“It’s amazing how those around us impact us without trying and how we’re impacted without even knowing it. Because of someone I never expected to meet, each morning for the past few weeks I’ve woken and realized that I was less afraid. That facing the world that day didn’t seem as daunting as it had the last.
“Anxiety is something that will likely always plague me, but I started this semester with one goal: to conquer my fears. Standing in front of you all today I can say with confidence, that I’ve done that.”
I finished with a breath of relief that I’d actually made it to the end then stepped away from the podium. The first few claps caught me by surprise and soon the entire room had erupted in applause. My heart was in my throat as I made my way back to my seat and I was blushing so hard I was probably as red as a tomato.
When I reached Keem, he stood and pulled me into an embrace. He whispered in my ear, “You did so good, Sunshine.”
Another set of arms surrounded us, making it a group hug. Saige congratulated me. “I’m so proud of you, Kirby. And I’m sorry for not believing in you.”
On our way out the classroom, Saige stopped, placing a hand on Keem’s shoulder. “I owe you an apology, too. You really are good for her.”
He smiled, then looked down at me, so much reflected in his eyes. “She’s good for me, too.”
I was giddy that everyone was getting along now, and if not liking, at least accepting Keem’s place in my life. Things were so great. Noelle had flown back to Barbados but would be returning for Christmas with her husband for us all to meet. My life couldn’t be better.
Right now, we all had more classes to attend, but afterwards Keem was taking me to celebrate my accomplishment. We couldn’t stay out long though because we both still had more exams tomorrow. I’d be so glad when they were over and we went on winter break.
~ ♥ ~
I lay in Keem’s arms, intoxicated from his kisses. My lips felt swollen and heat thumped between my thighs. I eased my head back to take a breath and look at my boyfriend. “We’re supposed to be studying.”
His smile turned me to jelly as always. “I am. Chemistry,” he kissed me, sliding his sweet tongue slowly over mine. It caused my nipples to sting. “And anatomy.” His hand traced my side, sliding over my exposed skin where my shirt had lifted slightly, to rest on my hip.
I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. He was so darn irresistible.
He pulled me close until our bodies touched then rolled so I was on top of him. I could feel his hardness against my thigh. Then he added something else new to our nightly make out session. His hands snaked down until they were on my bottom and then squeezed.
I gasped against his mouth, squirming with excitement. Just when I thought things were about to get hotter, he broke away and stared at me with serious eyes.
His hands moved up to my back then he lifted one to tuck one side of my hair behind my ear. “You know I love you, right?”
I nodded, curiously searching his eyes. “Yes.”
“More than life.” He brushed my cheek with his knuckles. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, baby.”
Still curious about the change in his mood, I leaned in and kissed him softly. “You won’t ever have to find out. I’ll be your Sunshine forever.”
That got a smile on his face and he caressed my cheek again, moving his hand up to bury it in my hair. I loved when he did that. “Forever?”
I nodded. “And ever.”
He pulled me in for another kiss and that’s what we did for the next half hour.
Chapter Thirty - One
~ Haikeem ~
The guilt was killing me. Eating me from the inside out little by little. At each of Kirby’s admissions of love I questioned if I deserved it. I’d thought I could bury the truth but the more intimate our relationship became I realized that was a mistake. She felt like heaven in my arms and my soul ignited each time we kissed. Making love to her was inevitable. I wanted to more and more every time she was in my bed. But I couldn’t, not with the knowledge of my original intent from before I really knew her.
No, I hadn’t gone through with the juvenile act of bedding her just for the hell of it, but my conscious just wouldn’t let up. I had to tell her. There was no way around it. Terrified didn’t begin to describe what I felt going over scenarios of what would happen when I did. She’d be hurt, that was for sure, but the question was would she stay or go.
I didn’t want to even think about her being gone. Especially with Valentine’s Day less than three weeks away. She was so looking forward to the romantic holiday. And I was looking forward to a future with her. My confession could destroy both. I had to risk it though, because this lie I could no longer live with. Kirby was such an amazing, beautiful thing in my life and she didn’t deserve to be lied to, no matter the reason.
I was reminded of the report she’d given, how she spoke on facing fears. I’d been hiding from a few of my own for months now. It was time to put them behind me. Regardless of what happened in my life because of it, I didn’t want to hide anymore. After I spoke with Kirby, there was a long overdue talk I owed to my parents.
Kirby was so right about people impacting your life without trying. She credited me for her growth, but truth was she’d done so much more for me than she’d realized. I’d started the semester broken, lost, unsure of who I was anymore. She’d lit a path that led me back to myself and there wasn’t anything in the world worth enough to repay her for that.
It was all of this that led me to the conclusion that I had to tell the truth, no matter what it cost me.
My phone buzzed beside me and I grabbed it up. It was a text from Tobias.
T: we turnin up @ Werk. Com thru!
I shook my head. It was the middle of the week.
Me: Pass
Seconds later my phone started to ring with a call from FaceTime. I answered and was immediately bombarded with Reggae music. T threw back a shot before frowning at the screen. I could see in his eyes that he was already inebriated.
“Brooo, pull the fucking tampon out yo’ ass and come on.” He really needed to quit hanging around Baz. Our older brother was a terrible influence of which I’d experienced firsthand. “What happened to you?”
His face disappeared from view and all I saw were blurs as the phone was fumbled. “He done fell in love and shit, that’s what.” Nico spoke this time then his face was on the screen. “Yo, come chill with your boys for a change. Your old lady can miss you for one night.” I had to strain to hear him over the music.
I shook my head, falling back on my bed. “It’s not about her. It’s Wednesday.”
He kissed his teeth. “And? Your Thursday class ain’t until noon. No more excuses. Come party witcha boy on his b-day. It’s my last one ‘til thirty.”
Sighing, I looked away from the screen. Earlier in the week Nico had mentioned doing something for his birthday. I’d thought he’d wait until the weekend. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to celebrate with him, but I’d retired from the club scene. It wasn’t me anymore. Truthfully, it had never been, I’d been trying to be someone else.
“Come on, man. Just come through for a minute, have a drink. You ain’t gotta stay long. I want all my boys with me.”
I pushed out a breath. I’d told myself I wouldn’t let them drag me to Werk anymore, nor talk me into it. But Nico was my boy, it was his birthday, and he had been there for my twenty-first. Reluctantly, I nodded. “Fine, but only for a minute, and I’m not drinking. I’m wishing you a happy birthday then I’m out.”
I ended the call and dressed quickly. If I made my appearance quick I’d have enough time to drop by to see Kirby before the night was out.
~ ♥ ~
The music had always been too loud. I don’t know how anyone could enjoy it. I liked Reggae music, just at a reasonable volume. Looking around at the space crowded with sweat slicked, gyrating bodies, I couldn’t believe I’d ever subjected myself to such an atmosphere. Bef
ore my depression phase last year, the only club I’d ever been to was the robotics one.
That was my scene. One I was glad to get back to. With all that came along with trying to be a ‘playa’ or ‘cool’, being labeled a nerd had never felt so good.
I pushed my way toward the bar, where the crew had been when I’d spoken to them. I blinked back the irritation in my eyes unsuccessfully. I’d forgone glasses tonight to avoid losing or breaking them. My eyes were no longer accustom to contacts and they were aggravating the hell out of me. Almost to the point of taking them out, but I needed to see more than three feet in front of my face so that wasn’t an option.
I spotted the guys and made my way over. Nico broke out in a grin when he saw me and held his fist out for me to bump. T acknowledged me the same then went right back to some girl he was probably trying to talk out of her panties.
Baz gave a simple nod and I returned it. We hadn’t spoken much since the night I’d drawn an uncrossable line about him speaking on my relationship with Kirby.
I ordered a Sprite and leaned against the bar, sweeping the overcrowded club with an uninterested gaze. “Don’t ya’ll ever get tired of coming here?”
Nico shrugged. “This is the spot.”
“Yeah, but there is more to life than alcohol and girls.”
Again, he shrugged. “We’re young and having fun.”
“And ain’t nobody else trying to be tied down,” Baz slurred. Looked like T wasn’t the only intoxicated one.
I ignored Baz, grabbing up my drink as it was delivered and sipping slowly. I’d finish it then I was out.
Baz’s attention moved away from me and to a girl that had walked up to the bar.
She leaned against it, signaling the bartender.
Baz’s eyes were all over her. “Lemme get that for you, baby.” His words were so slurred they were barely decipherable.
The girl scrunched her face up and looked him up and down. “No thank you.” Her drink arrived, and she paid for it then turned to leave.
I caught it from my peripheral, but my reflexes were too slow to grab Baz’s arm before a handful of the girl’s butt was in his palm.
It took her all of a second to turn and throw whatever fruity concoction she’d ordered into his face.
He growled out the word ‘bitch’ while grabbing her arm and snatching up his beer. This time I was too in shock to stop him as he spilled the contents across her breasts.
She yelped in surprise while struggling to break free from his grasp.
“Yeah, bitch, men can do that shit, too.”
I leapt into action, stepping between then and taking hold of his wrist. The distraction caused him to release her and she took off.
He snatched out of my hold, snarling at me.
“What the hell, Baz. What’s wrong with you?”
“Yeah, man,” Nico added, now beside me. “That shit wasn’t cool.”
He kissed his teeth, slamming the beer bottle onto the bar. “Fuck that bitch.” He turned and tried to signal the bartender, who, along with a few other clubgoers, stood gawking at the scene.
I gave a disappointed shake of my head and abandoned my drink on the bar. Half of it had spilled while dealing with Baz’s dumb ass anyway. This was one of the reasons I’d always chosen to steer clear of places like this. They were full of drunk idiots and breeding grounds for chaos.
I turned to take my leave. I’d get Nico a card. I couldn’t deal with this shit.
As I faced the door, I froze, heart hitting me in the chest a couple times. A man the size of Shaq stomped in our direction with Baz’s victim not too far behind. Before I could determine if he was a bouncer or the girl’s boyfriend, he’d brushed past me and grabbed Baz by the shoulder. He whirled him around like a rag doll and slammed his fist into his face.
I heard someone yell ‘oh shit’ then the crowd went crazy. So many people swarmed, either around the fight, or toward the exit, that I was pushed back. I called for Tobias, hoping to get him out of there before all hell broke loose, but it was too chaotic.
I assessed the situation, mentally noting the exits. Things were escalating way too quickly. All I heard were shouts and glass breaking. I could no longer even see the fight, or any of the crew. As I got pushed further and further back, I did the only thing I could at this point; I left.
Outside I sat in my car, waiting to see if anyone I knew would emerge. Lots of people were leaving, some running out to avoid the potential danger inside. I could only hope this wouldn’t end in a fatality the way so many other club altercations did.
I hadn’t been out there long before four cop cars pulled up. I watched as the officers rushed inside. Soon after, more people rushed out. Minutes ticked by and the sidewalk outside the club became so crowded it was hard to pick out any faces.
I texted Nico over and over again, asking if they’d come out. I got no response.
More cops arrived and even a fire truck showed up.
I hated drama.
More time went by and finally some cops broke through the crowd. They had a few people in cuffs. The big man who’d rushed Baz stood out the most. And just behind him, another cop had hold of Baz. He was cuffed as well, face bruised and bleeding.
Both were placed into the backs of separate police cars.
Closing my eyes, I sighed, once again choosing my only option. I called my dad. After explaining to him what had happened, I went back to texting Nico and then Tobias. Finally, I got a response from Nico letting me know they’d made it out and were headed to campus.
I started my own car and pulled away before one of the officers decided to come question me about something. My name was Bennett and I wasn’t in it.
I headed home, emotionally exhausted. I’d call Kirby to tell her goodnight and see her tomorrow.
~ ♥ ~
I awoke to yelling. A glance at the clock told me it was past four in the morning. I sat up, concentrating on the voices to assess whether or not there was danger. When I recognized the voice as my dad’s, I stood. Danger was still a possibility since it was rare, almost never, that my dad raised his voice. I had a feeling I knew the reason for it though.
Entering the living room confirmed my suspicions.
“I mean really, Sebastian, I raised you better than this,” my dad bellowed. “What were you thinking?” He didn’t give Baz a chance to answer. “You weren’t!” Dad paced back and forth, fists clenched at his sides like he was trying to keep from hitting something, namely, Sebastian. He shook his head, nostrils flaring. “Never in my life did I think I’d have to bail one of my sons out of jail! That girl could have you brought up on charges.” He just kept shaking his head. “Where did I go wrong?”
Baz looked away with his arms crossed, mumbling, “maybe you’d have done a better job if you hadn’t left your real family.”
My dad’s steps halted in front of Baz. “What was that?”
Instead of answering, Baz scowled at me. “Instead of being on my case, why don’t you ask the golden boy over there why he dipped and let me get my ass beat. Ain’t you always saying we supposed to have each other’s backs?”
I let out a snort as I plopped down in the recliner. “One, I didn’t dip, and two, I wasn’t about to get my ass beat for you. You brought that on yourself. I don’t know why you always have to act like an asshole.”
“The same reason you act like a little bitch.”
“Hey!” my dad shouted. “My children will not fight, especially not in front of my face. Whatever differences you two have need to be squashed, now.”
I let out a scoff as I stood. My whole face was hot, and I was still reeling from what Baz had said about our dad’s ‘real’ family. “With all due respect, Dad, not this time. I’ve put up with shit from him my whole life because you always said we had to stick close. I’m not doing it anymore.” I left, stalking back toward my room, but not before Baz had a chance to shout, ‘fuck you too’.
Chapter Thirty - Two
&nbs
p; ~ Kirby ~
Love was in the air. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner it seemed as though everyone on campus was booed up. It made me smile. So did all the red and pink decorations in the store Es and I were in. Everyone said that Valentine’s was for the girl, and Sweetest Day, for the guy, but I wanted to get Keem something. Even if it were only a card and a plushie.
I’d already chosen a medium sized stuffed red bear and a couple of Pay Day bars to tape to it because they were his favorite. Now I just needed to find the perfect card.
Es replaced one she’d been reading and smiled over at me “I love seeing you so happy.”
I beamed, so filled with joy I might burst. “I love being happy. Keem and I are going to have the best Valentine’s. I can’t wait to see what he got me. He’s so good at surprises.” I stared off, biting my lower lip as I thought of my amazing boyfriend.
“It’s gonna be weird this year,” Es said, “not doing our usual thing.”
By usual thing she meant stuffing our faces with junk food while binging on all the best Black romance movies.
I frowned a little, feeling guilty for abandoning her. “I’m sorry.”
She rolled her eyes at me playfully. “For what, goofy? You shouldn’t feel bad about spending a day of love with your boyfriend.”
“But you’ll be lonely.”
Her eyes dropped away and she picked up a card with a cartoon dog on the front. “Actually…”
I tipped my head to the side, waiting for her to finish her thought.
“Gordon’s taking me to dinner.”
My eyes ballooned. “Gordon? As in the Gordon you swore was only a onetime thing?”
Her eyes rolled again. “One in the same.”
“What about no boys and being celibate?”
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