Holy Hell

by Patricia Feenan

  Good news cheered us in the next few weeks. The second victim was prepared to attend court if needed and then a third victim came forward. This man was sixteen years older than Daniel, and as before, we were not able to know his identity but we were told that he didn’t know our family.

  Unbelievably Fletcher had also approached that family for character references. The audacity of this man! A pattern was certainly becoming evident about this particular paedophile priest and such arrogance beggared belief.

  I think it was around this time that we were told that one priest from a neighbouring parish had used part of the previous year’s Christmas collection to help fund Fletcher’s defence. I was disgusted as I thought of the many people who attend church at Christmas and only Christmas for their very own reasons.

  Perhaps people who had known pain and suffering in the past year or who had been disillusioned in some way had decided to attend church in the season of peace and goodwill. They may have hoped that a fresh start could be made with the celebration of Christ’s own birth. And then, in a spirit of generosity fuelled by their new found peacefulness and joy, they gave happily to the Christmas collection thinking it would go towards a very worthwhile cause, and then it was diverted to the legal fund for a paedophile priest! They’d never darken a church door again if they knew and I would understand completely if the regulars ceased attending as well. We were later to learn that the priest using donations for Fletcher had at one time also faced child sexual abuse charges.

  That was the Christmas that Daniel’s depression had rendered him incapable of organising any funds to provide a Christmas celebration for his family and I and a few friends bought and paid for it all, with love, unconditional love. Soon after that, the diocese, through the Bishop, started to support Daniel financially and that was appreciated and took a weight from his shoulders. I know that Fletcher had been offered money for the legal fees for the defence of the charges. I was told that Bishop Malone had asked who was paying Daniel’s legal fees and perhaps he was thinking of helping with them, but he obviously didn’t understand the legal process and didn’t realise that this was a criminal matter being prosecuted by the state and not by the Feenan family.

  Daniel was in close contact with Detective Fox throughout this hiatus as well as the DPP. All officers extended to him the utmost patience as they dealt with his very understandable frustration. They discussed the various possible outcomes of the criminal trial with him and us and we were warned that the result is not always what a victim hopes for. I was present with Daniel on one occasion when he was asked what he hoped for from the whole legal procedure. He answered readily that he fervently wished that the priest would admit to the abuse and say he was sorry. Daniel didn’t care if Fletcher went to gaol or not and said that it was not the purpose of all of the investigation. No malicious intent there, just that little boy inside wanting confirmation and apology. What courage and character typified that statement. There weren’t many dry eyes in the room after that.

  Finally, a new trial date was set and it was to begin on Monday, the 23rd of November, again at East Maitland Courthouse. We were told that it had been given a Priority One classification so with no significant unforseen circumstances, there was a strong chance it would proceed as set down. What a relief! A look at the calendar confirmed that we had a major family wedding the week before and we wondered if that would be a happy distraction.

  The weeks crawled by and the stress of the wait again took its toll on Daniel and Donna. Holidays were again applied for and that special sort of leave that you suppose you will never need to access was granted, without question. A new round of subpoenas was issued and we started to prepare again.

  The DPP told us that Fletcher’s defence was being spearheaded by Ian Barker QC, a prominent lawyer from Sydney. He was the man who, as Solicitor General of the Northern Territory, many years before, had successfully prosecuted Lindy Chamberlain for murdering her daughter, Azaria. I was told that he was the man who got the dingo off and I wondered about the similarity between the dingo and the priest, both predators. He got it wrong with that case and I hoped he’d have no success in the priest’s trial.

  He didn’t come cheap either, but somehow the funds were pouring in for Fletcher.

  17

  I talked to Daniel about support for him at the trial. He had previously asked an old family friend to be with him, a man who had been present for some of Daniel’s bad episodes of anger and upset and he had agreed. Our family and close friends had all suggested that support might be one way of helping us all through what promised to be a very difficult period but they were naturally very mindful of Daniel’s feelings. Obviously there was going to be some very sensitive material mentioned at the trial and no one wanted to cause Daniel any more pain. I conveyed all of the offers to Daniel and he said he would think about it.

  When I pressed him for an answer so people could arrange time off from work, he told me he thought he would like them to attend. He was understandably embarrassed and I reassured him that the people who loved him were offering love and support and it was entirely his call whether he had them in the waiting room at the trial or in the actual Courtroom itself. He asked me to tell all of those family and friends that he would like them there but he would wait until the time of the actual trial to see how he felt about having them in the Courtroom.

  A few weeks before the trial was to commence, Detective Peter Fox suggested that whoever was available might like to go to the Courthouse and get a feeling for the actual Courtroom itself. We were grateful for the understanding that we were shown and realised that the suggestion was a good one. We were absolutely resolute in our determination to hold our heads high and pursue justice so anything that would help prepare us for the ordeal ahead was welcome. Daniel, Donna, Bernard and I drove over and met him and the solicitor from the DPP at the East Maitland Court House.

  They showed us where the different court personnel would be sitting, where the jury would be and most importantly where the accused would be sitting in the dock. It was helpful to visualise him sitting there and we hoped it would lessen the pain of seeing him at the actual trial. Detective Fox showed us the room which had been allocated to Daniel and his supporters and the room he supposed the Defence would be using. We were able to sit in the witness box and orient ourselves to the court scene, judge to the right, priest and legal teams to the left.

  I thought it was a worthwhile visit and two and a half weeks later when I found myself entering the crowded courtroom, I was certain it had been a brilliant idea. I was still anxious but not shocked and Daniel said that it had been a tremendous help to him and he would not have liked to have gone in there without the prior introductory visit.

  The wedding of my niece a week before the trial was a grand affair. She was getting married from my home as her parents lived seven hours away near Moree. We threw ourselves into the wedding preparations which gave me the most pleasant anticipation, joy and distraction. Without a daughter of my own, I had no idea about the hair styling, makeup, massages and general delight that happens on the wedding eve and morn. It was a fantastic experience.

  The wedding eve dinner was a very friendly affair as we met old friends and relatives and it was a joy to see the cousins rejoicing in each other’s company. Of course they all knew what was going to happen in a week’s time and indeed the next day, but when the ten of them are together, they become like the little children who devoured those plates of sandwiches, rode bikes at breakneck speeds around the paddocks and played in the creek until dark. They laughed and joked and celebrated when my third son, Dominic surprised us all by arriving at the venue from Canberra. He was meant to come the next day so he was very well received.

  I looked at all those beautiful young people and became very calm. I knew the wedding would go well but I had a moment of clarity of thought and could see that we would get through the coming weeks because of the love and strength of the family.

  The wedding
did go well. My elder sister, the mother of the bride, had spoken quietly to the Catholic officiating priest and he was sensitive to the undercurrents running through the church on that day. My niece was gorgeous and her proud husband was both happy and handsome. It was indeed an elegant and happy occasion. In keeping with the honesty of this story, I must own up to a night which had a rather blurred ending for me. I know that the young ‘uns wanted mum and aunty to have a good night because she had been under rather a lot of stress, so they all made sure her glass was topped up. Big headache the next day, some confusion on my part whether dessert had been served at all but probably the best medicine an anxious mum could have had. It makes for great family recounts when the kids are together and there is only the slightest of hints of my condition on the wonderful DVD that a great brother in law produced and a loyal and precious god daughter edited.

  18

  Wedding over, Trial next.

  We tried to have a normal week but that didn’t happen. The countdown was on and we were counting. Messages of support flowed to all the family, some I could relay to Daniel, some I couldn’t because he didn’t know that those particular people knew of the assault charges. We were told by the police and DPP that there would be nothing much happening for the first day while the legal arguments were happening and then the jury empanelled. The legal argument is when the Crown or Prosecution, us in this case, and the Defence, argue in front of the trial judge about what is admissible as evidence. This includes witnesses and their statements.

  On the first morning of the trial, Monday, the 22nd of November, 2004, I woke very early and immediately thought of Dan. Had he been able to sleep and was he okay? The thought of the immediate future for my family caused me to feel ill and in fact I was physically sick. Even though the day was something we had anticipated for a very long time, I still experienced the incredulous feeling that we were even in such a situation. As I write this, I remember the pounding chest, the headache and the stomach upset. A calming cup of tea sipped out near my rose garden, a read of a little prayer a friend had given me (strange thing that) and a good long stare at my father’s photo, him being the champion of fairness and justice, helped me to settle and regain my equilibrium.

  I had resolved not to contact Daniel and Donna and just meet them at the Courthouse but he rang about a minor matter concerning the kids. He sounded strong and straight away I lost my nervousness and in fact got off the phone and said “Bring it on!” If Dan could do it, then he could depend on his mum to walk with him, beside him, in front of him or wherever he wanted me to be.

  The arrival at the Courthouse was memorable. We knew that on that day, we probably would not be required as witnesses, but nonetheless we needed to be there to make a start and show our resolve. As our family’s cars pulled in and parked, along with those of supporting friends, we gathered together. Everyone kissed everyone else and then Daniel and Donna arrived and everyone then kissed them.

  As a group we walked towards the court house and people standing around watched. I know they were saying “which one is he?” and some were insensitive enough to point. As the boys look fairly similar, they may have had their work cut out to pinpoint which one of the four was the victim. I am so proud of my four sons for the way in which they conducted themselves that morning, quiet, straight and proud. We stood about near the steps and Detective Sergeant Peter Fox welcomed Daniel and his entourage. The media, the priest’s supporters and court staff milled round until the doors opened. There were quite a number of people gathering around an entrance on the other side of the courthouse and I assumed they were potential jurors. We were ushered into a little room which was to be ours for the duration of the trial. We stayed in it most of the time but did step out for fresh air now and again and of course the smokers left it often. The priest and his friends were allocated a room as far away from us as was possible and given that the Courthouse at East Maitland is not large, that was quite an achievement.

  A Court officer pointed out that when the trial actually started, there would be witnesses in the next room, through a locked door and we would not be able to see or speak to them until all had taken the stand. We knew then that he was speaking about the other alleged victim who was still unknown to us.

  On that first day, we sat about in our room, talking quietly until lunchtime. We were told that the trial in relation to witnesses taking the stand, would not commence that day or even the next day in all probability. We left, had lunch nearby and went our separate ways. I remember Luke came out home to have a swim and Daniel and Donna went to pick up their children and then they came home for a swim as well. We were all fairly quiet but the boys enjoy being together and the afternoon passed.

  The next day, Tuesday, found us back at Court. We sat about again and talked. I had packed sandwiches and I think we realised that food would be needed over the next few weeks as we would be spending many hours sitting around. Detective Fox said the DPP liaison officer would bring a kettle and tea and coffee each day. My family, cousins and nieces decided to take care of the catering for the dozen or so people who would be with us each day.

  From then on, eskies arrived each day with sandwiches, cold drinks and something sweet. After the trial was over, I remember the senior Court officer saying he had never, ever, seen the likes of such hospitality during a trial. He agreed that it was obviously the way that support could be offered to Daniel by people who were not going to be able to testify.

  We were told, by the DPP that afternoon, who was allowed to take the witness stand and in which order we would be called. The legal arguments had been completed and ruled on and many witnesses for the Crown had been disallowed. Victim three had been ruled out because the nature of his abuse was different and there had been too much time between his abuse and Daniel’s. We were dismayed that so many people had been excluded and hoped that the Prosecution had enough left to make a compelling case against Fletcher. Another trip home and we were worried about this latest development.

  Wednesday, and there we were again. We sat in the room while the jury was selected and empanelled. Two jurors who had been excused because they knew us went by the door. One fellow briefly put his head in the door and cried. He was very upset, had not had an idea what matter he had been called up for and was shocked. He promised to pray and went on his way. Finally it started.

  Up until that afternoon, family and friends had offered support by being with Daniel and us at the trial, but were not sure about actually sitting in the courtroom and hearing the evidence. Because they were good friends and devoted family they already knew of the pain experienced by Daniel and respected him and his decision about their presence while he was actually in the witness box. Perhaps the time sitting around with people as we waited for it all to begin had helped Daniel and he said he didn’t mind who came in and in fact he would welcome the support.

  A last kiss, a hug and away they went leaving John and I and our other three sons in the green room. We could not be present as three of us were witnesses and two were on standby in case they needed to be called. I remember holding Daniel’s hands and saying that he had waited a long, long, time for what was about to happen and I would be willing him to display the strength, courage and self respect that I believed he had. We told him we loved him, were proud of him and to hold his head high. As soon as he walked through the courtroom door we all cried. I was very glad he had aunties and cousins in there but that need to protect Daniel on that day was overwhelming and when we couldn’t, then, get a hand on him we were numb and lost.

  That is the hardest parting moment I have ever had, even worse than the day my husband walked out the door. Daniel was certainly bathed in family and friends’ love but as his mother, I felt the pain of separation because for the purpose of the criminal trial, my son was going back to when he was a little, innocent boy in danger and there would not be a mother in the world who would not want to be with her child at that moment.

  I walked outside and sat on a s
eat on the verandah. Beneath the hilltop Courthouse, is a view of East Maitland. I could see ordinary daily activities taking place and people going about their usual routines without knowing and most probably not caring about the events on the hill. I guess you would be immune to drama if you lived next door to such a place. A young mother with a stroller and a little boy walked towards the railway line and I had an irresistible urge to go and talk to her. I wanted to be back where she was. A train rattled by and I wondered about the passengers idly looking out the windows. It seemed strange that they could not somehow see what was happening up on the hill. Rail travellers are anonymous witnesses to the blur of humanity they glimpse as the trains rushes by and the buildings just become part of the speeding landscapes.

  19

  Inside the court room, the trial of James Patrick Fletcher had indeed begun. It was the 24th of November. The Prosecution and Defence had stated their positions. Daniel was put in the witness box. He was gently led through his story by the Crown Prosecutor. I have been told by all the people who were in there that day that Daniel was quiet, unshakeable and very credible as he retold his terrible story and explained his experiences. The DPP witness liaison officer came out of the courtroom to tell us that Daniel was doing well and that there would probably be a break in about half an hour for lunch. More crying but this time with relief that Daniel was able to answer and speak without fear. I know John and I started to open the eskies of sandwiches and soft drinks that my niece, the darling who had been married just over a week before, had so thoughtfully packed.

  Footsteps were heard up and down the corridor and the doors opened. People began spilling out and I could see that they were nearly all in tears and then Daniel came out. There was an awkward moment while supporters breathed deeply and shuffled. Good girl Aunty Paula, my beloved cousin who strode over to Daniel hugged him and said