Urban Diaries
Page 23
Avery: Yep. That bitch Selwyn turned me on to smoking Cush and drinking Crown Royal every night. It helped me forget my daddy and how much I longed to be with him, how much I wanted him to fuck me and tell me everything was gonna be all right. It helped me forget about how much I hated my mother for destroying my dream, how much I hated her for taking my daddy away. Yeah, it eased all the pain at first, but Selwyn was a tweeker, and when she couldn’t score, she used to cut.
Royal: She showed you how to cut too?
Avery: Yep. That was my life for the last 3 years, boosting, smoking weed, getting drunk and cutting. Then Selwyn…(crying)
Royal: Oh No…What happened to Selwyn?
Avery: (crying) She left.
Royal: Where did she go?
Avery: I don’t know…I woke up one morning, and she was gone. No note or nothing. In my mind, she died.
Royal: Why?
Avery: Cause how she just gonna leave me like that?
Royal: Is that the same thing that happened with your dad? In your mind he died?
Avery: What are you talking about? I told you how my daddy died. How my wack ass mama went crazy and killed him.
Royal: But that’s not what happened, is it?
Avery: What do you mean? I just told yo punk ass….
Royal: You told me that your mother stabbed him and he died, but that isn’t what REALLY happened is it?
Avery: Fuck You! FUCK YOU NIGGA! IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO!
Royal: Aww Come on Avery!
Avery: It’s Ashanti!
Royal: Cut the bullshit Avery. Let’s keep it 100! What REALLY HAPPENED that night?
Avery: I told you what happened!
Royal: And that shit is a lie! You know it and I know it!
Avery: And how do you know it?
Royal: How do you think I knew you were here? Who do you think told me you were here Avery?
Avery: FUCK YOU!
Royal: I talked to him Avery. I spoke with your dad and he told me that something different happened that night.
Avery: FUCK HIM TOO!
Royal: He told me Avery. He told me everything. He told me how you two were together that night and how you kept begging him to send your mother away so that you could be together.
Avery: SHUT UP!! YOU SHUT UP!! (crying)
Royal: He said that he knew that having the relationship with you was bad and he needed to go get help. He tried to break it off with you, huh Avery? Didn’t he?
Avery: GET OUT!! GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM!
Royal: But you wasn’t having it! Cause you were in love! There was no way you were letting him just leave you there. That meant you would have to take care of your mother, alone. And you couldn’t fathom that, could you? So what did you do Avery? What did you do?
Avery: I STABBED HIS ASS!!! Alright? Is that what you want to hear? I stabbed that lying muthafucka until my momma came and stopped me from killing him. She told me to get dressed and she gave me $500 and told me to run away and never come back…that she would take care of the mess I created. Is that what you want to hear?
Royal: Yes, if it’s the truth. I just want the truth Avery…only the truth.
Avery: (crying uncontrollably) But I did tell you the truth! I swear on my life I did!
Royal: Maybe about everything else and that Selwyn story is suspect but I’ll take your word for it. But you lied about your mother’s role in all this.
Avery: I had to! That’s the only way I could live with accepting his rejection. I thought he was dead! I blacked out and went crazy! I just kept stabbing and stabbing! I couldn’t believe he didn’t want me anymore! (crying) He kept saying it was wrong but how could it be when he was the only person in the world that loved me? Why was this love wrong?
Royal: He was your father Avery. Fathers and daughters are not supposed to have sex with each other.
Avery: SAYS WHO? WHO MADE THAT FUCKIN RULE? (crying) MY MAMA SAID HE WAS SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME? SO THE BITCH LIED ABOUT THAT TOO HUH?
Royal: Avery, please…Sit down!
Avery: No FUCK THAT! She said he was supposed to love me and that’s how he showed me love. He couldn’t say he loved me unless I swallowed his cum, unless I let him fuck me doggy style, unless I let him suck my titties. That’s how he showed me he loved me. And I didn’t have a problem with it, so why should anybody else? My mama…OOOOOOOOHHHHH That bitch ruined everything!
Royal: How? Seems to me she helped you that night.
Avery: She took the blame, she helped me by taking the blame for it, but in the process, she killed my baby and fucked off my relationship with my daddy. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see it’s all her fault? Where are you going? Wait! Don’t leave! (crying)
Royal: Thanks for talking to me. I promise that your story will be heard. Goodbye Avery.
Avery: Wait! How is he? How’s my daddy?
Royal: Well, since your mother took the blame, she was sent away to Agnews, an asylum in Santa Clara.
Avery: I didn’t ask about that bitch. My dad? How’s my dad?
Royal: He’s fine. After he healed from being stabbed, he started going to church, gave his life to the Lord. He’s very active in the church and leads a life grounded in Christ. Says he prays for forgiveness everyday.
Avery: He knew you were coming to see me. Did he tell you to tell me that he still loves me?
Royal: Actually Avery, he only said that he was sorry and he’ll never stop praying for you. Goodbye Avery.
Avery: So he does still love me! You don’t pray for people you don’t love right? Maybe when I get out of here…
********************
Clearihue looked down at his ashtray, which was now full of Black and Mild butts. He smiled at Royal. “Congratulations Saunders. That girl actually admitted to a crime that her mother was persecuted for and her daddy’s silence protected her from. I’m not sure what’s going to happen to her or him after this hits the press but I think you’ve just earned your 1st Pulitzer. How did she end up at Augustus? How did you get turned on?”
Royal stood up and walked to the window that overlooked Downtown Los Angeles. “I went to school with Shannon Bancroft, Don’s sister. Shannon called me and said that her brother Don had a confession to make but he didn’t want the press to go crazy like they did when he got stabbed. He wanted the truth to be told, so Shannon turned him on to me. I met him after church a few weeks ago and he told me everything, well not about the pregnancy but damn near everything else. Said the cops called him and told him where Avery was and he knew that was a message from God telling him he needed to confess.”
“What about the Selwyn girl? Were you able to locate her?” Clearihue asked. “Her story about the Selwyn chick checked out to be partially true.” Royal answered. “She bought some bad dope and died in the alley behind the motel they were staying at. Cops found Avery crying and hugging her dead body in the alley. They said she wouldn’t talk, so they dropped her off at Augustus.” Royal could not stop smiling as he shook his Clearihue’s hand. He knew that with Avery’s confession he had “one”, a Pulitzer Prize. As he stood up to walk out of the office, he said, “Don Bancroft says he’s ready to accept his fate. Says he’s a man of the cloth now and he can’t go on living a lie. As for Avery?”…
********************
The large room was all set up and prepared for morning Group Therapy sessions at the Augustus Hawkins Mental Health Facility. All the participants started making their way in the room, making coffee or grabbing a donut which had been set out for them.
As everyone starts to take their seat, the morning Counselor and Moderator, Charlene gets everyone’s attention by standing in the center of the steel, folding chairs, which are placed in a perfect circle. As everyone takes their seats, she asks, “So, who would like to begin with a share this morning?” Avery raises her hand and Charlene gives her a “YOU BET NOT GET OUT OF LINE” look. “Avery,” Charlene says, “Do you really have something to share or are you just going to curs
e us all out and tell us where to go?”
Everyone laughs, including Avery. She sips her coffee and then stands. She’s smiling and looking happy and refreshed, almost like a new person. “I’m not going to act a fool. It’s time for me to get serious. My name is Avery Bancroft and I’m an alcoholic and I smoke weed too. I gotta get my shit together yall. I just found out my daddy is at home waiting for me and Lord knows, I love my daddy. He always makes me feel special and pretty.”
CHAPTER 34 – DADDY’S GIRL
Daddy’s Girl
Kaleidoscopic thoughts lead me down
Roads of destruction and delusions of disillusion.
Singing songs that have no melody or words
But pictures of the havoc in my head.
Love is a beautiful thing that is never wrong.
It is those that say it is wrong who are misguided.
Blades upon flesh to release the stress of knowing
That I am the only sane one in a world full of insanity.
The smell of burning flesh as I cleanse myself
And prevent the infection of positive influence.
Who are they to tell me that my love is unnatural
When love is supposed to be beautiful,
Not frowned upon out of jealousy or paternity.
Maybe we can be together in Heaven
Since God loves all things.
The voices scream at me to make sure we
Are both on time when the gates open
So He can reside over our nuptials and christen
Our first born. The one who was taken away
Without either of our consent.
I am all alone in an abyss of anguish,
In a cloud of chaos
A mortuary of mayhem, if you will.
Death invites me over for a visit
To play this deadly game of roulette.
Will I win or lose is the question.
There is profound and utter darkness,
Which lies beyond the inner peace threshold.
An inner sanctity far from forgotten,
Yet alas we meet again, in times of turmoil
And sorrow without smiling faces.
The temptation is strong yet subtle in its attempt
To lure me into an early grave.
The desire to die is inevitable, but premature
At the point of destruction.
At times my mind wants to die
In order to abandon the pain.
But my heart and soul want to live and flourish;
Accept and move on.
For the hands of time have no rewind
And it is clear to me
That no one will miss me
More than I will miss myself.
Yet the final call comes and the tension
That has been holding me back
Oozes out of my body in a pool of shared DNA,
Then,
ALL
IS
QUIET! Daddy take my hand…
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Shaena “Sexcee” Jackson is a teacher, author, and mother of 2 boys who has a passion for writing and helping people from her community. Born and raised in Compton California, she was faced with many struggles in her life and she fell in love with the idea that she could escape her reality by reading books. Graduated as Valedictorian of her class at Davis Middle School, with honors at Dominguez High School, and she completed her Bachelor’s of Arts Degree in English on the Dean’s List at Cal State University Dominguez Hills.
Nashan “Ntricate Mynd” Wilson, a counselor, a mother of 2 girls who was born and raised in Los Angeles California, is a dynamic young woman who has overcome many obstacles. With all of her personal struggles, school became her solace because it was the one thing that was only for her and it made her acknowledge her intelligence as well as her value. After obtaining a BA degree in English at Cal State Dominguez Hills, she decided to get a Masters Degree in Educational Counseling as well as obtain a second Masters Degree in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution and Peace-building as a compliment to
her counseling degree.