He smiled then allowed his big sister to drag him away.
Over the next couple hours Cali showed me a few more thing she was working on as well as the basics of one of the programs she used. I’d taken down notes and the name on a notepad she’d given me. The program looked expensive though, so I doubted Saige or Raina would get it for me. I could ask Noelle, but I couldn’t talk to her just yet. Not until I grew some courage and talked to the other two.
When we left I was all smiles. I couldn’t stop myself even as we ate a late lunch or sat in Keem’s car afterward in the parking lot of Esme’s dorm.
“I can’t believe you did that for me.”
He leaned against the driver side door, looking at me. “Anything that makes you smile, I’ll do.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Keem was always doing amazing things. He was amazing. That’s why I loved him. My thoughts screeched to a halt and I was pretty sure my heart stopped for at least a second. I loved him. I loved Keem.
I paused, mulling that over. Love? Did I even know what that was? I loved my sisters. My parents. Esme. But a man? What did that even feel like? I knew that he made me happy. Being with him made my heart beat crazy and when he touched me, even just to hold my hand it made me dizzy. I knew to think about being without him hurt, made me want to cry and when we were a part I missed him almost as soon as he was gone. If that was what love felt like, then yes, I loved him.
“Hey.” His hand touched mine resting on the center compartment. “You okay?”
Smiling was easy with him near, and my revelation.
“Thank you again.” I leaned over the seat and hugged his neck, sighing deeply when his arms wrapped around my back to reciprocate the embrace. That same something from earlier took me over and a second later something soft was on my lips. Soft and warm. When I opened my eyes Keem’s face was impossibly close to mine.
I gasped and pulled away, covering my mouth. Had I just…
Keem’s wide eyes were on me…staring.
I flopped back in my seat, afraid to look at him. I couldn’t believe I’d just done that. I’d never done anything like that. Never thought I could. Why had I? What had come over me to possess me to do such a thing?
I chanced a glance in Keem’s direction and found him still staring straight ahead. Eyes wide, mouth agape. I wished I could read his mind because his expression confused me. Was he mad at me?
“I…I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
He still didn’t speak.
Something punched me in the heart. He was mad. I’d messed up. Made a mistake. He’d said we were supposed to be friends. That he couldn’t handle anything else. I’d been hopeful, thought that maybe his feelings might match mine eventually. I was wrong. So wrong. He couldn’t even look at me.
Tears filled my eyes. I had to get out of here. Turning, I pushed open the car door and almost tumbled out. I heard him call my name as the door shut but couldn’t face him after my horrible blunder.
I raced toward the dorm, hoping with every part of my being that he’d come after me. By the time I made it to the door I knew that he wouldn’t. I’d messed up bad. Possibly ruined things. My mistake could ruin our friendship.
I was so distraught when I got inside that I almost fell. There was a guy inside, sitting on Esme’s bed. Gordon, I remembered.
One look at me and she shooed him away.
“Kirb…” she spoke softly, pulling me into a hug. “What happened?”
“I messed up Es.” I cried into her shoulder. “I made a mistake.”
Chapter Twenty - Five
~ Haikeem ~
She’d kissed me.
I’d been in such a state of shock that I couldn’t even react. Didn’t even notice she’d exited the car until the door was closing. Of course, I’d gone after her, but before I could catch up my phone had rung, my dad’s ringtone. I ignored it, but when it rang right back I knew something was up.
Upon answering, I learned there’d been an accident at home. Nothing major. My mom had cut her hand making dinner and needed to go to the hospital for stitches. Only Tay and Savannah were there. Usually it was okay for Savannah to watch Taylor for a short time, but apparently there was a lot of blood and it had triggered a panic attack.
They’d been able to calm her, but mom was still bleeding and now they didn’t want to leave Savannah alone. T was unreachable, so I was the only one who could come.
My family was a priority, but I couldn’t get Kirby out of my head. That kiss. Her soft lips on mine. I was still in shock that she’d kissed me. Never could’ve imagined she possessed any amount of boldness to do so. I’d always thought if it came to that I’d be the one to make the first move.
As out of sorts as I was, I still smiled. My little Sunshine was growing.
It was late when my parents made it back. Almost eleven at night. I’d been calling Kirby all day, but her phone was off. I didn’t leave a message. This required a face to face.
The next morning, I had to work the early shift, so I still couldn’t go see her and for some reason her phone was still off. That worried me. I hoped she wasn’t avoiding me again, or worse, something had happened.
I was anxious all day. Fidgeting, messing up orders. I needed to see her. Know why she’d run away. It could only be my reaction, or nonreaction, that had her thinking her kiss was unwanted. Truth was, had I caught up with her yesterday, I would’ve pulled her close to me and showed her just how much she meant to me. Which was every damn thing.
When my shift ended, I hightailed it out of there. In a rush to get to her, my heart beat fast, damn near ready to explode from the need to have her in my arms. To express to her all I’d been feeling. So ready to release it to the world because holding it in had grown painfully impossible.
I didn’t even stop at my dorm to change. Still dressed in my uniform, I headed to Esme’s, hoping Kirby was there. I didn’t have her home address and was sure I wouldn’t be welcome based on her sister’s thoughts about her and ‘boys’.
My heart sped up more when I pulled into the parking lot, but not from the prospect of seeing Kirby. It was because of the two fire trucks and a police cruiser outside. I climbed out, quickly noticing what looked to be fifty or more girls crowded on the sidewalk.
It took a couple scans of the crowd to find Kirby and Esme. They stood huddled together, shivering, neither wearing a coat.
I raced over to them and immediately pulled Kirby to me. She buried her tear streaked face to my chest, teeth chattering. She was clearly in no state to speak so I addressed her friend. “What happened?”
“There was a fire on our floor.”
Her words made me hold Kirby, who was already clinging to me, tighter. She trembled but I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or what was going on.
“No one is hurt,” Esme added. “Some idiot snuck in a hot plate and set her room on fire.” Her face was set in a hard scowl as she shook her head.
I glanced back at the tall building. No external damage could be seen, so the fire must have been contained inside.
“Hey,” Esme called for my attention. “Could you get her out of here? The fire really upset her. They said we should be able to go back in soon, but I don’t think she should right now.”
Her mention of the fire upsetting Kirby reminded me of the date we’d gone on. How upset she’d been about the bonfire. Though I’d comforted her through her panic attack, I’d never learned the story behind it.
I nodded to Esme then released Kirby just long enough to remove my coat and put it on her. While zipping it up I glimpsed her feet that were only in a pair of slippers. The ground had a light dusting of snow so I scooped her up and carried her to my car.
She seemed to barely notice, clinging to me tight, but gaze distant. Like her mind was in another world.
I set her down to open the door then helped her inside. In case she was too upset to do so, I reached across her and fastened her seat belt. While doing so, I noticed
something yellow between the seats. I reached down and grabbed what I could see now was Kirby’s phone. She must have dropped it yesterday. It was dead. I now knew why I couldn’t reach her. It made me feel better that she hadn’t been ignoring me.
The short drive to my dorm was quiet. Because of Savannah I knew all about triggers. Fire was clearly one of Kirby’s. I was curious of the origin of that trigger, but I also knew from experience not to push. I’d question it when we made it to my place, but if she wasn’t up to talking, I’d leave it.
At my dorm, again I carried her so her feet wouldn’t get wet. She seemed to have come back to earth a little when we got inside. Her gaze landed on me a few times while I unzipped and removed my coat from her, but never stayed for more than a second or two. Her hands were still ice. They must have been standing outside for a while. The short car ride hadn’t been enough to warm her up completely.
I put her phone on the charger then walked her to my bed. After climbing in, I lifted the cover for her to join me.
She just stared, arms hugged to her body.
“You gotta warm up, Sunshine.”
What seemed to be reluctantly, she got under the cover then pulled it up to her chin.
“You okay?”
She gave a small nod, not looking at me.
I found her hand under the blanket and laced my fingers through hers, hoping it would get her to look at me. It didn’t.
For a while I stared at her pretty face. A million thoughts must have been going through her head. Some about the fire, ones the fire had triggered, and possibly while I was lying in bed with her and holding her hand after what, from her perspective, must have been my rejection of her.
“Sunshine.”
Slowly her gaze lifted to mine, but only for a second, then she was back to staring at my chest.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“About the fire?”
Her breathing hitched slightly, but she nodded.
“A couple months ago when we went to the bonfire, you were really upset by it. Then today… Did something happen…before. Were you…in a fire, Sunshine?”
A tear rolled across the bridge of her nose as she nodded.
I squeezed her hand to comfort her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
More tears raced from her eyes. She shut them and took a shuddering breath.
For the longest time she didn’t speak. So, I lay quietly. Not questioning. Not pushing. Simply holding her hand and squeezing it ever so often to let her know I was there for her.
“It was my fault.” Her voice was just barely above a whisper. Eyes still closed.
“What was?”
“The fire.”
My face balled in confusion. “At the dorm?”
She shook her head. “At my house. In Barbados. Raina told me to stop playing with Daddy’s lighter, but I didn’t listen.” Kirby sniffled and squeezed her eyes tighter. “My mom drank tea a lot. She would always leave the empty packets laying around. One day I set one on fire. Just the corner. Then I’d blow it out. The last time I couldn’t. I tried to shake the fire out like I saw Daddy do with matches before, but it didn’t work. I dropped it on the sofa. It burned so fast.”
A sob burst from her chest and she started to cough.
I pulled her to me and rubbed her back, hoping to soothe even a bit of the pain she was feeling.
She calmed after a minute and spoke again with her face resting against my chest. “I called for help and Saige came. She went to the kitchen to get water. I was so scared. I knew my parents would be mad at me. I thought Saige would put it out, so I ran upstairs and hid under the bathroom sink. It was my favorite spot ‘cause no one could ever find me.
“The water didn’t work though. The fire got too big. I heard everyone yelling, screaming that we had to get out. I was so scared though. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. It was like I was frozen. The smoke smelled so bad and it was getting hot, but I still couldn’t move.” She cried some more; her whole body shaking with hard sobs before continuing.
“Eventually Daddy found me, but by then the fire was so big. Everything was burning. Falling apart. The hall was blocked now, and we couldn’t get out the windows because we were up too high, and they had bars. He took me to the closest room. Mine. He laid me on the floor and put a sheet over me. It was wet. He was hugging me, I remember, and kept whispering over and over that he loved me. And I still couldn’t move.
“I don’t remember when the whispering stopped, but when they found us he was…he was dead. Smoke inhalation. I found out later that my mom had gotten out, but when me and Daddy didn’t come, she ran back in to find us. Part of the ceiling collapsed on her.”
Kirby was quiet for only a few seconds before her sobs started again. She spoke through them, choking a couple times. “Their gone and it’s all my fault. I killed them.”
“No, Sunshine.” I hugged her as tight as I could without hurting her. “Nothing’s your fault. You were just a child.” It broke me to know she blamed herself for such a tragedy. Any child would have panicked the way she had, and her condition made it even more likely.
“It’s not your fault.” Tears leaked from my own eyes as I rubbed comforting circles on her back. I held her close, heart breaking for my Sunshine. If I hadn’t already known, my feelings for her would have now been solidified. Her pain was mine, each of her sobs killed me a little more.
I didn’t loosen my hold until her cries ended, but still her body trembled against me.
She lay against my chest, breathing softly, and sniffling ever so often. “Our house was really old. Mommy always complained that it was falling apart. She said it was a fire waiting to happen. Daddy always said he’d make enough to move us somewhere better.”
I rested my hand on top of hers that was on my chest. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“But the lighter…”
“You were a child. Children make mistakes.”
“That’s what my therapist said. And Noelle. And Saige.”
“Not Raina?”
Kirby was quiet a beat. “She never said it was my fault, but she never said it wasn’t either. I think sometimes that’s why she’s so hard on me. I think she blames me for them being gone. And I think she resents me because she had to finish raising us. She was the only one over eighteen.”
I squeezed her to me gently, trying to send some of my healing energy to her. “No matter what she thinks, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Saige told me later that the fire investigators said our sofa was made of some material that was really flammable. That’s why it burned so fast. And the water mixed with the material made it spread faster.”
“See,” I told her, lifting her chin for her to look at me. “That’s proof you’re not to blame. If not for that sofa Saige could have put it out. It might not have even spread at all.”
Those Bambi eyes stay trained on mine for a few seconds before she lay her head on my chest again.
Soon her breathing pattern changed, and I knew she was asleep.
I followed not too long after. I wasn’t sure the length of our nap, but I awoke to Sunshine. My own personal one.
She was watching me, little fists tucked under her chin. She blushed when I caught her.
“Hey.” I covered my yawn and stretched.
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
Her lips curved up slightly but not into a full smile. “I’m okay. Thank you for comforting me.”
“That’s not something you ever have to thank me for.”
Another little smile. She moved her hands down, tucking them between her knees.
Knowing she felt better, I decided to change the subject. Hopefully to one a little lighter.
“You kissed me.”
Her eyes grew wide then she dropped her gaze to the bed. “Are you mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
Her gaze flew back to me, face marred with confusion.
“Because…you said we were friends. Friends don’t kiss.”
I shook my head slowly. “They don’t.”
Her tear-filled eyes dropped low again.
I lifted my hand to her face and swept back her hair. I recalled her kiss being soft and sweet. Her innocence was so endearing, but it scared me. So did the idea of being with her. But that was exactly where I wanted to be.
Leaning into her I brushed my lips with hers. Her gasp was cut short when I pressed them to hers fully. I kept the kiss short, simple, and sweet, like hers had been, then pulled back to gage her reaction.
Her wide eyes danced around mine. “You kissed me.”
“Are you mad?”
Her head shook side to side wildly.
I had to laugh at that then I pulled her close to me. I eased my face closer to her and kissed her softly before testing the waters with my tongue. I ran the tip of it across her bottom lip and to my delight her mouth parted.
Again, I used simple cues to ask permission. My tongue tasted hers for a second then moved back, hers followed, slipping between my lips to move against mine.
Her soft moan sent electricity dancing through me. Never had a kiss made me feel this way. Like I was falling and floating at the same time. I didn’t know what stars had to align to bring her into my life, but I thanked every deity for it happening.
Chapter Twenty - Six
~ Kirby ~
What. Was. My. Life?
Besides perfect that is?
I still couldn’t believe he’d kissed me. Was still kissing me. My crush, who until a few months ago had no idea I existed. I had to stop from pinching myself in front of him so he wouldn’t think I was weird, but when I’d gone to the bathroom I did three times. This was definitely real. I refrained from squealing though, at least until Esme and I were alone. For now, I leaned against the wall beside her door, Keem’s soft lips moving against mine. His kiss was slow, unhurried, like he felt the same as I did and never wanted it to stop.
He pulled back a few inches, fingertips brushing against my face, making me tremble from head to toe. “I wish you didn’t have to leave me.”
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