The Doorway God

by Tom Early

  I frowned. “You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if he could do that.”

  “Not helping, Fay.”

  “Sorry.” I coughed. “So, uh, is your roommate expecting you back anytime soon?”

  I could feel his grin pressed against the back of my head. “About that….”

  I pressed my body a little more firmly against his, enjoying the feel of his muscles. “Yeah?”

  Tyler’s voice dropped to a huskier pitch. “I might have made it clear that since it’s orientation week and it’s time to enjoy being in college, I might not be back tonight at all.”

  “I see,” I said, grinning. “Any plans about how to spend tonight, then?”

  “I might have a few.”

  Chapter Eight

  “FAY.”

  “Mrph.”

  “Fay, I need to go back to Tufts now. I’ve got more orientation stuff to do.” That was Tyler’s voice, all right.

  I forced my eyes open and blinked as Tyler brushed my hair out of my eyes. “Time to go already?” I asked, my voice muzzy.

  “Afraid so,” he said, smiling down at me. “I’ll see you again soon enough. Just be safe, okay? If you need me to help out at all, or just want to see me, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

  “’Kay,” I said, forcing myself to sit up. “Can I come visit you sometime?”

  “Definitely. But let’s give us both a little more time to settle in first, okay?” His hand on my forehead was soft and welcome, and I forced back a whine when he withdrew. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to figure out your Form and classes today?”

  My eyes went wide. With Didas’s terrifying intimidation routine, I’d almost completely forgotten about the other stuff I had to do. “Right. Yeah. Time to shower.”

  “Just maybe,” Tyler said, laughter in his voice. “Your hair is crazy right now.” He held up his hands like little claws. “If it moved on its own, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “Wonderful, supportive boyfriend,” I grumbled, rolling out of bed and staggering toward my bags. “So kind. So polite.” I glanced down at my collarbone, which was dotted with hickeys. Still a better sight than the scars. “So fond of biting.”

  Tyler turned red as he surveyed the marks and gave a little shrug. “I have to go now, okay? I’ll leave you to your shower.” But he stepped in for another kiss before going to the door, so it was all okay in my book.

  Fumbling my key into the door and saying “bathroom,” as it turned out, did work, and the shower was practically decadent. By the time I was ready to leave my room, I was about as refreshed as I could possibly be. Well, as long as I didn’t think about the stress and threats. But I was good at ignoring things like that by now.

  When I stepped out into the hall, I was the only one there. Presumably everyone else had already gone to get food or something. Knowing Sam, she was probably already causing havoc in some form elsewhere. I hoped I’d get a chance to spend time with her today, but no matter how close we were, spending all our time together wasn’t going to end well. I preferred to have her let loose and enjoy herself away from me, thank you very much.

  The common room was humming with activity when I headed back downstairs. Most of the sofas were full up, and there was a low buzz as people traded stories back and forth, plus the occasional burst of light as someone threw out a cantrip. There were a handful of people I hadn’t met before, most of whom looked older than me. Aiden was holding court with three of them, listening to a tall black-haired guy tell a story and interjecting a humorous remark every so often. It was still bizarre to see him acting like a normal person, but I was slowly getting used to it.

  Aiden caught sight of me and waved me over to the table. “Feayr,” he said, nodding as way of greeting. “I’d like you to meet Nicholas Maki, our Head of House.” He motioned to the one who’d just been speaking. Even sitting down I could tell he was quite tall, and his black hair was very curly. His face was more impish than anything else, though, with a small nose, clean jawline, and large, angled hazel eyes. His cheeks were dotted with freckles and dimpled when he smiled. His shirt said “I went to Avalon and all I got was this lousy shirt” in stylized letters.

  Nicholas gave me a sideways grin and held out his hand. “Feayr, huh? That’s a mouthful. Welcome to Obsidian.”

  “Thanks,” I said, shaking his hand. “So you’re in charge of everything here?”

  He snorted. “Not everything, thankfully. I just help decide matchups for the Arena and speak for Obsidian at all the official events and deal with the Speakers. Aiden here takes care of most of the House duties, and Mica and Elias here,” he said, nodding to the two dark-haired boys also sitting at the table, “help with tutoring and keeping things rolling smoothly.”

  “It’s a pretty broad job description,” one of the two said, rolling his eyes.

  The other pushed his silver-frame glasses a little farther over the bridge of his nose. “Mostly it means Nick gets to be lazy while we take care of everything.”

  Nicholas gave me an exaggerated pouting look, his hazel eyes soulful. “See what I have to put up with? Nobody respects me here.”

  “And yet somehow, you remain in charge,” Aiden said, sighing. He was dressed impeccably in dark, formfitting pants and a dress shirt that was a purple so dark it was almost black. “But there is a reason for that, despite your many other flaws.”

  “That’s right,” Nicholas said, flexing an arm. There wasn’t all that much muscle behind his sleeve that I could see, but he was grinning. “Mostly undefeated in the Arena. Bow down to the king.”

  “That and he is actually a decent administrator,” Aiden said, ignoring him. “He just likes to act like he’s clueless and inefficient. I’m trying to train him out of the habit. Power alone is well and good, but not enough to justify being in charge.”

  I glanced between Nicholas and Aiden. Even completely at peace, sipping from a mug of black coffee, Aiden exuded an aura of complete confidence and power. By contrast, from Nicholas I mostly got the impression I was speaking to an oversized puppy.

  “So Aiden would lose to you if you fought him?” I asked.

  Aiden grimaced, and Nicholas’s grin grew even wider. “That’s right. Our little shadow prince keeps trying, but he hasn’t been able to lay a finger on me yet.”

  I blinked. “Uh-huh.”

  “It’s true,” Aiden said, his expression never changing, though he put down his mug abruptly. “And now I rather think it’s time to take Feayr for his Form testing. Please excuse us.” He carried his mug to the sink and washed it out before sending a haze of heat rippling over it and putting it away, completely dry.

  “Try not to mention his losing in front of him,” Nicholas said, completely unperturbed. “He gets upset.” He paused. “Anyway. I hear you might be quite the asset someday for our House. I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do.”

  “Thanks,” I said, “but trust me, I wouldn’t have high hopes about my performance. Doing as well as I did in the Trials was kind of a fluke.”

  “Really?” Nicholas looked at me closely. “If you say so. But hey—that’s what we have tutors for. You’ll do just fine, one way or another.”

  Another thought occurred to me. “Wait, if you’re ‘mostly undefeated,’ then does that mean there’s someone better than you?”

  Nicholas made a little ehhhhh sound and shrugged. “Well, yes and no. Morgan and I are usually pretty evenly matched, so it comes down to the environment the Arena makes a lot of the time. It’s always an excuse to get creative. Morgan’s magic and my magic aren’t exactly the best match.”

  “Morgan?” I asked.

  “One of the leaders of Sol House,” Nicholas said. “Not the friendliest guy, though he does warm up to you eventually. You might have seen him around helping people move in earlier.”

  “Quite,” Aiden said from right behind me, and I jumped. “But now Fay and I actually must be going. Enjoy breakfast.”

  I gave Nicholas and the other tw
o a quick wave and then followed Aiden out the door.

  “Where are we headed?” I asked him as he led me back to the center of campus. The green was much more lively today, with dozens of students sprawled out at random locations, enjoying the sun. Many of them I’d never seen before, so I guessed the other students had finished moving in as well.

  “Back to Prince,” Aiden said, keeping the pace brisk. “You’ll be given the test by one of the professors, and then after that we’ll deal with the matter of your scheduling.”

  “And what, um, what does the test do, exactly?” I asked, hurrying to keep up.

  “You’ll see.”

  I sighed and followed him back into Prince, entering the same room the orientation speech had been held in. Aiden held the door open for me, and when I walked in, I had to take a moment to make sure I hadn’t somehow gotten lost just by walking through a door.

  “Wasn’t this kind of… bigger?” I asked Aiden in a hushed voice, glancing at the small hallway branching out in several directions. “Like, a lot bigger?”

  “What, were you expecting it to always be an auditorium when it doesn’t have to be? That hardly seems like an efficient use of space.” He gave a little mock sigh. “I would have expected you to be smart enough to understand that. Just go straight, by the way. I’ll be back when you’re done.” He walked away, and even though I couldn’t see his face I just knew he was smirking. Ass.

  I headed over to the door at the hall warily—after Didas, I really wasn’t up for another adult on a power trip determined to control my future. I knocked once, and a woman’s voice called me in. I opened the door, cautiously stepped in, and was greeted by the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life.

  Her dark hair fell in perfect waves, her brown eyes were warm, and her lips were cherry red in the middle of a heart-shaped face. I’d never been attracted to a woman in my life and I never would be, but when she smiled at me, my heart felt like it skipped a beat all the same. I didn’t get any sense of desire from her, though. Just… warmth, and welcome, for lack of a better word.

  “Oh, you must be Feayr,” the woman said, offering a hand for me to shake. Her smile was overwhelming, and her voice held a lilting tone to it, like an accent I couldn’t quite place. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Professor Amara, and I’ll be administering your Form test today.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, taking her hand. “Um, I’m not really sure how this works.”

  Professor Amara laughed, a short, bell-like sound. “Of course not. You’re pretty new to all this, aren’t you? It must be very disorienting.”

  “I’m managing,” I said with a small smile. “Though it’s not always easy.”

  “Well,” she said, offering me a seat before seating herself behind a desk, “that’s what I’m here for. Hopefully I can help you figure out how to make all of this just a little bit easier to manage.”

  I nodded. “So, is there anything you need me to do?”

  Professor Amara smiled at me. “Just take a moment to collect yourself, okay? I’ll set everything up, and while I’m doing that I need you to think about what matters most to you. And keep that thought close.”

  “Try and figure out what matters most,” I said dubiously. “Well, at least you’ve given me something easy.”

  “Very little worth having comes without effort,” the professor hummed. “But all new life struggles to grow, and look how the world is now because of it. I think you can manage a little soul-searching.”

  I blinked. “I’ve heard of putting things into perspective, but that seems a bit broad.”

  Brown-gold eyes fixed me with an appraising look. “Feayr, you of all people here know just how wide this world is. Sometimes to change the world, you need to bear down on one small thing. Now, start thinking and leave me to my work.”

  Did that mean she knew about me? Was I some sort of open secret after all that Didas had postured? I frowned and filed that under the list of things not to think about so I didn’t die of nerves.

  What was most important to me… for the longest time that had been belonging. Being gay was one thing that made me different, but it had been my magic that was the real problem. Pretending that a part of me didn’t exist just to fit in was like dying a slow death. And now, for better or worse, I was somewhere where everyone had magic. I wasn’t trying to find a place to belong anymore, or at the very least that wasn’t still what was most important to me.

  I considered, briefly, that Tyler was my most important person. And in some ways, he was. I loved him for how kind he was, for the way he was somehow always already looking at me when I turned to look at him. I loved that he loved me back. But then I considered Sam, who had always fought to stay by my side and help me survive, and who would always be right there with me, leading the way. And my parents, who supported me through everything and always would be there when I needed them most. I couldn’t choose. There were so many different kinds of love, and I loved all of them equally.

  I was tired of being manipulated. I hated that Didas could control me so easily, and so flippantly threaten Aria and anyone else who mattered to me. I wanted to be safe, and I wanted all of them to be safe too. I didn’t want anybody to be able to touch me or mine if I didn’t want them to.

  “Well,” Professor Amara’s voice reached me, and she sounded amused. “I think you might be ready for the test now, Feayr.” I glanced up at her, and then at the shimmering orb of energy that floated between us. “Whatever conclusion you’ve reached, keep it in your mind, and touch the orb.”

  “Do I have to say it out loud?”

  Amara gave me a small smile. “If you like. It might help you to concentrate.”

  I took a breath. “I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I don’t want to be controlled anymore. I don’t want anyone to hurt the people I care about just to get to me. I just want to feel safe,” I said at the end and tried to ignore the slight break in my voice.

  I extended a hand, and the tip of my finger brushed against the orb. There was a moment where nothing seemed to move, and then the orb pulsed, sending streamers of light and color and sound out in every direction, the edges of the orb rippling and reforming. I closed my eyes against the sheer brightness of it all, and when I opened them again, the orb was gone. In its place were elegantly curving lines, widening and arcing over themselves, reminiscent both of a heart and a wall. The lines kept slowly twisting and turning, fading in and out of sight, but I knew what it was.

  “The sign of the shield,” Professor Amara said, and her eyes were sparkling, her smile was luminous. “That’s a beautiful determination you have.”

  She honestly sounded happy for me, like I’d done something just for her and made her proud. I felt a brief glow of pride, but mostly it was kind of weird. “Thanks?” I said. “So what does this mean for my Form?”

  The professor blinked before waving a hand and dispersing the shield. “It means you’re in the Infusion Form, Feayr. And judging by that display, you’re going to be very good at protection magic.” She smiled at me. “That’s a very good answer, and it says a lot about you as a person.”

  “It does?”

  She nodded. “Many who seek to not be controlled and to keep themselves and others safe choose the route of power. If they are the strongest, after all, who could threaten them? Others still would choose to become controllers themselves, and play the game better than those who seek to hurt them. But you didn’t choose the fighting path. You chose the purest form of protection you could offer—keeping everyone and yourself safe, not seeking to retaliate or dominate, just to protect.”

  “I don’t really know if I chose anything,” I said.

  The professor shook her head. “It’s your nature that chose. You’re not an aggressive person, are you?”

  I shook my head. I’d always preferred to keep my head down and avoid confrontation whenever possible. Avoiding battles seemed like the best way to avoid being hurt, after all.

&nb
sp; “The test recognized that,” she said simply. “And now you have your answer.” She handed me a slip of paper. “Here’s where you can find Speaker Alferon. He’ll want to meet with you after this, to discuss your scheduling and how to best teach you.” She gave me one last smile. “Thank you for letting me test you, Feayr.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said, finally offering her a shy smile in return. A thought occurred to me. “Professor, if it’s okay to ask, what’s your Form?”

  In lieu of answering, she held out a hand, palm facing upward. There was a sudden hush in the room, and then I watched in wonder as the air around her palm flowed in, like water into a basin, forming shapes and edges barely visible. The colorless air seemed to almost blush, taking on a pinkish hue that quickly solidified and connected, until finally Professor Amara held out her hand to me, offering me a dew-coated pink flower, positively thrumming with new life. I accepted it, marveling at how the stem and petals were quite obviously real in my hand.

  “I’m capable of quite a bit,” Professor Amara said, laughter in her voice, “but I’ve always had a certain fondness for the Change Form, as you call it here. There’s just something special about seeing new life emerge from nothing, wouldn’t you say?”

  I stared down at the flower in my hand. “I guess I have to agree.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” She stood, and I finally noticed that the dress she was wearing looked to almost be made of petals with, well, a strange sort of natural beauty to it. “Now I’m sorry to cut this meeting short, but I only had so much time to consult today for Form testing.” She stepped toward me and kissed me delicately on the cheek. I realized with a start that she only came up to my neck—she’d seemed so much taller during the test.

  “Oh,” I said, startled. “I, um, I guess I’ll see you around campus, then?”

  Professor Amara gave a delicate sigh. “I’m afraid not. I came here for a reason, and, well, that reason’s been answered now.” She gave me a knowing look. “But I’m sure I’ll see you again soon. Best of luck, Feayr. I just know you’ll get what you want, someday.” She swept past me, and I was left standing there with the smell of fresh flowers and my own confused thoughts.