Pathological

by Jinkang Wang

  She sighed. “I don’t hate her. Knowing she’s been looking for me all this while, I hate her even less. No matter what, it was an accident. She didn’t do it on purpose.”

  Xue Yu shot a quick glance at her. Could she still not know that Mei Yin had deliberately infected everyone with smallpox? But it had been all over the papers and TV news and Internet for years after the case. How could she not know? Perhaps that all happened while she was abroad, the language barrier keeping her in a news-free zone.

  Xiaoxue asked him all kinds of details about her Mommy: Did the prison have good doctors? Did they have to pay to see the doctors? How many years had she been sentenced to, and how long was left? Xue Yu answered all her questions, then she asked, “Is Uncle Sun well? Before I left, I heard his granny died.”

  “Uncle Sun didn’t go to prison, he’s still the general manager of Heavenly Corp. And now I’m his assistant. Granny Sun died, yes. And Uncle Sun and your Mommy Mei are divorced now.”

  Xiaoxue was so shocked she almost dropped her chopsticks. “Why? Mommy Mei’s still in prison, and he . . .”

  “Don’t blame him, it was your Mommy Mei who insisted. She said she wouldn’t be able to have a child, and didn’t want to disappoint Granny Sun. Granny was old-fashioned, and after Uncle Sun married your Mommy, she kept nagging them to produce a great-grandchild for her. Ms. Mei understood this very well.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  There was actually more to the story. After Granny Sun suddenly passed away, Jingshuan had never gotten over his heavy sense of guilt and responsibility. He’d been working hard these few years to train Xue Yu as his successor. Perhaps in a year or two, when Mei Yin was out of prison, Xue Yu would be able to run the company himself, at which point Sun Jingshuan could leave his hometown and go far away from that place of sorrow. Xue Yu felt such sadness for this couple, both of whom were so principled and honorable, and so well suited. They ought to have grown old together. But there was a knot in their hearts that was too deep and too heavy to undo, and they’d become weary from it.

  But wasn’t he the same? These few years, Xiaoxue’s disappearance had pressed on his heart too, even though he bore no responsibility for her illness and subsequent disappearance.

  After speaking a little more, Xiaoxue seemed calmer, and Xue Yu was able to come to the main reason for his visit.

  “Xiaoxue, Mommy Mei sent me so I could bring you to Beijing for plastic surgery as soon as possible. Come with me, today, right away, straight to Beijing. The Chinese Academy of Sciences Medical Cosmetology Center. Let me tell you, five years ago, I made an appointment with Dr. Chen Huanran there. He’s the best facial reconstruction surgeon in the whole country, and anyone wanting to go under his knife usually has to wait in line two years. But he promised me that whenever I found you, he’d see you right away.”

  Xiaoxue, deeply moved, murmured, “I’ve wanted that too. I’ve been saving up.”

  Xue Yu pulled out a card. “I’ve saved enough for you long ago—don’t refuse, I want you to have it, and it’s also what Mommy Mei and Uncle Sun want. I’m deputy general manager at Heavenly Corp. now, I earn a decent salary. So take my money and go have your surgery. You can pay me back later, in your own time. How about that?”

  Xiaoxue’s eyes gleamed. She’d clung to this dream for seven years now, though she’d thought it might be a decade or more before it could be realized. Now it was happening this very day. Uncle Xue seemed sincere, and she wasn’t going to say no. Joyfully, she cried, “Yes. But I’ll sign an IOU, and when I’ve saved up enough money, I’ll pay you back.”

  “Of course, of course. If you don’t, I’ll hound you for the cash. But don’t worry about an IOU, a pinky swear will do. When has Mei Xiaoxue ever gone back on a pinky swear? Never, that’s when. I trust you. Come on, hook fingers, tug, a hundred years, no take-backs.”

  Xiaoxue giggled as they linked little fingers. Afterward, Xue Yu folded her small hand within his own. Even her hand, exquisite as a work of art, was covered in scars. Xue Yu looked at her scarred hand, her scarred neck, and his eyes reddened as his emotions slipped out of control. Xiaoxue noticed too, but didn’t want to embarrass Uncle Xue, so pretended not to have seen anything. Instead, she playfully said, “But no more calling me a child. I’m twenty-one now, I’ve been roaming the world for seven years. I grew up long ago.”

  “That’s right, you’re an old warrior now. How disrespectful of me!”

  The two of them burst out laughing.

  After lunch, they returned to the market, and Xiaoxue said good-bye to Auntie Guo and Uncle Number Three, handing the fish stall over to Auntie Guo to look after for the time being, saying she’d be back after her surgery. Xue Yu thought it unlikely that Xiaoxue would return, but just stood to one side, smiling. Auntie Guo and Uncle Number Three were overjoyed that this poor girl had met a benefactor, and was about to move up in the world.

  As they were leaving, Uncle Number Three said, “Xiaoxue, have your surgery quickly, then come back and show uncle how pretty you are. And as for this fellow—we’ll leave Xiaoxue in your care. I’m an uneducated man, I say what I mean, and if you mistreat her, I’ll . . .”

  Xue Yu interrupted, using the same intonation as Xiaoxue had earlier. “Stab me full of holes?”

  “Yes, that’s right, full of holes!” They all laughed.

  They boarded the next train, arriving in Beijing the following morning, and went straight to the Plastic Surgery Institute in the suburb of Badachu. Dr. Chen Huanran had seen photos of the younger Xiaoxue, and was delighted to meet her in person. He couldn’t stop praising the excellent material he had to work with. “See how broad her forehead is. Her forehead, the tip of her nose, the crest of her lips, the point of her chin—all high. The distance between her eyes, the space between her nose and forehead, the dip of her philtrum, all exactly proportionate! Only slight imperfections in the chin and philtrum, but that’s easily fixed. Excellent! I’ll sculpt her into a model Chinese beauty!”

  Xue Yu and Xiaoxue were delighted by his praise, but also a little confused—Xiaoxue’s surgery was meant to be for her pockmarks, why was he talking about all these other things? Dr. Chen saw what they were thinking, and shrugged. “As for her pitted face, that’s a minor issue. There are mature technologies for that, I’ll just use a special polishing tool to smooth them out, and we can make your facial skin as good as new. Don’t worry, Xiaoxue, think of it as if you didn’t wash your face this morning and it’s gotten smudged. We’ll make it lovely again.”

  “Dr. Chen, I only want to get rid of the pockmarks. As for the rest of my face . . .”

  “Not possible! Once you board my pirate ship, I’m the captain. You have such good raw material, I’m going to get you to perfection!” He turned to Xue Yu. “Are you worried about the cost? I can use this operation as a student demonstration, that’ll cut the fees in half.”

  Xue Yu smiled. “Thank you, Dr. Chen, we’ll do as you suggest. Everything has to be perfect. Oh, and along with the pockmarks on the face, you’ll have to deal with the scars on her body as well, her neck and chest and so on. It doesn’t matter how much the fees are, I’ll take care of it.”

  Dr. Chen was still looking Xiaoxue up and down. Like a sculptor, he was now caught up in the spirit of creation. “Of course, that goes without saying. In order to attain perfection, the surgery might have to take a little longer. I suggest the two of you rent an apartment nearby. If you stay there rather than paying hospital in-patient fees, that’ll save you a bit of cash. Why don’t you go arrange that now, and we can begin the surgery tomorrow.”

  “All right.”

  “And another thing, young lady. I only deal with physical beauty, you’ll have to take charge of your inner beauty yourself. I know that whenever anyone has physical flaws, especially young women, they have deep self-esteem issues. I couldn’t say if that’s the case with you. But if it is, then you should handle it as soon as possible. I’ll tell you a secret: girls who believe they’
re beautiful really are more beautiful, at least thirty percent more beautiful than otherwise. If you have self-confidence, your face will blaze and shine!”

  Xiaoxue smiled gratefully. “I’ll do as you say, Uncle Chen.”

  After lunch, they asked around and found a nearby one-bedroom apartment to rent, fully furnished. It was small, but clean and in a good neighborhood, just a few stops from the hospital by public transportation. Xue Yu brought her to the supermarket, where they picked up everything they needed, particularly some more expensive makeup. After they were all settled in, Xue Yu gave her a silver cash card. “Xiaoxue, I’m so sorry, but there’s a lot of work to take care of back home. I’ll need to catch the train back tonight.”

  Xiaoxue was a little reluctant to see him go, but she knew Uncle Xue couldn’t possibly keep her company for the few months this would take. She nodded. “All right.”

  “That card is loaded with enough money to cover all your needs. Don’t worry about spending a bit, you have to be comfortable. When I visit again, you’d better not have got any skinnier.”

  Xiaoxue smiled and nodded.

  “If I have the chance to come here on business, I’ll drop by and see you.”

  “No, don’t come. I don’t want you to see me until the surgery is done.”

  Xue Yu knew what she was thinking—to present herself to him with a brand new face. He was gratified. How quickly the wounded, coarse, angry Xiaoxue had gone away. Now she was a girl of sunshine, completely transparent. In fact, that’s how she’d always been, until unjust fate gave her a different appearance. Now, the warmth of love had freed her. “Okay. I’ll wait to hear from you, then.”

  As Xue Yu was leaving, Xiaoxue said hesitantly, “There is one more thing.”

  “What is it?”

  Xiaoxue blushed. “I have a request. You have to say yes.”

  “A request I have to accept? What a dictator! All right, all right, I agree. Go ahead.”

  “I’m grown up now. I don’t want to call you Uncle anymore, that’s not fair to me.”

  He had to chuckle at that. “What strange logic is that? Just because you’re grown up, calling me Uncle isn’t fair anymore? Don’t forget, you may be seven years older now, but so am I.”

  Xiaoxue grew even redder as she insisted stubbornly, “That’s not the same! Seven years ago, you were exactly twice as old as me, so of course I called you Uncle. Now I’m almost twenty-two, and you’re only twelve years older than me, so Older Brother should do.”

  “How are you twenty-two? You’re twenty-one, that was one of the first things you said to me.”

  “I said almost twenty-two!”

  Xue Yu knew what was really behind this request, and felt a surge of warmth to his heart. In truth, he’d been quietly hoping for this too. Solemnly, he said, “Fine, I accept your request.”

  Xiaoxue beamed. “Big Brother Xue, when you get back, ask after Mommy Mei and Uncle Sun. I can’t wait to visit Mommy Mei in prison with you.”

  “Of course, I’ll be sure to pass that on. Little . . . Sister Xiaoxue.” He shook his head. “That felt weird. If I’m your big brother, then I’ll have to start calling them Auntie Mei and Uncle Sun? That may be fair to you, but it’s not to me.”

  Xiaoxue blushed and giggled. “Not fair to you? Going by age, they ought to be your uncle and aunt anyway.” She took Xue Yu’s arm and led him to the train station.

  Xue Yu returned three months later, after receiving a message from Xiaoxue. On the door he found a note:

  Big Brother Xue, I’ve gone to get groceries, I’ll be back in a while. Come in and make yourself at home.

  Xue Yu let himself in with his key, to find the apartment looking about the same as before, everything as clean as an eggshell. The first thing he noticed was a large round mirror on the bedside table, the only new item. This detail eased his worries; Xiaoxue was no longer twisted up inside. Her bed and desk were piled high with thick books, which he assumed would be beauty manuals, but upon inspection turned out to be medical texts: epidemiology, virology, cell engineering, and so forth. Xue Yu was glad to see this—he had worried about her interrupted education. He’d been thinking of adult education for her, but now it looked like she’d been quietly working hard on her own, without saying anything to him about it.

  Xue Yu wondered if she’d be able to understand these college textbooks, with her level of education. Flicking through them, he saw that she’d at least finished Epidemiology Studies, because the back pages were all creased and ink smeared. She’d left her notes out on the desk, and when he flipped through them, they were lists of things from such-and-such a page she didn’t understand, some of which had been crossed out, presumably because she’d later filled in the blanks. Then he came upon a page that looked completely different from the others, covered in cramped writing: “Mommy Mei Uncle Sun Uncle Xue Big Brother Xue Mommy Mei Uncle Sun Big Brother Xue . . .” This went on, row after row, the words breaking down into a scrawl, obviously all idle doodling. By the bottom of the page, “Big Brother Xue” had become “Xue Yu,” then just “Yu,” written with such force it went through to the other side of the paper, showing the strength of her emotion.

  The sight intoxicated Xue Yu.

  A key in the door. Xiaoxue entered with a few plastic bags, crying out in surprise and joy. “Xue Yu . . . Big Brother Xue!”

  He stared at her face, stunned, delighted. Dr. Chen thoroughly deserved his reputation as the “Best Scalpel in the Country.” His hands had brought springtime back. The pockmarks had vanished, and while her skin wasn’t quite as good as it had been, it was almost as fine. Apart from that, there’d been some changes to her features, though Xue Yu couldn’t put a finger on exactly what was different. Regardless, she was a knockout. Her eyes were fixed anxiously on him, trying to read his first impressions. Xue Yu murmured, “My God, I can’t see. I’m blinded by your radiance. Too beautiful, far more beautiful than I’d expected.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course! Now quick, come back to Nanyang with me. You don’t know how happy Mommy Mei and Uncle Sun will be when they see your new face.”

  Xiaoxue cheered and tossed down her shopping, flinging her arms around Xue Yu and spinning him round the room. After a couple of rounds, her laughter stopped and soon tears were falling onto his shoulder. She sobbed, “Brother Xue, thank you, and Mommy Mei and Uncle Sun.”

  Xue Yu turned her face to him and wiped away the tears. “No crying. You ought to be happy now. Oh, and I see you’ve been reading medical books. How’s that going? Do you understand them?”

  “Mostly.”

  “I’ve made arrangements to enroll you in adult education classes, once you’re back. We’ll make up for those missing seven years.”

  Xiaoxue shook her head. “No. I want to work, and teach myself in my free time.”

  “Why?”

  Xiaoxue had made plans for the future. She was of course willing to go back to school, to at least get a college degree, but with her current level of education, that might take five or six years. By that time, Xue Yu would be almost forty, and it’d be too late—too late for marriage and children. She didn’t want to slow him down. In her mind, she’d already linked her life to Xue Yu’s, though she didn’t know what he was thinking. He loved her, of course, she could see that in his eyes, but—she was so much less educated than he was, an ignorant, brutish girl, and she’d been disfigured . . . She could only say, “No matter what, I’m not going to school, I just want to work and study at the same time.”

  Xue Yu had intuited what she was thinking; he’d always been able to. Xiaoxue was much sunnier after the operation, but even so, there was a patch of self-loathing deep inside her that hadn’t been eradicated. He pulled her onto the couch and, taking a deep breath, said, “Xiaoxue, I have to take my courage in my hands and say something to you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I know a man who, seven years ago, saw a girl as pretty as a flower in an orphanage. That exq
uisite child left an indelible impression on his heart. Later on, for one reason or another, that man never got married, and his path kept getting tangled up with the girl’s, right until she was grown up, twenty-one years old. No”—he chuckled—“almost twenty-two. He could tell her that he loved her. But the man didn’t dare. And why? He looked down on himself for being twelve years older than her, a whole zodiac cycle!”

  Xiaoxue smiled like a blossom opening. “What’s twelve years? I . . . The girl surely wouldn’t mind that!”

  “It’s no good, they were both born in the year of the tiger, and they say one hill can’t hold two tigers. If two tigers get married, they’re sure to be unhappy.”

  “Nonsense! All nonsense! I don’t believe it . . . you don’t believe these superstitions, do you?”

  They stared at each other, and suddenly hugged, laughing and kissing passionately. Just like that, they were engaged, as if their hidden destiny had suddenly been revealed. They talked about the future that day. Xue Yu agreed with Xiaoxue’s suggestion: she’d study while she worked, with Xue Yu as her teacher, which should shorten the time needed for her education. They’d get married as soon as possible, to make it easier for Xiaoxue to arrange her life, though they’d wait a while to have children, so as not to get in the way of her studies. Xue Yu was living in Sun Jingshuan’s old house. Sun had moved when he started his new family, unwilling to stay in the place where his grandmother had died, leaving the existing place to Xue Yu. Xiaoxue understood why Uncle Sun had remarried, but still grieved on Mommy Mei’s behalf.