Ivana Trump was too distraught to comment.
Lesbian
Sinton, 34, is in Mauritius to shoot a new TV ad for LOVE. It will feature busty topless models, simulated lesbian orgies and a 3ft inflatable fish. Vince Douglas, in Mauritius as creative supremo of Miller Shanks, the top London ad agency responsible for the commercial, said: “Basically it’s a bunch of sexed-up dykes having a laugh on the beach. It will be dead tasteful.” Brett Topowlski, Douglas’s deputy, added: “It’s just a bit of harmless fun. It’s gagging with top birds though.”
Fondle
Of the sex attack, Douglas, 21, who drives a Ferrari and earns in excess of £250,000 a year, said: “Frank runs a porn channel. That’s bound to get the trousers twitching, if you get my drift. It stands to reason that if he sees a chance of a quick fondle, he’s going to give it rock all. Especially if the bird’s a rich celebrity. They’re all perverts at LOVE.”
In London, David Crutton, Miller Shanks’ Chief Executive, said: “Until we know all the facts we cannot comment. However, if an assault did take place then we would deplore it and would support the forces of law in any action they undertook.”
Monty Sadler, Controller of LOVE TV, was not available for comment.
Fit
Anthony Burke-Johnson, Tory MP and Chairman of the Clean Our Screens campaign, said: “I have been trying to get filth like the LOVE Channel off the air for years. If its executives are rampaging around grabbing any poor lady that takes their fancy, then they are not fit to run a TV channel.”
There’s more:
THE SUN SAYS
Smut peddlers, the game is up
It’s one thing for the porn merchants at the LOVE Channel to fill our screens with filth. It’s another when their employees act out their sordid fantasies on a public beach. They have ducked and dived to defend themselves in the past. Now they stand condemned by Vince Douglas of their own advertising agency: “They’re all perverts at LOVE.” We at the Sun say “here, here.” It is time that the broadcasting watchdogs showed their teeth. Take this poisonous bile out of our living rooms.
Trump that!
We are a family newspaper and would never condone the kind of sex attack suffered by Ivana Trump yesterday. But we are delighted that this glamorous blonde is making a stand for the mature woman. Our exclusive pictures on pages 2, 3, 4 and 5 prove that getting on needn’t mean getting dowdy. Good on yer, Ivana. We’d pinch your bum any day of the week!
There are some great shots. My fave is you in your mud mask and Vin with his dick out for the lasses. They’ve done the decent thing and stuck a black bar across it – nearly went as far as his knee. Tell him it’s one for his Mum’s scrapbook. Hate to say it but I think you’re in some serious shit here. Get a lawyer quick.
Great result on the script by the way. Enjoy shooting it – could be the last one you ever do.
[email protected] 1/13/00, 3:01am (7:01am local)
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: READ ALL ABOUT IT!
Doesn’t look good, does it? Vin is shitting himself. He can’t remember what he said, but he has a horrible feeling they left out the worst bits. Haven’t seen Horne yet, but I’m sure the smug twat will find us soon enough. Just showed Mel your e and all she could say was, “Oh no, you didn’t say that. Oh no . . .” I told Vin to look on the bright side – at least they made his knob look big.
The other bad news is that we’ve woken up to half a hurricane. We won’t be shooting a bloody thing today. I want my mummy.
David Crutton – 1/13/00, 8:02am
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: Rachel Stevenson
The moment she arrives have her come and see me. I’m in the mood for firing today.
Zoë Clarke – 1/13/00, 8:04am
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re: fuck, fuck, fuck!!
David’s just said he’s firing people today!!!!!!!!! What shall I do!!!!!!!!! If I go home sick now he won’t be able to do it, will he?
[email protected] 1/13/00, 8:48am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: LOVE
Top of the morning to you.
On my way in to the office I grabbed the Sun’s late edition, which thankfully contained no new revelations. Naturally, the other tabloids picked up on the scoop, but none of them has anything lurid to add.
Having slept on it, I think this doesn’t look too bad for you. You have some “surgery” to do, but once you have excised the “diseased part” of your body corporate I think you will be home free. It will come as no surprise to you that I refer here to Mr. Douglas. His mouth has got you into hot water. I recommend you do the following:
Check his contract where I am sure you will find a standard clause forbidding unauthorised utterances to the press. Assuming it is in there, you have all the grounds you need for summary dismissal.
Make your disassociation from him as public as possible. Make it absolutely clear to anyone who will listen that conduct like Mr. Douglas’s will not be tolerated at Miller Shanks.
Issue a written “without prejudice” apology to the LOVE Channel and hope they decide not to sue for Mr. Douglas’s libel. My guess is that they will not. They will wish this story to die an early death.
As for Mr. Topowlski, his short quote is far less incriminating. Unauthorised though it was, he did not expose Miller Shanks. I suggest you let him off with a formal caution.
I feel that this story will have an extremely short shelf-life. Unless Ms. Trump decides to market her version (and if she wishes to maintain her dignity, she will not), I doubt that tomorrow’s press will even follow it up.
When the fuss dies down in a day or two I would imagine that you will even be able to salvage your relationship with LOVE. With Mr. Douglas and (presumably) Mr. Sinton spending more time in their gardens, there is no reason why it cannot be business as usual.
As I said last night, things never look so bad the morning after.
Best wishes as ever,
Max Gregory
[email protected] 1/13/00, 8:59am (12:59pm local)
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: LOVE update
The local met office was wrong. The Old Man of the Sea was right. This morning we are being pummelled by the raw force of a typhoon. We won’t be shooting anything today. Gloriously simple though Brett and Vincent’s script is, it does require weather that doesn’t rip roofs from houses.
Danny Boy blames the whole predicament on me – well, it must be someone’s fault. “Why on earth didn’t you buy weather insurance?” he whimpered over his yoghurt and muesli. I reminded him that when I told him what the premiums would be a couple of months ago, he scoffed and said, “Weather insurance? Don’t be so silly – we’re shooting in Mauritius.” Of course, nobody surpasses Daniel when it comes to rewriting history, so I’m sure I’ve got it totally wrong.
Thanks for sending the story through this morning, though we had already seen much of it courtesy of Liam. Poor Vincent and Brett are wearing the doomed looks of the puppies who have seen the sack with the bricks in it and have realised the canal is but two minutes’ brisk walkies away. I know they have been wicked little boys, but do you suppose there is any way they can be saved? They knew not what they did.
We were hoping to wave tatty-bye to Frank this morning, but the weather has shut down the airport. We’re stuck with him for another twenty-four hours at least. I think he’s relieved. He’s smart enough to know that both a letter of dismissal and divorce papers sit in his intray.
Don’t worry about us though. The hotel staff are rallying round to keep the guests’ spirits up. They’ve had us all in the lobby this morning playing bingo. I won a bottle of the local liqueur (pineapple), a souvenir ash tray and a box of le Touessrok Mint Thin
s (made in Bristol). This afternoon we have a traditional island dance class, where my booty will be well and truly shaken.
Lorraine Pallister – 1/13/00, 9:09am
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: fuck, fuck, fuck!!
Don’t panic. If you haven’t seen the Sun yet, read it now. If he’s going to fire anyone, my money’s on Vince and Brett.
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/13/00, 9:15am
to: David Crutton
cc:
re: Freedom
I have spoken to Pinki again and she can see no obvious or sensible way to write a youth-oriented campaign around Ivana Trump without making her look foolish. Can we discuss? Perhaps you can see a solution that has eluded us.
David Crutton – 1/13/00, 9:23am
to: Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re: sackings
You are quite right. It would court disaster to fire Douglas while he is on the other side of the world and we have no control over him. It will wait until Monday, 9:00. Prepare the letter and while you’re about it, a written warning for Topowlski – he could consider himself to have the luck of the Irish, if he wasn’t a fucking Pole.
[email protected] 1/13/00, 9:28am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: LOVE
Thanks for your note. A letter of severance to Vince Douglas is being drafted now. I have spoken to Monty Sadler at LOVE and not surprisingly he is doing the same for Frank Sinton. Like us, he wants to put the mess behind him.
Thanks, as always, for your help.
David
[email protected] 1/13/00, 9:35am (1:35pm local)
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: apology
Dear Mr. Crutton,
We want to apologise for the comments that appeared in the Sun today. We admit that we may have said these things, but at the time we didn’t know we were talking to a journalist. Also, he only wrote the bad stuff we said and he omitted all the bits about how we loved working for such an exciting agency and couldn’t wish for more caring employers.
We know that’s not much of an excuse and the way it came out in the paper wasn’t very good. We understand now that we were wrong, and that it wasn’t big or clever. All we can do is say how sorry we are and promise that it will never happen again.
We hope everything is OK in London and good luck with the Coke pitch on Monday!
Yours truly,
Brett Topowlski
Vince Douglas
[email protected] 1/13/00, 9:42am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: apology
You’re dead right, boys, it won’t happen again.
Zoë Clarke – 1/13/00, 9:47am
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re: the goss’
The Crettin’s sworn me to secrecy, so don’t tell this to a soul!!!! Vince is gonna get fired on Monday morning and Brett’s gonna get off with a warning!!!!!!!!!! They just wrote him an apology and I’ve never heard him laugh so loud!!!!!!!
Lorraine Pallister – 1/13/00, 9:50am
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: bad news
Come and see me. Crutton’s decided what to do with V&B.
Ken Perry – 1/13/00, 9:56am
to: All Departments
cc:
re: MSTV
I am proud to announce that today the brand new Miller Shanks inhouse TV channel will make its first broadcast. All televisions in the corridors, reception and other public areas have been re-tuned and at 12:00 the programme will commence:
12:00: WELCOME TO MSTV – a short introduction by our CEO, David Crutton.
12:10: MY FAVOURITE ADS – an exciting journey through Simon Horne’s illustrious advertising career from “Do the Shake ’n’ Vac” to Lombard Direct’s zany animated phone.
12:25: GODLEY’S AD TRIVIA – a fun quiz with our own Quizmaster General.
12:45: BUILDING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER – a no-holds-barred interview with our Head of Client Services, Dan Westbrooke.
01:00: ON LOCATION – a behind the scenes glimpse at the glamour of a TV shoot. This month we visit Isleworth studios for the making of last year’s Kimbelle Ultra Discreet spot starring Gerri Halliwell.
01:15: YOU HUM IT, I’LL PLAY IT – a heartfelt plea by Simon Horne for the revival of the lost art of the advertising jingle.
01:20: CLOSE DOWN.
I hope you will join me in enjoying this televisual treat. Snacks will be provided.
Ken Perry
Office Administrator
David Crutton – 1/13/00, 10:03am
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: Freedom
I’m already booked in for dinner with the senior Freedom people tonight. You should join us and I’ll introduce you as our resident strategic guru. Dazzle them with some demographics – the power of the grey pound, longer life-expectancy, the usual bollocks. Tell them that after a considered re-think we believe it makes no sense to chase impoverished teenagers when there are old dears out there who’d much rather fritter their pensions on jeans and disco gear than stairlifts. Bring some laminated charts – they’re not the brightest sparks, and some cheerily coloured diagrams will have them dribbling into their consommé.
When we present them with Ivana Trump, the aspirational new Freedom Babe, a week or so from now they’ll lap it up.
[email protected] 1/13/00, 10:11am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: bad news
You sitting down to read this? No nice way to put it, but Vin’s fired the minute he sets foot in the office. No doubt Crutton will also want the keys to his company Ferrari (sorry, couldn’t resist). You get off light – a written warning. I had a word with Pinki and she doubts there’s anything she can do but she’ll say something to Crutton anyway. It’s a bit delicate for her because we’re not supposed to know about it. We only found out because Zoë blabbed to Lol. I’m really sorry, but I guess we saw it coming. Anything I can do, shout.
Nigel Godley – 1/13/00, 10:16am
to: All Departments
cc:
re: MSTV
Don’t miss my small screen debut on MSTV (not counting the time I was on Crackerjack). I’m wearing a spinning bow tie! It’ll be mad!
Nige
[email protected] 1/13/00, 10:27am (2:27pm local)
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: bad news
Vin took it on the chin like a true geezer and went to the bar. Tell Pinki thanks, but not to worry about Crutton. Vin says it’s a waste of time and he wanted to leave anyway. He’s just glad that it’s DC who’s doing the business and not SH(it). I’ll have to leave as well you know. Me and Vin go all the way back to college and I can’t desert him now. I’ve already put in the call to Letitia.
No break in the weather. It might have blown itself out by tomorrow, but the beach will look like Hiroshima, Ground Zero.
Le Touessrok Redcoats are coming round now to see who’s up for native dancing in the lobby. There’s a big bunch of jokes to be gleaned from that but I really can’t be arsed.
[email protected] 1/13/00, 10:32am (6:32pm local)
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: Bucharest
Sorry to be a pest, but you haven’t had a word with JFW yet, have you?
[email protected] 1/13/00, 10:36am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: Bucharest
Mike, Jim flies in at the weekend. I will speak to him then. Goodbye.
Pinki Fallon – 1/13/00, 10:42am
<
br /> to: Creative Department
cc:
re: today’s review
The collective review will be a little later at 2:00 owing to MSTV, which I’m sure none of you will want to miss . . .
Pinki Fallon – 1/13/00, 10:45am
to: Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re: today’s review
Susi, I know you keep reminding me that you only work for Simon, but could you please help us out today? Lorraine is up to her neck, so I’d really appreciate it if you could do the necessary for the 2:00 review – pads, pens, drinks, etc. Ta . . .
Letitia Hegg / [email protected] 1/13/00, 10:47am
to: [email protected]
cc:
re: catch-up
You’ll be fascinated to hear that I’ve just had your lad Brett on the blower, simply desperate for a move. I didn’t know you’d fired his chum Vince. You must keep me abreast, darling. I actually have a brief just in that would be right up their strasse – Campbell and Roalfe at Y&R are looking for a funky young team. But Brett had the beleaguered tone of the leper about him and it warned me off. Anyway, while I wouldn’t normally pick it up with my mother’s gardening gloves, I couldn’t help but read the Sun this morning. I imagine two names beginning with V and B are being added to every creative director’s blacklist this morning.
But I have some gossip for you that’s so hot it should be served flambé by the maître d’ at the Savoy Grill. Guess who I saw sharing a prime window table at I’Odeon yesterday lunchtime. Your very own Ms. Harriet Greenbaum and none other than your old partner. You know I speak of Barry Clement. Of course, it could be true love but I think not. He has been seen about town with a d-d-gorgeous producer from Park Village – Jennifer Lopez with a clipboard. I don’t like to be catty, but I doubt Harriet’s child-bearing hips and stretch marks would light his fire. The fact is he has been restless at the Good Ship Abbott Mead for some time. He’s run out of shelf space for his little gold lions and stubby black pencils. I believe he’s open to offers of a creatively challenging bent. Isn’t that how David C sold Miller Shanks to you – a creative challenge? What is going on there? If you know, do tell.
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