The Sapphire Widow

by Jefferies, Dinah

  Leo left shortly after, saying he wished he could stay longer but there was too much he had to get on with. Back at home, Louisa felt suddenly alone. She went into Conor’s room and found a well-thumbed book of insects and another about wild animals and birds. He was clearly interested in nature, so maybe that might be a way to reach him. She passed the time over trivial household matters and arranged for a lunch she hoped he would like.

  After that she went to collect Conor, but as she arrived the secretary was waiting to speak to her, and ushered her away from the other parents.

  ‘Could you come this way, Mrs Reeve.’

  Louisa followed her to the school office, where the head teacher was waiting with Conor. She glanced at the boy and saw immediately his lip was red and swollen. She frowned. ‘What happened?’

  ‘If you wouldn’t mind coming with me. My secretary will look after the child.’

  She followed him into an inner office, where he seated himself behind a large wooden desk and indicated she should sit opposite. It was a forbidding sort of a room and she felt as if she were a child herself, hauled up in front of a master for some wrongdoing.

  The head twisted his hands together and smiled before he began. ‘I’m sure you’ll understand we are a small private school and we have a reputation to uphold.’

  ‘But what happened?’

  ‘Conor got involved in a fight.’

  ‘Why?’

  He glanced at a spot above her head before meeting her eyes. ‘Mrs Reeve, I’d like you to be honest with me.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Is the child illegitimate?’

  She drew breath before speaking. ‘What does that have to do with anything?’

  ‘I’m afraid he was called a name, rather an unpleasant one, as it happens.’

  ‘By whom?’

  She noticed the lines between his eyebrows deepen before he spoke. ‘Elspeth Markham’s little boy, Colin, was one, but the others joined in. They were calling him a bastard, I’m afraid.’

  Her jaw stiffened. ‘But that’s hardly his fault.’

  ‘Mrs Reeve, you cannot be so naive as to think I believe it is the poor child’s fault. That isn’t the problem.’

  ‘So, what is?’

  ‘The other parents, I’m afraid. I can’t afford to upset them. Mrs Markham came to see me earlier, having been tipped off that Conor would be starting today. She insists that we cannot have an illegitimate child attending here and believes that Conor’s presence will undermine the morality of the other children. And now, especially in the light of what has happened, I’m afraid Conor won’t be able to remain at the school.’

  As Louisa took this news in, she felt upset to think how much this must have hurt the little boy.

  ‘Surely we should be standing up to bullying?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  She rose as anger surged through her. ‘So, you’re just going to give in?’

  ‘I have no choice.’

  ‘Then how will we ever change people’s attitudes?’

  He shook his head. ‘Changing parental attitudes is not my job, educating their children is. I’m very sorry, Mrs Reeve. Perhaps the Sinhalese school will be more suitable?’

  Louisa turned her back on him and went to collect Conor. She took hold of his hand and practically ran out of the office. The headmaster must have known the Sinhalese school was not an option, as Conor would be perceived as even more different there, so now she was faced with having to educate him at home. She felt angry and sad about what had happened to him at school, but anxious too. Now she would be in charge of Conor full time. Thank goodness Gwen would be arriving soon.

  Fortified by a good lunch, she spent the early afternoon trying to encourage Conor to talk, but with no success. He wasn’t accustomed to being with children his own age, she knew that, but it was hardly good for him to only be with adults, especially one he wouldn’t talk to. He’d been fine with her on the fishing trip when Leo was there, but he wasn’t at all happy about her looking after him now. She asked him what he liked about the plantation. Was it the woods? Or the scent of cinnamon? Or the way you could smell the sea? Nothing seemed to work. If only she could find out what he missed, then she might be able to find a way to make up for it. Leo had told her about his secret places, so maybe if they played hide and seek he might find new secret places inside the house. Unfortunately, he refused to take part, and then when she laid out the Noah’s ark with all the animals around it, he got up from the floor and stamped on the wooden boat.

  ‘That’s not acceptable,’ she said, fighting to stay calm. ‘I’m only trying to help you.’

  He glared at her.

  ‘Pick up the pieces and put them in the box.’

  He didn’t move.

  ‘Conor, I’m asking you nicely to put the animals of the ark away.’

  Silence.

  She sighed. ‘Very well. Maybe it’s best if you go to your room and think about why you deliberately broke a toy. I, meanwhile, will put everything away.’

  She listened as he left the room and felt defeated. The only thing that made her feel better was thinking about Leo. She closed her eyes and imagined him sitting close to her. I have confidence in you, he’d said. She had to make things work with Conor, for the little boy’s sake, yes, but also for Leo’s sake too. She could not let him down.

  The following morning, she went into Conor’s room and found he had emptied his chest of drawers. The window was open and when she glanced out, it became clear he’d thrown all his clothes out into the garden. Feeling annoyed and not knowing how to handle the situation, she felt a flicker of panic.

  ‘Come with me,’ she said, standing with her hands on her hips. ‘We need to retrieve your clothing.’

  He stayed where he was with his arms folded. This was awful. Instead of things improving they seemed to be getting worse hour by hour. She looked out of the window again when she heard the lilting notes of a single flute playing Sinhalese music. The clouds were darkening and it looked like rain, so she needed to quickly get his clothes back indoors.

  ‘What’s the matter, Conor?’ she said, squatting down in front of him. ‘Won’t you tell me?’

  ‘I want Leo,’ he said and seemed to look straight through her.

  She tried to shrug it off and gave a little laugh to lighten the mood. ‘You know Leo is busy. But he’ll come and get you on Saturday. You’ll spend all weekend together, and maybe the three of us could go out on the boat again soon. Would you like that?’

  ‘I just want to go with Leo.’

  ‘Well, I’m sure you could do that. Come now, why not help me gather up your clothes.’

  He followed her down to the garden and although she did most of the picking up, at least he had accompanied her. It was only a very small victory but better than nothing.

  The rest of the day passed in a similar vein. Louisa attempted to read to him but he yawned loudly to show his contempt. When she asked if he knew his alphabet, he took a crayon and wrote it out immaculately. At least Zinnia had managed to teach him something before her illness made things impossible. She tried to find out what he knew of geography but his disinterest was obvious. The same thing happened with history, but when she began to write down some sums, he immediately perked up. She passed them to him, then glancing across at him surreptitiously, she pretended not to notice his interest. Within moments he had completed all the sums she’d given him and, when he had finished, he picked up a book and curled up on the sofa to read. At least she now knew he could read and he liked arithmetic. It was a shaky start.

  41.

  On Friday Gwen arrived in the afternoon while Conor was outside playing with the dogs.

  ‘I’m so glad you made it,’ Louisa said and gave her a hug.

  ‘I set off very early. So, are things any better?’ She glanced around and then put the baby down to sleep on the sofa with cushions around her. ‘She’s not so portable now she’s bigger, but luckily she still likes h
er naps. I’ll have to keep an eye on her while she’s on the sofa. I’ve brought a Moses basket for the night.’

  Louisa shook her head. ‘We’ll keep watch, but isn’t she gorgeous with all that lovely dark hair. Curly like yours.’

  Gwen smiled. ‘So? Are things any better?’

  Louisa looked directly at her friend. There was no point pretending. ‘To be honest, I’m not sure what to do. And …’ She paused. ‘I’m afraid there’s something I didn’t tell you. The thing is, the child I’m looking after didn’t just lose his mother.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘He’s Elliot’s son.’

  Gwen stared at her, with enormous eyes and paling cheeks.

  ‘He lives on a cinnamon plantation but he’s here during the week as his current guardian, Leo McNairn who owns the plantation, is tied up with work. Leo is Conor’s late mother’s cousin. I will tell you all about it but I’d rather not go into the whole story just now.’

  Gwen nodded. ‘Don’t worry. You can tell me when you’re good and ready.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Shall we talk about Conor instead?’

  Louisa nodded.

  ‘I kept a close eye on Hugh after Liyoni died, mainly because he was so unnaturally quiet. But I soon guessed it was his way of coping and I had to wait for him to talk when he was ready.’

  ‘Conor’s suffering in silence, I know that.’

  ‘Perhaps we can find a way to get through to him.’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘He must be feeling terribly overwhelmed by everything that’s happened. School may have been the last straw.’

  ‘Do you think there’s anything I can do?’

  Gwen seemed to be thinking and didn’t reply straight away.

  ‘Maybe not,’ she eventually said. ‘He’ll need time to get used to what are terrible losses. Does he say anything?’

  ‘He’s mainly communicating that he doesn’t like me.’

  ‘Be honest now. Do you like him?’

  ‘Because of his resemblance to Elliot it’s not always easy. I see Elliot reflected in Conor’s eyes, or in the shape of his head, or in a certain quizzical look on his face. The similarity takes my breath away and then I feel shaken by thoughts of what might have been.’

  ‘Hard for both of you.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘He’s feeling sad, of course, but probably also very angry. I know Hugh was. Conor might well be taking it out on you.’

  Louisa pointed at the garden. ‘Look, he’s outside now. If we go up to the window we can see what he’s doing.’

  They went across to the French windows and watched Conor enthusiastically throwing a ball for the dogs. They were barking and racing after it frantically, then returning for more. It lifted Louisa’s spirits to see the little boy playing so happily.

  ‘I think patience is the key,’ Gwen said.

  Conor suddenly stood still as if listening. After a moment, he went up to a bush and squatted down. He picked something up and cradled it in his hands. Then he glanced up at the house and spotted them. Louisa waved, then opened the door and she and Gwen went out.

  In the garden a wet breeze was caressing the shrubs and plants. Louisa ran a hand over her hair. ‘Plays havoc with my hair, this humidity.’

  Gwen nodded in agreement.

  ‘Conor, this is my friend Gwen,’ Louisa said. ‘She has her baby here. Would you like to see her?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘What have you got there?’ Gwen said.

  His voice quivered. ‘It’s a bird, but there’s something wrong with it.’

  ‘Can I have a look?’

  He nodded and Gwen went up close.

  ‘It doesn’t fly. Just shivers.’

  ‘Let me see.’ She observed the bird. ‘A sunbird, I think, but it’s stunned. Let’s just watch it for five minutes and if it doesn’t recover, shall we take it indoors and make a bed for it in your room? Stunned birds often recover quickly.’

  When the bird was still unresponsive after about five minutes, they went indoors.

  ‘Louisa, have you got a cardboard box we can use?’ Gwen asked.

  Louisa found a box, positioned a folded piece of soft cloth inside it and then poked holes in the top for air. ‘Will this do?’ she asked Conor, and he nodded.

  ‘We need to leave the bird to recover for an hour and then come back and see how he’s getting on.’

  They left the box in Conor’s room and went to wait downstairs.

  ‘How will it eat?’ he asked.

  ‘Later we could try sugar water from an eye dropper I have. Would you like to do that?’ Louisa suggested.

  After an hour, they went to the kitchen where Louisa found the dropper. She heated some water and asked Conor to mix in the sugar. This he did very solemnly. Once the sugar water had cooled to room temperature she asked him to fetch the box and when he came back she passed the dropper to him.

  ‘Squeeze it to draw up the water and then just be very careful when you open the lid.’

  He opened the box and offered the eye dropper to the bird. It took just the slightest amount from the end of the glass tube, opening and closing its beak very fast.

  ‘Let’s take it outside and see if it’s feeling ready to fly again,’ Louisa said.

  They went out to the garden and Conor lifted the lid again. The bird glanced about and then, with a brief flutter, it was off.

  Louisa smiled. ‘Well done, Conor. You helped the little bird get better.’

  Saturday was a bright shiny day, and Louisa found herself looking forward to seeing Leo again. After the incident with the bird, things had improved but overall it had been a hard week. She took extra care over dressing and brushed her hair until it shone, all the while convincing herself it wasn’t for Leo, and trying to ignore her longing to feel him close again.

  Conor was even more excited than she was, and, for the first time, was as animated as you’d expect a seven-year-old to be. It warmed Louisa’s heart to see him looking happier, though she felt relieved that for two days she would have time for herself. Since Elliot’s death, she’d become accustomed to her own company, had even become accustomed to sleeping alone, something she had thought might never happen.

  She was surprised when the first person to arrive was her father, and he’d brought with him a present for Conor, but had left it outside for the time being.

  ‘Well, let’s see it,’ she said. ‘Shall we, Conor?’

  The child didn’t reply.

  But with Louisa he followed Jonathan out and his eyes shone when he saw a new bicycle right beside the front door.

  ‘Is it really for me?’ he asked, looking up at Jonathan with enormous eyes.

  Clearly thrilled when Jonathan nodded, he ran his hands over the saddle, but then his face fell.

  ‘I can’t ride a bicycle,’ he said.

  ‘We all have to start somewhere,’ Jonathan said. ‘Why don’t you get up on to it and I’ll hold on to the handlebars while you pedal.’

  Conor looked dubious but did as Jonathan suggested, and the two of them sailed up the road and were soon out of sight. While they were gone, Leo turned up in his van and Louisa was glad to have a few minutes alone with him. It wasn’t much, but better than nothing. The street was completely still and they stood for a moment in silence, then chatted inconsequentially while watching a cat with orange eyes slink along a wall. She felt very aware of the space between them and, knowing they needed to talk properly, wanted to say more. He reached out a hand as if to reassure her.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ he said.

  ‘Me too.’

  Then he asked how things had been with Conor. She sighed, not wanting to disappoint him, but knowing he deserved to hear the truth. ‘I can’t get much out of him and nothing I do seems to be right.’

  ‘Give him time. He’ll come round.’

  ‘That’s what my friend Gwen says too. She’s come to stay for a couple of days to give me some advi
ce. I hope you’re right. To be honest, it’s been exhausting trying to think up things he might want to do. The worst thing is the school won’t have him.’

  He stiffened. ‘Why on earth not?’

  ‘Some of the other children were calling him a bastard, and then he got into a fight. The head says the other parents complained about his illegitimacy.’

  He frowned. ‘You should have phoned me.’

  ‘Sorry. I knew you were busy.’

  ‘Poor kid. So where is he now?’

  ‘Out on a bicycle my father bought for him. Dad’s teaching him how to ride it.’

  ‘Well, that sounds positive.’

  ‘It’s surprising, but a master stroke on Dad’s part. Conor had never met my father before, yet off he went, happy as Larry.’

  ‘It’s a good sign.’

  She frowned. ‘He doesn’t mind Margo either. It’s me he suddenly doesn’t like.’

  ‘He probably thinks you’re trying to take his mother’s place.’

  She didn’t speak.

  He put a hand on her arm and she felt the heat of it on her bare skin. ‘We both know you’re not. We need to make sure he knows it too.’

  Suddenly there was a shout. ‘Leo! Look!’

  It was Conor, now cycling on his own with no fear at all. Jonathan came up behind him, laughing as he attempted to catch up.

  ‘Well, that didn’t take long,’ Louisa said while the child dismounted, leant the bike against the house, and then ran to Leo.

  Her father grinned with pleasure and shook hands with Leo. ‘He’s a natural. Got the hang of it in five minutes. The hardest part was getting him to slow down.’

  ‘Can we take it home?’ Conor asked, cheeks flushed and eyes shiny with excitement. ‘Please, Leo?’

  Leo nodded. ‘I’ll put it in the back of the van.’

  ‘You’ll have to be careful on the track at home,’ Louisa said. ‘It’s a lot bumpier than here.’

  Conor ignored her but Leo said Louisa was right and he’d have to slow down a bit or risk falling off.

  ‘I’ll be careful,’ Conor said and gave Leo a hug.