She had a pair of skin-tight jeans that clung to her long legs and a sweater that was loose fitting but did nothing to disguise the shape of her body. With each sensuous shake of her hips, he forgot a little more and just heard the music. And despite the fact that they were on the Upper East Side, with snow and ice outside, he felt transported to Cuba.
He stood there watching until she threw her hand out towards him.
“Your turn.”
His turn? His turn. They were having a dance-off.
He wasn’t really much of a dancer unless he’d been drinking, and drinking a lot, so his moves pretty much were limited to putting his hands on his hips and making a circle with them. She threw her head back and started laughing.
“What, you don’t like this?” he asked, shimmying his way over to her. He danced around her, clapping to the music and then he put her hand on his hip. “That’s fear, right? I noticed your moves weren’t quite as good as mine, but since I’m a gentleman I’ll show you how it’s done.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him, their eyes met and she smiled. “I can’t wait to see what you have to teach me.”
“You will be impressed.”
She laughed and then he spun her around to face him, putting one hand on her waist and taking her right hand in his. He pulled her close to him and her curves fit nicely against his body. The sensation overwhelming him for a moment and he realized how much he’d missed touching someone. Not sex. He’d gone out and done that with a bar hook-up over the summer just to have it out of the way. But touching and intimacy.
Their eyes met, her lips were parted, and she gently took her hand from his and brought both up to wrap behind his neck. She went up on tiptoe and their lips brushed. He could tell from the way she did it that she meant the embrace to be a casual one. Nothing too hot and heavy but a spark arched between them, burning him straight to his core. Making him forget things that he’d thought he never would and he put his hand in her hair at the back of her neck, kissing her with all the passion he’d thought he’d never feel again. She tipped her head to the side as he deepened the kiss.
His hands rubbed the column of her neck, her fingers soft and long and everything narrowed down to Iona. The way her lush lips parted under his. The taste of brandy on her tongue and the way her height made it easier to hold her. His hand on her waist drifted lower, cupping her backside and drawing her into the curve of his body.
The music changed but he didn’t register it. The dance- off had been a distraction and he’d thought it had been from the past, but he stepped back, looking down into Iona’s upturned face, her lips were parted and swollen slightly from his kisses. Her skin was flushed and her eyes half-closed and he had to admit that the sadness he’d felt was because she was fresh and new to love and he wanted to be the kind of man who could believe in miracles and forever because he knew if he’d met her before Gill, he would have wanted that with her.
Not that he hadn’t loved his wife. He had. Oh, God. Had he loved her.
He turned away from Iona and walked out of the room.
What was he thinking? She’d died and now he was holding another woman, wishing he still believed in love because … he liked Iona. It wasn’t just lust or loneliness. He truly liked her with her quirky sense of humor and her willingness to do anything for a friend.
He heard sounds of her moving around behind him and a moment later she was next to him. “I think I’m going to go. Thanks for a fun evening.”
“Don’t. Please don’t leave.”
She tipped her head to the side and shook it. “I can’t stay. I want something that you’re not ready for. And I’m trying to be a good friend to you, Mads. You need a friend and so does Sofia.”
It was as he’d thought. Not fair to Iona to ask her for more when he wasn’t the man she deserved. And if he needed further proof that there wasn’t a higher being watching out for him, he’d just gotten it. Why would God put her in his path now? Why would he give him this woman, who could be so much more if only he hadn’t been so badly shattered by Gill’s death?
“Fair enough. Text me when you’re back to your place.”
“It’s not that far,” she said. “I think I’ll be safe.”
“I’ll worry if you don’t,” he said.
She started to say something but then just shook her head. “Okay.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Nothing that matters,” she said. “Don’t forget the gingerbread decorating tomorrow at Sofia’s school. I brought some candies over for her to take in. They are on the counter in a Candied Apple Café bag.”
She had become a part of their lives and he realized that as he nodded at her and watched her walk down the hall. That he had to stop taking from her. He either had to find a way to give her what she deserved from him or just let her go.
***
Lucy was curled up next to the fireplace and when Iona entered she came over to greet her; she was watching the little dog while Hayley and Garrett were in Boston for an overnight trip. Iona sank to the floor and let the little dog climb up on her lap. Lucy put her paws in the middle of Iona’s chest and then licked her chin as Iona lowered her head.
She’d spent hours thinking of herself as a fixer. She knew that her super power — if she had one — was down to the fact that she’d always been able to see the broken things in others and fix them. Even without a degree in psychology she knew that it owed a lot to the fact that she’d rather analyze others and figure out what motivated them. That had always been the secret to her success at all of her jobs.
She took comfort from cuddling the tiny miniature dachshund. She was grown and she knew there was no such thing as a Christmas miracle. She’d paid lip service to that sentiment earlier, but tonight she realized it was true. The part of her that had always been able to tap into the joy of the holiday season felt small and gray. She looked around her apartment, decorated with garlands and twinkling with lights. She waited for the holiday things to cheer her up but she finally understood the lyrics from “Blue Christmas”. Finally she knew that missing one person could cut deep. And the worst part was Mads missed Gill and Iona thought she missed Mads.
Lucy gave her one last lick and then trotted back to her bed and Iona stayed there on the floor taking off her boots and then pulling her legs up to her chest. She hadn’t allowed her belief in the holidays to be shaken until tonight.
Maybe she was tired.
Yeah, that was it.
But as she forced herself to her feet, she knew it wasn’t fatigue. Or not the normal kind. It was a kind of soul wariness that had been spawned by nothing more than a desire for once to have someone for herself. Someone who could mend the broken bits inside of her.
And, of course, her heart wanted a man who was so far from being healed no matter what he’d said. Mads was going to take years to heal from the blow of his wife’s death. And she got that because she was coming to love him and little Sofia. Iona knew that it wasn’t that crazy lust-driven emotion that she’d sometimes called love while in the flush of a new relationship. It was something deeper.
Something more profound.
And that was what frightened her. She went into the kitchen and made herself a cup of hot cocoa from the new Candied Apple at Home line. And then took it up to her loft bedroom. She set it on the dresser and then fiddled with her iPhone dock until her Christmas playlist came on. She did her bedtime ritual, thinking too much about things she couldn’t have.
But the truth was she’d always been hungry for something but had never really known what. And there was no easy answer. She climbed into bed as her phone pinged and she reached for it to see it was a text from Mads.
White Christmas is playing on TCM.
Iona sighed. She should probably ignore the text. But he’d reached out to her. She knew then that this was the part of complicated she couldn’t plan for or anticipate. He wanted her but he was still tangled in the briars of the past. She needed this t
entative olive branch he’d offered her.
Iona replied. It’s one of my favorites.
Mine too. Sorry for … just sorry, pinged back.
Me too.
She wanted to say more but didn’t know what, so instead she watched the movie and laughed when Mads texted her about asking his brother to try the fan dance when he saw him on Christmas Day.
She texted back that she thought Mads had nice calves, so the act sounded promising.
They continued texting until the movie ended with that miracle snowfall that saved the ski season and Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby reconciled.
She wished life was that easy. That the miracle she sought would just appear like a snowstorm.
Iona texted one last time: Night.
Mads replied. I’m going to try to count my blessings tonight.
She just sent back a smiley face. She knew he was trying and the thing she had to decide was if she was going to continue to try or if she was going to just let the burgeoning feelings she had for him fall to the side.
Chapter 19
The Common lobby looked like a lavish Christmas card: the staff were dressed in Victorian period costumes and there was a string quartet in the corner of the lobby playing carols. Iona stopped in the doorway just to take this all in. It was hard for her to believe that Mads had put this all together.
He wasn’t a Scrooge, exactly, but the traditions of the holidays weren’t where his mind normally went. And this was like the most perfect Christmas dream come to life.
He came over to her, looking like a million dollars in his dinner jacket and tie. He was a handsome man, something she’d been reminded of each night when she went to sleep and woke to sensual dreams of him. She’d tried to pull back to keep them both from being swept up in the magic of the season but a part of her knew that it was too late.
“Let me take your coat,” he said. She turned so he could help her remove her long red wool coat.
She felt the brush of his breath against her bare neck as he pulled the coat from her arms. The Common holiday party was formal so she wore a strapless, floor-length black velvet gown. She’d decided that her red satin elbow-length gloves were the perfect accent and had worn her grandmother’s stacked pearl choker at her neck. She’d put her hair up in a chignon and she was happy with the way she looked tonight.
And when she turned around and saw the look in Mads’ eyes she knew he was too. And that feeling of longing that had been driving her for too long felt as if it might be close to finding someone to satisfy it.
He put his hand on the small of her back as he escorted her across the lobby. She was aware of the people who looked at them as they walked and she knew they looked like they belonged together. In her heart, she’d already started to see them both as a couple. He was tall, dark, and so handsome he took her breath away when she thought of him. They fit together perfectly and she was tired of pretending they didn’t.
He handed her coat over at the coat check and then led her down a long hallway, which she recalled led to the banquet rooms.
Mads pulled her to a stop in one of the conversation alcoves. She glanced up at him, their eyes meeting, and he opened his mouth to say something but stopped before he uttered a word.
“What is it?”
“I told myself that I’d never feel this way about another woman. I’ve been living in a sort of chrysalis state, pretending that I didn’t need anything except Sofia, but now you are making me realize how lonely and empty I’ve been.”
“I am?” she asked. She lifted her hand to touch the side of his face, knowing how hard that had to be for him to admit.
He didn’t say anything, only leaned in to kiss her and in that brush of his lips against hers she felt all the words he couldn’t say. When she pulled back she saw a light in his eyes that hadn’t been there before and believed that he was starting to fall for her. The way she’d fallen for him.
“Mads …”
“Sir, sorry to interrupt but you’re needed in the ballroom,” Lexi said, coming over to join them.
Mads’ assistant was dressed in a green cocktail dress and gave Iona an apologetic look.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Just had to steal a kiss before we got to the party, where I’ll be too busy to even dance with Iona.”
“I don’t blame you,” Lexi said. “And I added the first dance to your agenda so you’d get one with her.”
“Thank you, Lexi,” Mads said and his assistant walked away. He turned to Iona. “I’m sorry, but tonight I’ll be working as much as attending the party.”
“It’s fine,” she said. This was what his life was. The Common took a lot of his time and she understood that.
They went down the hall to the ballroom that was set up with tables spread out around a dance floor. There was a stage at one end and then three open bars dotted around the room. There were round tables that could each seat ten people and a seating chart was mounted near the door when they came in.
In one corner was a Christmas tree that stretched to the ceiling and was lit with brightly colored strands of lights. Iona stood for a moment, just taking in the room, which was festive and crowded with a good number of people.
“Lexi, where am I supposed to be?” he asked his assistant, but he kept his hand on Iona’s back.
“The board have all arrived. You need to go and greet them and then we need a picture of all of you. For the electronic Christmas card I’m sending out tomorrow.”
“I’ll wait over here,” Iona said.
“No. Come with me,” Mads said. “The board members always bring their spouses. I’d like for you to meet them.”
“Even though we turned down your offer to work with you?” she asked.
“Yes. That was just business,” he said. “Plus, I think you might change your mind once Hayley has a chance to talk to some of the other chefs I’m flying in to meet her.”
Interesting. He saw her refusal as just the first stage in negotiating. She tucked that away for later. Iona didn’t share Mads’ opinion on that. But she did hope that Hayley would loosen up her control over their product. The decision to not take the Loughman Group up on their offer had been a difficult one for the three of them to make.
“Okay, then I will go with you.”
He didn’t say anything else, just led her over to the board members and when he introduced her she noticed that many of the board looked at her with speculation in their eyes and she knew that was because this was another first for Mads. His first time at a corporate function with someone other than Gill.
***
“It’s good to see you dating,” Derek Martin, the CFO of the Loughman Group said when they were at the bar getting refills for Iona and Derek’s wife Marcia.
Mads looked back at Iona where she was talking with Marcia and two of the other spouses. She had fit into the group at their table very well. But that hadn’t surprised him. She was social and entertaining and he’d yet to see her in a situation where she couldn’t handle herself and win over the people around her.
“Thanks,” Mads said.
“How is Sofia?” Derek asked.
“She’s been good,” Mads replied, not really wanting to talk too much about his daughter. But Derek was more of a friend than just a colleague. “Most days she’s good. But every once in a while, she has a meltdown.”
“That’s to be expected.”
Derek and he had started at the Loughman Group together more than ten years ago, so Derek had known Gill before she got sick.
“Yes, it is.”
“You know that I’m here if you need me. Any time of the day or night.”
“I do know,” Mads said. “Thank you.”
“I still miss Gill,” Derek said.
“I do too,” Mads said. “But it doesn’t hurt the way it used to.”
Derek clapped him on the shoulder.
Mads wasn’t really ready to admit that he’d started moving on, but he knew he had. Bringing Iona
tonight had been his first step forward out of the past with Gill. And he didn’t feel the guilt like he had in the past when he’d thought of this moment. He hadn’t brought a woman to a work party in years. Of course, when Gill was sick no one had expected him to, but at the summer picnic he’d had some well-meaning employees and fellow Loughman Group board members introducing him to their single friends.
The bartender finished making Derek’s drinks and his friend collected them and stepped aside while Mads ordered a Manhattan for himself and Iona. He was vaguely aware of Derek talking to one of the front desk managers, but his mind was on what his friend had said.
He’d been trying to be careful. Just experience as many of these last firsts without Gill and not lose his sanity. But somewhere along the way Iona had become the focus of the firsts. They were no longer “withouts” but “withs”. He knew that deep inside and with that knowledge came more fear than he wanted to admit he could feel. He was afraid of letting himself care for Iona in this way.
Afraid that something would happen to her.
The last time he’d felt this kind of anticipation and hope had been when Sofia was born and then shortly after that Gill had gotten sick. He’d never just been able to let himself fully love without feeling like there was a price to pay.
He took their drinks back to the table and Iona looked up at him with a question in her eyes, but he just shook his head. Tonight had felt like a step forward but now the ghosts of the past were holding on to him and they weren’t letting go.
He had seen her with her friends and her mom and brother and knew that Iona needed a family of her own. He could feel how ready she was to create her own little unit because she spent a lot of time working and he knew that was what he had used to fill his time when he’d been trying to avoid his home life.
But now he knew that his fear was going to play a part in this. Was probably going to keep him from giving her his heart.
Christmas at the Candied Apple Café Page 17