Wayward Hope

by L D Greenwood

  “Drekvic is vulnerable now,” she said, biting her lip. “If one of them comes looking for him, the only thing keeping him from being killed is you.”

  I thought of Rakshina’s hatred for him and wondered what they would do if they found him. His energy signature was so different; he even looked different. I would recognize him, had recognized him, the moment Fate had brought him to me. Someone nursing a grudge far older than mine would recognize him too.

  I sighed, shoulders slumping. I didn’t want to worry about Drekvic being safe. It was hard enough to keep him out of trouble. He still had a blurred line about what was acceptable and what was not.

  “I wish she’d kept him in the Beyond,” I muttered, closing the journal. I was too tired to work. Couldn’t I just lie down on the couch and take a nap?

  Joy followed me to the living room, her footsteps silent on the wood.

  “Maybe you need a hobby,” she suggested, sitting on the colorful rug in the center of the room.

  I flopped down on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

  “Jana always made me run, but I hated it,” I replied, realizing that I hadn’t gone out since she died.

  “Maybe you should start again. Just take some music and focus on your body for a bit instead of always being inside your head,” Joy suggested.

  I laughed, “Imagine Drekvic being dragged along behind me.” I couldn’t see him running for pleasure.

  “And Chester running beside you,” she chuckled.

  My smile stilled at that. My feelings for Chester were so jumbled, made more confusing by Drekvic living in my house. Drekvic’s feelings were clear; he wanted me to love him, especially since I’d managed to reunite his parents. Chester was more withdrawn, but I often saw him watching me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

  I wondered if he’d mind a visit. I tried to go into the spirit world often to see Rakshina and Chester. The other collectors always seemed to have more questions for me, even though I didn’t really lead them. I left that up to Samuel, their elder.

  “What are you thinking, Ellie?” Joy asked, adjusting her long robe to wrap around her knees.

  “I haven’t visited Chester or Rakshina for awhile,” I replied honestly, unconsciously playing with my auburn hair.

  “Visiting them is more like work for you, not a hobby,” Joy admonished, then made a little gasping noise. I looked over to see her fading away.

  In Joy’s place, I could see Rakshina taking shape in the middle of my living room, looking like a fashion model. Her long black hair was styled in elegant waves and was in sharp contrast to her lily white skin. Her pale lips were set in a determined line, and her stylish white pants showed off the annoyed cock of her hip. Her ice blue eyes told another story. She looked haunted.

  I stood up and asked Joy for the key to the first gate. She hesitated only a moment before dropping the glowing house key into my hand. I knew she was worried about Rakshina attacking Drekvic, but since he’d moved in with me, she hadn’t so much as looked at him. I conjured a door in my mind, my familiar green front door appearing easily. When I opened it, I gestured Rakshina through.

  She smelled faintly of burning underbrush and wild things, although I couldn’t picture her ever being anywhere her spotless clothes could get dirty. When we had first met she had always intimidated me. Now, though, I trusted her as I would trust myself or Joy, and considered her a friend. I never let her teach me magic anymore, though. Saying her teaching style was harsh was an understatement.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as I had shut the door and closed off the flow of magic that pulled on me whenever one was open.

  She crossed into my kitchen without a word. Her red heels clicked loudly on the hardwood floors as she opened my fridge and pulled out Drekvic’s bottle of red wine. She moved as though she had been in my kitchen hundreds of times, going directly to where I kept the glasses to pour herself a large serving. She downed it like it was nothing and poured herself another glass. She never spilled anything despite her shaking hands.

  “Rakshina?” I asked again, stepping closer to her.

  She turned to me, her shoulders rising as though she expected a confrontation.

  “Chester and Drekvic are idiots. They shouldn’t have let you anywhere near that soul today with the energy signature it was putting off,” she snapped, slamming the bottle down on the counter. I was glad it didn’t break, but the noise made me flinch.

  “We couldn’t sense any signature until it started attacking us,” I said, touched that she was concerned about me.

  “There is no way that soul was hidden in that shop, not with that much energy. Chester is more sensitive to their energy than you. He should have seen it,” she insisted, taking another deep drink of wine. It stained her lips a dark pink.

  Her distress was too much. Something wasn’t quite adding up. I wanted to ask her what was really bothering her, but I didn’t want to pry. When she wanted me to know, she would tell me.

  “It’s okay, Rakshina,” I said, my voice soothing. This time, I reached out to rub her arm. Her skin was ice cold.

  Her gaze fell to the band-aid on my finger where the ladder had cut it. I was glad I had a sweater on so she couldn’t see my arms, or the spectacular bruise on my right shoulder that looked like someone hit me with a baseball bat.

  “I just—if it is true, and you didn’t sense anything until it attacked you, then the soul wasn’t introduced to the environment until you arrived. That means someone was there with you and wanted to harm you.” Her eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip.

  “We didn’t sense anyone there, Rakshina. It was a weird situation, but until we can get more facts about the soul it’s not going to help with anything. We’re going to ask Hope and Fate. They should be able to tell us more.”

  She nodded, suddenly looking a little sick.

  “Do you want to sit down?” I asked, worried.

  “No, I need to get back home. I just wanted to check on you and make sure those idiots didn’t get you killed.”

  “I’m fine,” I replied, forcing a smile.

  Her mouth opened slightly as she looked down and met my gaze. I almost asked her what was really wrong, but I didn’t want to break my own rule. No prying into Rakshina’s past. Her life was messed up enough without me making her dredge through it all over again.

  Instead, I hugged her.

  “Thank you. Do you want to go back home now?”

  She hugged me back and nodded. I let her go, and then turned to make the door again.

  Before she stepped through she stopped to look at me.

  “Call me if you find anything like that again, okay?”

  “I will.”

  She nodded and left through the gate. I shut the door and Joy reclaimed the key.

  I absently washed the wine glass Rakshina had used, puzzling over her strange mood.

  CHAPTER THREE

  From the spirit world, the Beyond looked like brilliant stars that could mesmerize a person until all they could think about was reaching them. In reality, the Beyond was so many different things that made it difficult to grasp. Each person has a vision of life after death, regardless of whether or not they acknowledge it. For some it is peace and quiet in darkness. For others it is a wild river ride, exciting and fun, but never painful. For me, it was a huge grassy meadow with manicured trees in the distance that promised a hint of darkness.

  When the time came, I’d be drawn to souls that craved my version of the Beyond, and I’d be able to take them there. Regardless of how well I pictured a different scene, I arrived at that meadow every time upon opening the seventh gate.

  I found Fate in her usual place in the Beyond. The classroom was long and well-lit, with rows of desks on either side. There was an aisle in the center, leading up to Fate’s podium. There was a high-tech touch screen on the far wall. She had written two large words in her scrawling print: Don’t panic!

  I sighed, hating her cryptic message, almost
as much as I hated the fact that she’d conjured up an entire classroom when the only student here was me. I could see her in the corner, typing furiously at her desk. Her computer was huge, and always seemed out of place to me in the Beyond. I had never realized that someone would want the internet when they were no longer living. Then again, Fate was an unusual soul.

  The ex-goddess was still beautiful, with long golden hair that she wore pulled back in a clip. She looked very human at the moment, with her plastic glasses perched on her nose and her full lower lip pinched between her teeth. She didn’t glance up when we entered, but her magic acknowledged us with a brief rush of cold air that seemed to pass through my skin.

  Chester shuddered, and I glanced over at him, glad that he had come with me. Drekvic, of course, was forced to come as well, but I’d made him wait across the hall with his father, Hope.

  Fate and I met monthly, usually as an excuse for her to check in on me and make sure I was focused on my training. She was still running a lot of things, but she wanted me to take on more responsibility, to stop worrying about my “human needs,” as she liked to call them. The collectors required a leader, and the light and dark energies in the world needed to be balanced. Both of those things were impossible for me to do if I lived in the human world, but I refused to leave permanently. There was still too much I needed to do.

  “You’re early!” Fate shouted at me without looking up. I knew she was doing it to annoy me—we were almost to her desk—so I decided to ignore her tone.

  I sat down in the first row and waited. Chester, always wary of Fate, didn’t sit. He was close enough behind my shoulder that I could feel the heat radiating off of him. All collectors seemed to have a higher temperature than mortals. Chester said it was because collectors needed to burn brightly for souls to trust them. It was comforting for me too, and I had to fold my hands in my lap to stop myself from reaching out to him.

  Fate finally looked up. Ten minutes had passed, our scheduled time had come and gone, and a scowl marred her pretty face.

  “I know it’s why I chose you, but your extreme patience is irritating,” she said, standing up and stretching. “You’re supposed to be more assertive now that you’re a goddess.”

  “Someone likes to remind me that I’m not a goddess yet,” I retorted, standing as well. “That I’m still in training.” I brushed Chester’s arm with my own before he could step aside as I moved to the front of the classroom.

  Fate rolled her eyes and took off her glasses. “Something is bothering you.”

  “I want Drekvic untethered from me,” I said, surprising even myself. I hadn’t really thought about it much, but it was annoying having him follow me around everywhere, and I wanted some sort of concession from her. “I can still summon him if I think he’s misbehaving.”

  Fate studied me for a long moment, so I stared back, unwilling to drop my eyes. Drekvic was not a child. She needed to stop seeing him as her baby in need of a sitter.

  “Fine,” she said, and snapped her fingers. There was an audible pop, and I felt something unravel from my magic. The tether had been so subtle that I hadn’t realized it was there until it was gone.

  There was a knock on the classroom door, and we turned to see Drekvic’s dark head leaning in through the gap, confusion and a hint of relief on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again, frowning.

  “You still have to listen to her,” Fate called to him as she put on her Mom face. “If I hear that you’ve been causing trouble I’ll tether you again and make it even shorter this time.”

  Drekvic rolled his eyes, ever the petulant teenager, and closed the door again. I heard him shout something to his father, but I couldn’t hear what it was.

  I turned back to Fate, the image of the emaciated ghost flashing before my eyes. I wanted to ask her about it, but considering how she had manipulated me into doing her bidding previously, I never quite felt that I could trust her to be honest with me.

  Hope is the truthful one, Joy confirmed in my mind, and I had to school my face into a neutral expression to keep from smiling.

  Fate turned back to our lesson, coming to face me until she was close enough to reach out and grab my hand. Her magic washed over me, a chilly sensation that clung to the back of my neck and tickled the sensitive skin on my wrist.

  “Your lesson for today is about balance,” she said, her voice suddenly seeming to come from far away, like hidden speakers in a museum.

  Logically, I knew my body was still in that classroom, my feet on solid ground and my hand still gripped in Fate’s, but my heart always panicked as my soul was sent spiraling away into Fate’s magic.

  It was always easier for her to show me rather than tell me, so she took me to a place inside of herself, where I could see through her eyes. This was different from other times. All I could see was blackness. I could feel Fate’s presence, but my visual cues were missing. It made me nervous, and I felt my body, so far away, roll my shoulders.

  Where are we? I asked, and Fate’s magic trembled as my thought echoed through the space. Ripples of light radiated away from me, leaving me in darkness once more.

  Do you see the balance? Fate replied, her voice still somewhere distant.

  I concentrated, trying to see anything in the darkness. Joy shook her head, as blind as I was. I took a deep breath and tried to sense the magic in the space. There was a dark, inkly feeling that seemed to lap against my ankles, almost as though I was in water. The cold seeped into my bones and I shivered.

  The water? I asked, not liking that the sensation seemed to be rising.

  I could sense Fate’s frustration building around me like a heat wave, and I wanted to leave.

  The balance, Ellie. Find the balance.

  I sighed, frustrated. Tell me how to find it! There’s nothing but darkness here!

  A rush of cold broke over my head, and I felt stripped bare. Even though it was just my soul in this place, it felt like my hair was pressed against my neck, like my clothes were drenched. I couldn’t breathe, and I panicked.

  I tried to pull back, to fall back into my body that was standing there in Fate’s grip, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t just the surrounding darkness that stopped me, but a heavy pressure against my chest.

  I was floating, drowning, and even though I struggled, I couldn’t make my lungs work. I felt my body reacting, falling to the floor as Chester scrambled to catch it. His arms were around me, but it was too far. I wasn’t breathing, and my heart pounded too erratically in my ears. Joy was shouting, but I couldn’t respond, my mind forgetting how to form words.

  I dove into my magic, pulling heavily on the energy until my body burned, banishing the cold. With effort, I released the magic and exploded into the world around me, blindingly white in the dark space. Air rushed into my lungs as I tried to make my limbs obey and get my feet underneath me. Chester pulled on me, his grip around my waist helping me to stay upright.

  Fate stood in front of me, a look of consternation on her face.

  That’s enough. Wake up, Ellie.

  “I am awake,” I snarled. “I had to wake myself up!”

  Ellie! Joy screamed, blocking out everyone else. Are you okay? The worry was so strong in her voice that I almost started crying at the press of her emotions against me.

  “I’m fine,” I rasped, pulling away from Chester to find my equilibrium.

  “Take it easy,” Chester said softly. “You turned a little blue. Just… calm down.” He looked like he wanted to reach out to me, but I was too angry.

  Fate pulled her chair closer, once again sitting with her legs crossed. She slumped into the soft cushion wearing a deep frown. I glared up at her, waiting for an explanation. She had almost killed me, and we both knew it.

  “I tried to force the Balance on you,” she replied, her voice soft. She paused reaching up to tug on her ear absently.

  “I noticed,” I rasped, venomously.

  “I never realized how little darkness
you have in your soul. In this generation, it seems the balance has been reversed. I cannot teach you how to be a goddess.” She bit her lip, still pulling on her ear. I’d never seen Fate fidget before, and it made my stomach tighten.

  “What do you mean?” Chester asked. “This was all your idea and now you can’t even train her?”

  I put a hand on his arm and squeezed reassuringly, although I felt unsettled myself. “Why can’t you teach me?”

  “My energy is the chaotic dark, and while my intentions are good, the way I go about achieving my goals is… manipulative and generally frowned upon.” She stood up, crossing her arms, and walked to the white screen.

  She started drawing on the electronic board with her finger: a simple yin and yang. “I am the Yin,” she said, pointing to the dark side of the circle. “Hope is the Yang. Your pairing is reversed, and your Hope will be full of chaotic energy.”

  Fate stared at the symbol for a moment, her blue eyes growing dark and cloudy as she turned inward.

  “My pairing?” I asked, not liking the sound of that.

  “It’s not important yet,” she replied. “I’d like you to leave now. I need time to think of how best to proceed.”

  “What do you mean? You don’t know what’s happening?” I demanded, my voice just barely cracking. I really needed a drink. My throat was on fire. Even as I thought it, the Beyond responded, and I turned my head at the soft clink to see a glass of cold water sitting on a nearby desk. I didn’t reach for it, turning my attention back to Fate.

  “No, I don’t,” she replied, looking frustrated as she turned to face me again. “I was born a goddess. I never had to learn to be what I am, nor how to transition from mortal to immortal. I’ve never given anyone power before either, nor taught them to rule. How would I know what to do?”

  I wanted to strike Fate, to yell at her for putting me on this path without knowing what she was doing, what I should do. Instead I gave her a hard stare. She looked at me without seeing me, and it just frustrated me even more.