The Cherry Blossom Rarely Smiles

by Ioana Lee

  “I don’t want to lose you my love. I don’t want to separate from you,” he said whispering in my ear. His tears kept falling on my cheeks.

  We separate

  Until tomorrow, I know,

  Then again.

  At the beginning of dawn

  My tears start dropping on my sleeve.

  Ki Toshisada

  After a while he stood up and left the room. He closed the door quietly behind him. I couldn’t sleep anymore. When I got out of bed I saw a note on a nightstand. He wrote in English “I love you!!!”

  I found it surprising that he wrote his note in English. Why English? I wondered. I believe he did it because it would have been too painful for him to write in Japanese. Had he written it in Romanian it would have been too painful for me. I got a knot in my throat thinking about it.

  I felt guilty for the destiny that I had created for both of us. A story from his past came to mind. When Ken was just 10 years old his grandfather asked him what present he would like for his birthday. They both went into a store with countless paintings by artists that he had never heard about. Ken finally picked a painting with the portrait of a young beautiful woman. The background of the painting was black, which accentuated her face. Ken’s grandfather didn’t understand why he chose that painting as there were many others, yet Ken wanted it so much that his grandfather bought it for him. It turns out that it was a reproduction of “Maria Nacu’s portrait” by famous Romanian painter Nicolae Grigorescu. Years passed by and on October 23, 1993 when he saw me for the first time, he said that my face mesmerized him—it reminded him of that favorite painting from his childhood.

  Destiny… Our lives were meant to intersect. I started crying desperately. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I felt tremendously guilty. I couldn’t live with myself knowing how much pain I’d caused. I ran towards the balcony… I didn’t want to hurt anymore! I opened the window to jump yet the thick, resistant net stopped me. It was the well-known Japanese system against suicide. I tried to pull it, rip it, cut it but the only thing I managed was to hurt my hands. I fell hopelessly on the floor…

  I sat there by myself and reflected on my life. Where did it go wrong? I remembered the words of Lev Tolstoy on love and life. He said that we should love life even when we suffer because life is everything… “Life is God and to love life is to love God.”

  The typhoon and I…

  My last day in Tokyo… I woke up early in the morning and met James in front of the hotel. He promised to take me to the best souvenir shop in the city. As soon as he dropped me off he explained to me where I was and how I could get back to my hotel. He couldn’t stay as he had a busy day. We said our goodbyes.

  “Will I ever see you again?” he asked.

  “Absolutely! As long as Japan will be here, as long as you’ll continue to live in Tokyo and as long as there will be airplanes flying… yes, you’ll definitely see me again. I’ll return… perhaps wiser. I’ll come visit Japan again… After all, this is my adopted country.”

  I spent two hours buying souvenirs for all my family and friends in Romania. I spent over $1,000. Everything in Japan is three times more expensive than in any other city in the world. I was happy with what I bought, yet I now had too much extra luggage to take home. Once done shopping, I had to rush to the hotel. Later that afternoon Uncle Koji and the driver were supposed to pick me up. I had to spend my last night with Ken and his family at the temple.

  As soon as I got out of the souvenir store I was horrified. There were people running everywhere and the sky was dark and heavy. The air was not breathable. I panicked. A typhoon was coming. I had never seen or lived through a typhoon. I didn’t know what to expect or what to do. The subway station was relatively close. I started running towards it along with many other people. I didn’t get there fast enough and in a split second the strong wind and rain slammed me to the ground. I was soaking wet. The wind got stronger and the rain heavier. I didn’t know what to do. Through the thick raindrops I saw a group of people holding each other under a roof. I managed to get there holding on to trees. It was a small shop where they sold umbrellas. Such places were everywhere in Japan because the weather was so unpredictable. I’ve never seen anything like it before.

  I didn’t put any makeup on that day. It was as if I knew what was coming. I was wearing denims, a t-shirt and sneakers. Everyone around me was wet and scared. Women had mascara and eye shadow spread all over their face. The wind and the rain were so loud that we couldn’t even hear each other. We couldn’t see anything in front of us. I wondered if this was how the end of the world would look. It was dark as night even though it was just 12 p.m. I had my backpack on with all the gifts inside. I knew that most of them were already destroyed. I stood there next to a bunch of strangers waiting for something but wasn’t sure what.

  After 40 minutes of total chaos I started seeing cars stopped on the streets. What’s next, I thought to myself. I took an umbrella and started walking. A Japanese man grabbed my hand, pulled me back into the crowd and yelled at me that it was too dangerous to leave. I told him that I didn’t think it was safe to stay there either and that I’d try to walk to the subway station. It was just a few steps away. I couldn’t see anything in front of me. I had a vague idea of where the subway station was. The wind blew away my umbrella. It didn’t protect me against the rain anyway.

  I thought that I’d be the only crazy one walking but I bumped into another person trying to do the exact same thing. For every step forward the wind pulled me two steps backwards. I tried to charge ahead but it was hard. I grabbed the railing by the subway stairs and ran down blindly. As soon as I got underground everything was better. It was bright and warm. There were lots of people stuck underground.

  I’d never lived through anything like that in my entire life. I hope God will prevent me from going through anything similar again. I finally took the subway back to the hotel. Once arrived at the station close to my hotel I decided to go out. It was still dark. The rain had eased off. People were roaming the streets. What should have been a five-minute walk to the hotel took me 25 minutes. I was dripping water on the hotel’s hallway and in the elevator. As soon as I got back to the room, I took a shower and drank a hot green tea. I also took two aspirins to prevent a cold. I usually don’t go anywhere without my medicine box. I thought that I’d get a bad pneumonia but to my surprise I only got a slight head cold.

  I called Uncle Koji to tell him about the typhoon. He didn’t know anything about it. That was typical weather for Tokyo. Earthquakes or typhoons could happen on one part of the city and never be felt in other parts. It rained heavily in his area too, but it was nowhere near the intensity as in the area where I just had been. We both decided to wait for the weather to get better before meeting. He finally came around 5p.m. I checked out, took my luggage and left for the temple. Everyone was eagerly awaiting my arrival.

  Living in this world -

  to what shall I compare it?

  It’s like a boat

  rowing out at break of day,

  leaving no trace behind.

  Sami Mansei

  We all went out for dinner. I ate a lot. I knew it would be a long time before I’d eat that food again. We had a fantastic time together. Once arrived home we spent time talking and drinking tea. We told jokes and laughed, acting like nothing was going to happen the next day. As soon as I weighed my bags I realized that all of them were overweight. I left half of my things behind at Uncle Koji’s house, with the promise that they would send them to me in Romania, along with some other things I’d left at Ken’s apartment and my book and dictionary collection left in Sendai.

  I said goodnight to everyone. Ken took me on a house tour again. I wanted to remember every detail clearly and to relive those intense emotions again. I wanted to take all my experiences and memories with me, all of those faces that I loved dearly. I still had everyone in my heart and wanted to remember them vividly just by closing my eyes and dreaming o
f them. Ken asked me again to allow him to sleep on the tatami next to my bed that evening. I accepted. We both fell asleep fast, apart from each other but holding hands.

  Clinging to the bell

  he dozes so peaceful

  this new butterfly.

  Yosa Buson

  The next day we all woke up early. We had miso soup and rice with honey goldfish for breakfast. Before leaving I went upstairs to my room for the last time. I wanted to always remember the smell of the tatami of the floor, the rice paper doors, the art pieces collected by Uncle Koji and the portrait of Shin Kurosawa… It was hard but I had to be strong. Within 24 hours I was going to be back in Romania, seeing my parents again and going to work. My vacation was over and I was hoping that the nightmare I had been living for the past 30 days was finally going to be over too. I came downstairs smiling.

  My bags had already been taken to the car.

  Many family members came to say goodbye to me at the airport, yet I only remember clearly saying goodbye to Uncle Koji, his wife and of course Ken. It always seems to be easier for the one who leaves. There was no time to say “Goodbye” to Ken privately. He started crying and shaking. I looked him in the eyes. I knew that it was going to be the last time. He looked at me intensely for a few seconds and then turned away and left. My aunt hugged me and said: “We’ll say see you later for now. This is not a goodbye, it’s more of a see you soon!” I hugged Uncle Koji too. I took my bags and left without saying a word. I didn’t look behind. I walked straight and buoyant. My face was frozen.

  A spring dream

  I am not out of my mind

  But how bitter I am.

  Konishi Raizan

  There were 20 sleepless hours ahead of me of changing planes and carrying bags. I knew that I couldn’t afford to be weak and at the same time I doubted that I’d be able to make it safely to the other side… to a different continent. I couldn’t call Romania home because I didn’t have one. I only have people that I love… of different colors, races, religions and cultures. My heart and mind are scattered wherever they are. I hope someday when I say the word HOME I will have everything that makes me happy—people, things, feelings and places. I can only strive that someday I’ll find the wisdom to feel just like wise Bias did, Omnia Mea Mecum Porto (All that’s mine I carry with me). I still strive for harmony between my feelings, favorite places and things. They’ll forever be scattered, just like leaves in the fall wind…

  "Autumn is marching on: even the scarecrows are wearing dead leaves."

  Otsuyu Nakagawa

  February 2007, Washington D.C.

  Thank you for supporting and inspiring me with this project:

  My Husband, Paul

  My American Mom, Suzanne Seaver

  Diana Doroftei, who translated this book from Romanian

  Corina Matei

  Octavia Spineanu-Matei

  Noriko Akutagawa

  Zarinah Hameen, proofreader

  Rhoda Septilici

  Nitobe Family

  About the author

  Ioana Lee always had an interest in cultures around the world, Japan in particular. (At age 5, she wanted to become a ninja.) She studied Japanese and English at two Universities and received her degree from the University of Bucharest with double specialties in Japanese language and English literature. She taught Japanese language for five years at a private university in Bucharest and taught English language and Literature for two years at a private school in Tokyo. She speaks seven languages. For three years, she produced and hosted “International Club” on Romanian television and interviewed more than 60 ambassadors and cultural figures. She currently resides in Washington, D.C. with her husband and their toy Pomeranian, “Sachi” (which means Happiness in Japanese.)

  * * *

  [i] Sorry, I don’t understand Japanese (in Japanese).

  [ii] Father (in Japanese)

  [iii] My Japanese father was atrocious and horrific (in Japanese)

  [iv] Mother (in Japanese)

  [v] Grandmother (in Japanese)

  [vi] Earthquake (in Japanese)

  [vii] Hallway (in Japanese)

  [viii] Graham Greene, The end of the affair

  [ix] Bakery product with a watermelon taste.

  [x] “What happened? Ioana-san, please tell us what happened?”

  [xi]Decebalaka "The Brave" was the king of Dacia (the culture preceding Romania)

  [xii]Burebista wasking of the Getae and Dacians. He unified their tribes for the first time and ruled them between 82 BC and 44 BC.

  [xiii]Mihai Viteazu -Michael the Brave was the Prince of Wallachia (1593–1601), of Transylvania (1599–1600), and of Moldavia (1600). He ruled all three principalities in a union for a short period of time.

  [xiv]Stefan Cel Mare,aka Stefan the Great was Prince of Moldavia between 1457 and 1504. He achieved fame in Europe for his long resistance against the Ottomans and was victorious in 46 of his 48 battles.

  [xv] Vlad Tepes aka Dracula.

  [xvi] Romanian communist politician and head of state from 1967 to 1989. Ceausescu's government was overthrown in the December 1989 revolution, and he and his wife were executed following a televised and hastily organized two-hour court session.

  [xvii] Lorelei is described in Brentano’s famous poem as a female who looks like a siren and who, sitting on the cliff above the Rhine and combing her golden hair, unwittingly distracted shipmen with her beauty and song, causing them to crash upon the rocks.

  [xviii] Ion Creangă was a Moldavian-born Romanian writer, raconteur and schoolteacher. A main figure in 19th century Romanian literature, he is best known for his Childhood Memories volume, his short stories and his many anecdotes.

  [xix] Noblesse oblige is a French phrase meaning "nobility obliges". The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly.

  [xx] Yes (in Japanese)

  [xxi] A form of Japanese ritual suicide by samurai sword.

  [xxii] “I thought that I’m going to die!” (Japanese)

  [xxiii] Epistemology is the branch of philosophy concerned with the nature and scope (limitations) of knowledge.

  [xxiv] Hi, how are you? Am I disturbing? (in French)

  [xxv] No! Not at all! (in French)

  [xxvi] S**t (in Japanese)

  [xxvii] Also known as gokudō, yakuza are members of traditional Transnational organized crime syndicates in Japan.

  [xxviii] “I don’t understand” in Japanese.

  [xxix] You are such a fearful mouse… (in Japanese)

  [xxx] Italian singer, songwriter, actor, film director and TV host. He is the best-selling Italian singer, and the best-selling male artist of Italy.

  [xxxi] Guy de Maupassant, popular 19th-century French writer, was considered one of the fathers of the modern short story. “Dieu est partout. Quant a moi qui crois du fond du Coeur a sa bonte, je ne le sens plus present quand certains pretes se trouvant entre Lui et moi.” (in French)

  [xxxii] Can you see us? Can you hear us? (in Japanese)

  [xxxiii] Cool gal (in Japanese)

  [xxxiv] What did you do again? (In Japanese)

  [xxxv] “Talk to me please!!! Did you swallow the sleeping pills?”

  [xxxvi] I love you. Farewell! He repeated weakly

  [xxxvii] Line from Graham Greene

  [xxxviii] A form of Japanese poetry, usually about work and love, created at the end of the Edo period

  [xxxix] Japanese saying similar to Carpe Diem

  [xl] Goodbye forever

  [xli] Hello?

 

 

 
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