Broken Leaves of Autumn

by Eli Hai

  Was it coincidence that revealed her secret or perhaps Divine Providence? Maybe it was retaliation for her many sins, the revenge of God, or perhaps just plain bad luck?

  Later on, she found out. One of the men, a yeshiva student, was on his way home from the yeshiva. When he passed by the basement apartment, he noticed a suspicious shadow moving about the place. At first, he thought it was a thief who’d intended to break into one of the houses. He changed direction and followed the suspicious shadow. When it disappeared into the basement apartment, he sneaked quietly to the front door, brought his ear close, and listened. But to his surprise, it wasn’t a thief. On the other side of the door, a man and woman were having a conversation. He couldn’t hear everything, but from the content of the conversation, he understood that a daughter of Israel, who planned on abandoning her holy way, was in the house. He lay in wait for more than an hour, until she came out, and when she did, her face was revealed under the street lamps. He recognized her with certainty. From that moment onward, it was like a snowball. The young man alerted his friends from the yeshiva, who went to the rabbi, who summoned Yehuda, one of Rivka’s older brothers. Yehuda, a hotheaded, zealous Jew, didn’t hesitate regarding his course of action. With the rabbi’s encouragement, he collected three young men, all members of the chastity squad, and together, they went to pour out their wrath on Jeff. The Hanukkah miracle that she’d so desperately hoped for passed Rivka over this time.

  The next evening, two of her brothers, Reuven and Yehuda, came over and conferred with her parents. The looks they sent at her and the sound of her mother’s sobs told her everything she needed to know. She understood that her secret had been exposed and that her fate was sealed.

  “Why are you whispering? If you have something to say to me, say it,” she mustered her courage and approached them.

  “You corrupt girl! You’d better be quiet now,” Yehuda raged at her.

  “Why are you calling me that?” she asked, deeply insulted.

  “Why? I’ll tell you why, bitch!” Yehuda’s face turned red with rage. He attacked the fragile girl, and before any of those present managed to stop him, he slapped her across the face with all his might. The unexpected blow flung her to the floor. After that he raised his arm, fully intending to punch her.

  “Stop! Don’t hit her, please!” Their mother grasped his shirt and pulled him away.

  “Get up.” Her mother grasped her arms and helped her stand.

  “Enough of this, Yehuda. Hitting won’t solve the problem,” Reuven, the oldest brother, ordered.

  “She should be severely punished. We should beat her like we beat him. She’s no different from him. There should be equal justice to those two wantons. They were both accomplices to sin, and if the goy was punished, she should be punished, too,” said Yehuda, after reluctantly complying with his mother’s and brother’s requests to stop hitting his sister.

  “You hit him? Are you crazy? You are crazy! What did you do to him, huh? What did he do to deserve a beating? He didn’t do a thing! It was me! The guilt is all mine! It’s me who’s sick and tired of this life, and I went to find solace with him. I’m to blame!” Rivka burst out, and then looked straight at those present, and added while sobbing, “And maybe not? Maybe I’m not to blame. I’m not to blame that I was born into a life that isn’t for me. Maybe God wants me to be different and not like I am now. Maybe God sent this man here to open my eyes and make me understand that the life I’m living is a life of lies. That’s it, I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to leave! Get as far away as I can!”

  “Don’t say that, child. You shouldn’t talk that way. It’s blasphemy.” Her mother started weeping again.

  “You’re wrong, Mother. This isn’t blasphemy! Listening to your heart’s calling can’t be blasphemy! No! It’s God’s will!” Rivka wept in her mother’s arms.

  “That’s it? So easily you’re throwing away everything we’ve been raised on? And calling it a life of lies! What’s wrong with you, Rivkel? What? You’re throwing an entire life into the garbage! How dare you? How can you turn your back on God like this?” Reuven persisted furiously.

  “Easily? Easily you say? Do you know how many sleepless nights I’ve had! My life has become a living hell! I’ve struggled with all of my replenished strength. I’ve struggled day and night! There wasn’t an hour, a minute, that I didn’t struggle, but what can I do when it’s not in my hands? What can I do when I lost the fight? And you, Reuven, I’ll have you know that I’m not renouncing God Almighty and I never will,” Rivka cried amid sobs.

  “Such a naïve little lamb,” Yehuda mocked.

  “You bastarddddd!” The scream that ripped out of Rivka’s throat was so fierce that everyone fell silent.

  A tense silence fell on the house, shattered only by her mother’s quiet weeping.

  “Please, Mother, don’t cry. If there’s sorrow in my heart for what I’ve done, it’s because of you, because of you and Papa.” Rivka tore herself away from her mother and approached her father, who stood apart, looking suddenly so old and helpless.

  “At least you have a measure of remorse,” Yehuda continued stubbornly.

  “You’re Haman the Wicked! A heartless man! That’s what you are. A violent hoodlum. You have nothing but violence. Back when you were in the yeshiva, you used to run around with all those hooligans and beat up innocent passersby. I heard the stories about you. You have no right to interfere in my life. Go mind your own business!” she yelled at him, her face red with anger.

  “Haman? How dare you, bitch? That’s what you call me? You scum! Luckily we’re all married, otherwise, we’d have to enter a flawed match!” Yehuda jumped on her again, and when Rueven blocked his attack, he added furiously, “You don’t live in an empty world, you fool. You have a proud, respectable family whom you’ve brought shame upon. Don’t you care about that? I’m your big brother, and it’s my right to interfere in order to protect my family. And I’ll have you know, if you won’t talk to me with respect, I’ll beat you senseless, you slut.”

  “Enough, enough with the violence. Stop fighting. We’re still a family. We have to think clearly what to do. How to get out of this mess,” said their father, who until now, stood hunched in the corner, silent and stunned.

  “Oy, the mess,” her mother, who’d stopped crying, repeated after him.

  A loaded silence fell on the room. Everyone looked troubled and thoughtful. However, while everyone was thinking of how to save Rivka’s honor, she was thinking about Jeff. What really bothered her was the fact that he’d been hurt because of her. What was he going through now? How did he feel? What did he think of her? He was probably mad at her, blaming her for all the trouble that had fallen on him. There was no doubt that the blame was all hers. She shouldn’t have gone to him. Of this, the sages said, “Think on the end before you begin,” and she hadn’t thought at all.

  “What happened to Jeff? Was he hurt? Where is he now?” Rivka broke the silence and addressed Reuven, ignoring everyone else.

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t there. From what Yehuda told me, you don’t have to worry about that gentile. He got beat up a bit and kicked out of the apartment. Overall, he was punished for his actions. In any event, he doesn’t belong in this neighborhood,” Reuven tried to reassure her.

  “Is this the way of the Torah? ‘Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.’ Isn’t that what you taught me? Instead of checking and asking me what exactly happened there, you gathered your bullies and rushed to beat him up, as though he were no better than a filthy criminal. Is this how decent people behave? Is this the way of the Torah, on behalf of which you act? Answer me!” Agitated, she turned to Yehuda, and her words surprised everyone.

  “Fine, here, I’m asking you, what exactly happened there? Maybe you can tell me what you were doing, alone, in a single man’s home. Did you learn Torah lessons together? And if so, who did you learn about? About Moses or perhaps Jesus Christ?” Yehuda mocked her, h
inting that her dramatic outburst hadn’t impressed him. When he didn’t get an answer, he continued seriously, “In this community, there are rabbis, and we act according to their ways. Those who stray must be punished. I acted according to the rabbi’s commandment.”

  “That’s your rabbi, not mine!” Rivka said, bringing on her head the wrath of everyone in the room.

  “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Watch what you’re saying,” Reuven warned her.

  “I told you she was a slut,” Yehuda said.

  “If my own brother says I’m a slut, what will everyone else say? Who knows what rumors are spreading about me outside? Everybody probably thinks he came to me. And that wasn’t what happened, Mother. I swear, we only talked. There was nothing between us, I swear to you.” This time, she said what she had to say quietly.

  “Innocent lamb. In a minute, you’ll be asking us for a reward for your actions,” Yehuda ridiculed her again.

  “You nasty, merciless man!” Rivka screamed, launched herself at him, punched his chest with her small fists, and then ran to her room and shut herself inside.

  The decision to stay in her room during the following days wasn’t Rivka’s or her concerned parents’. The extended family gathered and gravely discussed the new situation. A serious dispute arose among the siblings. Yehuda, who was the most zealous of them, suggested locking her in the basement apartment until they found her a new shidduch.

  “But who told you she needs a new shidduch?” their mother asked in despair.

  “What’s wrong with you, Mother? What sane father will marry off his son to that shiksa after what happened? We have no choice! We have to lock her up! She has to learn a lesson she’ll never forget. If we don’t, she’ll return to her evil ways,” Yehuda explained to his siblings, who were shocked by his fanaticism and malice.

  “I agree,” said Margalit, Rivka’s older sister. She was the only one who supported the idea.

  “Don’t exaggerate, Yehuda. It’s enough that she stays locked in her room. That’s not an easy punishment, considering the state she’s in,” Reuven addressed Yehuda, in an attempt to moderate his suggestion.

  “You won’t lock her anywhere! You won’t do with her what Joseph’s brothers did to him. As it is, people on the street will abuse her and turn her life to hell. No one will have mercy on her. We have to use methods of persuasion with her. We may have to find her a shidduch with someone from a place far away from here, a place no one will know about her past,” their father interfered in the discussion. His voice was stern, indicating to his children that he was the one who would decide what would happen.

  “And where exactly do you suggest we send her?” Reuven asked bemusedly.

  “I don’t know. Maybe Israel?” Their father’s voice trembled.

  “Israel? The land of Israel will be holy only after the coming of the messiah. As long as the messiah hasn’t arrived, we will not acknowledge that land of heretics. This is the reason we’re all here and not there,” Yehuda ruled.

  “That’s not accurate. Shimon lives in Israel, and he lives among a sect of our Hasidim. They live there exactly like we live here, only segregated from their surroundings,” their mother corrected him.

  “They’re not one of us. The minute they decided to live in that heretic state, they’re not one of us,” Yehuda insisted.

  “I think you’re exaggerating. All of you. We don’t have to lock her up or send her away from here. She’s our little sister, and it’s our duty to help her as much as we can. Right, she did something very wrong and shamed us all, but we’re still family, and we have to help her, not hurt her,” Ahron interfered for the first time in the discussion in an attempt to ward off the weight of the punishment.

  Since Ahron found out about the meeting between Rivka and Jeff, he’d been walking around grieving and ashamed. His world lay about in ruins. On the one hand, he felt betrayed, but on the other hand, he was weighed down by guilt. He was inconsolable with sorrow. He wanted to set things right because he felt responsible.

  “Shut up! You have no right to say anything. All the trouble started when you let a goy into your house. If you had some brains in your head, this never would’ve happened. How could you? I don’t understand how you could’ve let him into your house,” Yehuda attacked him.

  “Rabbi Ziegel allowed it. Hospitality is allowed,” Ahron responded curtly, but hurt was all over his face.

  “You’re wrong,” their father addressed Yehuda. “Ahron isn’t to blame! This is from the heavens. God Almighty wanted this, and there wasn’t a thing we could do to change it. From now on, we’ll all pray that God will fix Rivka’s errant soul and set her back on the path to righteousness.”

  “How? How did this wickedness fall upon us? A mindless, corrupt girl in such a respectable family. I can’t understand it,” Yehuda lamented, finding it hard to accept his sister’s sudden transformation.

  “She isn’t exceptional. Ultimately, she’s like all of us. She’s still a little girl, whose thoughts are still unripe. Take a cluster of tomatoes who’ve all grown on the same vine. Four tomatoes will be red and sweet, and the fifth will be green and inedible. After some time, the green one will ripen and be like the rest of the tomatoes and maybe even better. We need patience. Rivka will redeem herself,” their father tried to assure them with words of wisdom.

  “And if, God forbid, she’s pregnant?” Margalit insisted, unhappy with her father’s lenient approach and determined to exacerbate the discussion.

  “Oy vey! Don’t you dare say that again!” her mother said angrily.

  “Stop trying to stir things up, Margalit. She says that nothing of the sort happened, and I’m satisfied with her answer,” Reuven supported his mother.

  “And you believe her? You believe that during all the hours she spent there, nothing happened? On my life, you and mother are innocent. We should take her to a doctor to check her. He’ll be the one who’ll decide if she’s a virgin or not,” Margalit said decisively.

  “Why are you exaggerating? Hours? She wasn’t there for hours. Sometimes, I find it hard to believe that this is the way you talk about your little sister. Instead of helping her, you’re making things difficult for her. Maybe you’re jealous of her?” Ahron intervened, so angry by Margalit’s words that he felt he had to retaliate harshly.

  Margalit was twelve years older. Eight births and binge-eating that knew no repletion had caused her a concerning weight gain. She already weighed more than one hundred kilos. Her short legs barely carried her, so that she spent most of her time sitting at home idly. Her despairing husband rejected her and hadn’t come to her in months. Ahron had no doubt that his older sister’s frustration was what caused her to harden her heart against their rebellious little sister.

  “Me jealous? Have you no shame, to talk like that? What would I be jealous of a rash little girl who desecrated the name of God? I have no reason to be jealous of her; I’m happy as I am.”

  “Whatever. I prefer not to answer,” said Ahron, who didn’t want to exacerbate the argument.

  After a hard, scathing discussion, it was decided to entrust the care of the black sheep to the dependable hands of the oldest brother, Reuven.

  “First of all, know that you’ve gravely damaged the honor of the family. Our good name was known to all, and that’s gone. From now on, you stay in this room, and you’re not coming out. You’ll eat your meals here, except the Shabbat meal. You can leave only to use the bathroom and shower. Nobody intends on following you, but if you try to leave the house, I swear that with my own two hands, I’ll lock you in the basement like Yehuda suggested,” Reuven warned her, and Rivka accepted the verdict docilely.

  She didn’t say a thing.

  Two days later, her parents summoned the matchmaker. She gathered Rivka and her parents in the living room and announced sadly, “I’m sure you know that Avraham-David and his family have washed their hands of the shidduch. A successful effort is l
ost, and now my assignment will be seven times harder.”

  “That’s it? That’s how it ends? No forgiveness? Rivka swore to us that the two of them only talked and nothing more. Nothing happened between them. The rumors on the street are all barefaced lies,” her mother lamented.

  “Dear Yehudit, you don’t know what’s true and what’s not. You weren’t there, after all. Rivka herself admitted that she was alone with him. In that, she broke the laws of seclusion, which in itself is gravely forbidden, and there’s no forgiveness for it. I went to Rabbi Ziegel to ask for his advice, and he didn’t even want to hear about it. ‘She can go to hell,’ he said to me,” the matchmaker sealed their grave.

  “God help us that a rabbi should speak that way!” Yehudit said angrily.

  “Did you speak with Avraham-David’s parents?” Moishel asked.

  “I did.”

  “And what did they say?”

  “Over their dead bodies. His father used those exact words. They drove me away in disgrace, and I couldn’t do a thing.”

  “What will happen to Rivka now?” Moishel continued.

  “God is Almighty. God willing, we’ll find her another shidduch. But I’ll make it clear to you that he won’t be of the best.”

  “What do you mean?” Yehudit asked even though she knew where the matchmaker was going.

  “I mean that the boy will have a certain defect. A man that no one is waiting to grab. Maybe lame, maybe old. I don’t know. What I’ll find, I’ll find.”

  “And is there someone like this?” Moishel asked, his expression dark.

  “To tell you the truth, I already have someone like that. A one-off, and if you don’t hurry up, that someone will disappear, too.”