  “What happened?” Feebly, I ask the only thing I know.

  Alice smiles, pointing at Joey, expecting this, I finally realise what had happened. The car didn’t hit us directly. But debris has slashed the middle, left side of Joey’s back. It’s been untreated, leaving it a scarred, bloody red mess. His skin is peeled back like a banana peel. A chunk of metal rests peacefully nearby. Remains of dried blood coat it like an assassin’s dagger.

  “Joey saved you!” Lola, the other youngster of the group joins in, evidently proud of her uncle. Sending a nervous glance his way, I and Joey stare at one another.

  “Thank you...” I whisper...

  He nods, pointing at Callum who drops down to my level. “Chloe, this is Joseph Wilsmer, he’s a doctor, he is going to help us,” He says, before going back up to his high horse. Next to him is an old man with messy grey hair, a disastrous, patchy work of facial hair, and rugged clothes that look like they were stolen from a dump. It doesn’t matter though, his kind soul shines through as he hands me a bottle of whisky?

  “Should take the edge off?” He says, his surly tongue and chapped lips form a blistered smile. Zack and Ian come to my side while Ed and Maya attend to Joey. Both men pull me back up and onto my feet. The whiskey bottle is still in my hold.

  “Thank you?” I say, nothing else sounded better. Showing my appreciation, I tug open the back pocket of my jeans and plop the whisky bottle in. It fits perfectly; the little alcoholic demon will wait there until I need it most.

  After some more talk, the group carried on with this odd old man to his truck. We get to the back of it where he opens the huge sliding metal door that reveals a hollow inside where beds and belongings have been deposited. There are even a few seats? We all watch Joseph as he waves his hand, revealing the inside of his truck. “This is where I and a few others used to live as we continued onto Valbury, it’s not much, but it’ll do”

  A young man who roamed at the back of the truck comes forward and toward the light. Clearly, the young man who seems fine on the outside is not so okay on the inside. Deranged, twitchy, but seemingly innocent, the lad drops down on the end of the truck where he sits patiently and listens.

  The old Doctor who doesn’t really feel like a Doctor proceeds to explain. “This is Steven Dunmer; let me explain him to you before he tries to do it himself. Steven is a nice lad, but suffers from a severe amnesia and often forgets what is happening in the world around him-”

  “Joseph, who are they? Where are we?” Politely, the young man says without a hint of the world, his eyes darting between us all. A little baby like grin on his clean-cut, adorable face, his eyes are so watchful. He looks like he’s never been through the apocalypse...

  “Not now Steven. Anyway, he tends to black out frequently, and when he does, he’ll not remember anything when he wakes up. He is hardly aware of this bless his soul. Only God can save him now. The mentally ill boy will only ever remember me” Joseph places a hand on Steve’s thigh, giving him a watchful, knowing kind eye.

  Stepping forward, Ed hops up onto the back step of the truck before sitting beside Steven. “Well, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Is there anyone else who is part of this, uh, scattered group?”

  Joseph smiles, rubbing his chin before picking at a yellow spot that bleeds profoundly upon elimination, glowering, I witness the puss and blood mix. He’s a doctor, what is wrong with him?

  “True, we really are the scattered group. Yes, only one other person is still with us. Her name is Holly, and by golly, she is a ghastly one. She may try to play games with you, overlook her, she only means well” Explaining the entirety of their group, our g
roup has a better idea of who we are dealing with.

  An old man who may or may not be the worst doctor I have ever met. An amnesiac young man who’s very mentally ill and is next to useless, how he made it this far I don’t know? Lastly is a potential slag that is in the passenger seat at the front of the truck who likes mind games.

  “Someone stole my food Pa!” Steven bursts out from nowhere, pointing at the back of the truck.

  “No, I am sure you ate it. Holly has been with me for the last hour” Joseph steps away before pointing for him to go to the back of the truck. “Go on, in you go young man” Commanding him, Steven is ushered back into the truck where he shyly goes. Once Steven has left, Joseph knowingly sighs. I follow him strictly. From the twitches and tweaks in his facial expression to the way he sounds. He knows she stole it, doesn’t he? “I’ll talk to that vixen again...” Clearly not bothered, the old man turns back to us at last.

  “Is talking enough?” All eyes are on me... I need to stop being such a nuisance. I want to go back to being a wallflower. ”If anyone stole food in our group, things would be a lot more serious than a ‘talk’” I feel terrible for Steven. Poor bloke doesn’t deserve this. Faltering, I see Joseph back up a little bit. Callum and Ed see this as well. Both of them tend to look for weakness in others. It’s what they do. Shaken, Joseph barely meets my eye. “There are only three of us, such severe penalties are unneeded.

  Stepping off, I bite my lip. Leaning to my side, I place my head on Maya’s shoulder and whisper. “He’s a pushover. He’s lucky he’s old otherwise Ed and Callum would rip him to pieces”

  “I am not Maya, but I agree” The masculinity that comes with Joey’s voice shocks me. Flushing, I move this comment and myself aside.

  Sheepishly, I smile. “Sorry”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t care. I am high on painkillers right now” Dazed, Joey pretends to be loopy, swaggering about like an idiot.

  Grinning, I stifle a little giggle for the man who saved my life. “Did you do mouth to mouth?” Blurting it out, my subconscious asks something I’ve not openly wanted to think about.

  Joey sinks for a second, “I’m sorry, you’re heart was slowing. I’m the only one who actually knows how to do CPR other than Maya and she was too far away to help” Holding up his hands, he steps back, worried for himself that I’ll get angry.

  I don’t. I merely shrug it off. He saved me, that is what matters.

  “So, you folks all want a ride?” The talking is finished; Joey and I rejoin the group to find Joseph offering us a free ticket to the city. “Oh, and, once again, don’t bother with Holly. She’ll dismiss you” Joseph beckons us into his truck. One by one, we enter. Soon enough, the last people consist of Joey and me. We glance at one another.

  “You first?” He yields jokingly.

  Stepping up onto the step, I take Ed’s hand and he pulls me inside. Quickly, he whispers, “You okay?”

  Shallowly nodding back, I let him know I am honestly doing just fine. I could be dead right now, death by impalement if Joey hadn’t pulled us to the ground. I said it once, I’ll say it twice, why is it always the men I find attractive who save me? I want to just save myself...

  Ed also helps the injured Joey into the truck and we give him the best seat so he can rest his bandaged side.

  The truck starts, and we are on the road again, pushing through the military barricade and onwards towards the dead city.

  Chapter 7 - Dark times

  Chloe

  Screeching to a halt, the truck ceases its thundering engine. Apprehensively, we all watch one another. We hear nothing. Our enclosed box shrouds sound, sight, everything. We must be in the city now. It’s been near enough a good few hours. It would have taken us so many more days to get to the city, now we have the quick pass right to the port-

  “Maybe he’s taking us right into a trap?” I overhear Zack mutter as his hand binds itself around his gun, his fingers skimming for the trigger.

  My heart begins to race as the group leaps to their feet, every person preparing themselves for the worst. Maybe Joseph and his people appear weaker so it would be easier to draw us in. With the emergency message being broadcast on repeat as well, it means all kinds of groups are going to be flocking towards Valbury port. So, gangs and misfits alike can easily take advantage of people like us who are none the wiser. Oh god, what have we done?

  Like a battalion of soldiers about to storm the beaches on D-day, we prepare for the worst. I sense a light hand tug at my own. Glancing to my side, I see Alice nervously hopping from one foot to the other beside me. Eyes tell the stories we do not speak, hers tell the tale she cannot reveal. We are afraid. Of course, Ed and Callum march up front, weapons at the ready for whatever comes our way.

  This is it. Dark times are upon us...

  Sliding open, the metal doors blast the sun into our eyes and we are all blinded-

  “We’ve found more survivors!” Joseph, excited, calls out to us.

  He what?

  One by one, the truck is emptied. Stepping down the little stairs the truck has, I hop off onto the ground and look around at the suburbs we are in. On the outskirts of the city, we find ourselves in what would have once been a highly residential area. “Maybe this isn’t the best place to have stopped” I murmur to no one in particular.

  Turning the corner, I walk with Maya up and along the side of the truck until our group is confronted by two men. Heavily equipped, two veterans donning their heavy-duty armour and weapons approach us tentatively.

  “We were out scouting for supplies when we heard your truck. We’re glad we found you” The first man steps forward, and I get a better look at him from the back of the crowd. Tough, basic, the soldier removes his helmet to reveal the person underneath, an interesting looking person with the scars to tell enough stories of his past. He’s middle-aged, and judging by the flag on the side of his clothing, he came in from the United States to lend his service in protecting the island. “I was originally born and raised here, I fought my hardest against the uprising of the monsters, and not many of us are left” He’s calm, speaking plainly. His voice isn’t exactly deep, but you can tell he packs some balls. The way he looks, talks, and acts reminds me so much of Patrick...

  “Ed?” I peep quietly. He doesn’t hear me, though I see him getting irritable in his posture. Reading him like a book, I can tell he is thinking the exact same thing I am.

  “What’s your name?” Callum steps forward, putting himself at the standing stage as the leader of this group. Jealously, Ed watches on.

  Both men meet in the middle. “I am Robert Pratt and this is Chris Faris-” Gesturing behind him, our whole group looks at the other soldier as if we were a school group at a museum. This other soldier looks like a literal walking tank, having been built to manage even the worst of situations. His uniform has the French flag stitched into the side, telling me that these soldiers are more diverse than just one country of origin. His assault rifle is held firmly in his gloved, ironclad hands. “Chris is deaf, so don’t mind him if you can’t get his attention. He lost his hearing when an advanced creature tore his ears off. Now, he wears a constant bandage around his head and the hard helmet on top of that. He can only see, he’ll never talk” Robert explains, describing what happened to Chris.

  “Terrifying and cool” I hear Ian murmur to Zack, both men nodding in agreement while eying up Chris Faris, the silent, walking, one man army tank.

  All I wonder, is the real questions we should be thinking, such as, ‘is he still breathing, you can’t even tell he’s alive’.

  Well, first impressions are done quite healthily plus efficiently to boot as well! Our one big group is both thoroughly impressed and already taking to respecting the two soldiers. If Ed and Callum can nod their heads respectively, then the rest of us will follow. The best part is that Robert seems like his sanity is intact as well. Though I don’t feel I can say the same for Chris.

  Before anyone can do anything, w
e are finally rejoined by Joseph, Steven, and Holly. Holly is a middle-aged woman, rather scanty. Her clothing is baggy, but the way she looks says something. Still wearing make-up, the slag mingles her arms, leans against the truck, and clicks her white, splotchy crimson heels against the road. Well, she was everything I expected and more!

  “Good, now that everyone is here. Let me explain. I and Chris lead a group of soldiers; we are made up of all the surviving soldiers from the various military bases. There are thirteen of us, including Chris and me. I am offering you all the chance to come back to the nearby mall on the outskirts. We fortified it and are using it as a base of operations for the time being. Once we’ve gathered all survivors, we are going to Valbury port and escaping this shit hole-”