The Invisible Papers

by Agostino Scafidi

  Chapter 1

  The Invisible Papers

  Copyright © Agostino Scafidi

  All Rights Reserved.

  2014

  ISBN 978-0-9936659-1-2

  This work is dedicated to the stubborn.

  Chapter 1

  One should wish to wear the same thing every day, much like a uniform “ya dig?” Yeah, doesn’t one hate clothes sometimes? One often also feels like self-destructing. To kill oneself! To leave a body and this plane of existence!

  But realistically one may just be too lazy to do anything about it. Too lazy, jaded and clueless to go and get what one might want. The thing is, for the most part when one does know what one wants, they never have any trouble getting it. However a lot of the time one has absolutely no idea what one wants yet the rumbling and burning restlessness inside him or her cannot be quenched. Oh how one tries! Is one yearning for sexual release? One knows not for certain. Maybe one does need to get laid!

  One is able to numb their frustration but it just comes back as strong as it ever was and maybe even stronger. Is it just a turbulence one has to sit and live with? He or she might guess they have no other choice.

  They broke your radio. It may have well been your heart, their heart or all of your hearts but who knows? They will try to tell you that they never felt so horrible for breaking an inanimate object in their entire lives! However in their defence the radio died on them anyhow so it’s not like they destroyed a perfectly good radio okay? They really didn’t see any hope for repair and God knows they tried! But alas in the end it was scheduled for the scrap heap.

  So why break a thing even further? Why waste the energy of stomping it to a pulp you might ask? Well they’ll also tell you that the culprit is art. Yes art. Why not turn the disposal ritual into something creative and memorable? After all, a moment lived is better than a moment wasted wouldn’t you agree? Come on they know you would agree!

  How desperate are they? If an outside party could observe and take account would they come to the same conclusion? What if we all changed our minds all of a sudden? Does that nullify any outside party’s assessment? Do we still owe them for their time and effort?

  What? Is one supposed to look up to such a thing? One refuses to play your games. One refuses to pander to your expectations! Or even to your expectations of expectations! If there were an intelligent way to express laughter in written form then imagine it inserted right here. It’s also possible one is just lacking the awareness of such a method of expression.

  Fear, discrimination, ignorance or is it just plain preference? Whatever, if it’s not the ink on one’s skin it’s the style of one’s hair or the height of one’s collar! Money, money, money, that trumps it all! Oh how this exact moment is perfectly suited for laughter once again.

  Unbelievable, one tells you. Good God ladies and gentleman, as if any of those exist nowadays. How deep can you go in the arena of lies? How depraved is someone who could dwell so comfortably in the cesspool that is dishonesty? “Do you realize that you make straight-up deceit look like a big comfy blanket?” is what one would love to say to their face. Now don’t run away from this just yet, we’re along for this ride together and it isn’t all peach jam and chocolate.

  It’s not just some shortcut. Whenever one sees something fantastic there really is nothing else one would rather do. Leave the hoops to jump through by the wayside and give us the prize! How dirty can one get? Is there a monument one could consult and pray to? Sure one knows it’s idolatry but sometimes “you just gotta stick it to the man”. Right? Well even if you disagree it won’t change one’s position. Hell, even if you agree it won’t make you all friends!

  The freedom to revel and even destroy is absolutely crucial otherwise you are left with nothing less than tyranny. One is everyone’s enemy and the masses are asleep. Well that sounds a little better than the amount of sense it might make. However if you look deep enough into anything, sense is always there to be made, wouldn’t you agree?

  Is it more than you can handle? Once, twice, three times and still no reciprocation! You know what? Forget it! Take your holier than thou attitude away from here! If you think he or she is going to be like some of the other poor saps that placate to you you’re sorely mistaken, forget it.

  Will one be condemned for the things one has tried? For innocent exploration and experimentation? Will you do the condemning?

  The time has come for one to unleash a fury upon your head. One will start with your ears though. The anger, the frustration, the rage, the restlessness… It’s all coming forth and there’s no way to stop it. Save the flood metaphor for someone in a more tolerant mood. One just doesn’t care, no regard whatsoever. That pretty much sums it up. Every time one hears your questioning it enrages them. Sitting through your interrogations are torture. Irrelevance is the essence of you.

  Chapter 2

  How can one describe their innermost depravities in a way that is not gratuitous but substantial? Is there even a point in expressing those concepts? It’s obvious that it’s not up to the reader to provide a solution, a remedy or a cure therefore the only way to ensure substance when covering such a topic would be to use verbosity. Yeah, just endeavour to be as verbose as possible! There you go! See? We did it. It’s over. It’s done with. All right then, moving on!

  The humour if not lost on you would have brought by now a state that included chuckling or smiling or an overall uplift, more so than before becoming acquainted with the previous paragraph. In fact you may have even been utterly depressed and “down in the dumps” before reading that last paragraph. Well “y’know” what? You’re welcome. Straight from one to another. That is what depending on a friend should be like. Leaning upon one’s shoulder for strength to navigate through this cruel, brutal and sick world. It’s not sick all the time is it?

  What is the point of sharing anything if no one will read it? Why should anyone take such a risk only to be left in the dark when it’s all said and done? Ultimately it’s against any sane person’s will. To be creative requires the type of person who would throw all good sense away and devote hours upon hours to putting something together, all with absolutely no guarantee of recognition. Oh how fair! Here is one doing exactly that although he or she does have the power to protect it, to preserve the integrity of one’s work otherwise there really is no point because breath will continue to draw and release.

  No more drugs okay? He or she will live with the pain instead if that’s what it means to be true to oneself. Anyway, all things come to pass sooner or later. It’s just that one has never truly allowed him or herself the opportunity to absorb these feelings completely. One should suffer progress rather than numb the pain by self-medicating because residual pain will stay behind, hidden after every foray away only to ferment and grow stagnant and infect again. It will produce new and more undue torment, all ignorantly self-inflicted.

  How can you deny the truth? It’s a common question probably overplayed and stale in this day and age but it still doesn’t change the fact that you’ve denied the truth on more than one occasion! The where, the why, the here and the now. Wishes can’t be granted any more even if you’ve paid for them. Kill time because it doesn’t want to stay here. It’s the only way to survive, oh so cleverly organized and with the ability to move slowly as if it weighed a ton or to fly away quicker than a fly.

  Hurting people around you with worry, words and possibly even action. A typical story for so many households, it could be the exception or the rule. It all depends on, well what does it depend on? How does such a circumstance come to be dealt out? Who is judged to be the recipient of a certain life situation? Does anyone really deserve to be subjected to these things? One guesses we’ll n
ever really know. All one can hope for is the wisdom to end its cycle in each one’s own life.

  Oh futility, it’s what one is reminded of every time they face you however it never stops him or her from returning and trying again. Is he or she just a chump or are they simply persevering? Nobody will say and maybe nobody knows for sure.

  Do you think they don’t understand what you’re trying to say? Do you really think you can get away with your backhanded comments? They are not as dim as you think!

  Do you have any idea how easily his or her feelings can be hurt? Sometimes you need to pay attention to the moral compass within yourself and ignore the ones of others, but if he or she doesn’t have any morals to begin with then they should be careful where they step when they step outside!

  Where did his or her pen go? If someone took it from them then their thoughts would not cease, his or her hands would continue the motions. You cannot stop their heart by removing their hands!

  A witch can fool you with her tricks but don’t retaliate without good cause or with forces beyond what is proportional. She is still a witch and her magic cannot be destroyed but she can destroy you. Every magician is cursed with a sense of fairness hence that is something an individual like yourself could take solace in. There always comes a time for justly deserved retaliation, this is something only the worst of the worst forget about!

  Don’t worry! Don’t worry! Don’t worry! Everything will be okay! Everything will be all right! Trust him! Look at the smile on his face! How could you not put your faith in such a mug? That’s what they thought. Again at this moment one wishes to give you a wink but as always, such subtle and insightful visual expressions are never translated well enough to the written word.

  Chapter 3

  How can one stand the chaos and the annoyance of the proverbial bees buzzing inside and/or around his or her head? There are as many excuses out there for self-destruction as there are ways to go about it. It’s a revolving door, a carousel with an extra slow pace and horribly decrepit horses stuck to squeaky rusty poles. It’s amazing how even with the force of an army, self-destruction cannot be stopped by anyone but the self.

  The soul is sick however it can heal itself in an instant. Momentum is a tool yet it can quickly turn into a nightmarish roller coaster if allowed to.

  He or she should be making more money. One forgets sometimes that everything they’re doing is useless and fruitless. This dark cloud of an attitude can easily come to be and thus bring such a thought but it’s really worthless in itself as far as thoughts go. It doesn’t help any, not one bit! Sure money needs to be made and it will be made but one can’t think of a way to make it quickly enough to satisfy his or her horrible mind. He or she might not care enough to satisfy that mind though, so it is left on its own to suffer and complain without a sympathetic ear!

  When one gets lost in thought concerning the acquiring of material things absolutely every non-materialistic pursuit begins to seem like a horrible waste of time. One knows very well this is totally untrue yet the thought persists nonetheless. Passing the time is the biggest burden one faces sometimes. The ticking of the second hand or the counting on a digital timepiece is torture! There are times when absolutely nothing can justify the survival of oneself nevertheless it perseveres despite it all!

  Breath listens not to material greed. Life goes on whether you’re rich or poor. Times arise when one feels utterly incapable and incompetent and impotent if they are accused of not making enough money regardless of his or her talents, abilities and accomplishments however noble or selfless! Ultimately does one believe their accusers or does one ignore their opposing voices and continue in solidarity with their path? With his or her true path, the inner voice of reason, the inner guide.

  Men today still feel this pressure more than women do in Western society. Money is a man’s burden.

  Who can deny facts when they’re laid out in front of them? Many, that’s who. It might only be manifested through the efforts of one man but the house will eventually fall if enemies are continually invited over for dinner. Faith is a precious commodity entirely necessary for any proper recovery.

  One can sense the attachment people have to devices, items and even ideas, hopes or dreams. All of those attachments are clung to so tightly that a fear emanates surrounding any possibility of losing them. Such an emotional investment they are. Life is fragile, fleeting and one doesn’t wish for their attachments’ demise because it would be a cruel wish.

  One may be able to proclaim freedom from all attachment however it may be more feasible to proclaim the willingness to accept the death of an item or device, a hope or a dream.

  So are you going to mind your own business or what? Do you think you’re the mediator for every individual around here? Just keep your nose out of other people’s affairs and you won’t seem like such a meddler!

  He or she feels like killing themselves, unable to withstand the passage of time, like the heaviest weight imaginable upon their shoulders, forever.

  Even if things are going “well” he or she can’t help but wonder about ending them! The quotations are referring to the possible cluelessness concerning the quality of his or her own life and the happenings therein.

  They’ll tell you with certainty that the opposition won’t hesitate to pull out all the stops! Unknown intentions, will you leave things to chance? Actually and more accurately will you leave things in the hands of your enemy? See, the only time chance comes into play is if your enemy lacks the foresight to plan their attack properly. Therefore what is overlooked then falls into the arena of chance. Take stock of all your weapons, all your resources and put them to use. Extinguish them completely if necessary once you have identified the ideal moment. Use them all! Burn your enemy to ashes!

  What is one to wear for a mediocre evening out on the town? Now please don’t misconstrue the intended meaning. You see, a less than mediocre evening wouldn’t even require any thought at all to what one would wear. A fancy outing would only beg the question, “How fancy does one want to be?” But a mediocre evening, well that is somewhat delicate. If you underdress for a mediocre evening then you’ll stink the whole thing up and come across as an absolute loon for muddying up something so easy! Overdressing for a mediocre evening will make you seem like a show-off or a “high nose” or both.

  Are you done blaming them for this? The sun is shining, their fault! The wind blew your hat away, his or her fault! They won’t buy it! They just can’t swallow this huge disgusting pill any longer!

  Maybe he or she overreacts, it usually takes a few minutes or more for the inner turmoil to subside. Once it does though, things get clearer and lighter. He or she is only human and it’s not always easy to absorb and dissolve certain types of offences. It’s like a whiff of horrible halitosis that lingers, festers and pretty much torments you for a while until it thankfully disperses. The memory of it keeps you agitated for a little while though, it likes to leave behind something to be remembered by.

  Repetition and dwelling upon an issue, these things may seem like a good idea and sometimes do prove instrumental but most times they do nothing but extend and prolong inner suffering. It’s also unnecessary to chastise oneself for dwelling on something a little longer than one hoped but that was just another inevitable step in the healing process. It was all unavoidable! The universe plays out exactly the way it should and the only thing you can do is try your very best.

  If you discover within yourself an immense amount of stagnant, dormant pain then don’t run in the other direction, brace yourself for a tumultuous and arduous journey of energy absorption and transference. It’s the only way. As is said, “The only way out is through.” As well as, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” These anecdotes are not around for nothing “y’know”!

  Can one eat now or does one need to get your permission first? Will you stop talking about your plans for us today? Does it look like he or she is interested in eating what you say and when you s
ay?

  What one thinks about the most is whether they would need to grab something while on the go to eat or if what they had before leaving the house would be enough to hold him or her over. One just can’t stand waiting with an empty stomach and having something later than they would like which in turn pushes his or her meal schedule further behind. It’s so inconvenient!

  Of course this all seems so trivial to some or most but it’s actually very serious business!

  Sometimes one can’t help but wonder whether what they write is insane or just fine or even genius! It takes him or her quite a few read-throughs before gaining enough confidence to release their words out into the world to face the scrutiny and judgement of the reader.

  How could he or she explain the motives or inspiration founding such a text? What if one told you they’ve never read any body of writing even remotely like this? Admittedly very few if any texts have ever left him or her with a particular spirit or mood that elicited a similar reaction. All that being said, one is still mystified by the writing style that emerges from their own hand. Unexplainable, all one could attribute it to is the Universe or God or the communication of inspiration and the mind, body and soul. Please don’t jail anyone for these words! One guesses that the Marquis de Sade and Leonard Cohen were influential more than they could have ever thought possible. One could only hope to be as insane as the Marquis. Right here let’s agree that a wink has been expressed and maybe even a smile because a sense of humour is important after all!

  One feels so guilty sometimes even for being exhausted. It’s all relative to the amount of money made that day. What a despicable measure!

  Does tolerance to you include the tolerance of intolerance? Either it’s black and white or there’s room for shades of gray. Be careful how you respond because we’ll be the first to laugh at your hypocrisy!

  Chapter 4

  So are you going to stop telling them what language to speak? He or she can say whatever they want in any language they please! Got it? Try and stop them. One doesn’t give a whit about your politics. Whatever you say is of no concern to him or her. How about you mind your own business and be civil toward the language he or she supposedly shouldn’t be speaking instead of imposing your lonely tongue like it’s holding up the sky?