Last Heartbeat

by T. R. Lykins

  “Wow, Alexia, that is a lot to have to tell him. I know he loves you. It will be a shock to him at first and he’d probably have to process everything. In the end, I think his love for you will be greater than the hurt of his lost brother. This has been a shock to you also. Was this the reason you forgot to take your medication? Your mothers keeping this from both of you-- They did it because they had to. You didn’t know you would run into Phillip and fall in love with each other.”

  “Yes, that was the reason I forgot. I didn’t mean to. I was upset about why Mom wanted me to tell Phillip and the time frame of my surgery. Then you said what you did about how it could be Phillip’s brother who gave me my heart and I freaked out. I ended up crying myself to sleep and didn’t take it. I am scared to lose him now. I heard Phillip and you trying to wake me up. I tried to tell you I was awake but couldn’t. Then I remembered why I was unable to respond-- because I am broken and have to always take medicine for the rest of my life to live.” I look up at Kristen and see that we both have tears in our eyes.

  “Oh, Alexia, don’t cry. Everything will be okay. I am for one glad to have you alive and in my life. Phillip will be glad too, once he knows that you love him the way he does. I will be with you every step of the way. I will remind you to take your medicine, because you almost gave me a heart attack. You know, I had to slap Phillip. He went into shock as soon as he laid eyes on you in the bed unresponsive.” She smiled.

  “You didn’t slap him, did you?”

  “Yes. I did. I had to get him moving to bring up the paramedics to our dorm room.”

  “Did everyone at the dorm see me being taken out to the ambulance?” I hope not.

  “Sorry, but some of the girls did. Megan did too. She was at her friend’s room and when the paramedics came, they weren’t quite. Everyone who wasn’t in class saw what happened. They have asked me about you, but I refused to tell them.”

  “How can I face everyone and what should I tell them?” I think about this and I hope these girls don’t ask what happened.

  “You hold your face up high and don’t say anything to them. It isn’t anyone’s business. Go back to school like nothing has happened.”

  “You make it sound easy, Kristen. I hope I can do that. I am glad you are here with me. You are a great friend to have.” I reach over and squeeze her hand. She surprises me by hugging me, and then I hug her back. She has been such a great friend to me already.

  “How much longer to until you’re freed from this place, Alexia?” She looks down at her watch to see what time it was.

  “The doctor left about twenty minutes before you came it. In my past experience, it usually takes about two to three hours. They have to fill out lots of paperwork first. My parents should be here soon if you have to leave for a class. I will have to do a lot of make-up work for my classes.” That reminds me, I have to email my professors today when I get out.

  Kristen looks at me. “Yes, I need to get to class. I was trying to wait until Phillip or your parents made it here before I left.”

  “I’m sure they will be here soon. I called my parents before you came in. Go on to class. I will be fine until it is time to leave.” I smiled up at her.

  “All right, I will leave. If you need me call.”

  As she gets to the door, I notice that it is open a little bit. She closed it when she came in. When Kristen opens it up further, there stands Phillip. He looks like he heard every word we said. He is pale and in shock.

  “Oh, hi, Phillip. What are you doing standing in the doorway?” Kristen asks and she seems to think what I do. She looks back at me and then to him.

  He looks up and I see a tear come down his face. My heart breaks into a million pieces. He knows everything and I know he is taking it hard. I want out of this bed to go to him. The nurses still haven’t taken out my IV or unplugged the heart monitor confining me to my bed.

  I finally find my voice. “Phillip, please forgive me. I had no idea what happened in the past.”

  He finally looks at me. “I am sorry, Alexia. This is too much for me right now. I have to go. I am sure your parents will be here soon to get you. I will stay with Tyler and Jacob until your parents leave. Leave the key to the condo at the security desk when they leave.” He walks over to me and kisses on my forehead. “Sorry, Alexia.” Then, before I can say anything, he turns and leaves in a hurry. I see Kristen is as upset as I am.

  “Alexia, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you about that when Phillip could have come back to hear. This is all my fault. Let me go talk to him.” She has this serious look on her face. She is blaming herself for my mistake. She really is a good friend and the best I have ever had.

  I look at her with watery eyes. “No, Kristen, this isn’t your fault. It is mine. I kept my past a secret the whole time and I knew I should have told him. Now it is what I knew would happen. I will be fine. You need to leave to get to your class. I need to be alone for a while.”

  She comes over and hugs me. “I don’t want to leave you now. You need me. I shouldn’t have left you the other day when you were upset. I will stay here until your parents come. You need me now.”

  “Thanks Kristen. You are the best friend ever. I wonder if Phillip will ever forgive me. I love him so much and now he is gone. I gave him my heart and now it is broken.” I start laughing.

  Kristen looks at me like I am crazy, and maybe I am. “Alexia, are you all right?”

  “Yes. I gave him my heart. How ironic is that? I can’t give him my heart because my heart is borrowed. My real heart is no longer beating. Now I have broken this heart too. It isn’t meant for me to have a heart. I must have done something bad when I was little.” Tears start flowing uncontrollably down my face. The door opens and I hope it is Phillip. It isn’t. Mom takes a look at me and rushes to my side.

  She looks at Kristen. “What happened to her?”

  Kristen shakes her head. “I asked her about your private conversation last night and when she told me everything, Phillip was outside the door. He heard everything and was upset. He told her he couldn’t handle this right now and left.”

  “Baby girl, look at me.” I do and Mom wipes my tears. “You have to stop crying. This doesn’t mean it is over for good. Phillip needs time to process all the information, and when he does, he will be back.”

  “Mom, no, he won’t. He said we could stay at his place until Dad and you leave. Then I need to leave the key at security. That means he doesn’t want me. It is over. I broke his heart for keeping my past a secret. Mom, can you go check and see how much longer until I get out?”

  She looks at me then goes to see.

  “Kristen, I will be okay now. You better get to class before your late.”

  Kristen comes over and hugs me. “I will go. If you need me, call. I will keep my phone close.”

  “Okay. Thanks for being here. Go make good grades.” I try to smile at her to let her know I will be fine. She looks at me one last time and then leaves.

  Not long after Kristen leaves, I am unhooked from everything and heading out the door. It feels good to be outside in the sun. I have been inside for to long. My mom and dad take me to Phillip’s. They made their flight plans to leave that day, but Mom is afraid to leave me alone. I tell her that I will have Kristen at the dorm, and once everyone is packed, we leave Phillip’s place.

  Before I leave, I go to the balcony and look at the beach one last time. I want to memorize this place, even if it hurts to do so. We drop off the key and head back to the dorm. They stop at my favorite pizza place to get me a pizza to take to my room. Once I’m all settled in, they kiss me goodbye, but they hate leaving me. I keep telling them that I will be fine and they finally leave or before they miss their flight.

  I looked around my room and decide that I need to head out to my favorite beach spot for my beach therapy. I load up my backpack with my books and take my food with me. Once I am at the beach, I will do something I’ve wanted to do for a while-- read, and relax, forg
et about my world, and visit another place. I am strong and need to heal myself my way. This is how I will do it.

  Chapter Thirty

  Phillip

  I go back to the hospital after I showered and rested for about an hour. Alexia is sound asleep. I decide not to wake her. Kristen stops by for a few minutes and we talk a little while. I tell her that I am staying the night and she tells me she be back early in the morning before classes start. I end up fixing my reclining chair bed and fall asleep soon after. I am awakened when the nurse comes in to check on Alexia. The nurse tells me that she is doing really good and looks like she probably will get to go home today.

  After the nurse leaves, I can’t go back to sleep. The sun has barely started to rise. I decide to go find coffee and something to eat. The cafeteria should be about to open soon. I stretch my arms and legs out a bit. Sleeping in the chair for the past few days has been rough on my body and it is sore. I really hope that Alexia does gets out today. I look forward to sleeping in our bed tonight. I heard Alexia’s parents have scheduled their plans to fly out today if she leaves the hospital. I told them to go ahead and plan to leave, because even if she doesn’t, I will stay by her side. I look at my watch and notice that it is time for the cafeteria to open, so I head on down.

  Most people hate the food hospitals fix, but if you have stayed in one for a while, you get use to it. They fix it healthy foods for most part. You have to choose the best foods. The smell of food hits me and I decide to stay down here to eat. I don’t want to wake my sleeping beauty with the smell of food and coffee. I pay and find a seat by the window. Looks like the sun has risen farther and Alexia will be up soon. I eat fast so I can hurry back up to her room. I think about yesterday and still wonder what Julie had to talk about privately to Alexia. I decide to let Alexia tell me when she is ready.

  As I get back to Alexia’s room, I hear Kristen talking to her. I open the door a little, but not to spy. I stop because of the question Kristen just asked her. Kristen asked the question that I am wondering about. I really plan on closing the door and then let them know I am there. Alexia starts talking about everything so fast that I have to stop and listen. What I hear floors me, and now I am to shocked too move. My mom and Alexia’s mom Julie, both knew who had Gabe’s heart. Alexia has Gabe’s heart! He not only saved me, but the girl I am in love with. I didn’t even know Alexia had been in the same hospital and at the same time as me. I am grateful for Gabe’s gift to both of us- yes I am- but since I barely have accepted this gift for myself, how do I process this for Alexia too?

  I hear Alexia say something to Kristen that I never would have thought about. She wonders if Gabe’s heart is the reason that she loves me so much. She loves me? She has never told me this. She knows I love her. What if that is true, that Gabe’s heart loves me and not, Alexia herself? That has to be crazy. I mean, we both have Gabe’s organs. Gabe isn’t alive or has feelings anymore.

  Then it hits me. What if our organs have drawn us together? I knew as soon as I met Alexia that there was this pull to her. Does she feel that same pull? My head has so much going on right now that I can’t think straight. Alexia even tells Kristen that she forgot to take her medicine when she thought she’d figured this out and that she cried herself to sleep. That is the reason she forgot. How could she do that to my brother? He gave her this gift, and then she didn’t take care of it. This upsets me too much and that I shouldn’t be here right now. I feel like she has betrayed my brother

  I hear the door open, and Kristen is standing in front of me. She is leaving and looks over to Alexia with concern on her face. She moves over so I can come in. I hesitate for a few seconds, but then I go in. I look at Alexia. She has lost all of her color on her face and tears are coming down because she knows I heard everything. I think my heart just shattered when I saw how upset Alexia was. I should turn around and leave before I say something I shouldn’t because I am angry. I don’t even know why I am so angry. This is all confusing and I don’t know how to think straight right now.

  Instead, I go over to Alexia and tell her that I can’t do this right now. That is all I really meant to say. My mouth had its own agenda though. I tell her that I am staying at Tyler and Jacob’s until her parents leave and to leave the key at security. I hear her saying that she is sorry and to forgive her. She didn’t know anything about whose heart she had. I hear all this, but I need to leave and think for a while to clear my head with all my confusion. I have to kiss her bye and I do it on her forehead. If I kissed her on her lips, I might have broken down. This is hardest thing I have ever done, walking out of Alexia’s hospital room with tears running down her eyes.

  Once I am out of the hospital, I sit in my car for a few minutes. I didn’t realize that tears are running down my face. I wipe them off and decide to do what I normally do to think. I head to the beach so I can run. I think about going surfing. Then I remembered that I have guests at my place and I can’t change into my swimming trunks. Running will help me just as much as surfing.

  The drive to the beach is extremely hard. Once I finally get there, my phone rings. I look to see who it was before I answered. I really don’t want to talk to anyone.

  “Hi, Mom.” I try to sound like I am fine. I don’t want to get into this with her until I clear my head.

  “Hello, Phillip. How is that wonderful girl you keep telling me about? Is she getting out of the hospital today?” Why did she have to ask about Alexia? Another tear slips from my eye.

  I take a deep breath and quickly wipe the tear away. “Yeah, she is getting out today.”

  “Phillip, what is the matter? You sound like you’re sad about something. Did something bad happen to her?” Mom asked, and I realize that I never told her Alexia’s name. Now I will see how she reacts to it.

  “Mom, I realize that I never told you my girlfriend’s name. She is from Cleveland and you may know her family.”

  “What is her name Phillip?” she asks.

  “Her name is Alexia Morgan.” I hear my mom gasp.

  Once she got her voice, she whispers. “Phillip, I do know her and her family. She is a beautiful girl. What is she in the hospital for? I can’t remember if you told me.”

  “Well she forgot to take her heart transplant medicine and her body started to shut down.” I don’t know why I am being hateful to my mom. I can’t help it. I’m hurting.

  “Sweetheart, did that do any damage to her donor heart?” She had to ask that question. Is she even worried about Alexia at all or just whose heart she has?

  “No she didn’t damage her heart, and it is strong as the day she received it.” Mom takes a breath like she was holding it until I answered. The more I talk about it, the angrier I am getting. The next words that come out of my mouth are hateful. “You should be glad about that, Mom. She didn’t damage Gabe’s heart. How could you keep something like this from me? When she found out by accident, she was so upset that she cried herself to sleep and forgot her medicine. I found about that about thirty minutes ago. I don’t know what to do about this information and it is driving me crazy. Should I be mad? What if the connection we have is because of Gabe? I left her in tears because I was afraid I would hurt her. I was more afraid that our connection is because of Gabe and not because we love each other on our own.” I realize by the time I’ve said all that to my mom that I am yelling.

  “Calm down, Phillip. You are overreacting to this situation. Gabe is gone and he has nothing to do with the feelings you have for this girl. That is all you or you wouldn’t be yelling at me. I did research after giving away Gabe’s organs, and what I found out is that it isn’t possible. You need to think about leaving the girl you love and go apologize to her. If you left her in tears, then you made a big mistake. What if she did you that way while you were still in the hospital? You would hate her for that and maybe you already messed up with her.” Mom had a point. I did mess up with Alexia.

  “You’re right, Mom and I am sorry for yelling. I am hurt and confus
ed about everything. I probably lost her for good. Mom, I have to go. I need to go run and think for awhile.”

  “Phillip, do that, but remember that everyday you put off telling Alexia you’re sorry, the harder it will be for you to get her back. I know you love her. Don’t blow it over something like this. You have never talked about a girl before. Please don’t mess it up over your stubbornness. You need to talk to her soon.” She is right. I am stubborn. I will clear my head and then talk to her.

  “Thanks, Mom. I will clear my head and talk to her. I do love Alexia and want to make it work. I am going now and I will call later.”

  “Okay, Phillip. Have a good run and clear that stubborn head of yours. I love you, son. Take care of yourself. Bye.” She hangs up, and I realize how much better I feel.

  I head over to the beach to run. While I am running, I see flashes of Alexia and tears running down her eyes because of me. She even told Kristen that she loves me but was just as afraid as I felt. Yeah, I made a mess of things. I will try to fix them, but when? Maybe I will give Alexia a few days to not be upset with me anymore. She doesn’t need the stress today after getting out of the hospital.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Alexia

  Since I went to the beach over a week to ago, I still haven’t heard from Phillip. I guess it really is over for good. I emailed all my professors and they emailed me everything I need to work from that week, plus my make-up work. Maybe the reason I haven’t seen him is because I haven’t returned to class yet. He still could have come by my dorm room or texted me if he wanted to. I decide it is really over.

  I focused on my schoolwork and take a break each day at the beach. Since I finally have my focus on school, my grades have been better. I even finish my part of the biology project I had with Phillip and I email it to him. Maybe he will finish his part and turn it in to the teacher. If not, I will turn in my part of the work.