Swimming to Freedom

by Robbie Michaels

  Brandon nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, that might work.”

  “Let’s give it a try,” Tyler said encouragingly.

  “He’s gonna be in there giving the team holy hell right now, so that might take a little while.”

  “Why’s he in the locker room? He’s not the coach, is he?”

  “No. He’s not. But he thinks everyone should listen to him since he bankrolls a lot of sports things.”

  “Wow. Well, you go do what you need to do, and I’ll wait out front for you.”

  They both turned when they heard Brandon’s father bellow from the door of the locker room, “Brandon. Where the hell are you? Get your ass in here now!”

  “Gotta go,” Brandon apologized.

  “See you out front in a while.”

  “I hope. I’ll try.”

  A HALF hour later, when Brandon appeared in the lobby in front of the pool, he was smiling as he walked up to Tyler.

  “Yeah?” Tyler asked.

  “Yeah. He said yes.” He had argued at first and then tried to invite himself along, but Brandon had argued Tyler might not share as much while he was there. It probably helped that his dad already had plans that afternoon. “Let’s get out of here,” Tyler said, returning Brandon’s smile with his own.

  They made a dash for Tyler’s car and laughed in relief when they made it without being stopped by anyone, especially by Brandon’s father. That had been Brandon’s one fear.

  “Where should we go?” Tyler asked.

  “Um, I don’t know. We never go out to eat. I hear some guys at school talk about going to the diner. We could try that. There’s not a lot of choices in this town. Sorry about that.”

  “No worries. I didn’t invite you out so we could sample fine dining. I invited you out to spend some time with you and talk with you. Food just seemed like a reasonable way to go about it.”

  “Why’d you want to talk to me?” Brandon asked.

  “It’s complicated,” Tyler said. “I guess the first thing that caught my eye about you was that I liked your nipples.”

  “My… my what? My nipples?” Brandon asked.

  “And then your smile. And then there was the mystery surrounding you. You were so confident once you got into the pool, but then you seemed the exact opposite, nervous and on edge, when you were out of the water.” He was quiet for a moment before adding, “And I sensed a kindred spirit in you.”

  “A kindred spirit?” Brandon asked, feeling hopeful that his biggest dream was real.

  “And then of course I thought you looked hunky as hell.”

  “What?” Brandon asked, his voice higher than normal with shock.

  “Just to be perfectly clear, you do understand that I’m gay, right?” Tyler asked.

  “You… you… you are?”

  “Oh crap,” Tyler said. “You didn’t know. Fuck.” He sighed, dropping his forehead to the steering wheel. “Okay, where do you want me to drop you?”

  They did not look at one another for a moment. There was absolute silence in the car.

  “There’s the diner,” Brandon said. “You can pull into the parking lot just before it and park in any open spot. It doesn’t look too busy.”

  When Tyler pulled in, he didn’t move to even turn the car off. “Sorry for the confusion. I thought you knew and that you were gay too. I’m not usually wrong about these things. I really thought I was right after the way you touched me and then watched me so closely at the pool. Guess there’s a first time for everything. Have a good life.”

  “I thought we were going to get lunch,” Brandon said more calmly than he felt. He was a jumbled mess on the inside, a mix of excitement, adrenaline-fueled lust and panic, fear and relief, all fighting for dominance in his head.

  “So, you’re okay?” Tyler asked. “I mean, you know I’m gay and that I like you, right?”

  “I do now,” Brandon said with a smile.

  “And you’re okay with that?” Tyler asked cautiously.

  Brandon was quiet for a moment before answering. “I’ve never said this to anyone before, but I’m actually better than okay with it. I’m good with it. But you’ve got to understand this is all new for me so I… just be patient with me.”

  “Of course.” Tyler breathed a sigh of relief.

  THE DINER was moderately busy, but they were able to get a booth toward the back. Seated across the table from one another, Brandon was drawn to Tyler’s eyes, like metal to a magnet.

  “What’s wrong?” Tyler asked when he noticed Brandon staring.

  “Your eyes.”

  “What’s wrong with my eyes?” Tyler asked. “I know chlorine can make them red. Do they look especially bad today?” He tried holding up the napkin dispenser to use as a quick and dirty mirror.

  “No. I’m sorry,” Brandon said quickly. “There’s nothing’s wrong with them. It’s just the opposite. I can’t stop staring at them. They’re so… real.”

  “Real? That’s good, because they are. They’re my own,” Tyler said with a smile. “Original equipment.”

  Brandon dropped his head forward to the table, the silverware bouncing from the impact.

  “I’m sorry,” Brandon said. “I’m such a loser. I must sound like a total idiot to you.”

  “I think you’re adorable,” Tyler said, which totally disarmed Brandon.

  “You boys ready to order?” their waitress asked.

  “I can,” Tyler said. “You ready?”

  “Sorry, I haven’t even looked at the menu yet. What are you getting?”

  “Bacon burger and fries,” Tyler said.

  “I’ll have the same,” Brandon said.

  When the waitress had gone, Brandon had a question for Tyler. “You said earlier that you… sensed a… how did you describe it?”

  “A kindred spirit.”

  “Yeah, that’s it. You sensed a kindred spirit in me.”

  “It meant you were making my gaydar ping.”

  “Huh?” Brandon said.

  “I got a strong sense that you were gay too,” Tyler said.

  “How? Was I doing something obvious?” he asked, close to panic.

  “Not anything that anyone else would see. But then I knew what to look for.”

  “I’m sorry to be so dense, but explain it to me. What did you see?”

  “It was the way you looked at me, the way you met and held my gaze, the lusty look you gave me,” Tyler said with a mischievous smile.

  “Oh no, please tell me I didn’t!”

  “Relax, no one else would even know what to look for.”

  “Including me,” Brandon said dejectedly, “since I keep missing what others see.”

  “You do, you just don’t know it yet. Trust me, it’s there, and with time it will become second nature to you.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “You’re sitting here with me, aren’t you?” Tyler said confidently.

  “Yeah, I suppose I am. I don’t think I could put it into words yet, but I think I kind of understand what you’re saying. And for the record, you’re not the first person to figure it out. My best friend, Joel, had me all figured out.”

  “Was he at the meet today?” Tyler asked.

  “Yeah, he was there. He competed in the fifty-meter freestyle.”

  “I think I remember him. Compact, muscular, powerful swimmer? Kind of cocky and confident in the way he carried himself out of the pool? Is that him?”

  “That sounds like him.”

  “Huh. I wouldn’t have guessed him to be gay.”

  “Oh, he’s not,” Brandon said immediately. “He’s totally straight, like 200 percent straight.”

  “Then how did he figure you out?” Tyler asked, sounding confused.

  “I’m not entirely sure. I think he might be the Gay Whisperer. He’s got lots of gay people in his family, so I think he knows more gay folks than I do, and here I’m gay and he’s not.

  “Once he knew about me, he drove me to the city and took m
e to my first gay youth support group meeting.”

  “You’re kidding. Really?”

  “Nope. He found it, called ahead of time to check it out and see if it was something that would be good, drove me there, took me in, and sat there with me for the full two hours of the meeting. I was so totally blown away by that. I still can’t believe he did all that—for me.”

  “And he’s straight?” Tyler asked. “He’s definitely a friend to hang on to.”

  “Oh, yeah. No question,” Brandon said.

  “The Gay Whisperer, huh? I kind of like that. Next time point him out to me so I’m sure I’m remembering the right guy.”

  “If we’re ever all in the same place at the same time, I’ll introduce you.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” Tyler said.

  “Sure. Why not?” Brandon said.

  “Have you dated, you know, girls?” Tyler asked.

  “No. Never,” Brandon said, his head bowed, his gaze cast downward, feeling a bit embarrassed but confused by his own reaction as well. “You?” he asked.

  “Once. I hated it. No, that’s not fair. It was okay. The girl was great, but I finally was forced to admit that dating girls just wasn’t right for me. That night I realized suddenly, like a fist to the gut, that I wasn’t like all the other guys. The guys all talked in the locker room about women, tits, sex, all kinds of stuff—half of which I don’t believe—and I always thought I would be interested in all that same stuff, but I just hadn’t got there yet. But that one date showed me I couldn’t force it. I couldn’t make it me. I couldn’t be something I wasn’t. I guess I could have lied, but I don’t think I would have convinced anybody in the long run. And I know I wouldn’t have been happy burying who I really was. And in terms of sex,” Tyler said, lowering his voice a bit, “I’m quite honestly not sure if I could even have gotten… you know… it up to do something like that.”

  “You were forced to realize it that night on that date, but deep inside yourself, how long have you known, you know, about yourself?” Brandon asked.

  Tyler looked away and was silent for nearly a full minute. Brandon was starting to think he’d blown it, asked the absolute worst possible question, committed some unpardonable sin. He was just about to apologize when Tyler spoke, voice barely above a whisper. “Forever. You?”

  “All my life, long before I knew what it meant,” Brandon said. “Does anybody else know… about you?”

  “Most of my friends,” Tyler said. “You?”

  “Well, my friend, Joel, and the people at the gay youth group, but everybody there was first name only, so I don’t have a clue who any of them are. Oh, and you and me. It took me a long time to get to the place where I could handle the idea. And you know, now its way more than thinking I can handle it—now I think I like it.”

  “Me too. Some guys have a hard time dealing with being different from everybody else. They want to fit in and be just the same as all the other guys, but we’re not the same. We are different, and there is no denying that. It’s who you are. It’s who I am. It’s… it’s just us.”

  Food long since consumed and plates cleared away, they continued to talk. Each had so many questions for the other, since for each of them it was the first time they’d ever had an opportunity for an extended conversation with another gay teen. Finally they each had someone with whom to compare notes, share experiences, and just be.

  When Tyler said he needed to head for home soon, Brandon was shocked to see how much time had passed.

  “Oh crap. My dad is going to shit a brick. I’ve been out from under his thumb for too long. Damn!” Brandon hoped he didn’t look and sound as upset as he felt.

  “I hear a story there,” Tyler said. “It’ll give us something to talk about the next time we get together. I’ll drive you home. How far is your house from here?”

  “Why?” Brandon asked.

  “Why what?” Tyler asked, confused.

  “Why would you offer to drive me home?”

  “You need to get home, don’t you? I’ve got a car,” Tyler said.

  “I’m sorry. I guess I just thought you’d need to get home.”

  “You sure do apologize a lot. Relax. I don’t bite. Well,” Tyler said with a mischievous grin, “that is, unless you ask me to and tell me specifically where you’d like me to bite.”

  Brandon practically panted, his mouth open slightly, his eyes dilated.

  “So,” Tyler said, “should we get going and take you home?”

  “Um,” Brandon finally spoke. “We need to wait just a moment or two before we leave.”

  “Oh?” Tyler said with a knowing smirk. “Whatever for?”

  “You know very well why,” Brandon said, leaning forward as well. “I’m fucking hard now, that’s why.”

  “Let’s see, what can we talk about?”

  “No!” Brandon said when he saw the mischievous grin on Tyler’s face. “No talk from you. You are why I’m in the condition I’m in right now.”

  “You’re welcome,” Tyler said, bowing his head slightly, as one accepting adulation from an audience.

  Brandon closed his eyes for a second and then started to speak. “Okay, let’s see, the president’s economic plan is before the Senate right now, but the chances of it passing are not very high. There is a lot of infighting in his own party about who will support it and who will not.”

  “What are you talking about?” Tyler asked, confused.

  “Safe things. Nonsexual things. And it’s working, so shut up.”

  “Sir, yes, sir,” he said, giving Brandon a crisp salute.

  A few minutes later, they left the diner and made their way to Tyler’s car.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to embarrass you. Now you’ve got me doing it too,” Tyler said.

  “Doing what?”

  “Saying I’m sorry. Apologizing for something that isn’t wrong or isn’t anyone’s fault. So let’s get one thing on the table right now,” Tyler said. “I think you’re hot,” he said, looking Brandon in the eyes. “I really liked talking to you today. You’re not just a pretty face. You have a pretty face—don’t get me wrong. But I like the real you behind that, the you that I suspect very few people ever get to see. I like you, a lot, Brandon.”

  “Can we find a different word than ‘pretty’?” Brandon asked. “How about handsome, or butch? Something more manly, more masculine than ‘pretty.’”

  Tyler shook his head and laughed. “Fine. Handsome. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still hot. And where I was going with that was just to say I had a really good time today. Thank you. And I’d like to see you again, if you would be willing.”

  “I don’t think our schools compete against one another anytime soon,” Brandon said.

  “Who said it had to be when we compete? I’m talking about something completely unrelated to swimming,” Tyler said. “Something like a date, even if only you and I know that that’s what it is.” Tyler looked at Brandon who was silent, and then started his car and asked, “Now, tell me where I’m driving you.”

  “It’s not close. It’s about a ten-minute drive.”

  “No problem. If you can guide me there, I’m all set,” Tyler said.

  “I can do that,” Brandon said, unable to suppress a smile.

  With Brandon’s directions, just about ten minutes later, they pulled into Brandon’s driveway.

  “Stop here,” Brandon said suddenly, which made Tyler slam on the brakes.

  “Why?” Tyler asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Sorry. I should have said something sooner, but I didn’t realize. I’ve never done this before. Sorry. Right here we’re out of sight of the house and the road, so I can do this,” Brandon said, before suddenly leaning over and kissing Tyler on the lips. Tyler didn’t appear to have been expecting the kiss, but he adapted quickly and before long the two had a kiss going that could steam up the windows of the car with no trouble.

  Brandon pulled back quickly when he realized t
hat his right hand had dropped to Tyler’s pants and was massaging his erection through his jeans, while his left hand had been holding Tyler’s head in place for their kiss.

  “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry,” Brandon said.

  “Why? I’m confused. What did you do wrong? It felt pretty fucking awesome from this side.”

  “Sorry. Yes, it was wonderful from this side too.”

  “Then why did you stop?” Tyler asked.

  “Because I… I touched… I touched your dick. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Why the hell not?” Tyler asked. “It felt wonderful. You didn’t see me pulling away, did you? That should tell you that it felt good and I was okay with it.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Why wouldn’t I? It felt fucking fantastic.”

  Further conversation wasn’t possible because Brandon heard the unmistakable sounds of another car coming up the driveway behind them.

  “Fuck. Drive on. Quick. Damn. Damn. Damn.”

  Turning to look out the back window of the car, Brandon said anxiously, “It’s my dad. He can’t catch me kissing you—or any other guy for that matter. Damn. I was hoping you wouldn’t have to deal with him. I’m sorry you’re gonna have to talk to him.”

  “Really? I’m just dropping you off.”

  “Trust me. He’s probably convinced you’ve been squeezing team secrets out of me. He can’t conceive of why anyone else would ever invite me out to lunch.”

  Tyler stopped the car where Brandon had directed. As Brandon had feared, his dad parked beside them. Brandon knew his dad was going to want to talk to Tyler.

  “Word of warning,” Brandon said quickly. “If it feels like a cross-examination, it’s because it is.”

  “Got it,” Tyler said, before getting out of the car and walking around to greet Brandon’s father with a big smile.

  “Hi. I’m Tyler. You must be Brandon’s dad. Nice to meet you, sir.” He was laying it on thick.

  Brandon’s dad looked at Tyler’s hand, paused for a moment, but finally took it and shook. He did not, however, return his smile. Still holding tightly to Tyler’s hand, he launched into questioning Tyler.

  “Did you finish pumping my son for all of our strategies for the season?” he asked, holding tightly to Tyler’s hand.