She stuffed the card back into the wrong slot. “I tried,” she whined, taking me by the shoulders. “But he just won’t stop being all perfect. And the things that man can do with his tongue.” She released me and fanned herself as if she’d had a sudden hot flash. “It’s not fair,” she huffed, crossing her arms. “And what’s worse…I think I might be falling for him.”
A gasp slipped from my lips and I sat down my basket and hugged her sideways. “Awww. Es, that’s so great.”
“I guess.” She fought a losing battle with her smile and finally it broke free. “He does make me really happy.”
“Yay!” I squeezed her tighter. “Now we’re both happy.” Releasing her, I linked my arm through hers, grabbed my basket and walked us further down the card aisle. “We’re going to have the best Valentine’s ever!”
She looked over at me, smiling, and shook her head. “Gosh, you’re a big pile of mush. What am I going to do with you?”
“Love me!” I said a bit too loud and a lady passing by paused to look at us. My cheeks heated up at the attention and I hurriedly turned away.
~ ♥ ~
It was movie night. Keem and I snuggled up and watched a movie each Saturday night, religiously. Usually we’d do so in his dorm, but he’d mentioned something about his roommate and a protocol of some sort, so we were at his house instead. Everyone was out for the evening, so it was just us two.
I was trying so hard to enjoy the science fiction movie he’d chosen, but the constant stabbing of my uterus made doing so impossible. Had I known Mother Nature would ‘bless’ me with my monthly ‘gift’ a day early, I might have canceled the preplanned evening. I wasn’t uncomfortable having my cycle around Keem, but the first day was always the worst pain wise and no medication ever seemed to work.
I lay curled in a ball beside him, eyes squeezed shut in an effort to block it out. The movie was paused and Keem’s warm hand moved up and down my arm lovingly.
“Midol still not kicking in?”
I gave only a slight shake of my head, afraid anything more would exacerbate the wrenching feeling.
“I wish there was something I could do.” He kissed the side of my face, easing his hand under mine where it rested on my belly. The heat felt good.
“Do you have a heating pad?” I whispered.
“No, but I can run out and get one. Want me to?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll grab you some of your favorite ice cream, too.”
I smiled and whispered a thank you, already anticipating the taste of salted caramel and some sort of relief from this pain.
The bed shifted as he got up and a minute later I heard his keys jingle. Instead of leaving though, he came around and stooped in front of me. He was wearing that serious look again, he had been a lot lately and it made me wonder if something was wrong. “I know it might not be tonight,” he began, brushing my hair behind my ear, “but when you’re feeling better there’s something important I need to talk to you about.”
“What is it?” I started to sit up, but he placed a hand on my arm and coaxed me back down.
“Later.” Leaning over, he kissed the tip of my nose. “Be right back.”
He’d only been gone two minutes before I hopped out of bed, grabbed a fresh pad from my purse, and made a beeline for the bathroom.
I finished up then headed back to Keem’s room. As I exited the bathroom I connected with a solid mass. I yelped and back peddled a few steps. At first I thought it might be Keem, but the man now blocking the door frame was much larger. I was half a second from going into a panic when I noticed it was only Keem’s older brother.
“Oh, h-hi. Y-you scared me.”
His dark eyes assessed me from the hall, moving up and down my body in a way that made me feel unsafe all over again. “Well if it ain’t little miss Sunshine.” He leaned against the door jam, arms crossed, still blocking my way out. The inflection in which he’d said the nick name, belonging solely to Keem, made my skin crawl.
My pulse accelerated, and my eyes darted around the small, blue bathroom. I felt like a trapped mouse with him being the hungry cat. It scared me. I tried to calm myself. This was Keem’s brother, his family. I had nothing to fear.
His laughter made me jump. Not only because of the sudden noise, but the tone of it didn’t seem to align with the supposed joyful action. And his cold, dark eyes definitely didn’t match. “I still can’t understand it.”
I felt my brows knit together. “W-what?”
“Whatever the hell he sees in you. I mean your face is…cute at best. No tits. No ass. Plus dealing with all that mental shit. He shoulda just got the pussy and moved on like he started to.”
A wave of confusion washed over me, I’m sure it showed on my face.
Both of his brows lifted as if an epiphany had just struck. “Oh, you didn’t know?” He chuckled. It sounded evil. “Lover boy, Keem? He ain’t as perfect as he pretends to be. All you were ever meant to be was a quick fuck. Only thing that stopped him is he found out you were retarded like his little sister and went soft.”
Pain exploded in my chest and hot tears leaked down my face. My voice trembled as I denied his accusation. “That’s not true.”
He shrugged. “Believe me or don’t. But I’m sure all the chicks he fucked before you can tell you exactly what kind of man he is. Why else would he waste his time on someone like you?”
That was the last thing he said before he turned and disappeared from the hall. I heard him moving around the house but remained frozen to my spot. It wasn’t until I heard the front door open then close that I relaxed.
I thought it was Keem, but when I heard a car start up outside the window I knew it was only Baz leaving.
My relief was short lived as his words began to replay over and over in my head. They couldn’t be true. Not of Keem. He’d never do anything like what Baz had said.
An old memory surfaced of a day months ago when I’d sat in the cafeteria waiting on Esme. It’d been before Keem and I were an item, but were growing ever close. A table of girls sat behind me, conversing loudly and my ears had perked up upon hearing Haikeem’s name. One girl had told the other’s that she’d been seeing him for a little over a week when they’d had sex and afterward she’d never heard from him again. They’d said some other things too, used the term ‘fuckboy’.
I hadn’t thought too much of it at the time. Haikeem wasn’t a rare name so it wasn’t necessarily him they were speaking of. Another reason was that I didn’t want to believe that my Keem would do such a thing. He couldn’t. He was so amazing and sweet.
I’d kept that conversation from Esme, the only secret I’d ever had because I didn’t want her to think those terrible things they’d said were true of my Keem.
But now…
I’m sure all the chicks he fucked before you can tell you exactly what kind of man he is.
Why else would he waste his time on someone like you?
On numb legs, I went to the tub and collapsed there, still trembling.
Chapter Thirty - Three
~ Haikeem ~
I ducked into the house away from the bitter chill of the wind and shut the door behind me. A heavy snow had begun to fall and according to the weather on my phone, it was the beginning of a storm that would last throughout the night. They predicted twelve inches. I’d be glad when spring came. I was looking forward to spending the warm months with Kirby, having picnics, swimming, and walking on the beach.
After getting out of my boots so I wouldn’t track snow through the house, I headed back to my room. The winter air had me nearly frozen to the bone and I needed my baby to warm me up.
I paused after passing the bathroom and backtracked. “Baby?”
Kirby sat on the edge of the tub with her hands tucked between her legs, staring straight ahead.
“Sunshine, baby, what’s wrong?”
I stepped inside and kneeled in front of her. I pulled her hands free and held them in mine,
trying to get her to snap out of her daze and look at me. When I felt the tremor in her hands my worry increased. “Kirby? Baby, you’re scaring me. Did something happen? Did you hurt yourself?”
Her gaze finally dropped to mine and I would’ve sighed with relief if not for the tears quickly filling her eyes. “Your brother just left.” Her voice was flat, almost monotone.
“What? Who?”
“Baz.”
It felt as if all the blood drained from me. My mind went crazy with questions of why his presence had her so upset. Had he done something? Hurt her? Scared her somehow? My hands tightened around hers at the thought, but I was quick to stop myself before I squeezed them too tight. Taking a breath, I tried to calm myself, not wanting to think the worst of my brother or imagine anyone doing anything to hurt my Sunshine.
“What happened, baby?”
Her lips trembled, and she swallowed hard before speaking. “He…he said something. Told me…”
“Said what? Told you what?”
“H-he said that you…that you only ever planned to…t-to have sex with me.”
I felt my heart explode and wondered how I was still breathing. The tears in her eyes made the guilt I’d been holding in spill over. I dropped my gaze, unable to take the question in her eyes.
“Keem,” she practically whispered. “It’s…that’s not…is it true?”
I met her eyes, forcing myself not to look away as they pleaded with me. They were begging me to deny the accusation, call Baz a liar, but I couldn’t. It was my lie that had led to this moment, to the pain reflecting in her big brown eyes as a heavy silence hung in the air.
Her hands slipped away from mine and I watched more tears spill down her beautiful cheeks. “It is.”
“I’m sorry.” That was all I could say. No explanation I gave would excuse my behavior. “I’m so, so sorry, baby.”
Her chin trembled and she swallowed. I could tell she was trying to fight an oncoming sob and be strong. “I want to go home.” Something in her voice held a finality and tit pierced straight through my heart.
“Sunshi–”
“Now.”
I was forced to move back as she stood and left the bathroom.
When I made it upstairs to my room she was in her boots already and was in the process of pulling on her coat. I watched numbly as my literal heart prepared to walk out of my life. I’d rehearsed everything I was going to say when I brought her the truth. Knew exactly what to say to make her understand my choices back then, the mental state I’d been in. I was going to confess it all to her. Everything that had pushed me to the brink of what I thought was no return and everything she’d done to pull me back.
All words were lost to me now and all I wanted to do was drop to my knees and beg her not to go. To tell her over and over how I loved her, needed her. How without her my life meant nothing.
I went to her as she finished zipping her coat and tried to take her hand. She moved it away. Wouldn’t even look at me.
By now my own tears were spilling and I damn near choked on my soul as it clawed it’s way out, trying to get to her. “Baby…please don’t go. Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry.”
Her tears continued to flow, but she didn’t move away from me. I took that as a good sign. She didn’t want to go, she was just hurt, justifiably so. If she’d let me, I’d do anything to make it up to her. Would spend the rest of my life doing so, but first I had to know… “Are we…are we still…” my voice was trembling and I took a shaky breath to try to make it stop. “are we still…us?”
Still, she didn’t look at me. Her eyes were on the floor, arms hugging her body as if she was trying to comfort herself. Her voice shook too. “I-I don’t know.”
Each word was a bullet to my heart.
“I need…I need to think.”
Hope?
Slowly I nodded, though she wasn’t looking at me to see it. “That’s fair.”
I grabbed her purse from where it was strewn on the bed and handed it to her. Her fingers brushed mine when she took it and the ever-present spark ignited my skin. I’m sure she felt it too because she pulled her hand away, trembling, and gave me the slightest glance.
I had a sudden urge to pull her near, kiss away all the pain, but I controlled it. Didn’t need her anymore upset with me. I had to grant her request for space, for time to process. I knew her mind and knew it was working overtime right now.
She left the room and I trudged slowly behind, stopping only long enough to get back into my boots and coat. Then we were in the car, accompanied by that same heavy silence. It was hard to, but I remained quiet, allowing her time with her thoughts. Things were too fresh for me to try to plead my case now.
I’d give her the night, at least, then I was going to fix this. I couldn’t lose her.
When I pulled into the driveway of the home she shared with her sisters, she hopped out as soon as I came to a complete stop. No good bye. No kiss goodnight.
I watched until she was inside safely then closed my eyes to fight an onslaught of tears. I cursed myself then punched the center console. I should’ve told her the truth sooner. Should’ve never kept it from her at all. And I damn sure shouldn’t have made the awful decision to use her for my selfish reasons to begin with.
I drove aimlessly, though I shouldn’t have been out in this snowy mess at all. I didn’t want to go home though. Didn’t want to climb back into my bed where she wouldn’t be with me, in my arms, as we enjoyed our movie night. Truthfully, I didn’t want to be anywhere she wasn’t.
I navigated my car slowly and carefully through the slick streets. I was coming up on Angelo’s and decided to stop in for a hot chocolate and to try to wait the storm out a little. Maybe if I stayed until closing the snow would let up enough to allow better visibility.
As I hopped out of my car and crossed the lot, I spotted a familiar car. Frowning at it, I went behind it to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough the Dodge Ram was fitted with a vanity license plate that proudly boasted ‘KING BAZ’.
It felt like fire ran through my veins. I silently cursed my asshole of a brother. It was because of him that I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Kirby. Sure, she might have still been hurt from my confession, but it would’ve been better coming from me.
Our whole lives Baz seemed to have some sort of beef with me. Like for some reason he had a personal vendetta. The bullying when we were kids, sometimes physically, and the continued teasing into our teens and adult years. I didn’t know what his problem was with me, but it was long overdue for me to find out.
I marched inside, pulse racing in anticipation of finally confronting my lifelong bully. My gaze swept over the festively decorated restaurant and I was surprised to see Jayson and Gabi among the crowd. Jay had asked for the room for the night, so I thought they’d be there wrinkling up some bedsheets right now.
Their presence was quickly forgotten when my gaze landed on the booth right across from them where my intended target was seated. Tobias and Nico were with him but I didn’t care. It was time for this shit to end.
Baz sat on one side of the table and T and Nico shared the other. I marched over and placed one hand on the back of his seat, the other was on the table as I leaned over him. I wore a scowl to make sure he knew I was pissed as hell. “Why?”
He gave me a nonchalant glance then sipped his drink slowly, leaning back against his seat as if nothing in the world mattered. “Is the sky blue? Does the caged bird sing?”
My grip tightened on the leather seat. “Don’t play with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why the hell would you say that shit to Kirby?”
I could feel T and Nico’s eyes on me, but I chose to ignore them. Even when Tobias questioned what my problem was.
Baz set down his drink then leaned back again with a smug look on his face. One my fist itched to knock off, giving the black eye he was sporting a twin. He shrugged coolly. “Maybe I thought the girl deserved to know the truth.”
“Bullshit.” I jabbed my finger in his face. “You saw I had something good in my life and wanted to ruin it. You’re an asshole and have been since we were kids. Always ‘accidentally’ breaking my toys and games. Picking on me in school, in front of girls I liked. Turning what few friends I had against me. I never understood it until now. You’re jealous.”
That wiped the smugness off his face. “Jealous? Me? Jealous of you? What the hell would I have to be jealous of?”
“Maybe because I always excelled at school when you struggled and had to get tutored by your little brother. Maybe because I got better toys than you because I was well behaved and you were always in trouble. Or maybe it’s the fact that Dad is married to my mom and not yours.”
His eyes darkened. “Fuck you. Ain’t a damn thing about you for me to be jealous of. I made you. Without me you’d have never had the courage to even talk to a girl, let alone fuck one. Your bitch ass would still be a pitiful virgin if not for me. Your first time. Eva. I made that happen,” he shouted, jabbing his finger at his chest. “Me!”
My stance faltered. “Eva?”
It’d been months since I’d heard that name. Since I’d tried to erase it and her image from my mind. That and the memories that came along with them. Of the night that had flipped my world upside down. Nothing I did could make it stop replaying in my head. Stop me from wondering what I could’ve done differently to change it. Or take away the shame I felt each time I looked in the mirror.
The volume of my voice was a lot lower when I spoke again. My anger had been replaced with shock and confusion. “What do you mean, you made that happen?”
His smug look was back. “Did you really think you could pull a bitch as bad as that on your own? My money made that happen, and if not for the Quake you probably wouldn’t have even gone through with it. Pussy ass.”
Ice cold blood ran through each of my veins. “Q-quake?” He couldn’t have been talking about what I thought he was. Quake was a party drug that had exploded onto the college scene almost a year ago. A seminar had been given on the dangers of using it. It was known to cause black outs, memory lapses, and in extreme cases, strokes. Girls had been warned not to accept drinks because it was reported to have been used in several date rapes.
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