Run, Zan, Run

by Cathy MacPhail

‘I suppose she is.’

  Katie became something of a celebrity in the school, bathing in Zan’s reflected glory. She was always careful, though, to point out that she had done nothing. Everything was due to Zan.

  It was two days before Ivy returned to school. A different Ivy. A quiet, subdued Ivy. One who didn’t even look Katie’s way in the corridors.

  As for Zan, searches were proving futile. Her father was trying hard not to be disheartened. ‘Where can she be? I have whole groups of volunteers out searching for her.’

  ‘She’s good at hiding,’ Katie told him. ‘She said so.’

  ‘But why should she hide? We mean her no harm. We only want to help.’

  Maybe, a voice inside whispered to Katie (where did it come from?), maybe she didn’t want to be helped.

  It was Saturday morning and Katie was hurrying to the sports centre. She was late for badminton, so she took a short cut through back closes and back greens. Suddenly a hand grabbed her and pulled her against the wall of an old disused wash-house.

  Ivy! She was in Ivy’s clutches again!

  ‘What the hell do you think you’ve done!’

  Katie opened her eyes. Zan!

  ‘What have I done?’

  ‘You told them about me. You told everybody about me.’

  Katie swallowed. This was the Zan she had first encountered. Defensive and aggressive. There was nothing friendly about this Zan. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to. But they don’t mean you any harm, Zan. They want to help.’

  ‘I know, and I know how they want to help. Put me in a home, look for my real parents, send me back. NEVER!’

  She screamed the last word out and Katie was almost frightened. She looked into her eyes and realized it was Zan who was frightened. ‘Why did you run away from home, Zan?’

  Zan was breathing hard. For a time, Katie thought she wasn’t going to answer her. Finally, she said, ‘Don’t ever ask me that. Ever.’

  What could have happened? Katie thought. What terrible thing could have happened to her?

  ‘They’re everywhere,’ Zan went on breathlessly. ‘Police, social workers, do-gooders. I wanted to stay here for a while. I like this town, it’s big enough to hide in, but not to get lost in … and this is how you thank me.’

  ‘I’m sorry. But … what can I do?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘I’d undo it if I could. Honest.’

  Zan leaned up against the wall thoughtfully. All at once, her eyes brightened again. ‘Maybe you can.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Tell them you were lying … tell them I don’t exist.’

  ‘But why should I have lied?’

  Zan shrugged. ‘You were afraid you’d get into trouble for fighting. I don’t know. Think of something.’

  ‘But they’d never believe me.’ Yet even as she said it she remembered their incredulous faces, her mother’s especially, and knew they’d believe her all too readily.

  What she was really afraid of was what her parents would say. Lying, wasting police time … Maybe she’d end up in borstal, with a hundred other Ivys.

  She looked at Zan. For the first time, she didn’t look tough, or defiant. She looked vulnerable. ‘I just want things the way they were. I want to stay the way I am.’

  Zan had helped her when she needed it most. The only one who had. Now it was Katie’s turn.

  ‘I’ll tell them. I’ll make them believe me. Honest I will.’

  Zan’s face lit up. ‘That’s all I wanted to hear.’ She began to hurry away. ‘You promise?’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘See you, Katie, you’re a real friend.’

  ‘So are you, Zan.’

  They smiled at each other and then Zan was gone, dodging through the back closes and away.

  ‘I hope she comes to visit me in prison,’ Katie thought, trudging home. Forgetting about badminton. Better get it over with now.

  ‘What do you mean, she doesn’t exist?’ Her father still hadn’t got over the shock of her admission.

  ‘How many times does she have to tell you, Douglas?’

  ‘But I’ve just started a campaign, in conjunction with the local paper, to save homeless people in the town.’

  ‘They’re still there,’ Katie tried to comfort him. ‘It’s just that she’s not one of them.’

  ‘You’ve made me look like a right idiot. Do you know that, Katie?’

  Her mother had taken the news better. She had never fully believed Katie’s story. She took her hand now.

  ‘So you’re saying that you fought Ivy Toner, and these other girls, singlehanded.’

  It didn’t sound too believable to Katie either. ‘Yes …’ she said weakly.

  ‘My little Katie?’

  ‘I’d just had enough with Ivy, Mum. I blew up. I don’t know where I got the strength to do it.’

  ‘I’m about to blow up too,’ Katie’s father retorted. ‘I’ll have to let the police know, the papers … I’m going to look like a complete fool.’

  Her mother turned on him. ‘Is that all that’s bothering you? If Katie got rid of the bully by her own efforts, I’m very proud of her. And so should you be.’ She looked again at her daughter. ‘You are telling the truth this time, aren’t you?’

  Katie had never deliberately lied to her mother, not over something as serious as this. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, harder even than facing up to Ivy Toner every day in school.

  ‘It’s the truth, Mum. This other girl just doesn’t exist.’

  It was the same at school.

  ‘But Ivy Toner saw her,’ her friends all pointed out. ‘She says you’re lying.’

  Now that was going to be a problem. ‘She’s mistaken,’ Katie assured them, she hoped with conviction.

  ‘Why did you lie?’

  ‘I have my reasons.’ They had all asked the same questions. She always gave the same, enigmatic answers. She just hoped no one would ask what those reasons were.

  Ivy, however, didn’t say too much about the news that Zan didn’t exist. She knew different, of course. It wasn’t until one day, in the school toilets, that Katie discovered why she’d been so quiet.

  She was just about to come out of one of the cubicles when she heard Lindy and Michelle’s voices, as they came into the toilets.

  ‘She’s sayin’ that lassie doesn’t even exist.’

  ‘I know,’ Michelle answered. ‘How can she say that, Ivy?’

  Katie froze. Ivy was there too.

  ‘We know she does. We saw her.’

  ‘I know … but …’

  ‘But what, Michelle?’

  ‘Well, Ivy … Me and Lindy were just thinkin’ …’

  ‘That makes a change.’

  Lindy laughed stupidly. ‘But you know we never actually saw them together … at the same time …’

  Michelle spoke up. ‘Together like …’

  ‘What is it you two are tryin’ to say?’

  Lindy took a deep breath. ‘That first time Katie ran away, at the dump. Remember, she disappeared, she fell. Then this other yin just kind of … appears, out of a cardboard box.’

  ‘I mean, it was dead funny. Did you no’ think so yourself, Ivy?’

  ‘Was it heck!’

  Michelle went on, her voice hesitant. ‘Then that second time, at the bridge. Katie was standing there … you had hold of her legs, so where did this other yin come from, Ivy? … And … where did Katie go? She jumped off the wall and then … she was away … and we couldn’t see her …’

  ‘The other one had grabbed you when she was still on the wall, remember, stupid?’

  ‘I don’t know, Ivy.’ Michelle’s voice was nervous. ‘One minute I was watching her, the next I was flat on my back. I couldn’t say for sure what happened. I was pure dead frightened.’

  ‘I never saw anything either.’ This was Lindy. ‘I just know I don’t know where Katie went, either time.’

  ‘Aye, you were too busy running.’r />
  Both girls protested now. ‘But honest, Ivy … D’ye no’ think …’

  ‘Think what?’ Ivy sneered. ‘What is it you two are tryin’ to say?’

  Katie could picture their faces. And she thought she understood what it was they were trying to say. But it was unbelievable. It was all unbelievable. How could they think such a thing?

  ‘They’re the same person … Katie … and this other one. They’ve got to be!’

  ‘What? You think she runs into a cardboard box and does a quick change … you’ve been watching too many Superman videos!’

  It was Michelle’s turn to put in her tuppence worth. ‘But she said she didn’t exist … and we never saw them thegether … I don’t know, Ivy … I’m scared.’

  ‘You’re talkin’ a load of codswallop!’

  ‘How do you explain it then …?’ Lindy’s voice was almost hysterical. ‘How did this other lassie know when Katie was in trouble? How was she always there exactly when she needed her?’

  ‘You don’t really believe all this?’

  Their silence proved they did.

  ‘They’re different, I tell you!’ But Ivy’s voice wavered as she said it. Did she perhaps wonder too?

  Katie chose that as her moment to step from the cubicle. Her sudden presence took them all by surprise.

  She wanted to rush out, but forced herself to run her hands slowly under the tap, and just as deliberately dry them. They were unnerved by her behaviour, she could tell. For once, they were afraid of her.

  ‘Talking about me, were you?’

  She looked from Lindy to Michelle, completely ignoring Ivy. What was it in her eyes that made them suddenly need to rush to a class?

  ‘Got to go, Ivy.’

  ‘See you, Ivy.’

  Then she and Ivy Toner were alone. For a long moment neither of them said a word.

  ‘I know that other yin exists. I don’t think there’s anythin’ magic about you.’

  Katie didn’t answer. She just continued to stare at Ivy, forced herself to. For Zan’s sake she had to.

  ‘Are you sure?’ she heard herself say, and the voice didn’t sound like Katie’s voice at all. It sounded like Zan’s.

  ‘I’ll prove she does. I don’t care how long it takes. One of these days, I’ll prove it.’

  And as Katie listened to her heels echoing down the corridors she knew Ivy Toner wouldn’t rest until she had.

  Chapter Four

  Katie lay in bed that night thinking over all that had happened. Only a few weeks go she had been afraid, constantly afraid. Now it was as if a weight had been lifted from her. Oh, there was still Ivy to deal with. Ivy would never let go till she knew the truth, but she pushed Ivy and her threats from her mind, just for tonight. She snuggled further under the duvet and cuddled Barney Bear against her. Tonight she was cosy, and warm, and safe.

  And, suddenly, she had a picture of Zan somewhere in the town. Alone, sleeping in a cold and draughty cardboard box. She had no Barney Bear to snuggle up with. Probably never had. And she could never sleep contented. There would always be dangers.

  Katie looked around her room, with its bright yellow walls, and the posters of her favourite pop groups stuck up everywhere. Signs of home. She was so lucky. Zan had made her realize just how lucky she was to have a home, and a mother and a father who loved her.

  Yet Zan didn’t seem to envy her. In fact, remembering the wary, frightened look in her eyes when Katie mentioned staying the night, Zan was more afraid of a night in a normal home than she was of sleeping in a cardboard box.

  What was Zan’s secret? What terrible thing had happened to make her run away?

  Katie stretched and yawned and began to dream …

  Perhaps Zan was a princess … the only survivor of her royal family. Assassins had been sent out to find her, to eliminate her … that was why she had to hide, why her identity had to remain a secret.

  Or perhaps she was a spy. She had learned a secret formula that could destroy the world. The end of civilization as we know it, and all that … Yes, that would account for everything. She could trust no one. She would have to remain a fugitive for ever … Good old Zan. Well, she could depend on Katie. She would hide her identity. Ivy Toner would never find out the truth, no matter what devious methods she used.

  All Katie’s troubles were over, thanks to Zan. Life was wonderful again …

  And like the optimist she was, she drifted off into deep, contented sleep.

  All her troubles were over! She knew how foolish that idea had been as soon as she stepped into the playground next morning.

  ‘There she is!’ Katie looked across at the army of schoolboys who were advancing toward her and realized that the ‘she’ they were referring to was none other than herself.

  ‘Come on! How did you do it?’ This came from the smallest of the boys, a first-year with tousled blond hair and a cheeky face.

  ‘How did I do what?’

  ‘Oh, come on, Katie, you know …’ This boy was taller. Mark something or other, she seemed to remember. ‘How did you manage to fight off Big Ivy and her mates?’

  It wasn’t me, she almost said, but she bit her lip just in time.

  ‘Lindy said you turned into this other lassie … Is that right, Katie? Did you?’

  ‘Changed right in front o’ them … she said that.’

  The questions were being fired at her from all directions.

  ‘Are you magic?’ This finally, was the small boy again, eager for an answer.

  They were all quiet suddenly, all waiting for the same answer.

  ‘Of course I’m not magic,’ Katie said at last. ‘I fought off Ivy Toner and her mates. They’ve got to say that so they don’t look stupid.’

  ‘But how, Katie? I mean … look at the size of you.’

  Pint-sized, her father called her, and liable to stay that way.

  ‘It’s not size that counts,’ she told them.

  ‘You never liked fightin’ before.’

  ‘And I don’t like fighting now. But when you’ve got no other choice you have to stand up for yourself.’

  She could see more in the playground joining the group gathered round her, hanging on her every word. She’d never had so much attention.

  ‘How did you fight her?’

  ‘Aye, tell us, Katie.’ The little blond boy pulled at her blazer. ‘I’m aye gettin’ picked on by the big boys, Katie. I don’t know how to fight.’

  ‘I think we all should learn some kind of self-defence. Learn to protect ourselves.’ She was remembering what Zan had said. ‘Bullies thrive on fear. And we shouldn’t desert someone who’s being bullied either. That’s what we do, because we’re afraid. If we all stand together, bullies can’t harm us.’

  Her father would have been proud of her. She had heard him making speeches just like that.

  Unfortunately, it wasn’t what her audience wanted to hear.

  ‘But how did you fight them, Katie?’

  ‘Did you punch them, Katie?’

  ‘Did you kick them?’

  She tried hard to remember exactly what Zan had done. She put down her school bag to demonstrate. ‘I kind of tripped them up … and … I kind of jumped to the side like this … and …’

  The little blond started miming karate kicks and punches and the crowd roared with laughter. ‘You mean like this, Haaaayaaa!’ His scream alone would have frightened the life out of anyone.

  ‘Katie Cassidy!’ The voice shrieked out behind Katie, and her audience scattered in all directions.

  Katie whirled round to face an irate Miss Withers, the head maths teacher. ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ she shrieked again.

  Katie opened her mouth to speak but Miss Withers didn’t wait for an answer. ‘Come with me! Thisss …’ she hissed the word out, ‘is going to be continued without an audience!’

  As Katie hurried into the school and along the corridors behind a clattering Miss Withers, she wondered exactly what ‘thisss’ cou
ld be?

  Miss Withers slammed her way into her office and plunged into the chair behind her desk. She didn’t suggest Katie sit too.

  ‘What do you think you were doing out there?’ she repeated.

  ‘I was … they were—’

  ‘Yes. You were showing off. They were taking it all in.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Don’t interrupt! Out there, madam. You were glamorizing violence.’

  ‘I wasn’t, Miss.’

  ‘Are you calling me a liar? I saw you. I heard you.’

  And maybe, Katie had to admit, if she had only seen, only heard, she might indeed be forgiven for thinking that.

  ‘I didn’t mean it to sound like that.’

  ‘Maybe not, but that’s exactly how it did sound.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Miss.’

  Miss Withers’ voice softened just a little. ‘Well, I know you had a hard time with Ivy Toner, but I’m afraid I can’t condone the methods you used to defeat her.’

  Katie was puzzled. ‘What do you mean, Miss?’

  ‘The school would have handled Ivy Toner. Resorting to violence only makes you as bad as the bully.’

  ‘But I didn’t have any choice, Miss …’

  Miss Withers was not listening. She went on, ‘Violence is never the answer, Katie. And I won’t have you giving younger members of the school the notion that fighting is the way to defeat bullying. That’s what the staff are here for, the teachers. You come to us. We’ll deal with the Ivy Toners of this world.’

  ‘But I did come to you, Miss. And you didn’t deal with it.’

  Katie swallowed. Had she really just said that to Miss Withers?

  The teacher’s eyes narrowed. ‘Ivy Toner was on her last warning.’

  ‘She’d had her last warning three times, Miss.’ Katie’s voice grew strong with the unfairness of it all. ‘You told me to come every time she did something, no matter how trivial. So I came. The first time, you listened. And the second. By the third time you looked at me, just the way you’re looking at me now, as if I’m the troublemaker, and do you remember what you asked me, Miss?’

  Miss Withers’ eyes flashed, and Katie knew she did remember. But she reminded her anyway. ‘You took a deep breath and you said … “OK, Katie, what have you done to annoy Ivy now?”’

  Miss Withers’ guilt lasted all of a second. ‘We have always to keep an open mind, about every incident. We always have to look at both sides.’