Savage
Page 22
And Lily would be in the middle of it, a piece to be played by those who wanted to hurt Farrell.
Farrell…
Her heart slowed to a dull thud at the thought of leaving him. He was furious by what had happened here, and while she knew it hurt him that Adam had been a traitor, he’d hidden his sadness behind a steely facade and a determination to reinforce security at his properties across the world, the loft included. He was doing it for her. For her and Lily. To show her that he would spare no expense to keep them safe.
And it should have made her feel safe. The grounds were crawling with armed men, and an electric fence had already been commissioned to guard the perimeter of the property.
But she didn’t feel safe. She felt scared and lonely. Like she and Lily were being bricked up bit by bit behind a stone wall. Hidden away from the world.
Everything had happened too fast. She’d fallen back into Farrell’s life at a time when she’d been weak and vulnerable. She’d let her heart cloud her judgement when she could afford no such luxury.
She hadn’t told him she was leaving. She didn’t want a protracted goodbye. Didn’t want to give him time to talk her out of it. She and Lily would start over in London where Farrell could see Lily on a regular basis, where she would have the comfort of Kate and her mother and Mrs. Hodges to see her back on her feet. She would get a job, take some time to breathe and figure out what she wanted for them.
What she was willing to sacrifice.
“Thank you for coming,” Jenna said to Mrs. Pendleton. “Will you stay with Lily a moment?”
“Of course.” Mrs. Pendleton was no simpleton. She must know that Jenna planned to leave, but she didn’t say a word, just set out the little cups and saucers for her and Lily to have tea with the dolls.
“Thank you. Would you… would you bring Lily down in twenty minutes, please?”
She nodded, looking at her watch as if to mark the time.
“I’ll see you soon,” she said to Lily.
She looked around the room, taking it all in one last time, then picked up her bag and Lily’s suitcase and stepped into the hall. She made her way to the stairs, passing two uniformed men who were there to wire the windows for security. She descended the grand staircase and turned toward the back of the house, stopping in the doorway of Farrell’s office.
He was sitting at his desk, pouring over plans for the new security system, his brows knitted together in concentration. It was hard to breathe looking at him. Hard to imagine being apart from him again. Going even one day without being able to look in his eyes, feel his lips on hers, his hands on her body.
But she’d already made up her mind, and this time there would be no second guessing.
She stepped into the room and set down Lily’s suitcase. He looked up, his eyes lighting when he saw her.
“Hey, there,” he said. “Come have a look at this — ”
He froze, his eyes glued to the pink suitcase. When he returned his gaze to her, his eyes were cold. “What are you doing, Jenna?”
She swallowed hard. She was suddenly afraid. Not that he would be angry, although he would be. But because he would be hurt, and he would hide it behind an impenetrable sheet of ice that she might never again be able to breach.
“I have to… I have to go back to London,” she said.
“If your mother all right? Kate?” He asked the questions like he already knew the answers.
“They’re fine,” she said.
He crossed his big arms over his chest. “Then why are you leaving?”
She looked down. “I just… I need some time, Farrell. To process all of this. To figure out what’s next.”
“I thought we were what’s next,” he said. “You and me and Lily.”
“I was beginning to think that, too,” she said. “But now…”
“Now?”
She shook her head, looked around the room where the shootout had happened. Where she had watched Adam Denman and two of his men fall dead. Where she’d feared for the life of her daughter and the man she loved. “I need space from all this for awhile.”
“From me, you mean,” he said, shuffling papers on his desk. “Fine. I’ll have Leo drive you to the airport. The plane can have you back in London by tonight.”
She crossed the distance between them, stilled his hands with her own. He looked at her, anguish in his stormy eyes, and she lay a hand on his cheek. “I’m not saying this is the end. I’m just saying… everything happened so fast. I’m not prepared for any of it. But I’m going to stay in London, and you can see Lily anytime you want.”
“What about you?” He looked into her eyes. “Can I see you anytime I want?”
She blinked back tears. “Can we play it by ear?”
His jaw hardened. “I suppose that’s your decision to make.”
She stepped closer, wrapped her arms around him. For a moment, he stood with his arms at his sides, his body stiff, but then his arms came around her, his hands stroking her hair.
“Stay,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Stay with me.”
She lay her head against his chest as a tear fell onto his shirt. “I can’t. Not now.”
He drew in a breath. She heard it move through him, like it was painful for his body to keep breathing. “I love you, Jenna. Always have, always will.”
She stood on tip-toe and touched her lips to his mouth. “And my heart still wants you. Always has, always will.”
She stepped away from him, afraid that if she stayed any longer she would never leave. She forced one foot in front of the other as she headed for the door. Forced herself not to look back.
Maybe Kate was right. Maybe her head got her into trouble. But it was the only thing she could count on.
The heart was too dark and dangerous a thing.
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